When I first wrote my first summary, I just regarded it as an extended version of my diary, but strangely enough, I realized more and more that whenever I met a major event and made a major decision, my half-year summary would emerge, sometimes giving me strength and sometimes advising me to be vigilant, which affected my whereabouts; At the same time, with the increasing number of abstracts, there are more and more readers, even some brothers and sisters of strangers. In a word, I should take every word in the summary more seriously every time.
This time, the theme of the fourth summary is "When I Grow Up", covering the period from 2020-3- 1 to 2020- 10-4, mainly recording my experiences and feelings in the second semester of my sophomore year, summer of 2020 and 30 days of my junior year. Although I experienced a dull experience during this time, I also thought a lot. Between repeated consideration and weighing, I am determined to omit complicated thoughts in this article and try my best to present the purest gains. In addition, I establish the sense of object of the article by talking to my past self, that is, my present self. So, what you will see is that I read my mind layer by layer, sum up my thoughts, and be sincere and compassionate.
Before I start reading, I want to make a very necessary statement: I like to write articles on public platforms. The article belongs to myself and to every reader, but in the final analysis, it is dedicated to myself. Therefore, the article is very personal, not every sentence is right, and it is not necessarily a useful reference experience for everyone everywhere. I still hope to treat them rationally and critically, and look forward to exchanging different ideas with you.
To tell the truth, the news that the second semester of Senior Two started online didn't disturb my thoughts. During the winter vacation, the success of China, Daxiaochuang and other scientific research and practice projects gave me confidence in my learning ability and leadership. My grades are not top-notch, except because my brain is stupid. In fact, it is largely related to my bloody personality. At school, my little radar will receive information about various extracurricular activities. I was so energetic that I couldn't help wandering around. I spent a lot of time and energy trying without clear purpose and substance. Fortunately, studying at home these days has helped me isolate the influence, and I have gained the experience of "immersive" learning throughout the semester.
If there are any learning tips at the end of this semester, I will say two: repetition and planning. I use the time saved by outsourcing trivial matters to my family to satisfy my "slow grinding" personality. If you don't understand it the first time, learn it the first time. I'm used to making a mountain out of a molehill about every topic and homework. I have to say that this is "inefficient", but every time I enjoy the aha moment and flow experience of gaining new knowledge, I can't extricate myself (very high). Really, quantitative change causes qualitative change.
Learning planning is also my attempt this semester. I am not so much planning my study and schedule as I am planning to gain a sense of control over my life. It must be said that this sense of control contributes to the self-realization of the "fable of success".
This semester's study, I am particularly lucky to have a new partner-my best partner. It's really hard to meet an absolutely complementary study partner. His "extreme subtlety" makes up for my carelessness, and my jumping thinking adds a little space to my work. Whenever we cooperate and get together with Yun Xin, it is for inner peace and tranquility. Of course, there are also many study partners like Yun Xin, who convince me that learning is not all a person's asceticism, but also an adventure with his peers.
Furthermore, what did I get in the second semester of Senior Two? Recently, I reread my diary carefully, and two answers gradually became clear-family and myself.
/kloc-for the first time in 0/9, I sneaked into the book Origin and Fate, which I thought was very familiar with, and realized the meaning of affection in gathering and parting, laughter and laughter; For the first time, I observed the living environment where I grew up and thought about how it shaped my character. I gradually understand that family members are people who have to stay together no matter how many mouths they mix, and they are very tolerant of those who are tricky. It's so noisy that they even tend to die of old age. After eating good food, they will still mutter that they want to leave a copy for each other or are willing to cut their toenails. I gradually understand that as a child, my appearance is more or less projected by my family, and my personality naturally echoes this mountain and water. I gradually understand that there is no need to deliberately change things that I can't change. The first step in growth is to learn to accept yourself.
Most importantly, I finally pieced together the mystery I have been looking for since I was six years old, but the truth is often prickly. Finally, I decided to use the method of "subject separation" to face those collapsed cognition and memory. I learned to distinguish-those love and warmth belong to me, and those grievances, let it be sealed in the memory of the previous generation. Finally, I have an account of my childhood.
As for "self", it means that I am living in the way I like. Away from the pressure of peer competition and the anxiety of information flooding, my life has its own rhythm: getting up in the morning on Saturday morning exercises 10 minutes, reading time from 9: 30 to 10: 00 every day; In the afternoon, I strolled around the town with my mother and uncle, or played ball in the village with Haitao, and "indoor badminton" with my father and aunt PK; Sitting under the eaves with grandparents at night, listening to insects, watching the stars, or listening to the rain and whispering in the bamboo forest.
In retrospect, I may have lived as secluded as my hometown during this time, but it was the most stable and satisfying day in my heart. I didn't practice, study or participate in competitions remotely, but my desk witnessed the day when I blew out my desk lamp and was covered by the moon. There are no entertainment activities such as movies and meals, but when I can't hold back my thesis, I can climb the mountain in the sunset, savor it repeatedly in the process of "escape" to "gain", and pace with my wishful sister in the middle school playground to discuss "existentialism", the pursuit and significance of life; In my hometown, it is sometimes a little difficult to meet the basic needs of life. It takes several people to buy a bag of space, and they have to get up early and walk a long way to get to the clinic after their wisdom teeth are pulled out, but my grandmother will make a big steamed stuffed bun by herself, my grandfather can pick fresh mushrooms from the mountains and loquats from the trees, and my mother can make Baba with the collected mugwort leaves. I didn't have a chance to meet more people, but I met Ji Chen magically in Scott's online class-a new friend who reminded me of the starry sky when I saw his name, and slowly found that there were so many similarities between us, and we shared our stories happily.
In a word, my life is simple, but it is very tasty. Every day is a memorable day. Even in another ten or eight years, I believe it will be the day with the highest happiness index in my life.
I remember when I got the interview, I said, "I want to study and think fully here, and then tell everyone with confidence and tell my peers: I want to have just the right expectations for the future and dare to live at a pace that suits me."
I have always advertised myself as "a financial major student who yearns for poetry and distance". Knowing that it is necessary and necessary to practice during the holidays on this highly competitive professional track, my mobile phone is still indifferent after swiping all kinds of financial recruitment information, but five seconds after seeing the recruitment information of Guan Peisheng released by Mr. Zener, I began to write my resume crazily. However, the epidemic in Beijing suddenly came back, the school was closed, and it was undoubtedly risky to go back to Beijing for internship. As a good girl who always listens to adults, I went to Beijing against their wishes (persuaded them). At that time, nine of my ten relatives objected and one advised her to resign.
In fact, many people have really asked me why I came to "get". My response can be: first, because I have a hunch that I like and am good at this job, and second, because I am young and the cost of trial and error is low. In private, I will also say: I like Mr. Luo Zhenyu for a long time, so I'm here to "get" the idol (to be honest). In fact, I still have this idea: even a company is willing to pay for my sophomore year and learn to improve myself? It's foolish not to go!
What does "getting" bring me? Is it the compressive strength honed after the trial run 1.5 times the workload, or is it the talk after brushing 80+ books? Did I get to know great colleagues, or did I get the traces left by the station on WeChat official account and Weibo? Further, the ability to work, socialize and get along with yourself and colleagues? Think about it, it seems that there are both, but it is not the best answer. I found myself asking the wrong question. The correct way to ask is: What did I leave behind after "getting"?
Please forgive me for giving full play to this part. I want to write down those people who gave me warmth in Get for a period of time.
Yun Yun is a Taiwan Province sister much older than me, but because of her baby face and petite figure, I often have the illusion that Yun Yun is my sister. When I first moved to my new residence, Yun Yun's visit became a warm sunshine to encourage me to continue my happy life. She let me know the active and sincere concern as a friend, that is, no matter how far the journey is, for an hour or two, no matter how heavy the rain is and how windy it is, I will come to see you; But even if the content of the party is simple, going to the supermarket, cooking and watching Restart will respond excitedly: "I really like it!" . The appearance of Yunyun made me reflect on how clumsy it was to treat and manage friendship before. She taught me with her actions. Willing to take the initiative is the premise of deepening friendship. I will try my best to cherish it in the future.
Wan Shuang is a girl who exudes freedom from hair color to walking posture. When I think of her wildest dream, all I can think of is that she is in road trip, Iceland. Wan Shuang taught me how important "enthusiasm" is-in the face of Mr. Luo, his cognitive starting point is the cognitive end point of ordinary people, and only Wan Shuang dares to stand up and defend his original bibliography. "When reporting the topic, in fact, we should have a fire in our hearts and recommend this book to users. I saw this fire in your eyes when you defended just now, so write it. "
Wan Shuang also made me realize how to deal with the pressure from others. When I left my job, I said goodbye to everyone in the company. Wan Shuang is the one who replied to me the most, including a passage:
When I saw the sense of crisis, my first reaction was surprise and my second reaction was very sorry. The reason why I am surprised is that if I am at school, I will always be the one with a sense of crisis. Now I'm imposing a sense of crisis. I've experienced firsthand that other people's pressure can make people breathless. I deeply understand that weakness, so I am very sorry for my unintentional performance and the trouble I have caused others. After such feedback, I began to reflect on the existence of "peer pressure" and how I should treat it. The answer to thinking is, don't deliberately, don't escape, and turn "always competitive" into a "catfish effect" for yourself.
Yulin, my senior year, was an unexpected gain for me. Whether it's personality, experience, three views or hobbies, we are like two people who correspond perfectly in parallel time and space. Endless similarities, endless topics, and countless connections between us make me realize how important it is to meet people, and how rare it is to meet yourself in meeting people! Few people in the world are so congenial. It is rare that she is willing to share her experiences and ideas with me, show me the maze and tell me, "Don't be afraid, as long as I can go this way, so can you." I am really honored to "get" your life trajectory, and I will always participate in it in the future, never far away.
In fact, there are many friends I really want to write down, but time is limited, so I have always kept you in my heart? .
In addition to the work itself, the internship is also the first time I tried to get out of the family protection circle and learn to live independently. During this period, my survival skills have really improved a lot, from "king of fried sauce" to "salt is sweet", from making choices and "giving orders" to being able to carry big bags on my shoulders. Learn to arrange your own food, clothing, housing and transportation, and work and rest; Move by yourself; Sitting in the back seat of eggshell brother battery car looking for a house in Beijing. These experiences are not only life experiences for me, but more importantly, they let me experience my parents' experiences, and let me really understand the difficulty of life and the hardships of my parents' grandparents to support their lives. In this way, my father and I have more topics to talk about, instead of just saying, "Have you eaten?" And "take care!" You can ask Dad how to fry poached eggs, or ask Grandpa how to cook eggs in the teapot without breaking them. A novice cook always has a problem with eggs.
I also made a special "friend"-the aunt who cleaned the company. My aunt and I met when we passed each other in the bathroom. I saw my aunt's finger cut, but she only wrapped it in a tissue. Thinking that I just bought a band-aid recently, I told my aunt to get her one. The result was that the band-aid was not found, but menstruation remembered me. From now on, my aunt will come to my work station every morning to say hello to me "Good morning, beauty" (my aunt didn't know my full name until I left my job, so did I), and she will ask me to apply toothpaste with concern when my hands are burned. For me, meeting her is like seeing relatives working in other places, saying hello and sharing snacks every day. This sounds like a common thing, but it means a lot to me.
Besides, I want to thank my sister. In fact, when I first came to Beijing, I experienced psychological and physical conflicts. I'm not used to the pace of life when I go home at midnight. I don't like the way pedestrians in subway stations are always in a hurry and sad. I hate those tall buildings made of reinforced concrete with no emotion but flashing lights, because they block my star. I don't want to describe that experience too much, but I vaguely realize that this may be the feeling that a new generation of "migrant workers" (just describing this part of the population who have moved from rural life to urban work) will experience. It was my sister who helped me look at the house in advance, familiarized me with the environment, and often called to care. When I was preparing to go back to school, my sister moved near my home. Once again, I went to eat. After a hearty meal, I sat on the sofa. We talked about home, childhood and the future. Chatting and chatting, I suddenly want to live nearby with my sister and don't want to go back to school. Because we are together, just like going home, as if we were children; Because of her existence, I feel the sense of security and sureness that only my relatives can give.
So, what did "get" leave me? I want to leave it to me after the next internship.
Let me tell you the truth first. This month has given me the feeling of being so tired (I often reply "Yes, Yes" and my input method exposes me). From the combination of the final exam and internship last semester to the seamless connection between the end of internship and the start of school, my energy pool has been exhausted. I fell asleep at two or three o'clock in the past few weeks, not only to complete the task, but also because of the anxiety of entering a higher school (I once naively thought that freshman would deal with confusion, sophomore would deal with anxiety, and junior would have firm goals and keep rushing, but I didn't expect junior to be a superposition of confusion and anxiety).
In my junior year, it seems that everyone has different standards and expectations for this new identity: as a mature junior, I should at least live a knowledgeable life on campus, and I can tell a thing or two when asked about my experience by juniors-I am a junior, don't you know? As a mature junior, I should have my own set of learning experience. Even if I find it difficult to study, I don't have the confidence to ask my brothers and sisters-do you still need to ask in my junior year? As a mature junior, I should have worked as a migrant worker in an investment bank or a black boy in a securities company, and have a certain understanding of my career prospects and appropriate planning-is there still time to think about the dilemma of "salary and love"? All these thoughts torment my patience and motivation.
But the growth of grade and age has also brought me a more sound and rational mind than a freshman or a sophomore. Stay calm and patient. Those endless problems will be solved one by one. When communicating with my junior, I will think of myself who was ignorant at the beginning and reflect on myself if I walk again, what is the optimal solution. In this process, I seem to understand the question that Senior Yang Jun (who grew up with me like a brother) answered me at that time: "Why are you willing to teach me so many things?" Because helping you also made me understand who I was.
I have been thinking about why I have heard colleagues tell me many times before to "cherish college life" and what is the difference between school and society. After a short thought, I seem to have the answer-on the night of returning to school, just getting off the bus, the guard uncle took my luggage and said, "I've been waiting for you for a long time"; Whenever I encounter difficulties, I will think of the gentle and lovely 122 full bed; An afternoon talking with Shu Yun; Seeing the reply message sent by Jiaxing's brother late at night, tears poured out repeatedly; In those days when I stayed up late for P&G's recruiting project, I watched the stars at 2: 30 with Cheerful and Zhang Lei in Wisteria Garden, and walked around the school with Cheerful and Zhang Lei in the back seat of my bicycle at night. Because of Yu Boge's words, his professional outlook gradually loosened; Who is willing to spend an afternoon listening to my troubles and helping me clear my thinking obstacles ... Even if this is a rolled-up ivory tower, someone will always be my candle and lighthouse.
Two festivals for eight days, go home and recharge your batteries. When I try to go back to school, I will have a full blood tank to cope with this year's protracted war.
I used to think that knowing myself was to question my heart again and again. It is better to make a list and answer those questions one by one in an attempt to analyze yourself from the answers.
But there is actually a more objective way to know yourself-to find yourself and know yourself when doing a task and communicating with others. I received a lot of feedback during this time, and suddenly realized that I had some qualities I didn't know before, but they were precious. They are sincere and enthusiastic. It sounds empty and chicken soup, but only after I met hypocrisy and felt indifference did I know how lucky I am to have these two qualities. I sincerely hope that I won't lose them after thousands of times.
In addition, every time I sum up, I will leave two key words for myself to practice. The first semester is perseverance and execution, the second semester is logical thinking and explosiveness, and the second semester is sense of direction and discipline. Last semester of my junior year, I decided to be meticulous and meticulous.
Attachment: Half-year summary of the last semester of Senior Two.
My half-year summary is over. The following is the commemoration of special people in recent days. (It means that you can actually fork it out when you see it here. Thank you for reading ~)
Uncle, I think you should study here. This is what I want to say to you:
I still remember how reluctant I was to call you when I first met you. A strange and serious corn appeared in my life for no reason. Later, it was said that even my mother didn't know why, so I gradually accepted you. Maybe it's because you waded behind my back in the heavy rain; Maybe it's because you came to pick me up on a motorcycle in the cold winter; Maybe I saw it. Because of you, my mother will become like a little girl, and my grandfather will be happy to have you fishing. I learned a lot from you that my father didn't have, that kind of generosity, determination and sense of responsibility ... in short, you have taken good care of us over the years! You are really an excellent parent and husband!
I answered the phone that day, and my mother said she was discharged from the hospital. In my previous cognition, leaving the hospital meant getting better, but this time I realized that leaving the hospital can also mean unnecessary. When I arrived at the old house, the oxygen bottle by the bed seemed to have absorbed the color of the sprinkle, and I could only hear his breathing. When my vision was blurred several times, I thought a lot-I thought that the outside of the house was being renovated, but I might not be able to live in a new house inside the house; It suddenly occurred to me that when I was in the restaurant, I smiled and wanted to pay my face. Why was I lying in bed with only one hand and foot moving? I think it will be your birthday in two days. How would you spend it?
Unexpectedly, the death of the old man and your birthday will come soon. I'm sorry I didn't arrive at the ceremony in the morning on time. Sorry, I didn't give you a cake that day. I don't know what to do. I can only watch the color of your pants at your knees gradually deepen, and I can only watch you sit in a chair for a few days without sleep and take a nap. I can only watch you silently bear and deal with it.
I know you are a very filial person, and you are very gentle with your grandparents and even my grandparents. I'm glad that my mother will accompany you all my life, but you may need to put up with her nagging and noise from time to time. People's hearts are mutual. Even if I have never met you, I will treat you with the same care as you treat your elders in the future. So you see, there is still one more person who loves you in the world ~
I never called you dad, because I think uncle is uncle, even if you don't call him dad. I know you will never see and take care of your parents again, and you are very sad. But I have twice as many parents, so I'll give you half of my mother and we'll take care of her together!