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14, 15 The afternoon after losing contact, Dr. Liu Chunyang's body was found in a reed.
At this time, the cold has not subsided, and the wet cold invades human bones like a virus. A fresh life has lost its freshness forever in this remnant winter.
Why does life degenerate? On the day when the body was found, Liu Chunyang's family admitted frankly that Liu Chunyang might be facing the pressure of graduation and employment, because Liu Chunyang had asked his parents to postpone graduation for one year, that is, 20 19, because the graduation thesis had not been sent.
If this is the cause of Liu Chunyang's suicide, it doesn't make sense in terms of time and motivation. Stress must be just a symptom, and there must be some unknown reason behind it.
02
February 19, Lantern Festival, related reports came out, revealing some recent situations of Liu Chunyang before his death. From these reports, we can get a glimpse of the real cause of Liu Chunyang's death.
Liu's father said: "I only remember that the child told me that he felt very confused and had no research direction."
Aunt Liu Chunyang's dormitory said, "I don't often see Liu Chunyang coming and going this year."
Several graduate students with the same major as Liu Chunyang also said that "I have hardly seen this person in the laboratory".
"He spends 90% of his time in the dormitory, sleeping during the day, playing games at night, playing World of Warcraft or Hearthstone Legend." Roommate Wang Kai said that Liu Chunyang almost never went out except for eating in the canteen.
In Wang Kai's eyes, Liu Chunyang "lived a decadent life" in the past year. As a doctor who is about to graduate, he should have many things to do, such as writing papers and looking for a job, but Liu Chunyang "doesn't seem to know what he should do in the future". There are no books, documents and materials on Liu Chunyang's desk, and Wang Kai has never seen him doing research in the dormitory.
It is reported that no one has heard from Liu Chunyang since Liu Chunyang lost contact. The mobile phone has never been turned on, the bank card has no consumption record, and WeChat and QQ have never logged in again. A very important point is coming. There are only five friends in his WeChat, namely parents, two sisters and a college classmate. He didn't pass the circle of friends, and his avatar was the default, and he didn't join any classmates.
03
Seeing this, many people may suddenly realize Liu Chunyang's suicide. The root cause is that there are only five exchange friends in WeChat. Decadence can be the beginning of a person's depravity, but it is hard to be an excuse for a person to commit suicide. I have read many books on psychology in recent years, and learned that many people have suicidal thoughts, all of which are related to their interpersonal relationships. In other words, the last straw to crush a person is often that he begins to close himself off and cut off communication with the world.
How terrible it is to shut himself up means that he no longer communicates with the whole world, which means that he is no longer interested in everyone. In a word, he is the only one left on the earth. Can he live? Can you imagine that hopelessness and despair? Try to think about it. Are you afraid to live on the island all your life? I think Liu Chunyang's interpersonal relationship is the most fundamental reason for his despair of life and the world.
Writing a paper and indulging in games is not terrible. The terrible thing is that there is no object and way to vent. As long as someone is still with you, you won't be lonely.
I know that people are social animals, but in today's internet age, everyone has become an island, and everyone seems to be under great pressure. Many people will choose relatives and friends to talk as a solution; But some people will choose to heal themselves, so that their island is no longer connected with the world around them, so that few people in his heart can really walk in. A person looks calm as usual on the outside, but his heart may be scarred. In an isolated island society, we can never understand why a person commits suicide when he is alive.
04
What I will never forget is the suicide of Pan, an employee of 20 10 state-owned enterprises. Pan was a state-owned enterprise worker with 3 1 year working experience. After he committed suicide in the workshop before dawn, he left a salary passbook with only 0.46 yuan left in it.
On the suicide note to his son, he kept his father's ashes registration certificate. Pan, 49, always had a wish to buy a cemetery and bury his father's ashes, but it didn't come true until his death, and he still owed 900 yuan a debt. Obviously, suicide is forced by life, but there are always deeper reasons.
I read many related reports that year, and one detail impressed me deeply, because the inscription in my will was "Pan is a lonely man". Perhaps, what really makes him desperate is not poverty, but loneliness that cannot be eradicated. Subsequent reports also confirmed my guess. Because of the pressure of life, he and his wife negotiated a divorce to get a minimum living allowance.
When the couple met for the last time, he said on the phone, "Ping, I have no money, so I can lend you 200 yuan. Wait until the salary is paid. " She said, "Use it! I'd better borrow it. " They met at the gate of a nearby hotel. Taking the money, he left in a hurry. For a man, his self-esteem that he can't support his family has been hit like never before, which leads him not to talk to his divorced wife all the year round, and all the pains have to be swallowed by himself.
In addition to emotional despair, I also fell into endless loneliness and darkness at work. About three years ago, Pan's job was to look after the factory in the evening. This is an old-fashioned factory building, about the size of three or four classrooms. It is two stories high. His task is to patrol the workshop regularly with a flashlight. For more than a thousand nights, he walked alone in the empty factory building. Except those heavy machines, Pan Hongqiang can only see his own shadow.
"What makes me particularly uncomfortable is that he always works the night shift alone. The factory is so big, he has been alone. " Pan Qi, a son who is studying in college, said.
In Pan Qi's impression, for more than a year, my father lived in the "corner where the sun can't be seen" in the deepest part of the alley.
Pan fell into isolated despair emotionally and professionally, and his life lost its meaning. He often talked about it, which became his destiny prediction. The camera of the workshop seized by the public security organ showed that he had walked around the workshop several times before the accident, and his behavior was abnormal. A tragic death ensued. A few minutes later, he waved a machine knife at his neck.
05
How to imagine how a middle-aged man with a low salary, a man who lost his dignity and lifted his head in front of his wife, spent thousands of nights alone. No one in his world can walk in, and he doesn't want anyone to walk in, because it may fester into pieces.
If poverty makes him desperate for life, then the loneliness that crushed his last straw and self-enclosed loneliness made him completely collapse. He closed the door to his own world and cut off the possibility of everything getting better. People are not immortals, and they need help to enlighten them when they encounter difficulties. Unfortunately, he is too stubborn.
In the final analysis, the tragedies of Liu Chunyang and Pan lie in themselves, or in their own personalities, because they can't handle the world around them better, shut themselves up and do everything by themselves. People are incomplete and need the collision of others to improve themselves better.
If you encounter difficulties in life, or you start to feel depressed, don't hold back and talk to someone, even a stranger on the internet. Remember, everyone can be a beam of light. When your life is in darkness, anyone can shine into your life and give you light and warmth.
Just like streams and rivers belong to the sea, each of us belongs to the crowd, and only in the crowd can we feel a sense of belonging!
Only in the crowd can we know ourselves better!