I don't seem to be satisfied with the pale silence of the night, and the drizzle is scrambling to decorate the hazy outside the window. Accompanied by dim street lamps, the fluttering rain looks thin and long. The rain searched for a faint light, and through the window, it wantonly doused the cigarette butts sandwiched between your fingers, emitting the last light.
Going around, I returned to the city again, back to the corner I thought was forgotten. Every time I see him again, I always feel a little strange. Yes, things are different, people are different! Why not? Disappeared empty food stalls, sparse and deserted streets, benches full of fallen leaves ... as before, there is still no trace after that. ...
Life always seems to have so much helplessness and no choice! Like, nobody wants to leave. Just like you, just like her, just like me. However, in every lonely, hazy and hot eyes, how many silent roads are choked into cold?
I want to be happy, but I don't want to choose happiness! Because I am afraid that I will lose myself in happiness, and I will lose my humble loneliness in my heart.
I long for freedom, but I can't follow it! Because I am afraid of being accused of being "selfish" by the secular when I am free and unrestrained.
Clearly eager for love, but not to pursue love! Because I am afraid that after sentimental feelings, it will be an endless lonely night like this.
I have forgotten it, but I always have to get it back!
I don't like loneliness, but I've always been lonely!
I hope to be safe in the ordinary, but I always like to push myself into a road full of thorns, and then stand by and look at myself coldly. How enough, I am completely black and blue! How to recover from heartbreak, and how to fall into loneliness and disappear? ......
In the dark, you are by my side again!
Loneliness is a kind of loneliness, but loneliness is not loneliness!
Tonight, let me grow old in loneliness!
Light a cigarette, let loneliness go with the wind, and let loneliness break. Then I don't care to see how it burns my body after the task is completed! Such as a hurried light year, such as a tired bird in the sea, such as flowers and leaves in late autumn, such as the call of death temptation, such as a desperate soul in loneliness. ......
Chapter 2: There is a habit called loneliness.
Accustomed to a person's gains and losses, a person indulges in his own world sadness, so those losses are silently hidden under the bright lights, leaving only the skin that is forced to smile and pretend to be calm.
In the dark, no one knows that you are hiding under the bed, crying all over, trying to restrain yourself from making a sound. Pretend to be a sunny woman, carefree and happy-go-lucky. In the eyes of others, everything about you is so natural, so natural and enviable. But only you know, in fact, you struggle in the plan every day, carefully planning how to go every step, making no mistakes, making no mistakes.
Walking alone, wandering alone, cold wind, warm and cold human feelings, you have a panoramic view of those impetuous and peaceful, puzzled, disdained, disappointed and gained, you look at one after another, bow your head, leaving yourself with only a faint sneer, which is not your past now, nor your future.
A person, lonely life, so fragile, so pitiful.
Contradiction, entanglement, a person's loneliness, so lonely, unfortunately, for me, even loneliness is so extravagant. The situation is complicated and physically and mentally exhausted. Treat those cheating with sincerity every day. If you are not careful, you will inevitably be satirized and ridiculed.
You have completely forgotten what the so-called kindness is, but stubbornly believe that you have been doing good things to comfort yourself. It doesn't matter, that's all. You are good enough.
People are so mean that there is a habit called loneliness. As always, "we are born from the same root, why are we in such a hurry?" Go for a walk, have fun, and then forget you inadvertently. There is no need to feel lost. Just get used to it.
Be good to yourself and your parents. In this world, only your parents will never forget you, and only your parents will always watch over you. The so-called loneliness, you are not alone.
Chapter 3: The more you walk, the more lonely you get.
Ann's birthday is very lively. After dinner, a large group of people went to the "Midnight Time" bar to have fun. In the bag, songs are floating, lights are shaking, and they are ambiguous. Some people, singing hoarse, some people, dancing heartily, some people, smoking, some people, drunk eyes blurred. Everyone is releasing happiness and happiness to the fullest, as if living an intoxicated life and never knowing the way back.
I, on the other hand, sat quietly in the corner, watching my friends pose. Listen to music, occasionally, think about your own ideas. It seems that all this noise and excitement have nothing to do with themselves. I don't remember when I started to alienate these noisy and complicated occasions. I always feel that I can't integrate into these places, and I don't want to integrate into these places. I always feel that these places no longer belong to me. Occasionally, I am absent-minded
Ann carries red wine, smiles like a flower and runs like a mouse. I always thought Ann was a happy woman. In her early thirties, she worked as a trader in a securities company. She has a car and a house, but she is still single. In her words, she doesn't want to cram herself into the besieged city, but wants to be a "leftover woman" all her life.
Ann and I are very good friends, but over the years, we have taken two completely different paths. Her social circle and circle of friends are getting wider and wider, and I always want to escape from some circles, so my life circle is naturally narrower and narrower. As far as Yu Aner is concerned, playing with friends every day will make her feel full and happy. She is happy in the noise, prosperity and happiness. And I, in noisy occasions, always feel lonely, lonely, wandering, there is always an impulse to escape and hide. I always feel that only by stranding myself in a quiet and lonely time can I find true and substantial happiness and happiness. Perhaps, happiness in the world, whether it is happiness or not, is born of circumstances and varies from person to person.
The time in the bar is always gloomy and fleeting, and it is eleven o'clock in the evening in a blink of an eye. For friends, maybe nightlife has just begun.
Get up, leave and walk in the night. The night sky in the city is not as messy as the bar, and the air is cool. Perhaps because of several autumn rains, the night wind came and it was a little cold.
The city in the night, without the noise of the day, quiet streets, dim lights and fewer pedestrians, seems a little cold. This coolness just suits your own mood. For me, I like that cold and indifferent time more and more. I have always felt that only by immersing myself in such a time can I find my true self and truly belong to myself.
As far as I can remember, I haven't walked alone in such a late night for a long time. Walking quietly like this, blowing the wind, thinking about some distant or near past events, remembering like water, wandering in the silent night.
Looking back on the past, more than 20 years of life, along the way, gains and losses are intertwined. Some people come and go in life, some things come and go in the years, and some memories stop and go in time. Remember what should be remembered, forget what should be forgotten, and forget what should be remembered. Therefore, every time I look back on my lost time, there will always be some surprises, some regrets, some disappointments and some sentimentality.
I always like to pick up some old times in the depths of time, for nothing but a nostalgia.
In my memory, in the yard of my childhood, there were groups of friends, chickens, ducks, dogs and kittens lying lazily, my mother wearing an apron, my father smoking electric welding cigarettes, and the kitchen smoke overflowing with fragrant rice floated gently across the blue tile house. Life at that time was simple and happy. Now, my parents are old, and my friends are gone like smoke in the kitchen, and I don't know where to go; Looking back, during the course of running a school for more than ten years, there were parents' ardent hopes, teachers' expectant eyes, classmates' friendly hands and words stained with ink along the way. Those days were hard and happy, but now, teachers are always in time, and students are scattered in time, going their separate ways and scattered all over the world. From childhood to college, it is always full of happiness. Those days and nights, when flying, fall into silhouette, one after another, one after another, always, near and far, far and near, always drifting in the ocean of dreams.
Today, I look pale in time, and my face and heart are covered with the marks of years. After several years of hard work, I have honed in reality and struggled in the business world. I made up for the cold and warm human feelings, got used to intrigue, and understood the meaning of "human feelings are like paper". Therefore, habit in habit, silence in silence, and move forward in advance.
Every day in the flashy world, I quietly watch people come and go, disdain fame and fortune, and walk silently alone. I understand that I am silent because there is a kind of eternal loneliness like autumn water in my heart. This loneliness, let me indulge, let me taste, chew carefully, there is a vicissitudes of quiet beauty. The quiet beauty of this vicissitudes is the precipitation of years, the return of life, and the taste that others can't appreciate and share.
The quiet beauty of this vicissitudes, like the night sky, is deep and melancholy. Perhaps, for me, this quiet beauty is the time for a cup of tea, a cup of coffee, a time for reading, a time for writing, a time for music, a time for meditation, or, just now, a time for walking alone.
I have always liked the fallen leaves in autumn, not for anything else, but for the indifference and quietness of the fallen leaves. Just then, some fallen leaves were scattered on both sides of the street. Occasionally, when the wind comes, some leaves will drift away with the wind. If a butterfly flies, there is a simple and quiet beauty that makes me stop.
The night is already deep, and a person is still walking in the night. At present, Anne's clever figure is still shaking, and her ears are still echoing the songs and footsteps in the bar, but she is following the direction of fallen leaves and moving all the way.
I know that if I walk like a fallen leaf, the road will get more and more lonely. However, for me, the more lonely I am, the more I want to go alone. In this way, I have gone through a season and a lifetime. ...