Since childhood, I have always been the darling of my parents and teachers: obedient, sensible, excellent in grades and never causing trouble.
Everything runs according to the trajectory laid by parents.
When I was in the senior high school entrance examination in 1996, I wanted to go to high school and college. From primary school to junior high school, my academic performance has been among the best, one of the best, and it is not a problem to enter a famous university. However, parents have heard that if they go to a technical secondary school, they will be able to catch up with the last "good policy" of unified recruitment and separation before the merger-in the eyes of parents who have been dealing with land all their lives and struggled in poverty and backwardness for most of their lives, it is a wonderful and reliable thing to have an iron rice bowl to ensure drought and flood.
In the minds of rural people at that time, it was almost the only way to change their fate to realize the counterattack of "carp jumping the dragon gate" by reading. Can eat "imperial grain", if you mix better and get an official position, it is simply the high incense burned by your ancestors!
Not only my parents, but also several teachers I respect and trust came to persuade me to go to a technical secondary school. Their reason is simple: I just went to high school and went to college for a stable job, and I may not find a satisfactory job after graduating from college. In this case, why not take advantage of the good opportunity of the last package distribution, take an examination of a better secondary school, find a better job, and earn money to support the family as soon as possible?
So I chose to go to a technical secondary school. What finally changed my decision was not my submission to fate, but my pity for my parents-I really couldn't bear to watch my parents continue to fight for us. When I graduated from junior high school, my sister was in secondary school and my brother was in senior one. It is really not easy for an ordinary rural family to raise three children. Whenever school starts, it is the time when we are most looking forward to and excited, and it is also the time when parents are most headache and sad.
However, even in the most difficult times, our parents never wanted us to drop out of school. Compared with the dropout rate of almost half of our peers, our three brothers and sisters are undoubtedly very lucky.
Faced with poor families and haggard parents, I can only choose to go to secondary school.
There is a pre-test before the middle school entrance examination. The first is to recruit students from Yongxing No.1 Middle School, the best high school in our county at that time (we called him "a Chinese-funded gifted student" at that time), and the second is to screen the indicators for taking the senior high school entrance examination. Those who pass this exam with very good grades will be eligible to take the senior high school entrance examination, and the rest will either go to ordinary high schools or self-funded middle schools, or finish their studies and go out to work.
In this way, a person's fate is dominated by an exam. Think about it, how sad.
Before the exam, in order not to be admitted to No.1 Middle School and get the qualification of technical secondary school, I planned to stop writing with 80 points in each subject. The total score of the last seven subjects was 556 points, which was only 4 points away from my estimated score, and finally achieved the result I wanted.
My heart was bleeding when I saw the score. Up to now, I can't imagine how much courage and perseverance I had when I was young, and I was able to suppress my true thoughts. On those papers that could have got full marks, I brushed away those lofty dreams, leaving only the imminent reality.
I applied for Chenzhou Agricultural School, which was also recommended by my parents and teachers. At that time, Chenzhou Agricultural School was known as "Chenzhou Small Huangpu". It is said that according to statistics, more than half of the government cadres in Chenzhou have graduated from this school.
My first, second and third choice is Chenzhou Agricultural School, and I am determined to win.
Maybe I was in a bad mood and didn't play well. Finally, I got a score of 684. Although this score is already very high, I am still 1 point away from the public school students, and only got Wei Peisheng's index. Wei Peisheng is treated like a public student. The only difference is the tuition. For three years in technical secondary school, Wei Peisheng's tuition fee is more than 30 thousand yuan.
If I apply to other schools, of course, they are all public students. Chenzhou Agricultural School is so popular that too many students and parents share our thoughts and want to squeeze this wooden bridge, which leads to such a high admission score.
1 point difference, so that my parents paid more than 30 thousand tuition fees. After three years of technical secondary school, I can't forgive myself.
Every time I go home on holiday, I try to bring pickles and dried sweet potatoes back to school and tell my parents that I like them. The truth is, in the first semester, most of my breakfast and even dinner were filled with dried sweet potatoes. I feel guilty that my 1 point gap has increased the burden on my parents. Only by cutting back on food and clothing can we reduce the burden on our parents and punish ourselves by the way.
In the first semester, my mother gave me food expenses from 800 yuan. I didn't ask my family for money again. When I came home during the winter vacation, I returned 200 yuan to my mother, saying that I had not used it up and took it from me. At first, my mother was stunned. She doesn't understand how it is possible to use up 800 yuan's living expenses for more than four months in one semester. She finally understood what it was like for me to bring so many dried sweet potatoes home.
My mother hugged me and cried bitterly, complaining that she was unable to make her son suffer so much. I didn't cry, but smiled to comfort my mother. I'm not in pain, I'm fine, so don't worry about me.
There was a car accident at school in 1998, but I still didn't cry or tell my parents. I am afraid that my parents will worry, and I am even more afraid that they will spend money. Fortunately, the school bears all the expenses.
During the whole three years of technical secondary school, I have never been in love, and I have never made any mistakes. During my school days, I joined the Party and served as the president of the Student Union, and was awarded the title of "Outstanding Student Cadres in Hunan Province" (only two people in the whole school won this honor).
I am still a good student and a good boy in the eyes of my parents and teachers.
I thought my life could really be as my parents expected: I was assigned to a township government office, married and had children a few years later, so that my parents would not work hard and enjoy their old age.
Several of my classmates do live such a life.
But fate played a joke on me. When I graduated, it didn't matter because there was no money at home. My parents have been honest farmers all their lives, and I don't know how to deal with officials who can decide the distribution of my power. Everything related to distribution is my own running.
As you can imagine, a young man who has just turned 19, just left school, looks immature and has no background, how can he resist and understand the fudge and prevarication of officialdom.
I was assigned to the Agricultural Technology Station, a subordinate unit of the Agricultural Bureau, as a specialized agricultural technology officer.
At first, I was assigned to Yuelai Township Agricultural Technology Station. Because it was too inconvenient to leave home, I asked someone to help me transfer to my hometown Tangsan Agricultural Technology Station. Fortunately, this time, those officials didn't embarrass me again.
Agricultural technicians are actually vendors selling seed fertilizers and pesticides. Due to various reasons, the township agricultural technology station in Chenzhou has not solved the problems of staffing and financial allocation, and it is self-supporting and self-financing. It is a great irony that agricultural technicians who look extremely tall in name have to make a living by selling bags of fertilizer, bags of seeds or bottles of pesticides.
The professional knowledge learned in school has become a decoration. Here, as long as you can count, weigh and count money, you can do this job by yourself. It's just that the pungent smell of pesticides and heavy fertilizers often makes me doubt my life. Is my life so boring that I can't see hope?
Parents said, stick to it for another two years, and then find a way to transfer to the bureau or other units.
Well, then stick to it for another two years. When I learned that some students were assigned to agricultural technology stations and transferred to other better units soon after they worked, I seemed to see the dawn of hope.
Fortunately, the working hours of the agricultural technology station are not long, and once the busy farming season is over, it will be moldy when you relax. In my spare time, I applied for the self-taught examination and got a junior college diploma in administration from Xiangtan University. I also read a lot of books and wrote dozens of diaries.
I stayed in the agricultural technology station for three years, during which I went to see the bureau leaders. The leader said to me earnestly, "Xiao Huang, you have good conditions in all aspects, but the government office is a place where seniority is discussed. You may have a chance to come up in a few years. "
I don't know how much longer I can stand it. I'm afraid I'll be exhausted I don't see any hope. I said to myself, it is time to make a choice.
I came out, didn't resign, didn't go through the formalities of leaving my job without pay, and didn't get paid. What should I do when I leave my job? At that time, many people assigned to agricultural technology stations were like this, making their own way. For example, my classmate Zhu Zhiguo went to Shenzhen without a day's work. After years of hard work, he became a senior white-collar worker in a foreign-funded enterprise, and bought a house and a car in Shenzhen, which was not bad.
Just graduated, I lack the courage to burn my bridges like Zhu Zhiguo, and I can't let go of the so-called "iron rice bowl". It turned out to be just a broken "mud rice bowl". He gave up voluntarily, and I was forced to give up.
Forced to give up, there are still three beautiful years and possible beautiful changes. Three years is enough to make many beautiful stories happen and change a person's fate, but I wasted three years in that remote countryside.
In the spring of 2003, I went to Guangzhou and submitted my resumes to several large companies that looked good, hoping to engage in management positions such as personnel administration. At that time, I was a little arrogant, thinking that I must be a small leader with my own ability, and I was dismissive of business and assembly line.
But my pride was shattered by repeated rejections. My diploma is not high and I have no experience. Why should others believe me?
I secretly vowed that I would never go to work again. I don't want to see other people's faces. I want to control my own destiny by my own efforts.
After that, I never thought about working, so I chose to start a business.
Since opening the first jewelry store in 2003, 65438+2003, engaged in jewelry, audio and video, clothing, cosmetics, hotels, lighting and other industries, a total of more than 10 stores have been opened. I have experienced a beautiful era when a 40-square-meter shop can bring me hundreds of thousands of years' net profit, and I have also experienced a painful blow when I invested nearly 2 million square meters in a 3,000-square-meter hotel, but I lost all my money in half a year.
After more than ten years of business, I have earned and lost, and I am also confused when I grow up. I will ask myself again and again-is this the life I want?
No, this is not the life I want at all.
With the passage of time and the growth of age, this answer becomes more and more clear, so clear that I can no longer pretend to turn a blind eye.
In the graduation yearbook, I wrote down my hobbies on the title page: travel, writing and sports.
But how much has my hobby been realized since graduation?
I once imagined my dream life: get up at 6 o'clock every morning, exercise for an hour, read more books, listen to music or write articles after breakfast at 8 o'clock, read an article for lunch break after lunch, meet old friends in the afternoon, have tea and play chess, chat and play cards, and go out for a walk after dinner, so that the whole day can be full and happy; You can arrange enough time to travel every year, not for sightseeing, but to live in a city for a while, savor the customs and scenery of the city, and then write down beautiful stories related to the city.
However, since I started my business, the pace of my life has been completely broken, and those hobbies and dreams have become distant dreams. I have been racking my brains for business all day, and the good times have been destroyed beyond recognition and terrible in repeated calculations, repeated bargaining and reluctance to socialize.
After a busy day, I go to bed very late every night. Where is the energy and mood to get up and exercise in the morning?
Just a few lines, the inspiration was immediately harassed by customers' inquiries or factory salesmen's visits.
I just went out to travel and haven't decided where to live, so I was constantly asked by the phone in the store when I would come back.
……
Life has been completely occupied by all kinds of trivial matters, and I can no longer settle down to do what I want to do and what I love to do, and I can no longer enjoy family happiness with my family.
All this makes me more and more worried. It seems that it's time for me to leave the agricultural technology station after graduating from junior high school, and I must make a new choice.
If those two choices were passive or even forced, I think I must take the initiative to decide my own destiny this time.
I gave up college and chose secondary school, which made me understand what filial piety is; Leaving the agricultural technology station and choosing a shopping mall that you don't like is because of the responsibility and responsibility that a man must earn money to support his family; This time, I want to live for myself, because in life, besides filial piety and responsibility, there are two things that can give me strength and happiness, that is, freedom and dreams.
I must honestly and boldly admit that I am not a qualified businessman by nature, and the actual combat in the next few years has not improved me much. I lack the wit and shrewdness of a businessman, but I only have the sincerity and trustworthiness of a scholar. In a dishonest and mercenary shopping mall, I am more like an alien, so out of place.
Finally, I can make the final decision bravely-end my present life and try to live the life I want.
To put it simply, I want to change the existing lighting shop and become a freelancer. Of course, I must have a career. That's the basis for a man to settle down, but I don't have to make money to open a shop. My status will be transformed into a free investor, and I will invest in those optimistic people or projects. I want to spend more time and energy on my hobbies and dreams.
I want to regain my old hobby. I want to travel all over Qian Shan, and I want to recreate my wonderful pen and flowers. I also want to exercise well and spend time with my family. I don't want to leave regrets and regrets in my life.
Some people say that everyone is eager to live a leisurely life, but to achieve such a life, it is only possible if you have long-term economic freedom or good family conditions and strong economic support. Their subtext is that you must have enough money to do it.
Is that really the case? I don't think so! There is a well-written lyric "Money means no time". I have met many rich people who are stuck in business or entertainment all day and have no time to spend with their families or travel.
Nothing can be done without money, but money is not everything at any time. What is truly omnipotent is a person's longing and efforts for his dreams.
Hobbies and work, reality and dreams are never distinct, but we foolishly widened their distance.
A junior high school classmate of mine likes to travel, so he applied for a job in Fujian Anjing Food Company and went to the push department, which is the hardest thing for others but he enjoys the most. That is to drive around the country. After the promotion, he naturally walked around and realized his dream of traveling around the world while working. Isn't it beautiful?
You see, hobbies and work can be seamlessly connected!
Many people can tolerate getting along with people they don't like all their lives, or doing things they don't want to do for years. Since they have the courage to bear the injustice for a lifetime, why not have the courage to pursue the life they want?
Because of lack of courage, because of lack of confidence. People are used to being content with the status quo, even if the status quo is not very good, because we are all lucky. If we take the initiative to change, what if it gets worse?
Few people think about it. What if it gets better? The two sides of a coin are thrown into the air and landed. No matter which side appears, the probability of our choice and change, whether it is better or worse, is 50%. Why are we so afraid of change?
Dreams still have to be there. What if they come true? Oh, no, not one in ten thousand, but fifty percent. Since there is such a high possibility of realization, why not work hard?
No money to earn, no mechanics, no matter what, as long as we choose the life we want, there will be ways and means to achieve it.
After all, many people are afraid to change because they are afraid to give up their present lives. Take myself as an example. You can earn hundreds of thousands of dollars a year in this store, and you can live a relatively moist life. If I were an ordinary person, I would definitely be reluctant to give up. After all, after giving up, everything has to start all over again.
But I still want to make a change. Although I haven't achieved financial freedom, although I will worry about the future, I have a dream and should realize it. If I want to live a completely different life from now, I must give up now.
Change begins with giving up.
Dreams are realized by hard work.