? Recently, I was reading the book "Non-violent Communication" by Marshall Luxemburg, and I also listened to the wonderful and popular explanation of the training expert Si Kun Lao Xi on the official account of "Reading at Ten o'clock" WeChat. Since I learned about the "10 o'clock class" of the official WeChat account two years ago, I really can't stop. I usually listen to it when I cook and mop the floor. I feel that time flies, killing two birds with one stone, and I don't feel tired while listening to housework. So "Ten o'clock Class" is my official WeChat account every day, and my understanding of this book is also learned from "Reading at Ten o'clock". Once again, I feel that speaking well is really an ability, even an art, and its benefits are immeasurable. No matter with leading colleagues, strangers, or the closest family and friends around you, we should talk well. As a law-abiding citizen and a qualified teacher, I never thought about getting involved in "violence". However, if we pay a little attention to the way of talking in real life and feel the different feelings that various ways of talking give us, I find some words really hurt! Verbal criticism, ridicule, denial, preaching, random interruption, refusal to respond, and random output of comments and conclusions have brought emotional and mental trauma to many of us, even more painful than physical injury. These unintentional or intentional verbal violence make people become indifferent, alienated and hostile. ...

? Years of experience as a head teacher made me reflect on myself. In the dialogue with students or parents, language "violence" was unintentionally carried out. For example, if students are asked to recite ancient poems, there will always be several "poor students" in the class who don't take the teacher's words seriously and do things slowly. From time to time, I can't help calling the office and giving a good scolding to show the strength of the teacher and relieve my anger. "Are you crazy? Is the brain made of paste? I can't recite such a short poem! " "Today is your duty. Why didn't you come earlier? You can't even sweep the floor. What are you doing? " "You can't finish your homework today, and you know the consequences ..." Imagine that students will be flustered even if they know that they are wrong, unwilling to really change, and even hostile to the teacher, which is both harmful and beneficial to the teacher's work. Think back to some scenes at work, and then compare what I recently read about nonviolent communication. I was shot every minute when I was lying down. This statement can be seen everywhere in parenting education at home. Only then did I find that many times I used language violence to deeply hurt students under the banner of being good for students, being responsible for students, or being good for my children. Now that I think about it, I realize that I am an asshole. The harm of words is hidden harm, which has its own slow-release effect. If no one wakes up, I won't know until I die. Fortunately, I came across this book by chance. During the reading process, I constantly reflected on myself or some verbal conversations with people around me, and then suddenly realized that I vowed to speak well in my future life and work. There is a passage in this book: "observation without comment is the highest form of human wisdom? . When communicating, we should accurately grasp the unique communication situation and pay attention to what happened-the results we observed. Whether we like it or not, we just need to tell the objective results of observation. " And many people, including myself, often make such mistakes, only thinking about being addicted for a while, but not thinking about how to solve the problem. If I said in the scene just now, "Have you been unwell recently? You didn't recite the poems assigned by the teacher. " "For what reason are you late? Are you sick? I feel that you are not energetic when you are on duty. " "You didn't finish your homework on time today. I think there must be a reason. I hope you can overcome the difficulties, make up your homework in your spare time and hand it in to my office when you have time. " If you talk to them from the students' standpoint, the average students will definitely accept it more easily. Even if they realize their mistakes, the teachers will not severely reprimand them, which will not only give them the opportunity to correct their mistakes and solve problems, but also let them take the initiative to realize their mistakes and make up their minds to correct them. Maybe they will thank the teacher. At this point, I understand that the so-called non-violence is to integrate love into our lives and let respect, understanding, appreciation, gratitude and sympathy take the place of hatred, prejudice, doubt and hostility to dominate our lives.

I remember seeing such news on TV: the appalling beheading incident at Wuchang Railway Station in Wuhan. The suspect held a noodle restaurant kitchen knife at the door of a noodle restaurant and cut off the head of the noodle restaurant owner because of a quarrel. The reason is only because a bowl of noodles has gone up by one yuan, but the shopkeeper didn't clearly mark the price, and he also used extremely rude language to make a tit for tat. But if the shopkeeper says in a calm tone, "I'm sorry, it's the Spring Festival, because the raw materials have gone up, and each bowl of noodles in our store has also gone up by one yuan. Please forgive me before I can change the brand." I think such tone and words will probably make the two sides live in peace. But the truth is, the boss said proudly? : "I will pay as much as I say. Don't eat if you can't afford it. Get out! " As a result, I met an equally grumpy and paranoid foodie, but I didn't expect to lose my life, which led to the tragedy. Obviously, if you say the same meaning in a polite, gentle and considerate way, you will gain the gratitude, consideration, concern and understanding of the other party; However, if you say it in a simple and rude way, criticize others, or even attack others personally, it will make the other party angry, and even bring physical conflicts and lead to adverse consequences. As the saying goes, "a good word warms three winters, and a bad word hurts the cold in June." This sentence of Zengguang Xianwen tells us that we should learn to tie a marriage with "love words". Many times, a word of sympathy and understanding can give people great comfort and increase their courage, even in the cold winter. And an untimely word, like a sword, stung people's fragile hearts, even in summer and June, they felt a chill. Positive and well-intentioned ways of speaking often give positive hints and give others the strength to overcome difficulties and keep making progress; On the other hand, negative and bad ways of speaking will make others be influenced by negative hints and become indifferent, discouraged, withdrawn and depressed. Because of the complexity of speaking itself, the ability to speak well has never been an innate skill. People with good nature tend to be dull; People who are naturally smart tend to become keen; People who are careless by nature are easy to hurt people without knowing it; People with delicate and gentle nature are easy to nag and annoy people ... especially when they speak, there are many special places, such as public speaking, such as heated debate, such as persuading to turn things around, such as communicating and guessing people's hearts. Each is a rapidly changing battlefield and each needs to improve its skills. You can't be a general by strength alone. You can't be a general by your own cleverness. Sometimes your cleverness is mistaken by your cleverness. It is conceivable that the importance of speaking well is self-evident.

One of my high school classmates was born in a quarrelsome family since childhood, and his parents are both very strong. Many times, a small disagreement will stir up a thousand waves with one stone and make a fuss at home. Just because they take out the garbage or sweep the floor, trivial things like sesame seeds can make them quarrel, roar, cold war ... and the drama of getting rid of their heads is often staged. If you disagree, turn your face. Sometimes they feel warm one second and suddenly change their situation the next. Growing up in such a family, as an adult, she has a particularly fragile personality. She has been living cautiously and nervously, fearing that she might accidentally go to rolling in the deep. ? Just married, the way she talks seems to copy the pattern of her family. It is a friendly and harmonious atmosphere, but her heart is full of well-meaning ideas. But when the words came to her lips, she changed the way she said them, which led to the disappointment of the people around her. Fortunately, her husband's family are soft-spoken people, and under the influence of such a family, she is gradually influenced by it. So she slowly changed and made up her mind to restrain herself and change her way of speaking so as not to bring negative influence to her daughter. She said that she would never make the same mistake again when she saw her parents' noisy marriage since childhood. Now she knows how to restrain herself and talk well. I have been spoiled and considerate by my husband, and my marriage and family are happy. I am always smiling and full of energy. My daughter is also cheerful and generous, knows how to take care of the human body, sticks to people, and even behaves more gracefully than before. Yes, families who know how to talk well are indeed happier; And those unfortunate families, day after day, quarrels and contradictions, mostly start with bad words. When you speak in a civilized and polite way, your body language will be elegant and refined, you will be more harmonious and thoughtful, and you will get positive feedback from people around you more easily ... but when you speak in a vulgar and violent way, your body language will be arrogant, you will be more perverse and paranoid, and you will easily fall into negative energy around you.

Therefore, let us all have the consciousness and ability to speak well, to our leading colleagues, to strangers and to the people we love. ...