1. Guilt of betraying the company
Guilt about what? Xiao Lei believes that riding a donkey to find a horse is an act of being in the Han Dynasty. In the words of the market, it is betrayal. This kind of betrayal will bring guilt and feel that it has hurt the company. In self-evaluation, I think I was wrong. The appearance of guilt is the judgment and responsibility of the subconscious self.
Under the influence of this sense of remorse for betraying the company, Ray will have the following performances:
Be confident and not strong. Originally, Xiao Lei rode a donkey to find a horse. At the end of the day, it was the company that treated her badly first, but because of the salary secrecy system, Xiao Lei couldn't say it openly, which seemed to be indefensible; Uneasy. Under the influence of guilt, Xiao Lei will feel uneasy, don't know the company's views on this matter, and worry that it will have a bad influence on himself. Guilt is a conscious emotion as well as a moral emotion. Psychologists say: "The level of unconscious guilt is close to death, which has a devastating impact on people's vitality." So, understandably, Xiao Lei's guilt made him feel uneasy and wanted to find the answer of "what to do".
2. The sense of openness when the secret is discovered
In ancient times, there was a criminal law called parading the streets. It can be seen that when the image and secret you want to maintain are presented to the public, you will feel uneasy and even afraid. The public feels that the truth behind the scenes is exposed to fear, usually in an emergency. We can recall this scene:
Colleagues speak ill of you behind your back, and as a result, you know that colleagues will feel public when they face you; You spit behind your boss's back, thinking that he doesn't know, but it turns out that he knows everything, and you will feel that it is made public; The boss told you to keep your salary secret, but you unconsciously leaked it, and you would feel that it was made public. Just like Lei submitted his resume online, he didn't intend to let people in the company know, but the company staff had mastered Lei's true psychology through layout. Some secrets you don't want to be discovered, or are discovered by designated people, but unexpectedly let people know. The anxiety caused by this sense of openness is very strong.
3. A sense of persecution that wants to be surpassed.
In clinical psychology, there is a symptom called persecution paranoia, which is a chronic disease with systematic and organized delusions. When riding a donkey to find a horse is discovered by the company, it often produces such symptoms, lacking basic trust in the company, which is manifested in coping with its psychological predicament with "negative effect" and "outward effect", leading to systematic delusion. The specific performance is as follows:
Sensitive suspicion. Because I found the idea of job-hopping, I think the company should start taking measures. In short, every move is for fear of being overshooted; Can't see the boundaries of self. I can't tell myself from others. At this time, people tend to impose their opinions on others in the company and think they think so. For example, Lei will think that colleagues will think that she is a means to raise wages, but in fact, everyone may not think in this direction at all; Worried about losing the initiative. Originally, riding a donkey to find a horse, once the situation is wrong, Xiao Lei can immediately stop, but if the company knows, it's hard to say who has the initiative. Under the influence of persecution, as long as the problem is not solved, you can't work with peace of mind.
4. The sense of urgency to make a choice
What is a sense of urgency? Let's take this for example. Primary school students feel that they have a lot of time when they just have a winter vacation, such as winter vacation homework, and so on. As the term approaches, they feel that they don't have much time to do their homework, so they have to hurry up. This is the sense of urgency. In layman's terms, it is a feeling that time is compressed and can't wait.
After knowing the salary of his colleague, Xiao Lei wanted to change his job, but because of the current industry situation, he didn't make up his mind at last and has been hesitating. If the company doesn't know about it, then Xiao Lei can wait until he finds a suitable job, which can be said to be seamless and without loss; But now the company knows that it has reached the key point of choice and needs Xiao Lei to make a decision.
In TV series, we often see such a choice. The villain pointed to the protagonist and asked, which one do you save first? There is no time to wait. You must make a choice as soon as possible. Therefore, for a situation like Xiao Lei, the choice is difficult, the time is short, and the sense of urgency forces people to be anxious.
Second, then, what if the company finds out that you are riding a donkey to find a horse? To solve this anxiety, it is actually very simple. Just solve the problem. So, what should I do if the fact of riding a donkey to find a horse is discovered? In my opinion, we only need to do one thing right, and that is to communicate actively. In the process of communication, we can answer three questions well.
1. Do one thing right-communicate actively.
Success = initiative+communication, which was published in a newspaper and verified by an American bookstore manager. Management experts point out that if communication is effective, it must be positive. There are three common manifestations of workplace communication:
If I don't ask, if you don't tell, there will often be misunderstandings. If I ask, if you don't say, it will create a gap. If I don't ask, you will gain trust. This "I" can be set as a company, generally referring to the boss, personnel, etc. And this "you" can be set as yourself, such as Xiao Lei. The only expression that can achieve relatively good results is initiative, which shows the importance of active communication. Riding a donkey to find a horse was discovered by the company, and there are two forms of active communication:
First, the company didn't talk about it. Just like the situation in Xiao Lei, it was only a verbal hint at that time, so we should take the initiative to put forward the necessity of communication; Second, the company has done an interview, so in communication, don't wait for the company to ask, but take the initiative to explain some situations. Both forms try to take the initiative in their own hands.
Psychologically speaking, there are five levels of communication between people:
One is a simple greeting. For example, the weather is fine today, what to eat for lunch, and there is a safe distance for communication, but there is not much emotional communication; The second is information sharing. ? For example, colleagues share with you the information you need to master at work, such as sharing your understanding of the boss's instructions; The third is the exchange of values. For example, the view of one thing is the collision of various viewpoints, such as the rationality of the company's salary system and the judgment basis of the work value; The fourth is to talk about emotions and feelings. For example, Xiao Lei's dissatisfaction with salary and the grievances he felt; The fifth is to exchange secrets. Take off your disguise, communicate frankly and say what you really think. Xiao Lei is suitable for this, and exchanging secrets is the most active communication. When the secret of riding a donkey to find a horse was discovered, I honestly exchanged secrets with the company. This is the correct way to start active communication. What's the exchange? This involves what we are going to talk about next, back to three questions!
2. In active communication, return to three questions.
Ok, now let's assume that we have reached the step of active communication and have met face to face with leaders or company personnel. So, what is the secret content of the exchange? Here, you only need to answer three questions.
(1) A multiple-choice question: Do you really want to leave your job?
First of all, it is a multiple-choice question, that is, what is your real will? It is not an impulsive will, but your real will after combining subjective and objective conditions and weighing the pros and cons. Generally speaking, there are three kinds:
Yes, I want to leave, and my will is firm and unchangeable; No, as long as the company meets certain conditions, it is not ready to leave; It depends, whether to walk or not, and the opportunities outside the market. This question will directly feed back several information to the company: your determination, your demands and the possibility of negotiation. Both sides are a tentative process. For example, Xiao Lei belongs to the second type. As long as the company can meet the salary requirements and keep in line with colleagues, she can give up the idea of leaving her job. In this case, it is negotiable. The first firm type will make the company feel that the negotiation is meaningless and should be prepared to replace it; As for the third type, it is best not to mention it, which will make the company feel that you have no loyalty.
So as far as riding a donkey to find a horse is concerned, choosing the second one is the best.
(2) Question and answer: What is the reason for choosing to ride a donkey to find a horse?
Next is the question and answer, which will account for a relatively large proportion, and it is the cause analysis, or the final appeal:
What is the reason for leaving your job? As far as Xiao Lei is concerned, he feels wronged and has better ability than his colleagues, but his salary has been reduced 1/2, which is the main reason; What other problems make people want to leave their jobs? In the case of Xiao Lei, it reflects that the company's salary system is opaque, and everyone's salary should be kept secret, but the salary scale should be made public and the criteria for judging it. Why choose to ride a donkey to find a horse? Maybe you are not so determined to leave, or maybe you want to be ready to leave again. But when you tell the truth, it is best to express that you are trying to calm yourself down in this way, such as evaluating your market value and judging whether the company has really wronged yourself in salary. Behind these reasons, the answer is appeal. As long as your demand is fair and reasonable, the company will consider it. The key is that you have to answer this question yourself and explain it from the perspective of the company's interests and your own interests. Generally speaking, at this stage, you express your demands and the company understands the corresponding situation, which has two advantages.
(3) A true or false question: What is the final decision?
Finally, there is a question of judgment. You have to make a final decision:
If the company agrees to appeal, it will stay, work hard and play its value; The company refused to accept the appeal and stayed, making progress with the company; If the company does not agree to the appeal, it will leave, and there is no room for discussion; If the company refuses to accept the appeal, it will leave, and the problem is only the last straw. Finally, in communication, you should tell the company that your final predictable decision can get rid of your guilt and sense of urgency, and you have thrown the hard choices to the company.
I can tell you that in the end, Xiao Lei took the initiative to negotiate with someone. Considering Xiao Lei's contribution and unreasonable salary, the company finally gave her a raise to keep the same salary as another colleague in the same period. At the same time, the company also adjusted the salary structure to prevent such things from happening again.
abstract
We should always remember that the choice of work is mutual, so when the action of riding a donkey to find a horse is discovered, it brings guilt, publicity, persecution and urgency. We only need to do one thing right, that is, actively communicate. Now that I know, I will answer three questions honestly. Do you really want to leave? What is the reason? What is the final decision?
As long as this is done, as far as riding a donkey to find a horse is concerned, there will be no anxiety, and the sense of oppression and injustice in the heart will be vented. Basically, there will be no problem of "what should I do if I am discovered?"