One of the greatest benefits of modern marriage is that you can choose not to live with your in-laws. Young couples either save money to buy a house or rent a house to live alone. It is not uncommon for them not to live under the same roof as their in-laws. It can even be said to be normal.
This was unimaginable decades ago. A few years ago, China's marriage was still male-dominated. If you live alone, you will have to be apart. Some property is unevenly distributed. Now it's very progress and rare to choose whether to live alone or together.
But everything has to be done, and there are always exceptions.
Then, if you must live with your parents-in-law, there will inevitably be friction and contradiction after a long time. How can we avoid some contradictions, or how can we get the respect of in-laws to the greatest extent without being looked down upon? The following three things are minefields, and it is recommended not to do them.
First of all, finance subsidizes her family endlessly.
Some girls are always taught to treat their parents, brothers and sisters well when they are at home, and to constantly subsidize their parents after marriage. If they have a brother like Fan, the girl is destined to live a quiet life after marriage.
I know a girl. I call her Pink. When they got married, their parents asked for tens of thousands of dollars as a bride price. In-laws and husbands think that it is not easy for others to raise a daughter, and tens of thousands of dollars is really not much. I am also very grateful to Xiaofen's parents for being so reasonable.
Before getting married, Xiaofen's parents told her son-in-law and her in-laws that the bride price was just to make outsiders sound better, and they had to prepare some dowry for Xiaofen, but if Xiaofen's family had any difficulties in the future, I hope her in-laws and son-in-law could help.
Due to the demolition of the old house, the renovation of the new house has not been completed, so Xiaofen lives with her parents-in-law for the time being.
I was fine when I first got married. At most, I buy a fruit gift and hundreds of red envelopes on holidays, but one year after marriage, Xiao Fan's family always asks Xiao Fan for money.
Xiao fen works in a shopping mall. After deducting insurance and other expenses, her monthly income is less than 3,000 yuan. Xiao fen, who lives with her parents-in-law, never pays a penny for rent, water, electricity, living expenses and daily expenses, and almost all of them are subsidized to her family. When it's not enough, she asks her husband for it, but if he doesn't give it, they quarrel.
As for Xiao fen's parents, they often come to their home to ask their daughter-in-law for money and things, and Xiao fen's parents-in-law look more and more ugly.
Until one time, Xiao fen borrowed money from her in-laws and said that her sister's children had to go to school and had no money to buy a computer. Her mother-in-law said directly, "Children who just entered high school must have computers? Pink, grow your own snacks. How much have you subsidized your mother's family since you married my family? We can't give your own money to your mother's family as long as my son wants, but you can't use my future pension and grandchildren's money to subsidize your relatives. "
Later, Xiaofen borrowed money from her friends and lent it to her sister, but the hatred between her mother-in-law and daughter-in-law was planted, and Xiaofen's in-laws became increasingly disdainful of Xiaofen and her family.
Second, I always think that my family is my home.
Xiao fen in the above story is a typical person who treats his family as his own. In her bones, she thinks that only her biological parents and brothers and sisters are her relatives, and the husband who has established a family with her is not her relatives.
Pink's mistake is that she didn't reflect on the relationship between her little family and family of origin.
Many girls have this idea. They always think that their small families have to make endless sacrifices for their parents. The money they earn belongs to their parents together, and even the money earned by their husbands should be provided to their parents free of charge.
There may be nothing at first, but after ten or twenty years, you will find that when you are still poor or struggling on the poverty line, no one in your family may appreciate and respect you.
A really clear-headed girl should manage her marriage, family, raise children and work hard with her husband. Instead of being a stepping stone to family of origin endlessly, it will not only get the respect of her husband's family, but also have no good position in her family.
My mother only regards her home as her own. When she was young, she had delicious food and fun. First, she left it to her grandmother's cousin. I borrowed a little money from my family, but only borrowed it.
Thirty years later, my mother once told several menstruating uncles about their previous sacrifices and contributions. As a result, both menstruation and his uncles said that my mother was lying. She denied that my mother had secretly given me tuition and pocket money, but she still remembered that my mother did not support them when they bought a house.
At that time, my mother cried sadly. I was not only comforted, but also silently thought, "It serves me right." Because those bad memories of childhood will always be in my mind.
I remember once my father was on a business trip for a month and a half, and my mother took me to eat pickles at home every day, hardly buying me clothes and snacks, and all the money saved subsidized menstruation and my uncles' tuition and pocket money.
Whenever my father asks me how the money at home is spent so quickly, my mother pushes me out and says it's all for me. This feeling of being wronged is really hard to forget.
Third, self-reliance.
Besides the above two points, some daughters-in-law who live with their parents-in-law had better not stay at home. Instead of seeing each other often, it is better to find a job from nine to five, which can not only make money, but also reduce time and contradictions.
At first, my friend Xiaoping's greatest wish was to be a housewife quietly, so after giving birth, she felt at ease to be a full-time wife. Later, my in-laws were in poor health and needed to take care of two old people, so I lived with them and my children's in-laws could take care of them.
I advised Xiaoping to find a job quickly, even for a month 1000. Every day, three people look at each other at home with a child. Everything goes wrong and it thunders everywhere.
Xiaoping struggled for some time to let her in-laws leave, but she didn't succeed. After all, it is her husband who brings home the bacon.
Xiaoping found more than a dozen jobs and finally found a job with a monthly income of 3,000 yuan. My in-laws are still at home to help her take care of her children, earning enough money for her and her children's pocket money. Buy yourself some nice clothes without looking at your in-laws and listening to your husband's nagging.
The more comfortable life is, the less contradictions there are with in-laws. In-laws are no longer entangled in Xiaoping's staying at home without making money, and Xiaoping doesn't have to entangle some bad habits of her in-laws, out of sight, out of mind.
There will always be such contradictions when women get along with their in-laws. The key is how to be a wife.
If you want to be a daughter-in-law respected by your in-laws, then the above three things are best avoided. Only by doing your duty well can you get the respect of the other person's personality.
If there is a disappointing family of origin, don't be depressed, but face it calmly, first firmly manage your small family and stop family of origin's unreasonable demands in time.
There is also an independent career space. If you don't have a job when you live with your in-laws, it's really not ideal, because living under one roof, all your energy and attention are on the family, and contradictions are on the verge. But if you have a job, making money is second. The key point is to have your own working hours and effectively separate them from family time, so that you can have independent space.
Being a woman is not easy. If we want to make our life better, we should try our best to change our predicament, which will always get better and better.