(A) the optimization of personal image in interpersonal communication
The optimization of personal image in interpersonal communication mainly refers to the optimization of personal moral quality. Its content includes not only observing the basic principles of interpersonal communication, but also tolerance for oneself and others. A good personal image can not only enhance personal self-confidence, but also gain the trust of others and stabilize interpersonal relationships.
1. Accept yourself and overcome your inferiority complex
If you want to coordinate interpersonal relationships and let others accept you and like you, you must first accept yourself. Kant, a German classical philosopher, pointed out, "Only when you learn to like yourself can you be generous and friendly to others." "Once a person begins to like himself, then people may be more willing to treat others. Once he overcomes his complaints about his pain, he will be less critical of others and more tolerant of others. " As the saying goes: If you don't love yourself, how can you love others? If you don't respect yourself, how can you respect others?
A person's inferiority and self-confidence are often closely related to his failure to form a correct understanding and evaluation of himself. When we compare with others, firstly, we should pay attention to the standards of comparison, and we should not be longer than others because of our own shortcomings, which will inevitably lead to comparison errors. Second, when comparing, we must pay attention to objectivity, and never think that we are inferior to others in one respect.
Be good at discovering your own strengths and strengths. Only in this way can we have an objective, fair and realistic self-understanding and evaluation of ourselves. Only when we know and evaluate ourselves objectively and reasonably can we enhance our self-confidence, and only when we have strong self-confidence can we overcome unnecessary inferiority. If you don't know and evaluate yourself realistically, exaggerate your own shortcomings and fail to see your own strengths and weaknesses, you will only lose confidence in front of others and enhance your sense of inferiority. In communication, we should have confidence in the success of communication, and don't always be troubled by the psychology that interpersonal communication will fail. Only by communicating with others more can we increase the chances of social comparison with others, and also help to discover our own strengths, thus helping to form a correct self-understanding and evaluation, enhance self-confidence and overcome inferiority complex.
Interpersonal communication is a process in which both parties take the initiative. One party takes the initiative while the other is passive, which will inevitably lead to difficulties in normal communication. Active and bold communication with people is conducive to eliminating communication barriers caused by shyness, because active and bold communication with people can exercise your courage. Only by making bold attempts and actively participating in social activities will we not be afraid to meet strangers, and our shyness will gradually disappear.
Treating others sincerely and respecting others is the basic principle of interpersonal communication.
When college students treat others sincerely in understanding and communication, they need to clarify some misconceptions and distinguish the relationship between sincerity, integrity, frankness and justice. Sincerity refers to a person's attitude towards others, and it is a person's heartfelt concern and respect for others rather than hypocrisy. Integrity refers to a person's character. It is the judgment and evaluation of a person's stable and consistent quality. "Right" means fairness and justice, and "straight" means integrity. An upright person is a person who upholds justice, upholds justice, is upright, acts honestly, is aboveboard and does not seek personal gain. Some students regard frankness and frankness as integrity and sincerity, and think that honesty and integrity at least mean telling the truth, that is, being straightforward in thought; Advice at the most unpleasant time is good for action, and good medicine at the bitter time is good for disease. To put it mildly, it is hypocritical and insincere. In fact, advice is not necessarily bad, and good medicine is not necessarily bitter. Sincerity does not mean frankness, and integrity does not mean telling the truth. When people communicate with each other, we should pay attention to ways and means, especially when expressing dissatisfaction, we should consider the acceptance of the communication object, so that we can optimize interpersonal relationships and reduce unnecessary conflicts and frictions between people.
Generally speaking, when expressing dissatisfaction, we think we should follow the following two principles: first, we should take things as the foundation, not people as the foundation. When you are dissatisfied with something, just express your different views on the event itself, and don't attack the other person's personality. Second, be kind to yourself rather than others. When you are not satisfied with yourself, you should express your inner feelings directly, and don't jump to conclusions about each other's behavior easily. Generally speaking, college students' understanding is very strong. A person will feel something after expressing his dissatisfaction euphemistically.
After studying human needs, Maslow, an American psychologist, divided human needs into five categories and put forward the famous hierarchy of needs theory, which has been widely accepted by many psychologists in the East and West.
From Maslow's hierarchy of needs, it can be seen that the lowest demand is human biological demand; The needs of the middle class belong to human social and sexual needs; The highest level of needs is the spiritual needs of people. Asking for respect is one of the five basic needs of human beings, and it is also the advanced spiritual demand of human beings. Self-esteem is a desire to have achievements and fame, and to gain the common sense, trust and attention of others. The former is based on the dignity of self-evaluation and the latter is based on the dignity of social evaluation.
To respect others, we must do it: first, learn to smile. The English poet Shelley once said, "Laughter is indeed a symbol of kindness, a source of happiness and a bridge to others. With laughter, human feelings will communicate. " Smile is sincere friendliness, acceptance, recognition, understanding, tolerance and respect for others, not hypocrisy; Seriously convey to people is closed, indifference, rejection, hostility, hatred and other information. Therefore, to show respect for others, we must learn to smile. Second, listen carefully. Another important way to show respect is to listen carefully. How to listen carefully? It is to listen sincerely, patiently and seriously, and to listen with four "ears"-two ears, eyes and mind. Observe the expression of the other person's speech with your eyes, and analyze the intention of the other person's speech with your brain to show respect for the communication object. Even if the other person's speech is not very interesting, you should let others finish.
Respecting others is the "green light" in interpersonal communication. Everyone has his own personal dignity and expects to be respected on various occasions. Respect can trigger others' feelings such as trust and frankness, and shorten the psychological distance of communication.
Generally speaking, college students have strong self-esteem. Therefore, in interpersonal communication, college students should pay special attention to the principle of respecting others, not damaging their reputation and personality, and acknowledging or affirming their abilities and achievements. Otherwise, it will easily lead to interpersonal tension and conflict. Adhere to the principle of respect, we must pay attention to respect classmates in attitude and personality, treat others equally, pay attention to language civilization and courtesy, do not play pranks, give classmates nicknames indiscriminately, and respect their living habits.
Treating people equally is the foundation of interpersonal communication.
The meaning of equality itself is very broad, including politics, economy, law and other aspects. Equality in communication mainly refers to equality in spirit and personality, mainly refers to equality in spirit and personality. In real life, it is difficult for the two sides to be completely equal in politics, economy, culture and social status. Everyone's appearance and talent are different, but everyone's personal dignity should be equal.
Interpersonal communication should follow a principle of mutual respect or reciprocity. Marx said, "The original difference between porters and philosophers is much smaller than that between domestic dogs and hunting dogs. The gap between them is caused by the division of labor." In real life, there are differences between people in intelligence, physical strength, skills and maturity, as well as in politics, economy, culture and social status. But this is caused by social division of labor, which does not mean that people are born with high and low. The Universal Declaration of Human Rights clearly states: "All men are born equal. Therefore, the principle of treating others equally means respecting a person's basic human rights. At the same time, the principle of treating others equally also means the independence of a person's basic personality, which means denying the personal attachment between people.
In real life, it is difficult for people to communicate on an equal footing. For example, people with higher status tend to despise people with lower status and often have a condescending mentality; People with lower status tend to feel inferior, and are afraid or unwilling to climb, which easily leads to psychological obstacles in communication.
On the one hand, treat people equally, treat people equally; Don't judge people by their looks, by their potential, by their talents, by their things, by their families and by their studies. On the other hand, we should treat ourselves equally, overcome our inferiority complex and not feel inferior.
4. Generosity and sincerity reflect the good character of college students.
College students have strong self-esteem, and it is understandable not to allow others to offend themselves easily, but sometimes they should learn to be patient. Some students don't eat at all in their daily lives. They jump at the touch of a button and light a fire. Originally, they wanted to protect their self-esteem, but it often backfired.
Su Shi said in the article "On Hou": "People are insulted by the wind, draw their swords, and they are not brave. There are great and brave people in the world, but they are not surprised when they die, and they are not angry when they are added for no reason. This is a great hostage and their ambitions are far away. " That is, a brave man can't live without great ambition. With great ambition, he can bear the burden of humiliation and not be triggered in a dead end. A small oversight can lead to great disaster. The reason why some people can't bear it, for a word or two, for a trivial matter, is that they quarrel endlessly, don't give in to each other, and even move their fists. This is the courage of every man. A general like Han Xin is willing to be humiliated by his legs, not because he is not brave, nor because he doesn't want his dignity, but because he has great wisdom and courage.
College students in the new era should have higher aspirations and broader minds than the ancients, should be strict with themselves and tolerant of others, and should learn to be patient, compromise and forgive others in dealing with others, which is a higher-level personality in a sense.
The diversification of college students' personalities and their "allergies" will inevitably lead to some contradictions. This requires college students not to haggle over every ounce, to be modest, generous, restrained, patient, not to care about each other's attitude, not to care about each other's words, to be brave enough to bear their own behavioral responsibilities, so that "the prime minister can punt in his stomach." As long as you are broad-minded, angry people will definitely feel bored. Tolerance and restraint are not signs of weakness and cowardice. On the contrary, it is a manifestation of self-discipline, a lubricant for establishing good interpersonal relationships, and it can "turn hostilities into friendship" and win more friends.
5. Master interpersonal skills and language arts.
Whether the communication method is appropriate or not really affects the quality of good interpersonal relationships. In interpersonal communication, language is the soil, and non-verbal skills are the sunshine of raincoats.
It is one of the necessary abilities for contemporary college students to combine verbal and nonverbal communication skills effectively and apply them to the maximum extent in practical communication.
(1) Pay attention to the art of using language when communicating;
Making good use of language art can optimize interpersonal communication. On the contrary, if we don't pay attention to language art, we will often hurt people unintentionally, leading to or intensifying contradictions. The ways to master the language art of interpersonal communication are as follows:
First, the title is appropriate. Address reflects the degree of psychological connection between people. Proper address can make people get a kind of psychological satisfaction, make each other feel cordial and have a good psychological atmosphere for communication; Inappropriate address will often cause the other person's unhappiness or even disgust, thus hindering or interrupting communication. Therefore, in the process of communication, we should decide the address of the other party according to the age, identity, occupation and other specific circumstances of the other party, the occasion of communication and the distance between the two parties. Respect elders, be kind and friendly to peers, call people close by their first names, and use respectful words to strangers.
Second, speak politely. Use language correctly, express clearly, vividly, accurately, infectiously and logically, use slang and dialects less, and avoid blandness, abuse of words and vagueness; Pronunciation, intonation and speech speed should be appropriate, and corresponding pronunciation, intonation and speech speed should be adopted according to the content and occasion of the conversation; Pay attention to the object, occasion and discretion when telling jokes, and avoid telling jokes inappropriately and hurting others' self-esteem.
Third, praise each other moderately. Everyone wants others to praise their own merits. If we can explore each other's strengths and praise them, they will be very willing to communicate with you more. But praise should be moderate, with specific content, and must not be flattering. Sincere praise can often achieve unexpected results.
Fourth, avoid arguments. Young college students like to argue, but the arguments often end in intransigence, blushing and heartburn, unhappiness and even direct personal attacks or serious hostility. The harmful effect of this on interpersonal relationship is obvious. Therefore, college students should try to avoid disputes and resolve their differences through discussion and consultation. In the end, the way of "seeking common ground while reserving differences" not only embodies the necessary principles, but also does not hurt each other's friendship and does not impose on others, so there is room for reservation.
If the language art is used well, it can attract and catch each other, stimulate each other's passion and interest, adapt to each other's psychological needs, knowledge and experience, bilateral relations and communication occasions from content to form, and make communication close.
(2) Non-verbal communication ability is an essential skill for college students.
Communication skills refer to all kinds of interpersonal communication except language communication, including body language (eyes, expressions, gestures, movements), spatial distance, clothing, etc., so it is also called body language communication. Nonverbal communication plays an important role in interpersonal communication. In people's daily communication, verbal communication only accounts for 7%, and up to 93% of communication is nonverbal. 55% of them are transmitted through facial expressions, body movements and gestures, and 38% are transmitted through tones. It can be seen that having good nonverbal communication skills is very important for every individual who wants to succeed. Just like Rove? Waldo. Emerson said, "People's eyes can talk as well as their tongues, and they can understand the whole world from the language of their eyes without a dictionary. This is its advantage." Therefore, the study of nonverbal communication plays a very important role in the growth of contemporary college students. In the communication with the outside world, the mastery of body language is directly related to the growth of individuals in society.
"Eyes are the windows to the soul", "Eyes can speak like mouths". Facial expression is the external expression of inner emotions, which can express people's attitudes and emotions. If you are happy, you will be angry. In communication, human body movements can also be used to express ideas. In interpersonal communication, college students can correctly and skillfully use nonverbal art to express their thoughts and feelings according to the content and occasion of the conversation, and sometimes it can play the role of "silence is better than sound". However, nonverbal art should be used properly, not too frequently and exaggerated, so as not to give people a feeling of affectation.
College students should also learn to listen effectively. Interpersonal scholars believe that "listening" is an effective magic weapon to maintain interpersonal relationships, and almost everyone likes people who "listen to him". Therefore, college students should learn to listen and listen effectively. When communicating, as a listener, you should talk less and listen more, don't interrupt each other's conversation, and it's best not to interrupt until others have finished. Try to show interest in listening and appropriate affirmation and praise.
When listening to others, you should face them squarely and avoid small moves, lest they think you are impatient; Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes and show concern, understanding and sympathy for the other person; Don't argue or comment with each other easily.
In addition, it is very important for people to choose the appropriate distance when communicating. The spatial distance of interpersonal communication is not fixed, but has certain flexibility, which depends on the specific situation, the relationship between the two sides, social status, cultural background, personality characteristics, mood and so on. Different countries, different nationalities, different cultural backgrounds and different communication distances. This gap is caused by people's different understanding of "self". Different social status leads to different self-space distance of communication. At the same time, people's demand for self-space will also change with the changes of specific situations. Knowing the self-space and appropriate communication distance that people need in communication, they can consciously choose the best distance to communicate with people. Moreover, through the information of spatial distance, we can better understand a person's actual social status, personality and the relationship between people, and better communicate with people.
Reasonable use of our space with others will achieve unexpected communication results. In view of this, whether in or out of school, it is a good communication skill for contemporary college students to learn to grasp the appropriate distance and use it effectively when interacting with others.
(B) correctly handle interpersonal contradictions
Due to the lack of social interaction and communication, and being in a highly competitive school or social environment, it is inevitable that there will be contradictions between students. Generally speaking, the contradictions between classmates are mainly manifested in jealousy, behind-the-scenes discussion and misunderstanding. Improper handling will have a bad influence on the interpersonal relationship of classmates. Therefore, correctly handling contradictions among students is an important link in communication between students.
1. Adjust the mentality to treat the jealousy of classmates and the discussion behind them.
Jealousy is an unpleasant emotion, which comes from facing some advantages of others. Expressing dissatisfaction with the other party by talking behind their backs because they are unwilling or unable to change the status quo. In real life, when a classmate gets excellent grades or honors, or is entrusted with an important task (such as being a class cadre), even if he is smart, flexible and attractive, jealousy may accompany him.
Sharing happiness and honor with jealous people helps to eliminate the air that harms interpersonal relationships. This achievement is inseparable from the help of others. When you get achievements and honors, you should be careful not to ignore others, let alone take credit. Let everyone, including jealousy, share this joy and honor.
In the face of unfair arguments, we should treat them with a normal heart. Fear of talking behind others' backs is essentially an emotional reaction of fear. Most of the reasons for this emotional reaction are frustrated self-esteem, and there is no way to get rid of this contusion at the moment. Being talked about is actually a common occurrence. We should listen to the correct arguments with an open mind and ignore the incorrect ones.
Go your own way and don't be distracted by the cynicism of others. When you surpass others in one or two exams, others may think it is accidental, and you are just jealous of your "luck"; However, when your grades are stable at a higher level than others, others will sincerely admire you as a veritable high flyers. At this point, you will no longer be the object of their jealousy.
2. Eliminate misunderstandings between classmates in time.
Various misunderstandings often occur between classmates. Some misunderstandings are trivial and will be forgotten after a long time. But some misunderstandings, if not explained, will be remembered, such as drowning in the throat. We should try to dispel this misunderstanding. Otherwise, it will not only affect the unity among students, but also adversely affect people's physical and mental health. There are many reasons for misunderstanding between classmates. For example, sometimes it is because we regard some meaningless behaviors of others as meaningful behaviors, which leads to misunderstanding. Sometimes it is a misunderstanding caused by traditional prejudice; Sometimes it is caused by the prejudice of others; Sometimes it is caused by some classmates gossiping ... and so on.
As the saying goes, "If you don't do anything wrong in your life, you won't be surprised if you knock at the door in the middle of the night." Misunderstandings must be eliminated, and it is only a matter of time before the final decision is right or wrong. Therefore, after the misunderstanding, we should calm down, that is, carry out the so-called "cold treatment." On the other hand, if you feel that you have been greatly wronged and rush to defend yourself, you may not get sympathy, but you will be embarrassed. We should calmly analyze the root of misunderstanding and find the crux. If the responsibility is on your own side, you may wish to "change it if you have it"; If not, don't worry. There is a proverb that says, "Time is alum to clear up misunderstandings".
Don't hold a grudge against someone who blames you wrongly. Because of the tense relationship, tit-for-tat is not only useless, but also may cause complications and cause greater misunderstanding. It should be noted that in most cases, misunderstanding always means that there is a certain gap between the misunderstood person and you, but this gap is not noticed by you, and under certain conditions, it is often superficial. At this time, some "repair work" needs to be done. The famous story of "harmony but difference" in history can enlighten us in this respect. Xu Hun, a poet in the Tang Dynasty, said: "Xiangtan clouds come out at dusk, and Bashu snow disappears in spring." As long as we can treat Lian Po's misunderstanding correctly as Lin Xiangru did, it may become the turning point of "when the clouds disappear" and "when the snow disappears". On the other hand, if we are emotional about misunderstanding and "deal with a man as he deals with you", misunderstanding is likely to become the fuse for the further deterioration of our relationship.
09- 12-08 | Add a comment
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Facing the new century, judging from the experience of international higher education and the characteristics of college students in China, the purpose of talent training in colleges and universities is to meet the requirements of economic and social development and changes. While strengthening the quality education of professional knowledge, colleges and universities in China must update their educational concepts, improve their educational methods and strengthen the cultivation of college students' comprehensive quality and personality charm.
First, comprehensive quality and personality charm.
The connotation of college students' comprehensive quality is not consistent in academic circles. The author believes that the comprehensive quality of college students is mainly reflected in five aspects: ideological and moral quality, intellectual quality, psychological quality, role quality and health quality. These five levels are interrelated and influence each other, and * * * determines the comprehensive quality of college students.
Ideological and moral quality embodies the organic combination of a series of moral elements such as moral concept, moral emotion, moral consciousness, moral norms and moral behavior. Intellectual quality reflects professional knowledge, technical skills, ability to analyze and solve problems, and breadth of knowledge. Psychological quality mainly refers to the unique psychological characteristics of personality, such as temperament, personality, ability, and personality tendencies such as needs, motives, interests, beliefs, and world outlook. Role quality is the quality of role standardization, role identification, role adaptation and role integration; Health quality refers to physical strength, energy, endurance, perseverance and other life indicators, and is also closely related to other four factors.
Personality charm expresses a person's attractive power in personality, temperament, ability and moral quality. Personality is an organic combination of personality, temperament and ability, and it is the internal structure and behavior of people's thought, morality, emotion, knowledge and quality. It refers to the sum of human character, temperament and ability, and also refers to the qualification of personal moral quality and ability as the subject of rights and obligations. Charm is a very attractive force for people, which is different from ordinary ability and courage. Ability and courage are the embryonic form and "blank" of charm, and charm is their "art". In today's society, a person who can be welcomed and tolerated by others actually has a certain personality charm.
Second, the importance of cultivating comprehensive quality and personality charm
With the development of information technology and the arrival of knowledge economy, people feel that a new era is coming to us. With the arrival of the new era, social development is no longer a high-tech talent who only needs to master a single skill, but a high-tech compound talent with high comprehensive quality, wide knowledge, solid foundation and personality charm to meet new challenges.
(A) the trend of career development requires college students to have good comprehensive quality and personality charm. Social and professional changes are more significant. There are fewer and fewer jobs with complete professional counterparts, the possibility of changing careers is increasing, and the characteristics of the industry are not as distinct as in the past. The knowledge and skills needed for the work are updated faster and the complexity is improved. These characteristics will make users demand unprecedented comprehensive quality and personality charm of college students.
(2) The development trend of market economy requires college students to have good comprehensive quality and personality charm. To survive and develop, enterprises must abide by national laws, abide by market norms, strengthen the concept of serving customers, and attach importance to the scientific, technological and humanistic connotation of products. All these users pay attention to the comprehensive qualities such as ideals, beliefs, realms, interpersonal relationships, specialties, hobbies, psychological quality and work experience.
(3) The innovation trend of knowledge economy requires college students to have good comprehensive quality and personality charm.
With the advent of economic globalization and knowledge economy, knowledge, as the most important resource, is playing an increasingly important role. The success or failure and strength of an enterprise lies in its knowledge possession and innovation ability, and depends on whether it is good at knowledge management and actively promotes knowledge innovation. Whoever has more advanced knowledge and technology will get the highest economic returns and benefits; Whoever can constantly innovate knowledge products to meet the needs of society will master the competitive advantage and win development and progress; Therefore, employers need innovative talents with good comprehensive quality and strong personality charm.
At the same time, the trend of economic globalization requires college students to have rich knowledge of modern politics, economy and culture in China, foreign countries and even the whole world; Have a better understanding of China history and profound China culture; Have a better understanding of the etiquette of international communication and the customs and habits of various countries.
(4) The competitive trend in the talent market requires college students to have good comprehensive quality and personality charm. It is reported that in the current job market, compound, dual-energy, innovative, extroverted, experienced, skilled and learning-oriented talents are more popular. To become these kinds of talents, you must have good comprehensive quality and personality charm.