British writer Bernard Shaw vividly said: If you have an apple and I have an apple, exchange them, then everyone has only one apple; You have an idea, I have an idea, communicate with each other, and everyone will have two or more ideas. Psychologist ERICKFROMM said, "Each of us has a need to communicate with others. Humans can use communication to overcome the pain of loneliness and isolation. We need to share our thoughts and feelings with others. We need to be understood and understand others. " \ r \ Communication is not only a science, but also an art. In the modern economic development, the importance of communication is increasingly apparent. For example, the "pipeline" between the government and the people is not smooth, and the people have grievances to communicate; There is a "gap" between the company and its employees, which leads to "labor disputes" and needs communication; There is a "generation gap" between parents and children, so-called rebellious children and overbearing parents have to communicate; Even if you are yourself, you have worked hard, as if the ditch in your head is blocked, you should think about it and communicate well. "Communication" is to get through the impassable pipeline and turn "stagnant water" into "living water", so that they can convection, understand and communicate with each other and have the same consciousness. \ r \ conveys all kinds of information. In communication, we not only convey news, but also express appreciation, unhappiness or put forward our own views. On the surface, communication is a simple matter. Some people think that as long as there is communication awareness, active communication is a matter of course, and there is no need to learn communication skills; Others think that communication is actually very simple as long as you master communication skills. In practical work, there are misunderstandings in communication, which can be summarized as follows: \ r \ nFirst, "communication is not too difficult, \ r \ nAren't we communicating every day?" On the surface, communication is a simple thing that everyone does every day. It is as natural as the air we breathe. However, the natural existence of a thing does not mean that we are doing well. Because communication is so common, we naturally ignore its complexity and refuse to admit that we lack this important basic ability. \ r \ Second, as long as there is a sense of communication, active communication is natural. No matter at work or in life, you may meet some people who are particularly confident, competent and condescending. They are used to playing the roles of teachers, authorities and parents, and like others to rely on them. Communicating with such people will create a sense of pressure, which will create an insurmountable obstacle to communication. In fact, even the people who know how to communicate best will try to improve their communication methods and skills. \ r \ Third, whether communication is successful or not, the most important thing is skill. Communicators are too superstitious about communication skills. In communication, it is very important to create an attitude and motivation conducive to communication and open your heart. In other words, communication starts from the heart. Learn to communicate, and there is no guarantee that interpersonal relationships will be unimpeded in the future. However, effective communication can make us treat each other honestly, share human feelings, be people-oriented, care for others, and enjoy the beautiful experience of freedom, harmony and equality in the process of interpersonal communication. \r\n Fourth, communication is for unity. Communicators cannot tolerate alternative thinking. Some people think that their views are different, as if they are challenging him. The purpose of communication is not to prove who is right or wrong, nor is it a game in which you lose and I win. Your goal is to communicate, not to carry. Effective communication is not a battle of wits or a debate. \ r \ Fifth, communication is to convince others. In communication, it is also a situation in which one person controls the whole conversation and others only listen or obey. The word "communication" comes from the Latin word "sharing". When communicating, we need to pay special attention to a problem. Communication must be shared with each other and must be two-way. We should jump out of our position and enter other people's mood. The purpose is to understand others, not to ask others to agree, and to avoid falling into the trap of "talking to yourself", so that communication can be effective. \ r \ Sixth, face-to-face communication is easier and more effective than written expression. Just because face-to-face communication is easier than written communication does not necessarily mean that this method is more effective. The truth may be just the opposite. Because face-to-face communication is so easy, we don't think carefully about what we want to say, that is to say, what we want to say may not properly express what we want to express. \ r \ n \ r \ This theory shows that when we treat speaking and asking differently, that is, talking more or asking more will make others have different impressions on you and affect others' trust in you. \r\n Four information intervals in the communication window \r\n◆ Open area: just some information that you know and others know. (e.g. height, weight) \r\n◆ Blind zone: refers to some shortcomings of oneself that others can see without realizing. Such as personality weakness or bad habits. \r\n◆ Hidden area: Some information about you that you know but others don't know. Such as conspiracy, secret, etc. \r\n◆ Unknown area: refers to some information about you that you don't know yourself and others don't know. Like someone's own hidden illness. \ r \ nHow to use the communication window \ r \ nHow to use1\ r \ nHe knows his information, and so do others. What kind of feeling does it give? A sociable person, a very easy-going person. Such a person can easily win our trust and cooperate with him. If you want to make your public area bigger, you should talk more, ask more questions and solicit opinions and feedback from others. \ r \ This tells us from another aspect that talking more and asking more questions is not only a communication skill, but also can win the trust of others. If you want to win the trust of others, you should talk more, ask more questions and seek mutual understanding and trust, because trust is the basis of communication. With trust, it is not difficult to build tall buildings. \r\n2 Blind Area Application Skills \ r \ nIf a person has the biggest blind area, what kind of person will he be? He is an informal and boastful person. He has many shortcomings that others can see, but he can't see them himself. The reason why the blind spot is too big is that he talks too much, asks too little and doesn't ask for feedback from others. Therefore, in communication, we should not only say more, but also ask more questions to avoid the situation that the blind area is too large. \r\n3 Application Skills in Hidden Areas \ r \ nIf a person's hidden area is the largest, no one knows him, only he knows. This is a closed-minded person, or a very mysterious person. We have low trust in such people. If you communicate with such people, you will be less cooperative. Because of his mystery and isolation, it often causes our defensive psychology. \ r \ Why does he have the largest hidden area? It's because he asks more and says less. He is not good at telling others voluntarily. \r\n4's application skills in the unknown area \ r \ nThe unknown area is large, that is, the information about him is unknown to him and others. Such people don't ask others how much they know about themselves, nor do they take the initiative to introduce themselves to others. The closure made him lose many opportunities, and the work he could do might just slip away. \ r \ nSo everyone should try to narrow down their unknown fields, take the initiative to learn about themselves through others, and take the initiative to tell others what they can do. \r\n \ r \ Improve communication skills \ r \ nThere is a western proverb that expresses that people should pay more attention to listening: "God gave us two ears, but only one mouth, which meant to tell us to talk less and listen more". Listening is not only an important way for us to get first-hand information from others and know others correctly, but also the best way for us to show respect for others. Listening makes us a feedback person, a person who puts himself in the second place. Charlie Eliot, former president of Harvard University in the United States, said: "The secret of business communication is indifference. The most important thing is to focus on the person you are talking to, which is the greatest respect for that person. " \ r \ Listening is a basic internal strength of human beings, and communication is the art of listening and speaking. In fact, senior leaders often listen to others more than they talk to others. To some extent, listening is the most important skill for managers in communication. \ r \ Most people think they are good listeners. However, research shows that we only play a quarter of our listening level on average. Many times we think we are listening. We seem to believe that we are listening because we have ears, just as we believe that we can read because we have eyes. Many bad listening habits that we don't realize prevent us from becoming the kind of listeners we think, such as interrupting others, being easily disturbed, jumping to conclusions, daydreaming or being bored. The only way to improve is to make some conscious changes. \ r \ Once it fails, you can't give up communication. Communication should go forward, time and time again, and keep communicating. The highest guiding principle of communication is that nothing can't be communicated. Through communication, enemies can become friends, and different explanations can become "separate statements"; Controversial land can be "managed together"; The ceded land can be returned to the original owner. This is an era of communication. The dispute between the two countries should not be solved by war alone; There is no need to swear when a husband and wife divorce; If you can't talk about business today, you may be able to cooperate tomorrow; Fire and water are incompatible in parliament. After communication, we can "practice the law together". As long as we are sincere, caring and patient, willing to let each other sit in their seats, willing to take a step back first, willing to make each other face full, willing to have the greatest flexibility in their own bottom line, and-knowing that the world is not all mine, I can't be the only one who is right, we should enjoy the benefits and unite with each other. \ r \ n \ r \ n Joe, please listen to the story? Gillard sold a car to a customer, and the transaction went well. When the customer was ready to pay for a car, another salesperson chatted with Gillard about yesterday's basketball game. Gillard talked and laughed with his companions with relish and reached for the car. Unexpectedly, the customer suddenly turned around and left without even buying a car. Gillard has been thinking hard all day, wondering why the customer suddenly gave up the car he had chosen. At 1 1 in the evening, he finally couldn't help calling the customer and asking the reason why the customer suddenly changed his mind. The customer told him unhappily on the phone: "I talked to you about our little son when I paid this afternoon." He has just been admitted to the University of Michigan, which is the pride of our family, but you didn't hear it at all, just talking to your partner about the basketball game. " Gillard understands that the root cause of this business failure is that she didn't listen carefully to the customers talking about her favorite son. \ r \ People who know how to listen are most likely to do the right thing, please their boss, win friendship and seize opportunities that others miss. Listen to the legendary John? Rockefeller is very useful. On one occasion, he said, "Our policy has always been: listen patiently and discuss openly until the final evidence is on the table, and then try to draw a conclusion." Rockefeller is famous for his prudence. He often seems to make decisions slowly. He refused to make a hasty decision. His motto is: "Let others speak." . \ r \ Listening is not only the process of hearing the corresponding sounds, but also an emotional activity. It needs to send a message to the other party through facial expressions, body language and verbal reactions-I really want to listen to you, and I respect and care about you. \r\n2。 General Barton suddenly attacked the soldiers' canteen to show his concern for the soldiers' lives. In the canteen, he saw two soldiers standing in front of a big soup pot. \r\n "Let me try this soup!" General Patton ordered the soldiers. \ r \ But, general, the soldiers will explain. \r\n "No buts. Give me a spoon! "General Patton took a long drink with a spoon and said angrily," It's outrageous. How can you give this to a soldier? " This is simply a pot of water! "\r\n" I was just about to tell you that this is boiled water, but I didn't expect you to taste it. "The soldier replied. \ r \ Only when you are good at listening can you not do something stupid like General Patton!