Stay out of the children's quarrels. In the process of children's growth, quarreling with other children is inevitable. When this happens, don't feel annoyed. This may just be a way for children to make friends. The following will explain in detail why children quarrel, and adults should mind their own business.
Babies quarrel with adults. Don't mind your own business 1 Children have a growing process. Sometimes children make noise because of something. As adults, don't mind your own business, treat them with a normal heart, and communicate with children in a rational way, which can't affect their psychology. Educate an excellent baby.
According to the survey, more than 70% parents in Shanghai choose self-confidence and communication skills among the most desirable abilities for their children. Dr Li Ling, associate professor of applied psychology at East China Normal University, said that both of them are beneficial to children's social ability of lifelong learning. "But in the atmosphere of' don't lose at the starting line', many parents have created their own growth model for their babies, which violates the law of children's natural growth, thus causing more and more problems in children's psychological and social communication."
She advises parents to cultivate their children's ability to communicate with others. Parents should not be too hasty, overprotective or meddlesome when helping their children plan everything.
Snatching toys is also a kind of communication.
Many parents are afraid of conflicts between their children. When they encounter the uneven distribution of toys by children, they often say calmly, "Stop robbing, I'll buy you another one." Li Ling said that parents should never be "peacemakers". In fact, this is killing a chance for children to communicate with others. "Children may realize how to communicate with others and get what they want in the process of competing for toys."
She said that parents can guide and tell their children the correct solutions, so that children can gradually learn humility, such as playing with friends or taking turns. "Before the age of 3, children are in a self-centered psychological stage, and then they will gradually learn to communicate and interact with others. So parents should not be afraid of conflict. "
Learn to speak at home first.
Li Ling said that the cultivation of interpersonal skills should not be confined to schools, but family and society are the broader space. Parents should first encourage their children to express themselves. "Every child only dares to speak in front of the most familiar people, such as mom and dad." She suggested that you can choose a familiar venue and let the children speak. For example, first show yourself in front of your family, tell a short story or sing a song; Gradually, when there are guests at home, children can try to perform for everyone, and then they can take their children to the community or friends' homes to talk to strangers. "From familiarity to strangeness, there will definitely be a process of fear."
She reminded that children's emotional framework is established in communication and coexistence with their parents, which will affect their ability to communicate with others in the future. "But some parents rely too much on social training institutions such as early education, and sometimes even outsource their children to these institutions because they are too busy at work. When parents spend less time with their children and their children are not happy, they are very likely to be unwilling to talk or become introverted. "
Never overprotect.
In kindergarten, children often have conflicts because of toys or things, and even quarrel and fight. Li Ling said, even if children quarrel, but some parents are quite "bitter". "Some parents will say' Stop playing with him' or' He bullies you, he is a bad person'. As everyone knows, parents are not only overprotective, but also artificially impress their children and simply divide people into' good guys' and' bad guys'. "
Li Ling said that noise is actually a way for children to communicate, which is often conducive to the development of children's communication skills and the healthy growth of their minds. "Parents should not simply act as judges, but should understand the cause and effect of things, understand the inner thoughts of children, and help him analyze and solve problems."
Therefore, when there is a quarrel between children, parents should not join in. The best way is to let the children solve it themselves, or parents can help solve it as friends. Never look at the problem subjectively and let the child's psychology leave a shadow.
Baby quarrels with adults, mind your own business. "The baby has just entered the nursery for a few days and often comes back with" color ". I didn't care much at first, because after all, I often teach my children to be gentle and patient and to live in peace with other children. But once or twice is acceptable. After a long time, in addition to hurting my baby, I want to go to kindergarten to find my little friend who bullied him and ask what happened. " Miss Chen said.
Miss Chen's experience is believed to be encountered by many young mothers. Generally speaking, children are in the primary stage of socialization, and in the process of self-protection and acceptance of others, disputes and even attacks will inevitably occur. However, because some parents are very strict with their children, this will not work, and that will not work. They always ask their children to behave themselves and be good parents. Over time, such children will not be able to do it when their partners have disputes. They lack the ability to "block the enemy and hide the water", so they can only be bullied often.
Cultivate children's self-protection ability
If parents often come forward to solve conflicts for their children at this time, children will only shrink back and avoid more and more, and may also create a weak image among other children, making them more vulnerable to more attacks and forming a vicious circle. Therefore, when a child is bullied in the nursery, parents should get in touch with the teacher to understand what happened and tell the child: "We can't bully others, but when others bully us, we should protect ourselves. You can try to avoid it, argue with others, tell the teacher, and even fight back. Otherwise, you will get hurt and your mother will be sad! "
At the same time, it is also necessary to cultivate children's daily self-protection ability and provide children with objects to imitate. For example, when telling stories and watching TV, you can tell children how to treat others' bullying and how to deal with it. Pay attention to expanding children's social circle and encourage them to associate with other children. At the beginning, it is advisable to arrange suitable playmates for children, so that children can build confidence in getting along with others in friendly game activities, overcome their fear of strangers or show introversion and shrinking in groups.
Parents should not interfere too much when children quarrel.
In fact, parents should not interfere too much when children quarrel. Studies have shown that quarreling can cultivate children's social skills and enthusiasm. They mastered the collective lifestyle in the quarrel. There are three situations in which children quarrel: active quarrel; Others force themselves to quarrel; Retaliatory retort. At the age of 2, most people force themselves to quarrel; About 3 years old, mostly quarreling and retaliatory refutation. This is probably because of the development of children's self-awareness.
If children are not allowed to make noise, they will not have the spirit of cooperation. But if parents praise their children loudly, they will also lose the spirit of cooperation. Sometimes children quarrel, parents hurt their feelings, and even make noise, but children have been playing happily together again. It can be said that children quarrel for a short time, especially before the age of 3, and will not hold grudges against each other. Arguing is a kind of exercise for both children, which can satisfy their social requirements and help them grow into people who are good at self-restraint, understanding others' feelings and compassionate.