First, the reasons for the lack of family education in the process of ideological and political education in colleges and universities.

The purpose of family education is different with different family environment and parents' level. It is true that there are laws in education. Different family backgrounds have different educational purposes. In the process of ideological and political education for college students, as teachers, most of the family education we come into contact with is desirable in terms of educational concepts, educational methods and comprehensive quality, because the family plays an important role in cultivating students' excellent moral character and doing things, but there are still quite a few families and students who show the lack of family education when they have problems and solve them, which deserves our educators' serious reflection. This is mainly due to the following reasons:

1. The difference in the docking process between China's basic education system and higher education system, under the condition that the future is still determined by the test results, parents always show the expectation of "expecting their children to succeed" in the basic education stage. Expect children to get excellent grades and report to various learning remedial classes; Expect children to be versatile and give them various art classes; Expect children to become successful people in the future and so on. It will also lead to the simplification of educational purposes, paying too much attention to the learning process and ignoring the cultivation of children's ideological and moral character, treating people with things, independence and so on. Statistics show that in the children's basic education stage, more than 80% parents can take the initiative to contact the class teacher and subject teacher to keep abreast of their children's learning situation; At home, I will also pay close attention to my children's words and deeds to prevent them from relaxing their studies and falling behind other students. Generally speaking, in primary and secondary schools, students' main task is to learn cultural knowledge, and the corresponding family education mainly focuses on how to improve children's intelligence, with the focus on cultivating healthy, United, friendly, lively and happy students; In high school, the pressure of study is increasing, and most families are carrying out family education around further studies, with the emphasis on improving their academic performance, how to improve their chances of further studies and how to enter universities. However, compared with the basic education stage of primary and secondary schools, the problems and tasks faced by the higher education stage are more complicated and the differences are more prominent. We should not only learn scientific and cultural knowledge, but also cultivate our own professional ability, interpersonal communication and coordination, psychological adaptation and other abilities, and also face many problems related to career planning, love and growth that we have never encountered before. More importantly, we should learn to establish a correct outlook on life and values. After entering the university, the society and schools have higher and higher requirements for family education, but each family pays unbalanced attention to their children's education. After their children enter colleges and universities, most parents think that after years of training, the educational task has been completed, their children can study and live independently, and the management responsibility should be borne by colleges and universities; There are also some parents who feel that due to the heavy academic burden and strict management of their children in high school, they only pay attention to the material support of their children's universities and leave the rest alone; There are also some families whose parents go out to work for their own reasons. Due to their own factors, they can't take care of their children's college life or don't care at all. Most students go to study far away from home. In the communication with parents, there is no face-to-face communication every day, only a long-distance communication, mainly through telephone, text messages and various new media. Therefore, although college students have a strong desire to deal with problems independently and are out of the control of their parents, they are very eager to communicate with their parents emotionally when facing problems and difficulties to a great extent, hoping to give themselves encouragement and courage. However, for most students, family education in colleges and universities is basically in a state of stagnation or imbalance. Different ways and modes of family education, in the face of problems and difficulties, show the lack of family education in different degrees and levels, which brings ideological and political educators in colleges and universities not only difficulties and challenges at work, but also a powerful driving force for thinking about work and reforming education methods.

2. Uneven development of higher education Since the end of last century, the national higher education has undergone major reforms. After fifteen years of development and changes in the new century, higher education has gradually become popular education, but it has also caused imbalances in all aspects of development: the increase in the number of students, the decline in teaching quality, the employment dilemma and other issues have become increasingly prominent, and there is a contradiction between the reform of higher education system and the vital interests of students; With the development of economy, the social environment is also impacted and challenged by various new ideas in the new period, and the traditional ideological and political education methods inherited are in contradiction with the complicated ideological reality of college students. The continuous expansion of school buildings, the increase of specialty settings and the increase of the number of students have caused the contradiction between the rapid expansion of schools and the shortage of educational resources; With the emergence of new ideas, new problems and new difficulties, the original ideological and political education system has not been closely integrated with the ideological reality of college students, resulting in deviations and contradictions; There is a contradiction between students' ever-changing self-awareness and psychological confusion and counselors' years of work experience; At the whole social level, there is a contradiction between * * * and common concern and support for college students' ideological and political education. The unbalanced development of higher education widens the distance between ideological and political education in colleges and universities and family education for college students, leading to the lack of family education and the lag of higher education.

3. The lack and deficiency of different family education concepts and behaviors. According to the different types of parents we come into contact with in our daily work, we can simply divide them into:

1) authoritarian type. Autocratic family education means that parents ask their children to absolutely abide by the rules formulated by their parents, show a less positive attitude towards their children, and strictly enforce their punishment. These parents have better economic status and social status, higher education level and higher comprehensive quality. But their children are strictly controlled and must do things according to their own wishes, so they are often called "tiger mothers" or "wolf fathers". This concept comes from the influence of China's tradition that "children don't teach, but fathers make mistakes". They regard their children as their private property and do everything for them, especially interfere with and restrict their life planning, work and marriage. They often use their young age and lack of social experience as an excuse to ask their children to absolutely obey all their plans. Generally speaking, this educational model is accompanied by the growth process of children. After a certain period of time, the shortcomings of their educational methods will gradually appear, but they always believe that only their own educational methods are the most correct. Such children often show dependence, lack of independent opinions, do not know how to properly express their emotions and feelings, and are prone to obstacles in interpersonal communication and ability to do things, which not only delays their mental health development, but also makes them miss the opportunity of healthy growth.

2) doting type. Spoiling family education refers to parents' unprincipled overindulgence and blind satisfaction of children's various requirements. Most of the families of students born after 1995 are only children, and they are the center of the family. This kind of family is generally well-off, with a strong sense of economic superiority, a high-profile attitude towards people, a high social status, powerful people, high officials, and a carefree future for their children. At the same time, the family has been spoiled for generations, and the children have been brought up by their ancestors. All kinds of complicated environments have led to the excessive pampering of grandparents and the lack of family education. The children trained by this kind of family education are generally arrogant, willful, lack of sense of responsibility, and easily separated from the group. Every year on college registration day, we can always see the scene of the whole family going out, with big bags and small bags accompanying the children to report for duty. Parents are busy, but the children are hanging high.

3) inaction type. Inaction refers to parents' inability or inaction to educate their children, and children enjoy great blind autonomy. Most of these families are poor because of their parents' low cultural quality. For children's family education, apart from simple emotional efforts, they can eat and wear warm clothes and do nothing illegal. Students can still communicate in junior and senior high schools. After entering colleges and universities, parents don't know how to educate their children because their children leave their hometown to study abroad. When they encounter problems, not only can the two sides not communicate, but a serious generation gap will be formed, and psychological isolation will occur from time to time. Over time, if you vent your dissatisfaction with your parents on others, you will even retaliate against society. Children in such a family environment have a weak sense of right and wrong, lack of social experience and are prone to extreme crimes. To sum up, the lack of family education is a serious and far-reaching topic. Because of the different environment and education methods, each family has cultivated and brought up children with completely different personalities. As the saying goes, "There are no two identical leaves in the world". Although there is law in education, there is no law, and the huge difference is manifested in educational ideas and behaviors, resulting in different degrees of effect loss. Only by strengthening the cooperation among schools, families and society can we jointly shoulder the heavy responsibility of cultivating outstanding social talents.

Second, to solve the lack of family education countermeasures and measures

The lack of family education in universities makes us learn to reflect: in the new era, how to make good use of existing resources and abilities, effectively combine traditional education methods with the changes in the new era, and promote further improvement? The author puts forward thoughts from three aspects: school, family and students, and seeks solutions and measures. At present, China is in a critical period of socialist modernization, and great changes are taking place in society. On the basis of consolidating and improving school education, we must pay enough attention to family education. Only in this way can we consolidate and strengthen the foundation of education, and then improve the overall level and quality of education. As a social organization for college students' life growth, family education is the basis for the formation and development of college students' ideological and moral quality, and plays an irreplaceable role in the process of college students' growth and development.

1) college level: actively close the relationship with college students' families and build an effective communication mechanism. The author's unit has a complete and effective communication mechanism with students, parents and teachers: the intimate project work manual. The college strictly stipulates the "Ten Must Talk, Ten Must Contact" conversation system of the head teacher, especially pointing out that students must inform their parents and make corresponding conversation record when they don't come home at night, are absent from school for no reason, are subject to disciplinary action, are psychologically abnormal, and have learning difficulties. In this way, the crux of poor communication between home and school has been effectively solved, and the concept of student-oriented and growth-oriented has been better implemented. Convene seminars attended by counselors and parents' representatives on a regular basis, strive to establish a huge network system with universities as the core, students as the link and families as the network, and use the effective communication mechanism of new media to inform parents about the teaching situation of the school and the learning situation of students, and solicit parents' suggestions and ideas on the teaching and education work of the school. Under this network system, we will gradually improve the integration, mutual connection, interaction and coordination of schools, families, society and mass media.

2) Family level: Parents should improve themselves in the social environment, keep pace with the times, strive to establish a modern awareness of educating their children, create more opportunities for parents and children to communicate more, get in touch with new things and ideas, and participate in group activities. Children cultivated by parents with modern educational concepts are often healthy, lively and cheerful, and have strong ability to adapt to society, and can grow through their own exploration. Parents usually make their children aware of their growth process by encouraging and talking. Parents' efforts to create a democratic, harmonious and warm family environment will help children face life in a positive and sunny way, help cultivate a calm and healthy personality, and make children achieve something in their future study, work and life. A few years ago, the Education Department of Liaoning Province carried out the social practice activity of "Thousands of counselors walked into thousands of households", which effectively opened up new channels for communication between parents and teachers, built a bridge between them and made up for the shortcomings in practical work. Recently, several parents in Wuxi, Jiangsu Province set up a "private school" in the mountains. Parents become their own teachers and explore their children's success in a unique way. All these phenomena show that the new society calls for the renewal of educational concepts. Although it is in the exploratory stage, it has finally taken a big step in reform.

3) Students' level: Students' awareness of self-education should be further stimulated. Only by combining school education, family education and social education with students' self-education can a complete and successful education be realized. The meaning of self-education means that the educational object takes itself as the educational object on the basis of its subjective consciousness, and consciously transforms and improves the individual subjectivity through the process of self-selection, self-internalization and self-control according to the requirements of the norms and self-development of the educational subject, so as to make itself a highly self-reflective and self-disciplined activity required by a certain society, which is an important ability of individual self-improvement, self-improvement and self-development.

Third, the conclusion

Therefore, in the process of family education, due to its two-way, on the one hand, parents' ideas are sublimated in promotion and transformation, on the other hand, students' self-development consciousness is constantly stimulated, from passive education to active pursuit of growth and progress, and finally higher self-education, self-discipline and self-growth ability are formed, thus ensuring the realization of family education goals.

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