Standing on this strange land, I lost my way. I miss my home countless times, miss my friends countless times, and wipe my tears silently countless times. I don't know where my happy self disappeared. Is it at the beginning of this life?
Because I feel that my simplicity is difficult to adapt to real life, I got up the courage to stand on the platform of more than 200 people and fight for this monitor, but I regret doing it for so long. I'm not as strong as I thought, and I don't have the strength to be hurt again. Every day when night falls, I feel lonely and scared. I am afraid that I will lose sleep because of endless work, and I will be sad because of my bad relationship with my classmates!
Sometimes I call my former friends and they will ask me how I am now. I don't know if I am spoiled by my friends here. This is a completely different world. I have been learning to take care of myself and others. No one will love me like a child, so I am strong and happy.
I can't call when I miss my mother. I am afraid that the status quo will worry her and that she will know my grievances. I have been giving her a burden since birth. Seeing him working so hard every day, what reason do I have to make him worry about his daughter who is now an adult? Mom said that every time I get sick, I worry about how my children live and how to finish their studies! She has always hoped that her children can go to college and live happily, instead of being refused to go to college because of poverty like her. But I really regret going to college. I even think that such a life will drag her and this unstable home down. Maybe I can do nothing but have a happy and healthy family.
My mother said that poor students admitted to college will face great psychological challenges, and I can't escape this fate. I didn't think so before, but after getting along with my classmates, I found that my mother was right, because everyone's family has different consumption concepts, and I also encountered great trouble in the process of adapting. Because of some small details, my classmates think I have a personality problem. What can I say? In addition to silence or silence!
The position of monitor has brought me many difficulties. I don't know how to get along with my classmates and how to live. So because of this, I offended many people. I hardly dare to expect to be friends with others except the dormitory. There is no other way but to feel sorry for yourself!
This month's work in the class made me start to shrink back. I want to give up countless times and let other students take my place. I have begun to doubt my ability and my choice. I just want to play simply as before, write my mood quietly, and occasionally contribute to the newspaper on a whim. I don't know what I'm trying to do now. I don't know what my tears got. My choice is repeated.
I tried to replace me with another man-machine meeting, and tried to let someone who I thought would be very responsible chair the class meeting, but I failed. He thought I just pushed the work to him and ordered others irresponsibly. I thought I would be good friends with him, but we couldn't even say a complete sentence. It turned out that I was just wishful thinking. Now a simple friend will give me a hard time, so what's the use of my grievance?
The first month of college has made it impossible for me to go back to the past, live a simple life, and even be hated by others. Maybe I can think and understand all this, but I have lost the meaning of choice.
Maybe one day I really can't go on, and I will resolutely give up my present choice. I just choose to be myself, regardless of anyone and anything. I don't have to fight for anyone and anything, let alone argue about something that has nothing to do with me. I don't have to be sad or hard. I just do everything for myself and my family. Maybe that kind of life suits me better? Without so much friction, I might not be talked about like that.
A simple life seems extravagant to me, but there is nothing I can do. Maybe giving up is the best choice, so I won't be so confused as I am now.