Man is a social animal, as Marx said: "The essence of man is not an abstract thing inherent in a single person. In reality, it is the sum of all social relations. " After entering the university, college students are faced with a new environment and a new group. Reorganizing all kinds of relationships and dealing with their associates have become their new life content. Good interpersonal relationship is not only an important symbol of college students' mental health level and social adaptability, but also the cornerstone of their future career development and happiness.
Ways to establish good interpersonal relationships
Establishing good interpersonal relationship is the foundation of a person's career success. You need a tolerant heart, sincere and positive communication, to create a good personal image, make good use of various communication means, and overcome the prejudice in social cognition.
(A) to create a good personal image, enhance personal charm
In social communication, a person's knowledge level and accomplishment directly affect the effect of communication. A good personal image should start from little by little, follow good advice, "don't take small good, don't take small evil" and optimize personal social image.
1. Improve psychological quality. Interpersonal communication is the overall function of thought, ability, knowledge and psychology, and the lack of any one aspect will affect the quality of interpersonal relationship. Some students have bad psychology in interpersonal communication, such as social fear, timidity, shyness, inferiority, indifference, loneliness, isolation, suspicion, pride, jealousy, etc., which makes it difficult to establish good interpersonal relationships. Therefore, college students should strengthen self-training, improve their psychological quality and communicate with others with a positive attitude.
2. Improve your interpersonal charm. It should be said that every individual has his inner interpersonal charm, which is the embodiment of a person's comprehensive quality in social life. This requires college students to enrich their inner world and improve themselves in many ways from appearance to speech, from image to knowledge. Psychological research shows that a good social image will leave a deep impression on each other in the first communication, and with the deepening of communication, knowledge will become more dominant. Especially the personality cultivation of college students, and expand their own connotation.
(B) make good use of communication skills
1. empathy. This is very important for establishing good interpersonal relationships. If we use it often, what would I do if I were in his position? Always stand on the other side's point of view to understand and deal with problems, and everything will become much easier. Generally speaking, people who are good at communication are often good at discovering the value of others, knowing how to respect others, being willing to trust others, tolerating others' different views and behaviors, not haggling over others' mistakes, and trying to help others instead of blaming them. He knows that "don't do to others what you don't want others to do to you"; Know "don't do to others what you don't want others to do to you"; Know that "the best way to get friends is to make yourself a friend of others"; Understand that others are others, not yourself, so you can't force them. When you get along with friends, you should be harmonious but different.
2. Make good use of praise and criticism. Psychologists believe that praise can release people's energy and arouse their enthusiasm. Praise can make a weak body strong, give a fearful heart peace and reliance, give a wounded nerve rest and strength, and give people in adversity the determination to succeed. It is reported that a European woman learned to say "thank you", "that's very kind of you" and "you are great!" Wait, everywhere I go, I am warmly welcomed. Express your praise to others sincerely, timely and appropriately. Praise should be for people and things, which can enhance each other's attraction.
Be good at saying thank you gracefully. We often think that people who are very close do not need to say thank you, and things that are too small do not need to say thank you. We don't want to express our gratitude directly in life, but we are willing to keep it in mind. In fact, sincere heartfelt thanks shine with the brilliance of human nature.
The opposite of praise is criticism. In general, we should praise more and criticize less. Criticism is a negative stimulus. Usually, only if the intention is well-intentioned, in line with the facts and the method is right, can it produce positive effects and promote the progress of the other party. When criticizing, we should pay attention to the situation and environment, not to people, not to completely deny a person, which will dampen the enthusiasm and self-esteem of the other party. We should turn over what happened now, not what happened before, and our wording and attitude should be friendly and sincere.
3. Active communication. Every young college student needs to have a rich interpersonal world, and in this world, help and be helped, sympathize and be sympathized, love and be loved, and enjoy joy and pain. In social communication, people who actively initiate communication activities and accept others are more confident in interpersonal relationships. The scarcity of active communication stems from two reasons. First, lack of self-confidence, fear of rejection, fear that others will not understand and respond as expected, thus putting themselves in an embarrassing situation and hurting their self-esteem. In fact, the problem is far from as serious as we think, because in interpersonal relationships, both sides need to adapt and need interpersonal relationships to support unfamiliar situations. Second, people have many misunderstandings in interpersonal relationships, such as greeting others first, being inferior to others, "people who are good at communication are sophisticated and smooth", "I bother others so much that others will think I am incompetent and hate me" and so on. It is also very important for college students to communicate actively, especially in the face of interpersonal crisis, it is very important to actively explain, eliminate misunderstandings and re-establish good interpersonal relationships.
4. empathy. The essence of interpersonal relationship is the emotional connection and communication between people. The more emotional communication, the greater the psychological field shared by both sides and the closer the interpersonal relationship. Empathy is not sympathy, but the exchange and recognition of the inner feelings of both sides. People are empiricists, and their understanding of others is highly dependent on their own direct experience. Therefore, rich self-experience is a necessary prerequisite for understanding and empathy.
5. Help others. Psychologists have found that interpersonal relationships that start with mutual help are not only easy to establish a good first impression, but also can quickly shorten the psychological distance between people, thus quickly establishing good interpersonal relationships. Friends in need in daily life illustrate this point. The psychological function of the so-called "giving charcoal in the snow" is very important to add icing on the cake.
Second, interpersonal conflict and its adjustment
Everyone hopes that life is full of sunshine, that friendship will last forever, and that human feelings will be warm and cold. But life is always realistic, and conflicts between people are inevitable. We will always find that we used to be such close friends and happy partners, but in the end we parted ways and became strangers. How to avoid the occurrence of interpersonal conflicts and the breakdown of interpersonal relationships is a practical problem that puzzles every college student.
Improvement of interpersonal relationship
Psychologists have found (D Myers, 1990) that recognizing the essence of interpersonal conflicts or differences and learning to deal with them constructively can effectively reduce the deterioration and breakdown of interpersonal relationships.
First of all, we must understand that because everyone has different experiences from anyone else and has their own unique emotional, understanding and interest background, it is inevitable that there will be inconsistencies or conflicts between people. No matter what kind of relationship, no matter how deep the relationship is and how harmonious the feelings are, conflicts may occur. Therefore, in the process of interacting with anyone, we should be prepared for possible conflicts.
Predicting conflicts is the most effective way to correctly understand conflicts and deal with them constructively, so as to avoid paying an unnecessary higher price in conflicts. Generally speaking, if a person is directly involved in the conflict without preparation, it is very difficult to remain calm and rational throughout the conflict. Man is a perceptual animal. When people are too excited, their thinking will be obviously disturbed, and it is difficult to maintain a correct judgment on things. It is common to do things that endanger interpersonal relationships and even criminal acts in passion.
In real life, more interpersonal conflicts can be avoided. Learning to experience why others think like this in an empathetic way can effectively help us understand others correctly, avoid misjudgment and prevent inappropriate experiences and behaviors. For the contradictions that have happened, if handled properly, they will often not bring too much harm to interpersonal relationships. After research, psychologists put forward effective steps to solve conflicts. Practice has proved that these steps can effectively help people control and eliminate conflicts. The specific contents of these steps are:
First, I believe that all conflicts can be resolved rationally and constructively;
Second, objectively understand the causes of conflict;
Third, describe the conflict in detail;
Fourth, check with others whether their ideas about conflict are objective;
Fifth, put forward possible conflict solutions;
Sixth, evaluate the proposed methods one by one and select the best scheme, which must be most beneficial to both parties;
Seventh, try to use the selected best method;
Eighth, evaluate the actual effect of reaching the best scheme and make corrections according to the principle of bringing maximum benefits to both parties and maintaining good interpersonal relationships.
In interpersonal communication, it is also important to master the scale of communication and take active measures to maintain interpersonal relationships.
First, try to avoid arguments. It is normal to argue between people. But arguments often end in unpleasant results. Facts have proved that no matter who wins or loses, it will be very uncomfortable. Successful people may get a kind of psychological satisfaction at that time, but they will soon be shrouded in the shadow of the deterioration of interpersonal relationships, and the temporary satisfaction will disappear. The psychological frustration of losers is stronger, which often turns into personal attacks, which does great harm to interpersonal relationships, and the result of quarreling is often both sides lose.
Second, don't criticize, blame or complain about others directly. Directly criticizing, accusing and complaining about others will damage others' self-esteem and self-worth, especially for a moment. Sometimes it will be much better to change some methods slightly and turn direct criticism, accusation and complaint into indirect hints and reminders. This is the so-called "speak ill of others" art.
Third, have the courage to admit your mistakes. The courage to admit mistakes is the lubricant of interpersonal relationships. It is wise to admit your mistakes when there are obstacles in interpersonal relationships. Although admitting mistakes is a kind of self-denial, admitting mistakes will make people feel satisfied with morality; In addition, admitting one's mistakes is a kind of responsible performance, which is also psychologically attractive to others, so the interpersonal deadlock in this case will be broken.
Fourth, learn to criticize. Never criticize others sharply unless you have to. However, sometimes criticism is inevitable. At this time, learning the art of criticism is an important strategy to maintain interpersonal relationships. Carnegie's critical art is worth learning: criticism begins with praise and sincere gratitude; Mention your own mistakes before criticizing; Remind others of their mistakes by hinting; Leaders should remind others of their mistakes through inspiration rather than orders; Save face for others.