If you forget what you should forget, read the following essay and you will understand;
"It's better to care for each other than to forget each other", from Zhuangzi? This allusion in The Great Sage has gone through two thousand years of time and space and has been stirring the hearts of the world. There are many versions to explain it. The lake dried up, and two fish that used to play in the water ran aground on land. They live together day and night, unable to move, moisten each other with foam, endure each other's blowing, and endure the pain of rubbing their bodies when turning around. But no one wants to do so. Instead of being so friendly and affectionate on land, it is better to swim in the rivers and lakes and help each other. Zhuangzi's intention is not to theorize for the time being, and all kinds of explanations of later generations are understandable. Here, can we understand this sentence from another angle? It is really appreciated that husband and wife can "care for each other", so is it a higher realm to "forget each other in the rivers and lakes": look at each other and appreciate each other in the rivers and lakes, and don't get too close to each other so as not to hurt each other. In other words, don't be too close and keep a certain distance.
Forgetting friends in Jianghu is not forgetting, but by adjusting the appropriate distance, forgetting each other's shortcomings, highlighting each other's advantages and improving each other's satisfaction.
It seems that we are used to measuring the relationship between people by intimacy, and to using "caring for each other", "treating each other as guests" and "quoting Qi Mei" as the standard of conjugal love. As we all know, the closer we get, the clearer we see, the more shortcomings we find, the more complaints we have, and the more alienated we become. This standard has naturally become a flower in the mirror and a moon in the water. Very simple, a flower looks beautiful from a distance; Approaching, you may only see the stamens bitten by insects, and you will be disappointed by the spots left by the lesions. When taking pictures, we always have to adjust the focal length. If we are far away, we can't see clearly. If we are nearby, it will be too vague. If we are not nearby, we can take the most beautiful photos. "The grass color in the distance is very close, but there is nothing. The most important thing is the benefits of spring. " Han Yu's poems tell us that distance produces beauty.
Husband and wife should kiss, but they should have a room. You can treat him (her) as a treasure, but there is no need to cover it every day. If you cover it for a long time, you will be suffocated by hypoxia and can't stand it. If you care too much about a person, it is often easy to cultivate his pride, increase his domineering, and sometimes increase his pressure, which will eventually widen the distance between them. Just like two marbles played when I was a child, with a flick, they approached slowly, with a flick, they approached each other and then left quickly. So to maintain the relationship between two people, don't add too much force, just use a little force like marbles, just right. Keep a proper distance and think more about each other's loveliness, so that you can never get tired of looking at each other.
Forgetting each other in rivers and lakes is to keep ourselves and give both sides some freedom and space.
There is a kind of behavior in psychology called "non-loving behavior", which is to rob the closest person in the name of love. For example, one of the husband and wife said, I gave up my career, my hobbies and even my friends for you and my family. What are you going to do to me? This kind of behavior, seemingly love, is actually a predatory behavior, robbing each other of their independence and freedom, hoping that the other party will do it according to their own wishes. This is often counterproductive. He (she) will not appreciate your sacrifice, but will be bored because you have lost yourself. You want to get closer, but you are getting farther and farther away.
Every time I read Yu Dan's understanding of The Analects, there is always a strong spiritual shock. "The number of friends is scarce." Being too close is bound to hurt others. Distance and independence are a kind of respect for personality, which should be maintained even between husband and wife for many years. Once there is no such distance and respect, beyond this scale, they are no longer independent of each other, which creates hidden dangers and is not far from alienation or even collapse.
Husband and wife living under one roof naturally share joys and sorrows, but both sides can have their own hobbies and social circles as long as they don't hurt each other. Everyone is an individual and no one should control anyone. You love reading and writing, and he loves news sports; You are enthusiastic and open, and he is introverted and conservative; You love Andy Lau and he likes Yi Nengjing; These don't interfere in your life at all, so why ask the other party to accept their wishes and do things they don't like? So don't care too much about everything, give each other a space, do whatever you want, and think whatever you want. Women should pay special attention to this. Women are naturally good at managing things.
It is not irresponsible to forget each other in Jianghu, but to respect each other and better strengthen the relationship between husband and wife.
When I was young, I always naively thought that husband and wife should talk about everything, without reservation or secret. It seems that only in this way can we show our love. However, years of emotional running-in have given people a deep enlightenment. Husband and wife should also keep some reservations, keep a certain distance and respect each other's "privacy". It sounds hard to understand. Let's ask: You met your first lover in the street today, and you had a good chat. Today you received someone's burning love letter; Someone sent you an ambiguous message today. You told him (her) when you got home? Once, you may have laughed, twice, three times. You don't say anything in your generous mouth, and you play Sichuan Opera live-changing your face. Especially men, men's selfishness is exposed emotionally. Almost all men want their wives to be gentle, obedient and virtuous, preferably chaste and heroic. At the same time, how much he wants other women in the world to throw themselves at him. Men are born a freak, and it is very nice to say: Ah, some people like to show that you are attractive, I am capable, and I am so happy. When all this really happened, his heart had already overturned jealousy: acid; He couldn't wait to pull out people's eyeballs: I'll show you. Therefore, if you meet some men who are interested in you in the workplace, it is the best policy not to say anything (except for the abnormal condition of the other party, haha, it won't be so unlucky), find a way to deal with it yourself, grasp the scale yourself, be neither humble nor hurt either party. Because emotional things are subtle, it is difficult to say clearly, or even worse. Not only will it not help, but it will also add more confusion and affect the relationship between husband and wife. Why? Similarly, men encounter such a thing.
Everyone may have some little-known people and things hidden in their hearts. Why endless struggle and pursuit? You must open other people's scars and dig him (her) until his (her) heart is bloody? You hurt others and yourself. It is not easy to build a relationship, and it is even more difficult to repair a damaged relationship.
Jianghu can't forget each other, in order to leave a little space for each other and imagine more space, so as to appreciate and accept each other.
Everyone is a book, and everyone's interpretation and experience of a book may be different. But when reading, there is a resonance of joy or heartache. Isn't that enough? You don't have to see through it, and you don't have to figure out the author's intentions. As long as you have feelings, you feel reasonable and valuable, that's enough. Some people, you may have read him or her all your life, but you still can't fully understand him or her. What happened? You study every day, and you gain something new every day. Why do you have to watch it? Wouldn't it be better to leave a little room and imagination? Look at our clever screenwriters. Don't most TV dramas have real endings? Leave some room for imagination for the audience. The so-called consensus is difficult to adjust. The audience designs a favorite ending according to their own wishes, which is the best ending. This is the cleverness of the screenwriter.
The highest state advocated by Zen Buddhism is "the flowers are not fully open and the moon is not full". Once the flowers are fully open, they will soon wither; Once the full moon is complete, it will soon be incomplete, but it will still fill your heart with expectation and longing. This is the best state between people. However, between husband and wife, isn't it an eye-opener to leave a little discretion for both sides? Even if you really have the ability to know him (her) like the back of your hand and you don't know what he wants, isn't life a lot less fun?
Forgetting friends in Jianghu is not to forget, but to better remember each other's good, give each other some space, freedom and independence, let them taste and respect each other, and make their marriage happier.
If you can see the flowers in the fog more brightly, why do you have to pull through the clouds to see their true colors? It is better to forget each other than to care about each other.