Generous and open-minded, learn to observe each other's psychology and be honest with each other.
Our society is a pluralistic society, and the relationship between people is becoming more and more complicated. The complexity of society leads to the richness of personality, which inevitably leads to the intensification of contradictions among individuals. To maintain good interpersonal relationships with people around you, we must learn to seek common ground while reserving differences and have a generous and open-minded psychological quality. We must be considerate of others and be honest with each other.
In life, we have misunderstandings with our classmates who live together day and night. When we are treated unfairly and not accepted by others, you will be anxious and irritable, which will definitely affect your study, life and social relations. What are we going to do, make a scene? Why don't you just break up These are not the best ways, they can only put themselves at a disadvantage in communication and affect future communication. On the contrary, if we are open-minded, we may be more calm, consider the problem from the other side's position, understand the feelings and feelings of others, misunderstandings and grievances will often disappear, and others will accept you happily. As the saying goes, "gather friends generously."
It is difficult to be a broad-minded person, but we college students must pay attention to the cultivation of this quality in daily life and communication in order to better adapt to life and society. Among our classmates, they are either cheerful or deep; Or implicit, or frank; Or open-minded, or cautious, its personality is rich and diverse. So learn to be a caring person, be good at observing other people's moods, take the initiative to care about others, and let them feel your kindness and warmth in different ways.
Take roommates in the same dormitory as an example. They have frequent contact, because they have many contacts and opportunities, so they are the easiest, and because they have many contacts, frictions and contradictions, they are the most difficult. This requires each of us to pay attention to observation and try our best to meet the needs of others, such as drawing water to sweep the floor, cooking for sick or busy students and making up lessons. However, there is a "self-centered" communication tendency among college students today. Many people only emphasize that others should know, understand, accept and respect themselves, but neglect to understand and respect others equally; Only pay attention to the realization of their own goals, but ignore the interests and requirements of others, and so on. Under the control of this tendency, they often blindly communicate with their own temperament regardless of the occasion and the mood of the other party, leading to an embarrassing situation in communication. Imagine a person is at a low psychological level, but you announce your achievements in front of him. What will happen? ! Therefore, many times, we need to put ourselves in others' shoes. Only by caring for each other and exchanging sincerity for sincerity can we achieve spiritual communication and emotional harmony.
Honesty and trustworthiness is the basic principle of being a man. In our college students' communication, if a friend cheats you, your self-esteem will be hurt and you may not be able to trust him as before. Similarly, we should treat others honestly and sincerely to gain their trust and understanding. It shows a person's self-esteem and inner sense of security and dignity, which can make people gain the trust of others in communication, and then attract people with the same excellent quality to their side, and establish a relaxed and happy social circle without pretending to be themselves.
Making friends is a process of constant selection. Hypocrisy cannot be hidden forever. Once discovered by the other party, it is the greatest harm to friendship. Therefore, when we get along with others, we should be broad-minded and considerate and sincere. Only in this way can we get real friends and get along better with others.
Master certain social skills. Skills in communication are like lubricants in interpersonal relationships, which can help people improve communication and understanding, shorten psychological distance and establish good relationships in communication activities. Many students with interpersonal communication barriers are caused by lack of communication skills. Many students say that they can be comfortable dealing with people they are familiar with, but they are often passive, cautious and timid when dealing with unfamiliar people, and they don't know how to get along with them. Many students often lose interest in interpersonal communication because of their lack of communication and interpersonal skills, which leads to a passive and isolated situation in interpersonal communication, and it is easy to limit their development because they cannot express their ideas properly. For many college students, if they realize that they lack the necessary social and interpersonal skills, they should take active and positive measures to gradually improve their interpersonal problems, rather than avoiding them blindly.
In fact, social skills are varied. Such as enhancing interpersonal attraction, humor, clever criticism, language art and so on. For college students, after establishing the courage and confidence in interpersonal communication, the skills to be mastered in interpersonal communication are mainly to cultivate the psychological quality of successful communication and the correct use of language art. The psychological quality of successful communication includes honesty and trustworthiness, modesty and prudence, enthusiasm and help, respect and understanding, generosity and so on. The application of language art includes accurate expression, effective listening and politeness. All these are helpful for college students to improve their communication art and achieve better communication results. In addition, in formal communication occasions, college students should also pay attention to neat clothes, civilized and decent manners, elegant posture of sitting, standing and walking, don't joke regardless of objects, and avoid patting shoulders and holding hands. Of course, you can't be timid and cautious in front of people. Be confident and energetic, but also natural and graceful, neither humble nor supercilious.
In short, college students should establish self-confidence in interpersonal communication, improve their quality in all aspects, be brave in practice, be good at summing up, practice in learning, learn in practice, constantly improve themselves, enrich themselves, and gradually succeed in communication and life.
① communication level. The relationship between people should be close, and communication between people is an indispensable prerequisite. Two people who were very close at first, but later because of less communication, the relationship may be weak; Two people who are not familiar with each other before may become close because they often live together. Generally speaking, the intimacy of interpersonal relationships is directly proportional to the level of communication. The higher the level of communication, the easier it is to get close to people. or vice versa, Dallas to the auditorium
② Mutual compensation level. Psychological research points out that people's behavior has some kind of mutual reward. The "reward" here includes not only material content, but also psychological content such as mood and emotion. When people get along with each other, the higher the level of mutual compensation, the more stable and intimate the relationship. I am afraid that the low mutual reward is also an important reason why some students can't get along well with each other. This "low" is mainly manifested in two aspects: first, you are indifferent to the needs and difficulties of your classmates, which makes people feel that you are indifferent; Second, the principle of "equal exchange" of commodities makes people feel that you are "too sophisticated" and "too affordable". Since others can't get emotional warmth and stealing from you, they naturally alienate you.
③ Evaluation level. The so-called evaluation level, in layman's terms, is what you think of others and what you ask others to think of you. The level of evaluation mainly depends not on how many good things you say about others, but on whether the evaluation is sincere and realistic. Some students are insincere about others' evaluation, one set to face and one set behind; Or jealous of classmates' strengths, talents and achievements; Or never tell people the truth, which makes people feel that you are hypocritical and fake; There are other students who only like to listen to compliments. When they heard harsh words, they immediately showed emotional boredom and dissatisfaction. When others see that you are so narrow-minded, they will certainly avoid you.
④ Tolerance level. The physiological and psychological differences between people exist objectively. Whether this difference can be tolerated is also a condition for interpersonal coordination. The higher the degree of tolerance, the greater the adaptability to get along with others, and the interpersonal relationship will certainly be good. On the contrary, if something goes wrong, people will not tolerate it. The so-called "only people let him, no one will let him", the degree of tolerance is low, and interpersonal relationships will certainly not be good.
1. Care about others. It is a basic need of human beings to hope to be concerned by others. People who have a bad relationship with their classmates often feel lonely and annoyed because they can't meet the needs of being concerned. How can I get others' concern? The only way is that you should care about others first. Because you want to get the needs that others care about, others have the same needs. The more you care about others, the more important you are in his life, and naturally he will turn to care about you. Once we can care about each other, the relationship between classmates will naturally be close. To care about others is selfless. Some people are enthusiastic on the surface, but in fact they are "pulling out a dime to benefit the world." He cares about others and hopes to "catch big fish for a long time" and get more benefits from others. Such a person can win the favor of others for a while, but few people can "bear hardships" with him, and of course it is impossible to have a good classmate relationship in the end.
2. Accept others. To accept others is to treat others as your friends from the heart. This includes looking at others in two ways. There is an old saying: "No one is perfect without gold." Don't abandon a person and stay away from him just because he has this shortcoming and that problem. It stands to reason that clear water has no fish, and people look at it without friends. Of course, accepting others is not accepting his shortcomings and faults, but accepting this person and sincerely helping him overcome them. Once others feel your sincere acceptance, they will naturally get on well with you wholeheartedly.
Change yourself. Most people who have tense classmates have some problems in their personality and habits. For example, arrogant people often stay away from others; Narrowness and selfishness are often spurned; Being stingy is often looked down upon; Sweet talk, playing tricks will eventually be spurned, and so on. In addition, some people have many bad habits that affect others, or often have annoying behaviors, which will affect the relationship between classmates. Therefore, deliberately changing your bad personality and habits should also be an important measure to get along with your classmates.
Strengthen communication. A good classmate relationship depends on mutual understanding. To understand each other, it is necessary to strengthen communication and communicate frequently in thoughts and attitudes. Therefore, in addition to actively taking care of each other in their studies, they should take part in more social activities after studying, take the initiative to chat with their classmates, discuss a certain problem and exchange some information; You can also play chess and poker together; You can also take part in some group activities, such as outings and hiking. In a word, only if you know your classmates and your classmates know you, can you get closer to your classmates.
Personality integrity. Everyone has his own unique personality and behavior pattern, which is also one of the characteristics of a sound personality. When you get along with your classmates, you should accommodate others' needs and adopt a more easygoing attitude, but that is limited. Because easygoing is not giving up all principles, and accommodating is not taking everything. Those who really do that will never get the trust and respect of their classmates. However, when you refuse some requests from your classmates that go against your own principles and positions, it is worth your attention, that is, don't overemphasize your own moral and behavior standards, flaunt your fair, lofty, honest and law-abiding qualities, so as to embarrass the other party and even feel that you are indirectly accusing him. You just need to explain why you can't meet his wishes, especially the situation that is not conducive to the other party. If the other person is a reasonable person, he won't blame you; If you still don't understand each other, you have to let him do it. Sometimes, we should remember the sentence "I can't do whatever I want, but I have a clear conscience". Of course, the best way is to clearly show your principles and attitudes in dealing with people on weekdays and let students know what kind of person you are. In this way, others will know your style and won't force you to do what you don't want to do.
There is an old saying that "everything is clear, everything is learned, and human cultivation is an article". Indeed, dealing with others is a learning room, which cannot be ignored and studied. In order to make the classmates around you like you, I hope you can pay attention to the following ways to treat people:
The clothes are neat and beautiful. Allport, a famous American social psychologist, once did a study. He found that among a group of strangers, there are many factors that attract others the most when they meet for the first time, but the charm of figure and manners, such as appearance, figure and clothes, is also a very important factor. Therefore, if you want your classmates to like you, your clothes must be neat and beautiful, conform to your own identity, and take care of the group habits of the class.
Get used to smiling. Smiling at people will give people a warm and cordial feeling. If you keep a straight face, even if you are friendly, people around you will feel uncomfortable. Some psychologists have pointed out that dull expression is an obstacle in interpersonal communication, just like a wooden sign hanging at the intersection, telling people that this road is impassable. People will try to avoid you, talk less and say everything. When a smile touches a cold face, it will shrink back like the tentacles of a water snail touch something. It can be seen that laughter is also a means of communication, and laughter can make people like it. You should learn to smile diplomacy and get used to smiling.
Watch your manners. Speak politely, don't think it's a "trivial matter" or "trivial matter" and you don't care. For example, when another classmate, Tan Xing, was in high school, you interrupted others' conversation. When listening to classmates' lectures, Jiro crossed his legs, looked around and was absent-minded; Just arrived at a classmate's house, you just went through their things, and so on. It will cause your classmates to dislike you.
Be good at praising others. Everyone wants to be praised by others, and praise is also the easiest thing to hear. It is usually not too difficult to praise others, because everyone has something to praise. Confucius said, "In a threesome, there must be a teacher." Usually we may pay too much attention to ourselves, so we often can't find compliments from others. In the communication with classmates, if we can observe carefully, pay more attention to others, do not envy their advantages, and do not adopt a "negative" attitude, we can often find that he has many aspects worthy of praise. Of course, the praise here refers to sincere and true praise, not hypocritical entertainment words, nor insincere flattery. Although many people like to listen to flattery in life, most people can easily distinguish the sincerity contained in each other's words. It should be noted that false compliments can't leave a good impression on people, just as the saying goes-saying too much is regarded as a liar.
Help others more. Students have difficulties in learning, and he must be very grateful if you take the initiative to help him; If you have a popular good book, you might as well take the initiative to show it to your classmates. You must be very happy. Students want to entrust you with a job, even if you can't do it at the moment, if you can take the initiative to explain why you can't help, he will have a good impression on you. In short, helping others often will make others understand the value of your existence to him. The result of the return must be "my lover loves you forever". In other words, if you want your classmates to like you, you must remember that helping others is the key to life.