People who are popular and attractive in social life must have mastered the skills of social eloquence. The basic skills of social eloquence are shown in three aspects: timeliness, moderation and moderation.
First, it must be timely.
Say it when it is time to say it, and stop when it is time to stop. But some people don't say what they should say in social circles, and they don't say hello in time when they meet; It's not as good as saying goodbye when breaking up; Do not apologize in time when rude; Failing to answer questions in time; Do not answer for help in time
Instead, some people should stop. They nagged about their misfortunes in a lively and festive atmosphere; Laugh and joke when others are sad; When the master is in a restless mood, he still gushes and makes macro comments; Talk about "Road News" in the elder's home.
Please imagine, if you meet such a person in social life, what kind of impression will you have on him?
Second, we need the right amount.
There is a Colonel Klaus in the famous "The Elite Handshake" by the Czech satirist Hasek. This man is famous for his verbosity. He gave a wonderful speech to the officers: "ladies and gentlemen, I just mentioned that there is a window there." Do you know what a window is? The road sandwiched between two ditches is called a highway. By the way, gentlemen, do you know what a ditch is? The ditch is a long and concave pit dug by a group of workers. Yes, it's called ditch. This ditch was dug with a shovel. Do you know what a shovel is? Iron tools, gentlemen, are not bad, do you all know? " Although Colonel Klaus's remarks have been processed by writers, they are also wordy in life and social fields. Therefore, speaking moderately is one of the basic skills of social eloquence.
Moderation refers to both the amount of speech and the volume of speech. It should be pointed out that it is not always wise to say less in moderation, let alone an old monk who never stops talking. Whether it is appropriate or not depends on whether he has achieved the purpose of speaking.
Look at the following paragraphs: 1. Look, I'm sorry to bother you so late. Do you want to take a break? I'm so sorry, I'm sorry 2, I don't agree with this opinion! I made it clear that I disagreed. Whatever you think, I just don't agree. That's not what I said. How could I say that? Do you think I can say that? I really didn't say that. How can I say that? Do you think I can say that? I really didn't say that. The above paragraphs may sound like some "nonsense" at first glance, but they are all "nonsense" that have to be said in order to enhance the expression effect, and they are language "redundancy" that must be preserved. The first paragraph is an apology, repeating a few words to show the sincerity of attitude; The repetition of the second paragraph is to show that the speaker's attitude is firm and unquestionable; The third paragraph is a necessary repetition of the speaker's eagerness to express his feelings This language phenomenon often appears in social situations. From this point of view, a proper amount of social eloquence does not exclude the necessary repetition to achieve the purpose of speaking, but means talking more and talking less according to different objects, environments and time. Some people introduce themselves for a long time, saying that toasting for half an hour and criticizing endlessly will not only affect the effect of speaking, but also affect their social image.
The right amount of social eloquence also includes the right to speak. Speak loudly in public and talk moderately in private interviews. If it is a conversation between close friends and lovers, whispering can show a special intimacy and kinship, giving people a sense of intimacy. These are all things that should be mastered when talking to people in social situations.
Third, it must be moderate.
1988 during the us presidential election, the democratic party gave voters the impression that bush had no opinion, and they even called "bush is the shadow of Reagan." In conversation, Democrats always ask sarcastically, "Where is Bush?" How to answer this question properly? George H.W. Bush's campaign consultant and senior political public relations expert Ayers designed an answer for George H.W. Bush: "Is it wrong for George H.W. Bush to stay at home with his wife Barbara?"
This answer embodies the combination of strong pertinence and appropriate moderate restrictions, and has strong artistry. Imagine if you are ridiculed by others in the social arena, immediately seize the weakness of the other person and give it a head-on blow. What effect will it have? Maybe you think you are a success, but in others' eyes, you are a narrow-minded and inarticulate person. However, Ayers' answer to Bush added a lot of luster to Bush's statesmanship.
Moderation of social eloquence mainly refers to grasping the depth of speech according to different objects, grasping the appropriateness of speech according to different occasions, and grasping the discretion of speech according to one's own identity. Secondly, the body language should be just right.
Ways to improve the adaptability of social eloquence;
Resilience is a person's sensitive reaction, which means that in language communication, when there is an emergency or unexpected situation in one's or the other's speech behavior, one can respond quickly and properly and deal with it. Language adaptability plays an important role in people's social activities. Generally speaking, there are the following points:
1. Implicit answers, counterattacks and difficulties.
When you encounter something you don't want to answer or can't answer, but others insist on asking, you can show anger even if you are unhappy. You should handle it calmly, calmly and skillfully.
According to legend, Jie Jin, a writer in Ming Dynasty, wrote an inscription for a folding fan at the order of Emperor Yongle. He saw a picture on the fan, which was based on the poems of Liangzhou Ci in Tang Dynasty, and wrote a poem by Wang Zhihuan: "The Yellow River is far above the white clouds, and there is an isolated city, Wan Ren Mountain. Why bother to complain about the willow, the spring breeze is only Yumenguan. " Unexpectedly, for a moment, he neglected to write a word "between". The emperor was furious after reading it. He thought he was unfaithful and wanted him to die.
At this moment, Jie Jin used his quick wits and quickly said, "Calm down, Emperor! I wrote this word in Wang Zhihuan's poem! " Immediately read: "The Yellow River is far away, with white clouds, and the lonely city of Wan Ren Mountain. Why are you complaining about Johnny? Willow spring breeze, not Yumenguan. " At that time, there was no punctuation in the title model, and the wrong clever words were borrowed, which turned the poems lacking words into wonderful good words and turned the emperor's anger into joy.
In communication, the other party sometimes sets difficult questions with words, logic and common sense that express themselves, making the expression difficult to answer. At this time, the expression will have a whim and find another way to counter each other's difficulties.
2. Make up for mistakes and communicate smoothly
As time is tight, we can't consider it comprehensively. There are often some mistakes in this "one word", which requires the speaker to be flexible, make up for the mistakes and correct the deviations. For example, when the singer Ma Rufei sang The Pearl Tower, she accidentally sang The Maid Moved Out of the Room as Out of the Window. The audience burst into laughter. Ma Rufei took his time and calmly added "Go to the balcony to dry clothes", and the audience applauded warmly. Unexpectedly, he made another mistake and sang "six long windows open four" as "eight" At this time, the audience listened to how he made up for the mistake, and only heard him sing: "There are still two windows not installed." Immediately, the house was filled with cheers, and the remedy method achieved the effect of turning defeat into victory.
3. Deal with the accident and complete the scheduled task.
Accidents are often not the fault of the speaker himself, nor the difficulties deliberately created by the other party, but caused by other circumstances.
People with strong adaptability can justify themselves and remedy their mistakes; Can counterattack the other side's offensive, the soldiers will block, and the water has means to cover it; Can also cope with accidents and complete the task well. It shows people's talent and wisdom, enhances people's charm, and puts a person in a favorable position in interpersonal communication.
Practically speaking, it is inevitable to encounter unpredictable problems in social interaction. At this time, it is necessary to respond flexibly with clever words. If you encounter an unspeakable question, you should skillfully use "avoiding the front" to fight back.
The so-called "avoiding the heavy and ignoring the light" strategy means that in a higher language realm, on the one hand, you are not sloppy, but you answer questions satisfactorily; On the other hand, it can provide some new information to the questioner, or point out the ways and means to solve it, which will be welcomed. The answer to the question of "no" on the surface is actually to retreat for progress, so it can be said that "avoiding the front" is to "hide the front" and "hiding the front" is to "show the front" better. This expression of "appearance is close to spirit" is also conducive to mobilizing the questioner's thinking, making them put themselves in the other's shoes and avoiding some unnecessary entanglements.
Tips on how to use frontal avoidance method:
Try to understand the questioner's psychological purpose, even his identity, personality, etc. And be good at observing words and feelings, so as to "know yourself and know yourself". Pay attention to the semantic connection between the two sides and "disembark"; Never "talk about him from left to right", "do the opposite" or "the donkey's lips are not right for the horse's mouth"
(2) Their position should be firm and clear. Don't put forward immature or ambiguous views. At the same time, don't pretend to be mysterious and disgusting.
③ Humor can be properly used to make a serious and tense atmosphere relaxed and happy.
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2. What is social eloquence?
3. Teach you social eloquence skills
4. Social skills: Compare these seven criteria to see if you are a person with high emotional intelligence.
5. 16 Social eloquence training skills