After several years of marriage, most people have to struggle to remember before they can answer this question.
Someone joked that after more than ten years of marriage, you have everything: children, parents, mortgage and so on. But they don't have sex. Marriage without sexual life is also called asexual marriage.
0 1 A lady once shared her story. She said: after giving birth, her husband doesn't want to touch her. At first, she thought that she was out of shape after childbirth and lost her feminine charm in her husband's eyes, so she hired a personal trainer as soon as she came out of the month and insisted on fitness every day. But after physical recovery, the husband still avoids sex. After communicating with her husband many times, the lady realized that the chief culprit leading to their asexual marriage turned out to be "accompanying children". "Since I saw the bloody scene of my wife giving birth to her son with her legs wide open, it's hard for me to treat her like a woman again. She is a great mother, so sacred, it is a blasphemy for me to have sexual desire for her. " In the process of accompanying his wife to have children, the husband had the sequelae of accompanying him. After giving birth, in the eyes of her husband, the image of a romantic and lovely little woman before her wife is gone forever, and the glorious maternal image is sacred and inviolable. Later, the wife communicated with her husband many times and sought the help of a professional psychologist before she got out of the sequelae of childbirth. Maybe some expectant mothers will think, how can I get my husband to accompany me immediately, and there will be no postpartum sequelae? This requires the prospective father to have a clear understanding of the whole process from pregnancy to delivery and be psychologically prepared. If the husband accompanies the baby without psychological preparation, it will leave a shadow in his heart and produce psychological obstacles of fear of sex life.
The asexual marriage between friends and husbands also begins with the birth of children. She gets off work at 5 pm every day and starts cooking, washing dishes and taking care of the children at home at 6 pm. She hasn't done anything. Looking up, it was already 8 o'clock in the evening. Wait until after washing clothes, children and themselves, around 9: 30 in the evening; Then I have to help the child get dressed, give him hot milk and tell him bedtime stories ..... "After putting the child to sleep, it's past 1 1, and I don't have time to touch my mobile phone. Lying in bed watching the ceiling turn, sleeping is the greatest favor, I don't want anything. " I asked her: since you are too busy to have sex, what is the baby's father doing? As a result, she said angrily, "When I come back from the shower, I just want to lie on the sofa, watch his favorite TV and play games, and never care about the children." And this kind of living condition accounts for a large part in China society. After marriage, men's body and mind remain unchanged, while women struggle between family and career. No wonder more and more families have become "sexless marriages". No matter how good the emotional foundation is, it can't stand his perfunctory. If he keeps treating marriage in this state, regardless of your feelings, after a long time, there will be more and more marital conflicts and various problems will be exposed. You must let him take up his responsibilities, guide his husband to participate in the process of raising children, and make him realize that he has become a "father" and understand that it is not easy to raise children. Don't choose to swallow all the housework for the sake of family harmony, but this will not only make another partner habitually take your efforts for granted, but also make him accumulate emotions. Of course, we also need to relax in life. Don't always focus on children to make money. Proper relaxation is more conducive to life and work. Dressing yourself up and going on a honeymoon trip with him is also a good way to increase interest and reduce stress.
Some students also said, "My husband and I have become brothers sleeping in the upper bunk!" "She said that they almost never quarreled with their husbands after they got married, but recently they feel that their feelings with their husbands are getting weaker and weaker, and their desires seem to have gradually disappeared. They sleep in the same bed and do nothing.
It turns out that after marriage, neither of them dressed as carefully as when they were in love. Husband in love likes to wear a black suit, handsome and elegant; The present husband is a stingy man in vest and shorts.
Before getting married, she would spend three hours dressing herself up for her husband's date. Now, as long as she doesn't go out, she doesn't even bother to wash her face. At one time, when my husband put on a white dress, his heart beat faster. Now my husband, even if she doesn't have a thread, can keep her face unchanged. When the hormones of love dissipate, the time spent together becomes longer, and the freshness of love begins to disappear. Husband and wife get along for a long time, no longer pay attention to appearance and keep fresh, which will only make each other gradually unable to have sexual interest in each other. Research shows that lack of sexual interest and desire will inevitably bring physical or emotional distance between you and your partner.
When both husband and wife are familiar with the feelings of the old couple and no longer pay attention to appearance, sexual interest disappears; Might as well, try to change yourself and wear sexy clothes once to surprise my husband who comes home from work. Or, if you are ashamed to wear sexy clothes, add some small emotional appeal to your life, such as drawing him a good morning kiss on the mirror with lipstick. When you are already familiar with sex and have no secrets, you might as well try to change your style suddenly; Think about how you blushed and accepted his intimate request. You are so shy, you will definitely make him interested in sex.
There are also families facing divorce because of asexual marriage.
In "You have changed, let's divorce", there is such a fragment: the couple experienced a long period of dull life, and the husband finally got bored and asked for a divorce. My wife agreed and made only one request: "For the next month, hug me, kiss me, hold my hand and say I love you every day. After 30 days, I will divorce. " My husband didn't get used to it at first, but slowly, he seemed to find the feeling when they fell in love again. Once again, he deeply felt his wife's concern and love, which he had always ignored before. Re-engage in marital sex, starting with falling in love. Many couples lack sexual life for a long time, and have acquiesced in this marriage mode and no longer try to change it. In the English drama Marriage Counseling, Louise said: "Marriage will not die instantly, but will always last for a long time and then die. We either ignore it completely, wait for it to end completely, or find a way to treat it. " Yes, we should either end this marriage or try to treat it. Asexual marriage may not directly lead to divorce, but it will further alienate the relationship between husband and wife. Helen Fisher, an American anthropologist, found that love consists of sexual desire, romantic love and dependence, and sexual desire can promote the latter two. If you want to have sex again, you must start with a good chat and talk openly about sex. There is no shame in having sexual needs and talking about sex. Adult men and women have sexual desire and sexual needs, just like eating and sleeping, which are normal and reasonable needs. Someone has to break the deadlock, please take the initiative to talk to each other about sex, don't wait for each other to come to you. Often talk about sex with your partner, talk about each other's preferences, needs, sexual fantasies, expected sex methods and acceptable levels, so as to find more ways to improve the quality of sexual life. Try to improve your intimate relationship. There is love and there is sex. If a person loves you or not, his body will tell you. The problem of sex is never just a problem of sex, but a problem of relationship.