A friend said-
People don't grow old slowly, but grow old in an instant.
She began to really understand this sentence of Haruki Murakami in June of 20 19.
20 19, for her, life seems particularly difficult and chaotic.
This year, she experienced middle-aged unemployment, job-hunting bottleneck, emotional frustration, research failure and disillusionment. ...
This year, she felt as if she were ten years older at once.
Indeed, there were so many nights when she stood alone on the balcony after the children went to bed, looking at the dark sky, at a loss, at a loss. It doesn't look painful, and there are no bad thoughts and painful feelings. Maybe she is numb and subconsciously wants to escape from all this. ...
1
On May 20 19, the last company she worked for went bankrupt. Fortunately, her salary was paid two months later.
At that time, she was still full of confidence and hoped to find a new job as soon as possible.
This year, she was 39 years old, divorced for 2 years, with a 6-year-old son.
Once upon a time, after her divorce, her life should be very comfortable.
It is not a problem to have a stable job and support yourself.
Divorce is also a very tacky story. Her ex-husband's lover is pregnant, and she knows it is not sad. Reality has long erased their feelings, not to mention that she is a somewhat arrogant woman.
She just insisted on the custody of her son, a house for each person and a mortgage. She didn't embarrass her ex-husband, so she quickly went through the formalities and got rid of each other.
In the future, she has no plans to remarry, nor is it to disappoint men. It's just that she finds it difficult to integrate into another family and doesn't want to wronged herself and her son.
2
Only after she left her job did she feel that she still underestimated life and overestimated herself.
She interviewed for many jobs, all of which were very good, but when it comes to salary, she was disappointed.
Compared with the last job, it almost dropped by 10-20%, and the well-known enterprises contacted basically did not receive any reply.
39 years old, an age she didn't care about, finally became an embarrassing number on her resume.
She has no choice but to live as a middle-aged woman. She has no other survival skills except her familiar job.
Realizing the problem, she began to look for a job while preparing for textual research.
I went to a small company briefly and had to leave again for more than three months.
The boss really appreciates her. It's a pity that the boss's ability can't keep up with his ambition in the present environment. She went to 1 month and found that the small company could not pay the salary.
She is old and young, and the reality no longer allows her to take risks with her only income, so she has to continue to look for a job.
three
Amid all these anxieties, my predecessor suddenly appeared.
My predecessor should be regarded as a better person. I never got married in my early years because of my busy career or other reasons.
They still keep in touch after breaking up, which can be regarded as friends who can be said in their hearts and are willing to cherish.
She knows that he has his own company, and he is good-looking and affectionate, so there should be no shortage of women around him.
For his hug, he said "together" and asked her vaguely, "Can she still be born?"
She can only pretend not to understand, not to care. After all, she had such a beautiful past, loved when she was young, and fantasized that "one day, he would marry her on seven-color clouds."
After struggling for several nights, she finally sent him an email and talked about her life and understanding of marriage over the years.
Then, no, she never received any reply from him.
She once again thanked life with a wry smile and gave her empty happiness again.
four
Sure enough, when you live in a feathery place, how can you embrace love again?
Besides, she and he are not only the barrier of reality, but also the barrier of years.
In the end, it doesn't even matter to friends.
It is false to say that she is not sad. She was very negative at one time. Later, I had to do some mental review because I had to prepare for the exam. Naturally, her exam was not ideal.
The paintings picked up in my spare time have a mediocre response.
At the age of 40, she finally realized her ordinary.
Fortunately, I finally found a job close to home.
On New Year's Eve in 2020, she said:
This year, I was really tired and almost couldn't hold on.
However, I can't fall down I have children to take care of. In the hardest time, I told myself, hang in there.
Man, only by moving forward can suffering be left behind.
five
Mr Jiang Yang has a famous saying:
Looking back on 20 19, many people are saying that I am too difficult.
No story in life will be happy from beginning to end, and many of them are caught off guard.
For more than 90% of people, perhaps the ultimate proposition of life is to admit that you are just an ordinary person:
I can't be born with a silver spoon in my mouth, learn to be a tyrant, and marry Chen Kun. I can only envy Zhou Xun forever. My son is not singing The Best Boy. ......
Our life course, there is no wonderful moment, no magnificent, every day is a repetitive and trivial day.
Liang once lamented: "China people are secretly afraid of an ordinary thing, and that is the life itself of ordinary people."
So heartfelt and so real, but I can't escape for a moment.
six
He who sees through ordinary life, lives himself and lives the true taste is the strong one in this ordinary life.
People grow old, not from the first wrinkle and gray hair, but from the moment when the light in their hearts goes out and gives up on themselves.
If the world is not worth it, there will be beauty. After some hardships, I will really love this kind of life and love my ordinary self.
Don't be confused, don't be trapped in love, don't be afraid of the future, and don't miss the past.
After experiencing the ups and downs of life, I look down on the vicissitudes of the world and prefer to stay in the pure land of my heart and deal with all the difficulties in life with humiliation.
Go ahead, never look back, and live an ordinary life, which is our path to nirvana.
What we can do is to give ourselves a little courage and hope.
Love what you love, do what you do, listen to your heart, and ask for nothing more.