There are still some words in the follow-up, which will not be posted due to space reasons. The reality of this girl's life planning in Weibo has made many people stunned. Some people think that what she said is reasonable, and some people say that she worships money and is cold.
Therefore, Wang also talked about his understanding of this issue with his experience.
I am a senior, female, and I fell a lot on this issue. My own experience may not be universal, but it can certainly give some female friends a reference. If a man has a daughter, he will think deeply about related issues and may be very kind.
"What does the girl stand for?"
The first question is: How do we define "getting ahead"?
In fact, there are still many ways to survive in this society, regardless of good or bad, and there is no need to get ahead. Since it is "out", it is always a little higher than "survival" and can rise to the level of "self-realization".
The outlook on life in The Godfather is called "male" by many people.
"The first step for a man is to strive for self-worth, the second step is to take care of his family, the third step is to help kind people as much as possible, the fourth step is to speak for the ethnic group, and the fifth step is to win glory for the country."
In fact, in contemporary society, these five rules also apply to women. However, due to gender inequality in the world, it is very difficult. It is remarkable that women can make efforts to achieve the first step. It is great to be able to realize the second and third steps on the premise of realizing the first step. If the follow-up goal can be achieved, it will be enough to shine in history.
On this basis, I personally think that "women coming out" is like this (everyone has different standards, this is just my own opinion): through basic conditions and their own efforts, ...
→? Get a class promotion (at least ensure that the class does not decline);
→? Get higher education or academic support than most people in the family;
→? Obtaining labor remuneration higher than the average level of the group and having the skill level of the "first echelon" in the industry;
→? Maintain the basic health of the body;
→? After all the above are realized (not yet, at least the follow-up realization is not a big problem), if you have the will, get married and have children, safeguard the marriage relationship and safeguard the marriage results.
Women can achieve the above points, which can basically be called "getting ahead". Of course, I can't do it, but I can stand on my own feet and it's not a "failure". Most people work hard and can firmly root themselves in their own class, which is also a down-to-earth life.
It is difficult to "get ahead", especially for girls. But it is not without rules. Most of the girls around me who can "get ahead" have achieved the following points in their family environment and their own experiences (the first point is innate, so they may not all have it, but the latter points are basically the same). Let's talk about it with my own experience and give you some reference suggestions by the way.
1, family support is strong, at least in terms of financial support, there is no mistreatment of the daughter.
This kind of family, either parents are not divorced and have a good relationship; Either parents can maintain a friendly relationship even if they are divorced, and their mothers are financially independent, and they can live a stable and practical life even if they don't need their fathers' money.
Why is the family environment important? Everyone has talked a lot about psychological influence, so I won't talk about it. Briefly talk about the economic impact.
Women in China are not dominant in economic conditions, whether in terms of work remuneration or property inheritance. If the financial level of parents in the family, the father exceeds the mother; The property belongs to the father, not to the mother, so once the marriage breaks down, the potential property that the daughter can get will face an avalanche.
Not to mention who children live with and are raised by, in terms of the difficulty and willingness to remarry, men have a greater proportion of remarriage and a stronger tendency to continue to have children with their successors. If the father remarries after divorce and has children, his property will be divided by his second wife and then by his children, and his daughter will have nothing. This is a lucky situation (this is legal inheritance and testamentary inheritance, the latter depends on whether the father has a conscience).
For girls, having no money means that a considerable part of the focus of life will become money.
If her dream is to be a scientist, a writer and an artist (unless her dream is to be a capitalist and earn a lot of money), then she can only spend her energy on making money, and then think about her dream, and work harder than a girl with a happy family and more money, so her vitality cannot be fully exerted.
Without money, they will also lose their sense of security, and even for some girls who are in extreme financial distress, they will lose their sense of dignity and even shame.
I have been in society for more than ten years, and I have met many female colleagues and bosses who are at the expense of others and feel at ease in the workplace. Almost all of them had the same characteristics in their early years: they were born in a broken family, lived with their mother, and their father treated her badly and their family was poor. Because you are mistreated by life, you will mistreat others; Because you have to give up face for money, you will try your best without shame; Because one's own dignity is trampled on, once proud, the greatest pursuit is to trample on the dignity of others.
They are hateful, but they are also pitiful.
Money may not solve all the troubles in life, but it can solve most of the troubles of female adolescence. Don't tell me, "My family is poor, but it is good that my parents have love." I don't deny the existence of such a family. But I see that more families are exhausted by economic pressure and lose patience with their children's little needs. Money can't get feelings, but it can defend them.
"Daughter, as long as everything is good for your growth, if you need it, just tell your parents and I will buy it for you." -this sentence is very vulgar? But the girl who grew up listening to it in the first half of her life must have solid soil on her feet.
2, the age of hard study, don't delay time, study best within your own ability.
First of all, I have said a little too much, and there is not much room for change. But I think it's very important. Because even if a girl comes from a family and doesn't give her enough financial support, if she can realize this and realize that her financial independence plays an indispensable role in the development of her children (especially her daughter), then through subsequent personal efforts, she can also become the kind of mother who gives her children a sense of security. (And I also hope that potential fathers can read this article and think about it, and don't turn around after throwing out sperm. It is also a merit to have one more father in the world who is responsible for his daughter's future. )
Starting from the second point, it is almost necessary for many girls whose family economic situation is not so good, but who can "get ahead".
I began to understand this late and suffered a lot. After working for several years, I suddenly discovered a fact:
Youth is nothing more than a struggle for "time"-whoever spends his time in the right place can achieve the most goals in the same time, and he has a greater possibility of "getting ahead" later.
In school, there are always two kinds of people: one is playing and walking at every step; Another kind of people, learn to learn and plan every step.
The former people often skip classes and let others sign in on their behalf; Only surprise the day before the exam, basically relying on copying cheat sheets on the spot; Usually, I only join the clubs I am interested in, or even don't join the clubs, and play LOL in Internet cafes; Postgraduate entrance examination and campus interview also have one build what did not build, focusing on participation …
The latter kind of person, who just entered the school and entered the student union, slipped away from all teachers and student union cadres in less than a semester; I usually skip classes and let others sign in for me, but I am by no means a person who plagiarizes others during the exam. Of course, I will cherish my feathers and prevent others from copying. If you join a club, you will definitely choose the one that is most useful to you; When I was a junior, I had already begun to plan my next step, either going abroad, taking part in postgraduate study or working. ...
The former often despises the latter and feels utilitarian, secular and hypocritical. The latter ignores the former. Which do you think is more lethal? "Disdain" is still in people's field of vision; And "ignoring" is not on the horizon at all.
Ask yourself, after entering the society, how many of the latter people "stand out"? Or the former category? Don't lie to yourself about this question. I lied to myself before, but now I must admit that the latter is just better than the former, and the former has nothing to be proud of.
Girls will encounter many temptations (or "inducements") at school. I used to have a female professor in my school who could stand on the platform and tell her students that "it is better to study well than to marry well". This is also a key institution, and it is conceivable how many people in the national campus are affected by this. Although I don't believe this, I really didn't concentrate on my study during my study, and I didn't know how to plan my subsequent life, which led to constant detours. I really don't want other girls to make the same mistake again.
The advice I can give is:
First of all, at school, as a student, you should concentrate on your studies. It's not that you can't fall in love or have fun, but your first task is to study, and your second task is to prepare for your subsequent life. Love and entertainment will be arranged later.
Second, starting from the second half of sophomore year, we should collect more information about postgraduate entrance examination, going abroad and employment. In the Internet age, as long as you have a heart and a lot of information, searching is one thing, and you should also ask your predecessors. If you don't have it at school, you can go to the online community. I have no experience of going abroad. Postgraduate entrance examination should use common sense to determine their own direction in sophomore and junior. Whether it is cross-school or cross-major, we should try our best to establish some kind of connection with the tutor of the major we are interested in. You can go to class or send an email. Ask them if they want to recruit graduate students and when, and express their willingness to apply. When looking for a job, you can contact the internship opportunity first, preferably a big platform with good reputation. You have to get acquainted as an intern first, and then go through the formalities when you are officially recruited (this is how several of my classmates entered the leading industry platform in China, but they can't accept it). Of course, there are more ways to plan than I said, and we need to exert our subjective initiative to discover more.
Third, run a high-quality campus social circle for yourself. The so-called high quality is not a teammate who plays LOL, but a friend with good moral character, foresight, knowledge and brains. Confucius said, "The winner has three friends, but the loser has three friends. Friends are straightforward, friends forgive, and friends listen more, which is beneficial. " That's what I said. ? If you do the second point well, the circle on your campus is likely to become the circle of people who will continue to make contributions after you enter the society. This is a question of correct attitude. On the one hand, don't be afraid of being low, and get in touch with campus cows more. On the other hand, all rivers run into the sea, and the people you despise and others are good at are often your blind spots. People should be brave enough to shoot their own blind spots.
In fact, these experiences are not only applicable to girls. However, if girls can understand this in advance, they can understand that it is not easy to get out of school-even more difficult than men, and they can plan their lives earlier. Even if the starting line in "Born into a Family" is lower, it has greatly surpassed its peers when it graduated, and it can even be tied with girls with good families.
Many of my family backgrounds are not as good as those of my female classmates, but later they are more capable and promising than me, just because they did what they should do on campus. Don't believe this nonsense that "it is better to study well than to marry well". You know, a female professor who can stand on the podium, regardless of whether she is married well or not, can become a professor first because she studies well.
3, a good working age, work hard, seize opportunities, hone skills, and do your best within your ability.
If women want to "get ahead" in China society, they must work. As a full-time housewife, it is not "out of line" to count money every day unless you marry into a rich family and become a public figure. "Getting ahead" must have a place in society, at least, it must be recognized by peers in the industry. I think housewives are also a profession, but the current social value orientation in China does not recognize their social status, which is a kind of discrimination. But this paper only discusses the "emerging" recognized by the society. )
When you are old enough to work, you should work hard. In this regard, I have two suggestions:
First of all, a little advice, seize every opportunity to give full play to your abilities.
I have a female colleague whose experience makes me admire.
She belongs to a well-off campus scholar with excellent writing style and has always been determined to become an excellent reporter.
In her junior year, she went directly to a big newspaper and asked for an interview. Out of curiosity, a newspaper cafe interviewed her directly.
Before the interview with the office, we just discussed the headline editorial, and the creative ideas were written on the whiteboard. Big coffee is very busy, and there is a meeting before the interview, so I ask my colleagues to wait in the office. When he came back, his colleague put a 3000-word stamp in front of the big coffee.
According to big coffee, this article is extremely bad. But he was moved by the enthusiasm of his colleagues. Without looking at their resumes, he allowed her to practice in a newspaper and scheduled her to work in a newspaper after graduation. This classmate graduated from Tsinghua, and the leader didn't care at all. He often says, "No matter what school background, I will use this kind of industry enthusiasm."
Seizing opportunities is easier said than done, but people often give in to fear and self-esteem. Sometimes it is: "This company is so good that it won't use me, will it?" Or: "What if the interview is ugly and humiliating?" ..... thus losing many opportunities. Seizing the opportunity is the basis of finding a job.
I interviewed for many jobs and received many invitations. My experience in getting a job opportunity is "shameless" and "whether you have a date or not" This may be related to my sales career, because sales have to make a lot of phone calls, which invisibly exercises my nerves and one of my thinking habits: if you don't try, there is no chance of success; If I try, I may not succeed, but I deserve it.
The second suggestion is to focus on honing your work skills. Skills can earn money and earn you respect.
I worked as a medical device salesman for a while. Among my former colleagues, a girl eventually became a lawyer.
She is a great beauty. She once believed that "beauty can be eaten as a meal." She usually talks about customers by brushing her face and occasionally "sells herself" to get big orders. The list of medical equipment is very large, millions, so she bought her own house from Beijing a few years later, which shows how much she earned.
Then one day at dinner, she suddenly told me that she wanted to change careers as a lawyer. I said you can forget it. To be a lawyer, you must first pass the departmental examination and find an internship in a law firm to qualify. The key is to really practice, and you will find that most lawyers earn a fraction of their sales.
Her answer is: "I made a lot of money by being good-looking, talking and not rebelling against the hidden rules, but people looked down on me." No matter how many achievements I have made, they completely deny me with' this is not just a matter of face'. I despise myself, too. I have been in this business for five or six years, and I haven't learned much professional knowledge. I just drink and eat every day. You can't go on like this, people will be ruined. "
Soon, she quietly resigned. After that, I will see her posting her own learning trends in QQ space. Occasionally talking, I feel that her speech has changed. The wording that used to be a bit "floating" has gradually been transformed into rigorous and pragmatic by legal thinking. When I met her at the beginning of this year, she was already a formal lawyer. In fact, she said, being a lawyer earns a lot, because she can continue to promote the sales of medical devices, and being a lawyer can make her more weighty.
"The point is," she said, "I can not only make money now, but also gain the respect of my peers. It is not easy, but my heart is very practical. "
We often hear such an argument in the workplace: work is not about ability, but about whether you have high education and social relations.
I can say responsibly that education and social relations are useful, but they are only stepping stones. What can really keep people in a job or an industry for a long time is always the ability and professional level. If women want to get ahead in their work, they need to make more efforts and energy than others. What should a girl do when she meets a glass ceiling? Skilled work skills are always the most powerful weapon, but complaining is not.
The third suggestion is to manage your own circle of contacts.
This has an intersection with campus contacts, but the focus of the workplace network is interest exchange and win-win cooperation, not like-minded, harmonious temper, and not to select moral model pacesetters. My own principle is: cooperation.
The social value of people lies in: you can find a job through your skills; And through work, support yourself and achieve economic independence. If you can't do this, let alone be a wife and mother, it will be a bit meaningless (excluding full-time housewives, full-time jobs are also jobs, but society does not recognize them and there are risks). All "getting ahead" is rooted in finding one's social position at work first, while others, such as money and reputation, need to be accumulated step by step and depend on time.
4, use your brain to get married, first come to a bowl, and then eat this bowl of wedding rice.
The reason why I discuss marriage in the fourth point is that most girls around me have their studies and careers before they consider getting married and having children, instead of rushing to marry themselves and taking marriage as a gift. As a result, they have no place in the workplace, and their marriage has become a mess because of their low economic status. This is not "prophase", but "sinking into the lake".
Beauvoir's famous saying in The Second Sex is familiar to everyone:
"A person is very lucky that he has to embark on an extremely difficult road, whether he is an adult or a child, but this is the most reliable road; A woman's misfortune lies in being surrounded by almost irresistible temptations. She doesn't need to make progress, but is encouraged to slide to bliss. When she found herself fooled by a mirage, it was usually too late, and her strength had been exhausted in the failed adventure. "
The current social value orientation is deceptive to women, because when she should study, she should be told that "studying well is better than marrying well" and when she should work, she should be told that "doing well is better than marrying well" ...
I am disgusted with this value orientation.
Being a wife or a mother is a personal choice and we should respect it. There is no doubt about it. But I think these two social identities, especially motherhood, need women to have a certain economic foundation, sound spiritual personality, strong interpersonal skills and other conditions to stand up (the same is true for men, but the article is about women, only from women). Mr. Pan Guangdan, a sociologist, pointed out more than once that mother is the noblest profession, and she shoulders the responsibility of producing and educating the next generation of social people; If the mother is not strong, the nation will not be strong. Let's look at the parents who raised Xiong Haizi and know how terrible it is for those who are not qualified and qualified to be parents to become parents.
To put it bluntly, some people just don't know if they are qualified to get married and have children, and then cultivate inferior citizens to make things difficult for others (unisex).
And I doubt very much that a girl who can't handle her study and work well can handle her marriage well. Women who have no pattern of work and study will not have much improvement when they enter marriage, and it is impossible to turn their faces on marriage.
The "up-and-coming" girls I know have the ability to work and deal with marriage and love. They made me deeply feel that "a strong woman is busy at work and her husband is derailed and divorced" in TV dramas and chicken soup articles is a small probability event.
First of all, they never look for boyfriends in the garbage and know what a good man looks like.
In the family, they get enough security from their parents' marriage relationship; At school and in the workplace, I have met all kinds of people, because I have never been afraid of socializing (there are also girls whose parents have failed in marriage, but they have made it clear that they don't want the type, so long as they are diligent in socializing, they will also be effectively screened). It's not that they won't meet love rat, but that there is a contrast, which leads to targeted screening: this time, the slag will be thrown away, and the next one will be better than this one. In this process, they gradually understand that a good man is responsible, diligent, polite, hygienic and respects women and social order; Garbage man is irresponsible, lazy, dirty and greasy, full of dirty words, and despises women and social order. They will not allow swearing to come out of each other's mouth for the second time, nor will they allow each other to punch themselves, because they know what they want and what they don't want.
Second, their ability and economic foundation are enough to cope with daily chores.
A girl who is good at work, her execution and communication skills are unimaginable. They can communicate with their husbands and share housework willingly; Can live in harmony with in-laws; Can handle the relationship between relatives and neighbors; Be a role model for children. Because of their economic independence, they can get rid of the tedious housework. If you don't want to wash dishes greasy, buy a dishwasher; If you don't like sweeping the floor, buy a sweeping robot; If you don't want to clean regularly, please hire a professional housekeeper from a regular company. ...
Most importantly, they know the essence of parenthood: not everything, but a mentally sound individual and a qualified national citizen.
A female friend of mine, a famous host, just gave birth to a second child, all boys. When chatting, she often sends me some articles and comments about love rat. The most I heard from her was: "My family is all boys. I will teach them to respect women now. When they grow up, they can't be love rat and go out to hurt other girls. " A few days ago, the high-speed rail took a seat. She told me, "My children can't be so ill-bred. They must learn how to respect the rights of others from an early age. "
At this point, do you still think that getting married and having children is a small thing that everyone can do?
I used to be a scholar, and my research scope included the idea of prenatal and postnatal care in the Republic of China. Although there are many dross of nationalism (Hitler's set), the importance of mother has been repeatedly mentioned by scholars in the 1930s: only when the mother is strong and her rights are guaranteed, the children raised are more likely to become qualified citizens; Mother's identity, although normal, is very heavy, and it can't be perfectly undertaken without a strong body and mind.
I have also read some articles, and I agree with one of them: women should have their own "marriage morality" and "uterus morality". To put it bluntly, don't marry love rat, and don't leave love rat a backward path. Why? Because children in love rat may not be able to educate them well, they will be harmful to society when they grow up.
Of the above four items, the first item belongs to the initial configuration and may be imperfect; Two or three, as long as they can do well, the fourth one should not be too dizzy, and many girls can basically "get ahead" naturally. However, there are too many temptations, fallacies and misleading in our society.
I don't totally agree with the middle school girl in Weibo mentioned at the beginning of the article. This girl seems to live too clearly, too realistically and too unreal, and there is quite some doubt that it is better to marry well than to do well.
But at least one thing is worthy of recognition: just dare to say "get ahead"!
Just think for yourself! Why don't some people like the word "early"? Do you feel stinky?
It is because our society has long advocated that women should give freely and sacrifice themselves for love. If they mention material, they will be accused of "money worship" by the public. However, according to the standard of "equal rights and responsibilities", in the process of raising, girls are deprived of a lot of economic benefits, and they are subjected to a lot of violations and social discrimination ... Such a gender group, you should call on them to make contributions for free, use love to generate electricity, and don't talk about material things ... With all due respect, this is cheating and bullying, right?
I hope that today's girls can be bolder and more executive than previous generations of women, regardless of other people's eyes and their own confusion. Trying to get ahead is not something that makes people lose their minds, nor something that makes people feel uneasy, but something that every girl should strive for.
Finally, the godfather. After the five steps of "life goal", there is actually another sentence:
"In fact, as a man, the first two steps are successful, life is complete, and the third step is great. People who arbitrarily reverse the order are generally not trustworthy. "
I especially agree, and I think this applies to both sexes. In this world, someone has reversed the order of women: I advise you to take care of your family first, and then be kind to others … Finally, it's your turn. Men, on the other hand, treat themselves well from the first step.
I don't know what the godfather thinks a woman's life goal should be, but I can feel that when a man's "first step" and a woman's "first step" are completely out of place in their life goals, it is impossible for the two sexes to live in real harmony, only to lose one side and lose the pair.
End—
Rebecca said: I hope all the girls in the world can stand out, be rich and get financial freedom!