You may think it is normal for a man to be found cheating and cry for forgiveness, but the premise of this operation is that he thinks it is more beneficial for him to be with you. He didn't want a divorce, and he was afraid that you would leave him, so he tried his best to keep you. On the other hand, if it is natural for him to cheat, and he thinks that you will never leave him or even coax him, you can turn a blind eye and then "commit crimes against the wind".
An An, a reader who sent me a private letter before, also encountered a similar problem.
An An is a beautiful and generous girl, who has achieved excellent academic results since childhood. Her family is very good. She is an only child. She has been the apple of her eye since she was a child and is loved by her parents and grandparents. After school, because of her excellent grades and cheerful personality, she is the youngest girl in the class, so teachers and classmates like her very much and let her go. She is a delight to her friends, and everyone likes to be with her.
When I was in college, all the boys who pursued An An could line up at the school gate, but An An only liked Zhang Yang. Zhang Yang is tall and handsome, but his family condition is not very good. He has to work in his spare time to support his family. But Ann likes Zhang Yang's progress and efforts. In Ann's words, he pursued her other boys, either skipping classes and playing games, or spending his parents' hard money indiscriminately. No one is as practical as Zhang Yang.
After graduation, Zhang Yang stayed in the local area to look for a job. As a local, Ann naturally stayed with Zhang Yang and didn't break up because of graduation. Ann took Zhang Yang home to meet her parents, but when her parents knew about Zhang Yang's family, they didn't agree that their only baby daughter would suffer with Zhang Yang. Ann's mother even adopted house arrest to prevent Ann from seeing Zhang Yang and arranged a blind date, so she would take Ann away anyway.
An An also used the killer weapon of hunger strike and didn't eat for two days. Finally fainted in the company because of hypoglycemia. Zhang Yang went to Ann, and they took risks to persuade Ann's mother. Seeing that Zhang Yang worked in a big Internet company after graduation, his job was stable and promising, and finally they agreed to associate.
In a blink of an eye, they should get married. Zhang Yang has only saved 200,000 yuan for many years, plus the money given by his parents, so he can't afford the down payment on the house. In peace, his parents didn't want their daughter to suffer, and they made up the rest of the down payment themselves, and they also paid for the wedding. Others say Ann is stupid, but Ann doesn't think so. She thinks that Zhang Yang is a potential stock with strong working ability and dotes on herself. As long as she doesn't work overtime, she must go home from work early to cook for Ann. Ann feels very happy.
A few years later, Ann and Zhang Yang had a child. Zhang Yang quit his job and plans to open a game studio. The young couple took out all the money they had saved for two years. Afraid it wasn't enough, Ann asked her father for another 200,000 yuan. After half a year, the company was on the right track. Because Ann didn't have a good month, she often got sick. Zhang Yang just said that if she can't, she will resign and I will support you.
He quit his job and devoted himself to educating his children at home. On the other hand, Zhang Yang also got the bonus of the game, and the studio did a good job. Gradually, An An found that her husband came home later and later, sometimes sleeping directly in the company. An An also understands her husband's busyness and hard work and never asks.
It's just that Ann always feels lonely. After sending her children to kindergarten every day, she goes home to do housework. In the afternoon, she sometimes goes back to her parents' house to see her mother and chat with her. Zhang Yang hasn't cooked for her for a long time, and she hasn't accompanied her to go shopping and watch movies. This monotonous day made Ann feel a little bored. She can only concentrate on her children and make her life meaningful.
In the year when the children went to kindergarten, Ann found out that her husband cheated a female colleague in the company. That female colleague is young and beautiful, and they always work overtime together, so it is easy to have feelings. When Ann found out, she felt that the sky was falling. She couldn't believe it. How can Zhang Yang, who is very kind to himself, cheat?
She grabbed Zhang Yang excitedly and asked loudly, "I am loyal to you. There were so many people chasing me, but I am determined to stay with you. You don't have enough money to get married. My dad gave me most of the down payment, wedding, and even half of the money to start a company! " I'm so nice to you, why did you cheat? Do you have a conscience? Divorce! I want you to get out clean! "
Zhang Yang replied flatly, "You know that was before. Now I don't want you, who wants you? " Besides, I run this company. Have you ever been to the company to help? Why should I leave home clean? "
Ann looked at him suspiciously, but he was speechless.
It's really hard to meet such a situation. What should we do?
1 Don't be decided by men in marriage.
If the value of the original match in marriage is not high in all aspects, it often makes men feel arrogant. He will feel that we have no choice but to leave him and can't find a better object. Therefore, even if the infidelity is discovered, they should take it for granted, and even have no respect at all.
When we have no opinion, no confidence in ourselves and are obedient to men, men will care less and less about this marriage. In addition, men have a desire to conquer. As long as there is an opportunity, they will be attracted by other excellent women and pursue them.
Take Ann as an example. She said that she suddenly found that she had no confidence in front of her husband. Now she has lost the beauty of her youth. She has a bloated figure, no makeup, poor health, frequent low back pain and even no job. ......
She deeply regrets not listening to her parents. She was angry, hateful and helpless when she saw her husband still married a female colleague. She began to feel inferior involuntarily. She thinks about it day and night, and the more she thinks about it, the more she feels bad about herself. The more she thinks about it, the more afraid she is of getting a divorce. From that day on, she didn't sleep for a day.
2 Find self-worth
Self-worth, also known as "self-concept" and "self-esteem", refers to the way you look at yourself and your core belief in your own value as a person.
Being denied by our lover has greatly damaged our self-confidence, and some sisters even begin to feel that they don't deserve love. At this time, the importance of self-worth is reflected. People with high self-worth can better adjust and adapt to the end of love. This study confirms our common feeling that people with good self-concept are more likely to adapt to life crisis.
The same thing happened to two different people. One person said, "I feel terrible." Another person said, "it's not satisfactory, but I took the process and it's not bad."
Obviously, we all want to have an optimistic lifestyle. We can improve our sense of self-worth through study and practice!
Change the way you see yourself.
We can find a blank piece of paper and write down your 20 advantages before marriage, and write a note after each advantage. What made you change these advantages, and what should we do to get them back?
Ann listened to my suggestion and immediately began to implement it: beautiful, generous, cheerful, eloquent, in good shape and strong learning ability. ......
When writing about the reasons why she lost these advantages, she couldn't help but burst into tears, perhaps because she decided that marriage was a lifelong thing; Maybe it's my laziness. Seeing that my husband's company has a good profit, I want to be lazy and not go to work. Maybe I want to focus on my family and ignore myself; Maybe it's just a traditional idea. All married women have children. What's the use of dressing up so beautifully?
A good marriage can make two people; A bad marriage can turn a goddess into a fat mother.
(2) Write your own advantages on a note and post it where you can see it at home.
This step sounds silly, but it is really useful for most people. For example, stick a note on the refrigerator that says: You smile very sweetly. In this way, we can write all the 20 advantages we wrote before on a small piece of paper and stick them in a conspicuous place.
I also suggest that everyone can choose to enter praise groups. Every day, everyone blows rainbow farts and cheers on each other, and they will be full of confidence every day.
In extreme cases, "a lie will become true if it is told a hundred times", let alone a lie. Say you are beautiful a hundred times, and we will really try to make ourselves beautiful. Finally, we will really become beautiful!
(3) specifically change your behavior.
First, select 1-2 things that can be changed immediately, make a one-year goal, divide this goal into small goals every month, and then refine it into things to be executed every week.
Let's take An An as an example. Her top priority now is to find a job, no matter what the salary, as long as it is a formal and stable job. At first, she planned to find a suitable job within three months. In the first week, she wrote a resume and asked professionals to help her revise it. She simulated an interview and learned interview skills. Starting from the second week, I will submit ten resumes every day. When there is an interview, I will arrange the interview time. If my resume is suitable, I can vote less. Before going to bed every night, I will also resume the interview session of the day. If you find the question difficult to answer, you can write it down and communicate with experienced colleagues.
In addition, the clothes and shoes for the interview and the makeup etiquette for the interview should be taken into account. In this way, in less than two months, An An found a suitable job and began to work.
There is another very important project that needs to be changed, that is, losing weight. Ann has a good foundation. She used to be beautiful, but when she gained weight, she became a passerby. To return to the state of pre-marital goddess, we can only make a weight loss plan directly, accurate to go to the gym three times a week, take oxygen for one hour each time and be anaerobic for 40 minutes. Control the intake of carbohydrates in each meal and eat more protein. In this way, An An successfully lost 8 Jin in the first three months, and her body fat dropped to 2 1.
④ Try to establish meaningful communication with others.
I suggest that every girl should have her own small circle, whether it's a best friend or a social circle with a certain hobby. First of all, when we are traumatized, we won't feel lonely. We can have company and someone to talk to, which can help us get out of the pain faster.
Secondly, every circle is a network of people from all walks of life. We can't live alone in this world. We are always exchanging resources and values, which is also the embodiment of our own values. If we can help others, others will praise us, which is of great benefit to our self-esteem and self-confidence.
3 supercilious, divorce negotiations
At this time, we are no longer living by each other. We don't have to tie ourselves together. We have our own careers, hobbies and friends. Now that you can be independent, are you still afraid of divorce? Do you still have to suffer this injustice?
Put forward your own ideas boldly, dare to talk about divorce with the other party, pay attention to the details of the negotiation, have your own framework, and strive for the best interests for yourself. If the other person doesn't want a divorce, he can't be forgiven easily. Admitting one's mistakes, breaking the third marriage and signing an agreement on the division of marital property are only the first step, and there is still a long way to go.
Finally, the article ends with Shu Ting's To the Oak: I must be a kapok beside you, standing with you in the image of a tree, with roots firmly rooted in the ground and leaves in the clouds. Every time a gust of wind blows, we greet each other.
We share cold waves, storms and lightning; We share fog, flowing haze and rainbow. Seemingly separated forever, but dependent for life. This is great love, and it is true.
I hope that every married girl can be a kapok and share weal and woe with the other half, instead of a Campbell flower or a bird, which can only cling to the tree and cannot have its own beauty.
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Originality is not easy, thank you for your support! If you are emotionally confused, you can talk to me alone.