Love is as big as solving contradictions between countries, as small as solving family conflicts and solving children's education problems. Love is very important. But many people don't feel love.

Do we feel this way in real life, especially when we want to travel alone? If you really want to travel alone, you want to find a companion halfway, or you can go to the local area to chat with someone when you arrive at your destination. You will find that traveling with companions is much happier than traveling without companions. As many psychologists have said, happiness comes from pleasant communication with others.

In life, there is another example. For example, even if children are separated from grandparents for a long time, they are very kind when they meet, but if they contact through the Internet, telephone and other terminals, children will soon be interrupted. In fact, children are the most sensitive to happiness. Only by face-to-face communication can children feel happy. I used to be curious about this phenomenon myself. In today's book Feeling Love, I got the answer, oxytocin.

1

The author of Feeling Love is Jenny Siegel, a doctor of American psychology. Both husband and wife are psychological counselors. Unfortunately, their daughter also died of depression, which hit them hard. In 1980s, drugs were popular in America to control some mental diseases. At that time, they once wanted to give up psychological counseling, because it would be good to control it with drugs. Later, my daughter had a big accident and found that the medicine was not so reliable, which brought many side effects. They have been studying how to feel love all their lives. No matter how kind they are to some people, why can't they warm their cold hearts or us? We are unhappy because we lack the ability to feel love.

There is a case in the book. She is Jenny's patient named Monica. She has a bad relationship with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend doesn't really love her. One day, Monica was very ill and went to the hospital. Later, the doctor called Jenny. She went to the hospital to visit Monica. As soon as she entered the ward, this Monica suddenly got excited and said to her, "She broke up with her boyfriend and found a man who loves her." Jenny is a little confused. Later, Monica's condition gradually improved, and Jenny felt incredible. Why is this happening? Jenny found that Monica's new boyfriend loves her very much and has a very good relationship with her. The emotional recovery promoted her physical improvement.

2

In real life, everyone has two emotions every day: love and fear.

If we think about KPI every day, the boss will punish us for not completing the task. These fears and pressures will secrete adrenal hormones and give birth to cortisol, which will affect diseases such as liver disease, heart disease, hypertension and obesity. Why do the bosses of so many startup companies leave early at a young age? This is all related to the high-pressure working environment. Continuous high pressure, the secretion of adrenaline will be addictive, and the secretion of these hormones will be addictive, which will lead some people to constantly put pressure on themselves, which will lead to the death of many young entrepreneurs. Include that sudden death of 35-year-old Godfrey Tsao, who recorded a program a few day ago.

Another emotion, love, will be accompanied by joy. This mood is caused by an oxytocin. Oxytocin needs to be recognized again.

It is a hormone that can promote maternal love.

Not only for women, but also for men and women.

He can resist the secretion of adrenal hormones, thus reducing the occurrence of heart disease, hypertension and other diseases.

From this we know that oxytocin should be secreted more if we want to get the feeling of love and joy.

In fact, everyone is eager for love, and may not find love because of three situations;

The first kind, if you don't look for it, you feel that there is nothing to find.

Second, you can't recognize love.

The third is the most common, that is, more changes and less.

Here's an explanation of what it means to change more and less. For example, in big cities, many people feel insecure. They feel that they want to have a house and pay back the money every month, so they want to feel safe after paying off their mortgage. You will find that after paying off the mortgage, you still feel insecure. Maybe I will seek more, change my car, buy more insurance, get more deposits and so on. You will find that the direction is wrong. The more you get, the less love you get.

How to test whether you feel love is whether your partner is willing to talk to you, whether someone will stabilize you when you live alone, and whether someone will celebrate when you are depressed and excited.

How to get oxytocin? Oxytocin has three characteristics;

First of all, it happened face to face, not in the virtual world of the network. The book explains why some netizens will die in broad daylight.

Secondly, if you have nothing, you can't give it to others;

Finally, it's never too late. The case given in the book is a pair of 70-year-old men who regard each other's love as their first love, rather than just looking for a partner as we think.

There is an Indian film "Teacher Hiccup", which is the same as that in the book. It tells the story of a bad class that no one wants to take, but a teacher did, and the result was good. The headmaster and other teachers are curious about what he did. She said that it is useless to give love to children. Speaking depends on the eyes of students, understanding the characteristics of each child, and understanding the psychology of each child ... So the children fell in love with learning invisibly.

three

And why many people don't feel love? This passage is very important and a little difficult to understand.

Here we should distinguish the difference between love, emotion and pressure. This kind of situation can be found everywhere in life. When someone wants to have emotions, others will persuade him to control them. The reality is that the more you control your emotions, the more serious the negative consequences will be. Some people suffer from depression. If they have been controlled by drugs, although their anger and other emotions have been suppressed, other emotions have also been suppressed. This person becomes dull and numb, and the result of numbness is that he doesn't want to communicate with others. There is an idiom that means insensitive. What ordinary people find incredible is why some people cut their wrists in their lives, but for them, they seek ways to feel in their lives at that time.

Many people in life will suppress anger and only look at joy. But emotion is a mixture. Emotion is like a messenger to send us a signal. Being an emissary in ancient and modern times, at home and abroad, has almost no good end, and may have been beheaded. But we should find out what signal the messenger sent before he was killed. So the mood is coming, we should be kind to him and don't avoid him. In fact, our loss of control often comes from stress and the energy to escape emotions. So it depends on all emotions. The tool given in the book is to do self-reflection every day and record what your emotions are and why you have such emotions.

There are three obstacles to not feeling love;

The first is stress, not anger and other emotions.

Second, immersed in the connection of the virtual world, the virtual network is a flat world, which can't satisfy the love between people, just a stimulus.

Third, I think too much.

From this, we know what to do. There are many ways to deal with stress, and several of them are given in the book.

First, communicate with people you trust. Note that when communicating, you just need to say how you feel. For example, if I feel helpless and stressed, don't explain it to others, because once I explain it, something will go wrong.

The second is through sensory feelings, such as color, smell and touch. Focus on your favorite color, your favorite food (think of China on the tip of your tongue, which many people can eat), and your favorite music. As long as mindfulness feels them, the pressure will disappear at that moment, which requires self-cultivation.

Third, mindfulness meditation, which is called riding a wild horse in the book, introduces several meditation methods, which are very simple and easy to use.

The fourth is reflection. For example, after everything, we reflect on our own ideas and ask why.

The book also introduces a method, AACCRR for short, which is to evaluate yourself, evaluate them, communicate with each other, and reshape reflection.

There is a story in the article: a female employee took a break to play golf. When playing golf, she received a phone call from her colleague saying that she could not find a document. Let her go back and look for it, so he took a taxi to the company in a hurry. When she went to the company and squatted there looking for documents, the female boss of the company saw her wearing a miniskirt in the company and gave her a good lesson: You came to work dressed like this. Women who play golf wear miniskirts. But the boss doesn't know he plays ball. The more employees think after being taught a lesson, the angrier they get. The clerk thinks he should communicate with his boss. I went to my boss and explained that I had something urgent to rest and play golf, so ... the boss said I was sorry, stressed and had a bad attitude. In this way, the relationship between the boss and the employees becomes better. Imagine, if there is no communication, future employees may think that this boss is a horrible bosses, and the boss may think that employees are disorderly. Since then, it has become a stalk. This also tells us to observe anger, not just suppress it.

four

Through this book, we know that we may have taken the wrong direction in obtaining happiness before, thinking that as long as material things are enough, in fact, we will be happy without material conditions. On the other hand, when you don't feel love, you can spend all your time thinking about what you want to offer others to gain the ability to love. I remember that the previous article also mentioned this practice. A person has depression. What should the master do? The master told him: "Do a good deed every day" ... Personally, the reason is the same. If you want something, you must pay first. If you want happiness and love, you must love others first.

Therefore, love is a kind of ability, which needs our constant practice.

It ends with a fable.

A man was walking on the mountain and was chased by a tiger, but he jumped off the cliff and grabbed the rattan, but the harder he tried, the looser the rattan became. There is a tiger waiting for him above, and the abyss below. What should I do at this time? At this time, he found a wild strawberry beside the rattan. He reached out and picked one and put it in his mouth to taste wild strawberries.

There may be do or die in our life, but don't forget to taste the wild strawberries in life, that is the true meaning of life.