The accident in Wanzhou, where 13 people died and 2 people were missing, had a tragic ending, but the cause was simple: a female passenger had stopped at the station and asked to get off midway. After being rejected by the driver, she went forward to beat and scold the driver, and the driver fought back. Then the vehicle lost control, turned over the driveway and fell into the river.
In that accident, the lady who caused the accident missed the station and ran a little more. It was no big deal, but her reaction led to the whole accident.
This is in line with Festinger's famous assertion "Festinger's Law" by American social psychologist.
In other words, 10% of what happens in life is beyond our control, while the other 90% is beyond our control.
Imagine, have you ever had a similar experience:
You put your mobile phone on the washstand in the morning, and your wife helps you move it to the dining table. As a result, your son accidentally poured a glass of milk on his mobile phone while eating.
In a rage, you kicked the child and scolded your wife. But the wife is obviously kind, so you two had a big fight. Then you went out to work, got into friction with the passengers in the crowded subway, and almost started.
You were severely criticized by the leader for being late. I was in a bad mood at that time, because I had a quarrel with my colleague, who is a relative of the big boss of the company.
My son was beaten this morning. Because he was in a bad mood and didn't play well, he almost failed the exam that day.
My wife's face has been black for several days.
Because of a broken mobile phone, you may have no hope of promotion and salary increase, the relationship between husband and wife will be affected, and the children will be unhappy for many days.
In fact, only 10% of the mobile phone broke down, and a series of things later, all because you didn't control your emotions well, that is, you didn't control that 90%, which led to a series of chain reactions.
If, after the son accidentally spilled milk on the mobile phone, you can comfort the child: Nothing, you didn't mean it. Laugh at yourself to your wife: Thank you for giving me a new mobile phone. In fact, the mobile phone is flooded, and it may not be broken if it is handled quickly.
If you can't control the previous 10%, you can completely control your emotions and decide the direction of the remaining 90%.
Just like a female passenger on a bus in Wanzhou, she has been there after one stop. Many people have experienced it. When she got off at the next stop and came back, she took an extreme approach and completely let her emotions go, which led to tragedy.
In fact, in our life and work, we often encounter unsatisfactory things and even make us angry. These things may have nothing to do with ourselves. Although we can't control what happens, the result is often determined by our reaction.
If you can't control your emotions and let them control you, you may lose a large order like Chen Jian.
After months of unremitting efforts, Chen Jian finally reached an intention with a big customer. If nothing happens, we can sign the contract at the dinner table today. However, the customer said that the single amount is relatively large and he hopes to sign a contract in the company.
While thinking about whether the customer shirked or really wanted to cooperate, he was afraid of sleeping, and a courier tricycle of Chen Jian's car was scraped.
Chen Jian, who was already very anxious, got out of the car angrily. Although the other party apologized, Chen Jian kept cursing. He is a little man in front of customers, hoping to find his dignity in front of the courier brother. As a result, the abuse turned into a fight and then it was taken away.
Later, the cooperation collapsed, because Chen Jian was so loud that the whole ground parking lot saw it.
The responsibility for the accident is still unclear. When the problem should be solved through consultation, Chen Jian shouted, but changed the direction of his order.
If something goes wrong, whether you lose your temper or deal with it patiently, it is bound to have different endings.
It won't help to fight if the child does something wrong. It is better to patiently teach him where he is wrong and how to avoid it in the future. My wife lost her wallet, but she couldn't get it back after scolding her. Give her a hug and understand her sadness, and she will love you more.
Many things have happened, we can't stop them, but we have the ability to choose how to face them.
If you understand Festinger's law, you will know that in fact, many times, we can control the direction of things.
Control the emotions of the initial event, calmly face and solve it, and it will not become a trouble later.
Napoleon once said: A man who can control his emotions is greater than a general who can defeat an ideal city.
When you encounter something, think about Festinger's law, and you may know how to do things, so it won't be so difficult to control your emotions.