How Tao treats everything can provide reference for parents to treat their children all over the world.
Children grow up with care, accompany and educate their children, and parents are used to arranging all aspects of life, study and play. When children grow up, there are more and more contradictions, which is a problem that every family will encounter with their children.
"I can't explain the same topic ten times", "I can't change the habit of painting and calligraphy walls" and "I can't prevent the problem of littering and tearing". Parents are getting more and more anxious and don't understand what happened to their children. The tenth chapter of Tao Te Ching tells us that how to get along with children is the only way to conform to the Tao.
This is the basic principle for parents to treat their children. A few years ago, a mother was depressed and dissatisfied with her family after giving birth. She wrote a suicide note and jumped from the eleventh floor with her child in her arms.
Internet public opinion mostly points to families that are unfavorable to her. If the mother hadn't taken her child to extinction, I would have sympathized with her. But she is the direct producer of children's tragedy. Obviously, she regards the child as a part of her body.
When the child comes out of the mother's stomach, it is regarded as a piece of meat on her body. When he was a baby, he couldn't support himself. His parents raised him and sheltered him all day. Over time, I gave her the illusion that "the child is mine" or "the future of the child is up to her".
The above examples are extreme, and examples of children as accessories can be seen everywhere in life.
After the child acquired skills, his parents forgot that he was capable of dealing with his own problems. When children have the desire to explore, parents have the responsibility to protect their children's growth. When the child did not dare to challenge, his parents suffered setbacks for him and forgot that the child only belonged to himself.
Only when parents get rid of the illusion of having children can children touch their own "virtue", that is, potential, from exploration and frustration. Children can not only touch their potential earlier, but also get through the "inner strength building period" more smoothly, which is the most troublesome rebellious period for parents.
"Children are parents' hope", which misleads many parents and hurts many children. Many parents put unfulfilled wishes on their children or expect them.
Normal parents try their best to pay attention, energy and property for their children. If you give, you will consider getting the reward, which is human nature. What do parents want in return?
Some will say that as long as the children are healthy, sunny and happy. Some people think that this kind of harvest is too empty, and they always think that it is necessary to have tangible results so as not to waste decades of hard work, such as outstanding skills, outstanding academic performance and promising career.
They want their children to be healthy, safe, happy, rich, capable and have a career. If there are no parents who really expect it, they will either be brainwashed by idealized education, or they will just be parents and still marvel at the greatness and wonder of life, or the children will not be their own.
Being a parent for decades, continuing this expectation and vision will form an inertial illusion in your mind. "As long as my children achieve something, that is my achievement." When the children meet their expectations, parents seem to have achieved their goals. Once a child fails to meet expectations, a psychological gap will immediately form and his heart will be full of complaints.
To "do things without relying on people" is not to ask people to lower their expectations, but to be alert to the illusion wall formed in their hearts over the years. On the premise of keeping expectations, it is possible to jump out of the inertial illusion from the beginning with the concept that "children walk their own way".
Children are the continuation of parents' life, but not the continuation of life. You should go your own way and achieve your goals by yourself, which applies to everyone.
The duty of parental education is to inspire and guide children and let them develop their own "morality". This kind of inspiration and guidance is too light and ineffective, and too heavy becomes control. Therefore, parents should not only learn how to guide their children, but also learn how to grasp this degree.
Control is actually caused by ignorance. If you don't understand the child's ability, thought and psychology, you don't know how to guide him. Study, life and habits can't guide you, they can only force you.
Ignorance is caused by laziness. Parents are both roles and abilities. Everyone is not born with the gift of being a parent, and it is very important to work hard the day after tomorrow.
If you don't want to spend time studying children's psychology and parenting skills, observing children's behaviors and patiently reflecting on how to get along with children, you can't guide children in school, let alone know how to point out their own potential, develop their own abilities and become the backing for children to choose their own path, strengthen their will and strive for progress.
To be "long without killing", we should not only deliberately control our own "degree", but also cultivate our ability to educate our children and understand and guide them from different aspects.