Comment on Men from Mars and Women from Venus (1): Love never stops.
Love is patience and kindness. Love is not jealousy. Love is not boasting. Don't be arrogant. Don't be shy. Don't seek your own interests. Not easy to get angry. It's not evil Do not like injustice. Only like the truth. Everything is tolerant. Believe everything. Have hope for everything. Be patient in everything. Love never stops. -1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 "Love never stops" and needs constant learning. Without communication and care, love can easily meet the "four horsemen of bad luck": criticism, contempt, defense, building a wall, and entering a negative communication mode.
Love needs a perfect personality. Fromm mentioned in "The Art of Love" that independence, humility, courage, self-control, patience, concentration and firm belief are all points of love. People with noble personality will deal with love crisis in an artistic way. There is a story in Liang Sicheng, Lin and I: One day Liang Sicheng came home, and Lin asked a sad question: What if she fell in love with Liang Sicheng and Jin at the same time? Liang Sicheng thought for a long time and gave the answer: she is free. If she chooses Laojin, I wish them happiness forever. Liang and Lin both cried. When Jin knew it, he replied, "It seems that Sicheng loves you. I can't hurt someone who really loves you. I should quit. " Later, Kim never married again. Wang Zengqi recalled in Rain in Kunming: One year after Lin's death, Jin invited a guest at the Beijing Hotel. When old friends received the notice, they all wondered why Laojin invited guests. Upon arrival, Kim announced: Today is his birthday.
Love needs rational understanding. Martians and Venusians have completely different ways of thinking: Myth 1: When women need to share, talk and rely on, men desperately propose solutions. Myth 2: When women are depressed, men think it's their own fault. When women are in a happy state, men also think it is their own credit. Myth 3: When calculating men's contribution, women get the same score for big and small things. Men tend to think that a successful resume means everything.
With joint efforts, love will reach such a state:
They make up for each other's shortcomings, as if life has a special head or a pair of special eyes, one invisible and the other visible. This process of making up for each other continues every day in terms of interests, likes and dislikes, changing the direction of thinking, opening up the front line of emotion and imagination, etc. Their ideas have more similarities than differences. -Lin Yutang's thoughts on "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" (2): Seek common ground while reserving differences and open mind ~
So far, this is the only book that has made me almost depressed, and it is also the book that I finished reviewing again after reading it for one year. Reading a good book is like seeing a lighthouse, saving the ethereal soul and guiding the way forward. In my opinion, this book is more like a mirror, showing the fact that it is unknown or even escaped. I am depressed because many descriptions in the book are simply talking about myself. The seeds that have failed emotionally are planted inadvertently. I used to complain to others, but I should complain most about myself. In those years, I stubbornly thought that I could meet the person who held your hand and grew old with my son without changing, but at the same time I kept thinking about transforming others. Later, I gradually realized that I couldn't change myself, so why bother to influence others? With continuous growth, we will truly understand the importance of mutual understanding, mutual respect and seeking common ground while reserving differences. You can infect others with your words and deeds, but don't try to change others by force. People will change. Only when I realize my own problems and actively seek ways to change can I really change, otherwise it will become just the feelings between you. Many things need you to adjust your mind and open your heart, so that you can have less troubles and more happy colors ~
Thinking that men are from Mars and women are from Venus (3): Men and women are aliens from two different planets. They are different and complementary.
Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus is a textbook dealing with the relationship between men and women. In the book, men and women are compared to two people from different planets, with completely different behavior habits, ways of thinking and attitudes towards things. Two people live together because of something called * * * love, but often forget that they are completely different.
All the puzzles you want to know can be solved in this book. This book first analyzes the facts, finds out the key to the problem, and then gives the solution. Most of them are practical. On the one hand, it gives you a chance to understand the true meaning, on the other hand, it gives you a reason to grow up.
Who would have thought that you should pay attention to ways and means when talking to your boyfriend? Never thought about it. So it is very important to learn the wisdom of getting along. If you and your partner are always quarreling, or you think he doesn't understand you, it should be helpful to read this book together and exchange ideas.
Love is compared to the four seasons in the book. Everything recovers in spring, which is very beautiful; The summer heat is unbearable, and love becomes violent; Autumn is a harvest, counting the bits and pieces that have been together for so long; Everything hibernates in winter, and you want to be alone. The four seasons in a cycle are love.
We are often immersed in our own world, and I think what will happen to him, so there is a misunderstanding, so communication is very important. Let go of your emotions, tell your needs and feelings in the present, and you will be understood. Trust your partner fully and believe that he is willing to do something for you.
The fly in the ointment of this book is that the Chinese translation is not good and the sentences are a bit boring. It's too long and a little slow. Maybe it's all about translation. Don't think this book is not suitable for China just because it is a foreign language. This is a great book. I recommend you to read it ~
Reflections on Mars Men and Venus Women (4): We are different.
The classic book Intimacy doesn't recommend this book, so I haven't read it. But a friend said that we can absorb the essence of different books. So I read this book. After reading it, I found that some of the contents in it solved some of my puzzles, such as what was the man thinking? Of course, this book also has some defects, such as some repetitions and sometimes a little confusion in logical arrangement. But I still benefited a lot after reading it. -inscription
Both boys and girls should understand and respect gender differences. Both sides should communicate with love and respect and share their feelings and needs at any time, but in a correct and appropriate way. Details are as follows:
Girls' supplies
1. Boys will have a short "escape" period. They have their own caves. Sometimes they want to be alone and don't stay together all the time. Sometimes they will be silent or simply say "I'm fine, everything is fine".
At this time, girls should not cling to the past, entertain foolish ideas, feel sorry for themselves, feel sad, force boys to talk, ask endless questions, and don't take the initiative to give advice to boys (even if he gives advice, he should be tactful when doing it, so as not to hurt boys' self-esteem).
What girls need to do is to trust him to handle and wait, give boys time and space to be alone, and at the same time focus on their own affairs and improve themselves, such as keeping a diary, shopping, reading, fitness, making friends and participating in outdoor activities. If you want to talk about it, wait until the boy's mood has eased.
2. Don't let boys guess for themselves when girls need it. They should take the initiative to express their true thoughts and give hints to boys. But to find the right time, express it in a loving and kind way, directly and concisely (without commanding tone). For example, "Can you ...? "instead of" can you ... "。 When the other party refuses, accept it calmly.
3. Girls don't need to suppress bad emotions.
If it's just your own trouble, you should tell the boy first, it's not his fault, it's what you want to say. After the talk, you should thank the boy for listening and caring.
If you are dissatisfied with the other person's behavior (for example, boys often forget some small things) or disagree for other reasons, you should think from the other person's position, soften your tone, and truthfully express your negative feelings, hoping that he will consider his own feelings. Let him know that he is not denying him or trying to change anything. If there has been an argument, you can pause it and discuss it with love and understanding after you calm down (it is inevitable to discuss it again).
4. Girls should not try to change and shape boys, but should recognize and accept the imperfections of boys, believing that he will improve himself and discover more of his advantages. You can tell him that even if he is not perfect, he is still worth loving. Don't criticize, reprimand, nag or complain about places you don't like, just express your feelings sincerely, but don't force him to make changes. Don't complain about what he didn't do, but pay attention to all the little things he did and his little efforts, and express gratitude and encouragement.
Especially in some trivial daily affairs, girls should trust boys and should not care or guide them in details.
The boy's article
1. Boys should know that girls' emotions will fluctuate as often as waves, and the same troubles and problems will be repeated frequently and the cycle will be unpredictable. When a girl nags, complains and confides, boys should not downplay the girl's bad mood, try to persuade her not to have this mood, and should not provide solutions to problems. But to accompany, care, listen attentively, understand the feelings of girls, and express understanding and empathy for the feelings of girls. If you didn't listen, you need to tell me sincerely.
Boys should inform girls in advance before entering the "cave" and promise: "I will come back".
It is not feasible for boys to express love only once or twice, and girls should feel the continuity and persistence of love. Not only in major events, but also in various details of life, we should always be considerate, take the initiative to talk to girls, listen to their voices, often express our love for girls, and show that we have always cared about and valued her, so that women can feel at ease and feel safe.
Boys should try to understand the implication of girls.
Finally, the above should be constantly trained and run-in in practice, not just in the early days of getting along.