I specially looked it up in the dictionary, and the word "empathy" came from the second episode of Late Qing Literature: Thunder in the Sky: "Besides, Beishan is in Beijing, and everything is taken care of by others." The original expression of "empathy" is "I am grateful, as if I received it myself", but now it has evolved into "metaphor that I have not experienced it personally, but it seems to have experienced it personally."
As Mr. Lu Xun said: "The pessimism of human beings is different." And you haven't been there, how can you feel the same way?
1
I once had a female deskmate who was very thin and small. She is stingy with smiles and sentimental. Even three argumentative essays were written by her with a sense of fragmentation. Teachers and classmates are very distressed about this girl, and they can't imagine what kind of bitter past she experienced when she should have laughed like a flower. Once again, when her big eyes blinked away from our eyes, I couldn't help asking, "I don't know what you experienced that filled you with sadness, but I hope you can talk to me when you are in pain, vent your pent-up worries and get the warmth you deserve." She smiled gratefully and then told me a story:
"A little monkey was injured and had a small wound. People asked him what was wrong with the wound, and the little monkey opened it for them. Everyone who saw it sighed, comforted them, and then continued on their way. In the end, this little monkey who opened the wound again and again died of wound infection. "
She said, "I don't believe there is empathy in this world. I used to be like a little monkey in a story, hoping to be understood and distressed, hoping to find someone who can understand all my sorrows, but my confidence was only regarded as a story, even a joke. Others never think how great these things are, only let them think that my sad face is a fuss, so that every time I talk, it is just a process of opening the wound. No one ever thought that if they faced the same situation as me, they would be as sensitive and sad as me. "
I finally swallowed the sentence "believe me, I won't be as cold as those people".
I'm not Jesus. I'm just an ordinary person, and like everyone else, I have human weaknesses. For example, even after hearing about the earthquake, I just worry about being sad for a few days, sympathize with those who suffer, sigh how fragile life is, and cherish every day. I didn't lose my parents, I didn't live alone, I didn't have nothing, so how many feelings can I have like that child who collapsed beside the ruins and burst into tears? So similar, can I really give this female deskmate the understanding she wants?
2
Watch the TV series "The Relationship between China People" with my cousin. There is a girl named Huo. She has an alcoholic father and an alcoholic brother. Just like Fan was cheated by his mother and brother, vampire-like father and brother are always lingering. Huo made money and even passed out. Seeing this, my cousin said angrily, "If I were Huo, I wouldn't care about such a heartless father and brother. I won't look at them even if they are killed by debt collectors. "
"If I were you" itself is an untenable proposition, because you are not me, so you don't understand all my emotional fetters, and you won't understand my indecision and your eyes.
Because you are not Huo, you have friends and relatives, so you will not understand her helpless insecurity after breaking up with her father and brother, nor will you understand her indescribable fear if she really sees her only relative killed by a debt collector. The reason why I say "if I were you" is just because you don't have to consider and bear the consequences of all your actions.
Many times, we feel that human nature is indifferent, that is, when you expose your loss and pain, all you get is preaching and disdain. Others blame your misfortune on incompetence and cowardice, but they never thought that if the protagonist was him, he might not even be half as strong, optimistic and brave as you.
three
There is a plot in the recently popular movie Wolf Warriors Warrior 2.
The hero risked his life to help everyone repel mercenaries, but was rejected by everyone because he was infected with Raman virus.
Some people say that he should not be with everyone if he is infected with the virus, which will only harm more people.
No way, the protagonist can only choose to leave in the rain. The accompanying female doctor rushed out to accuse everyone:
"Remember, it is this dying person infected with the virus who saved you. I am ashamed of you! "
Those people only worry that they will be infected with the virus, but they ignore that if the hero hadn't braved the bullets to save everyone, he might have died in the bullets of mercenaries.
Human nature is selfish, with different positions and different concerns. It is really impossible to fully understand and understand.
Heard Li Zhi's folk song "mr van gogh":
Whose father died?
Please tell me how to be sad.
Whose lover is gone?
Please tell me, so hard to forget.
Whatever you have.
We were born alone.
Let me see you again.
Starry sky and night
Birds turning west
We were born alone.
Perhaps it is because we are born lonely that we are always eager to be understood. Even if others can't give us anything, we are still willing to find someone who can have emotional connection with us at the expense of opening the wound.
In fact, as Sodagreen sang: "If you walk differently, how can you understand?" Just because I don't understand, I can't feel the same.
In the realistic masterpiece "Babylon in Tokyo", Subaru Sumeragi said to the woman who had confided in him for a long time, "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, but you are so sad ... I still can't feel one tenth of your pain ..."
So don't say "I feel the same way" or "if I were you" easily. Maybe you just want to express your concern, or you are anxious to get the client out of prison, but this will only backfire and give the client a perfunctory or frivolous feeling.
Zhang Ailing said, "Because I know, I am compassionate." But even if you can't understand, you should try your best to be merciful. We should learn to be a quiet adult. At least we can respect and understand those lives that we haven't experienced.
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If you don't understand, be merciful.