| Spotlight effect, breaking ice quickly.

Well-known psychologist Kirovich once did an experiment. He asked Cornell University students to put on some brand-name clothes and then walked into the classroom. He asked the students to estimate how many people would notice his T-shirt. He thinks about half of the class reunion. But the result was unexpected, and only 23% people noticed it. From this experiment, we can see that our feelings about ourselves occupy an important position in our own world, which magnifies others' attention to us, but not many people actually pay attention to it. This is the spotlight effect in psychology.

The spotlight effect is everywhere. When salespeople promote products, we can notice that many salespeople in high-end stores will bring you a glass of water specially, but in fact you may only visit for 3 minutes. When you walk around, the salesperson will always ask you, "What do you think of this? Does this color set off your complexion? " "What style do you usually like?" "What do you think? You can try it if you want, and we will help you refer to it. " ... all conversations are centered on "you", which has greatly increased the turnover.

Similarly, when communicating with people, we should seize the spotlight effect, try to restrain ourselves and not always talk about ourselves. Everyone likes to say what they know best, so try to guide others to say their own things and make them happy and open their mouths. This is the way to break the deadlock.

| learned helplessness, control others.

If a person always fails at work. He will give up his efforts in this work. You may even doubt yourself and feel that you can't do this or that. When animals and people experience things beyond their control, they will get a sense of being passive and helpless. This is learned helplessness.

Learned helplessness also effectively proved that everyone wants to live within their control, so you can't and can't force others to accept your opinions in communication, which will only be counterproductive. But you can achieve your goal in another way, so that those who have the right to decide can listen to you and be guided by thinking.

Invisible respect and synchronization of * * * sounds make the other party unconsciously walk into the "master trap" you set to learn weak * * * sounds. When someone asks your opinion, you can answer "I think so" ... but the final choice is in your hands ",thus putting yourself in a weak position and satisfying his sense of control.

| Hedgehog rule, speaking scale and scale

In the cold winter, two hedgehogs want to hug each other to keep warm, but when they get close, they will be stabbed by each other. Separated will be cold, cold will be together, and then will be stabbed. It takes a long time to find the right distance to keep warm. This is the hedgehog rule, and distance produces beauty.

In the workplace, we will encounter such problems. Being too active will make the boss misunderstand whether you are engaged in a small group, and colleagues behind you will quietly say that you are unsociable and in a dilemma, so an appropriate distance is the best relationship. Speak according to your ability in an appropriate distance relationship, neither high nor low. For example, some people invite colleagues to have a big meal every three days in order to have a good relationship with them. Although the original intention is good, but too high-profile behavior may not be liked by others.

Speak moderately in communication, be modest when others praise you, be accommodating when others praise you, don't be too intimate or too cold, and have a good distance when you speak.

Have you mastered the way of speaking?

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