Social worker reading club: the third reading sharing session on "How the new family shapes people"

Venue: Social Work Practice Studio, 5th Floor, Building 8

Time: 20 19.4.25? 12: 45- 14: 00 noon

Moderator: Teacher Yang Jieyu

Guest: Teacher Dai.

Students: Xiao Xin, Zeng, Li Shan, Xie Qixun, Zhao, Huang Zijian.

The family therapy model advocated by Ms. Satya has been criticized in the past, but after the test of history, people now recognize the value of this treatment model.

Let me briefly talk about the contents of the previous chapters.

The first chapter puts forward that changing the family is changing the world. This shows the importance of family. The fate of a family also depends on the understanding of the feelings and needs hidden in daily life events. Therefore, as every member of the family, we should really understand and feel the family.

The second chapter mentions that everyone's body will react physiologically to the people and environment around him. We have been immersed in the family atmosphere since childhood, and the role of the family is far-reaching and lasting, so a good family should be a harbor for understanding and support.

Chapters 3 and 4 are all about self-worth. Ms. satya suggested that we can be more confident at any time, enhance our own value, learn self-esteem and self-confidence and realize higher self-value.

In the fifth chapter, Ms. Satya puts forward that our body functions are divided into eight aspects, and we should learn to coordinate our eight functions to treat our feelings well.

Chapter VI Some of us have been exposed to many bad communication methods since childhood, which will have a bad influence on us. We should learn to communicate with others in a straightforward, equal and serious way.

In the seventh chapter, Ms. Satya summarizes four bad communication methods, namely, please, blame, be unreasonable and interrupt, which are not conducive to our higher life. We should learn to communicate in a consistent way, which is more conducive to our communication and life.

Small summary:

1. We can rebuild our value every day.

2. Strive to improve your self-esteem and self-worth.

3. Accepting and acknowledging your feelings and adopting a frank and consistent way in communication are extremely important for the formation and development of a good family atmosphere.

My doubt: the game she designed is difficult for us to complete. For example, a reproachful person in the family may still not accept the game, so it can't be implemented and there are problems that can't be solved.

Huang Zixuan: I think people who participate in games should relax in advance.

Yang Jieyu: First, I didn't want to change others when I was studying. Secondly, I think there is no way to play games at home, mainly because I don't realize the importance of playing games. I should be able to do it if I want to.

Dai: If I continue to entertain, the main reason for the change is whether he really thinks this is important, not what you think should be changed. I suggest you watch inspirational interview, which is a genre of skills that can help the case owner realize that he needs to change, so as to change.

A person's family environment will have a great impact on his life, and everything parents say and do will affect their children. Especially the comparison between harmonious families and problem families. Self-worth and self-esteem are concepts. Doubt: What's the difference between communicating with a stranger and communicating in pairs mentioned in P25?

Yang Jieyu: The purpose is different. My practical class is listening training, inspired by psychological drama in narrative therapy, looking for unfamiliar classmates in order to establish relationships with strangers through listening; Satya's pair-by-pair communication emphasizes finding people who trust him to talk about their inner feelings.

I haven't completely read this book, but from the chapters I have read so far, I find that this book is partly the same as what the teacher said in class. Although this book is about family and the teacher talks about our future work in class, some methods written in this book can be used in our future work. Then can I think that some ways of doing things in the family can have an impact on your future work and study?

Because Mr. Yuan also mentioned the influence of family background on a person's future life in class, and this influence is very important, then this book is also very important to us. Many things mentioned in the book also have a great influence on our lives. Self-worth, self-esteem, communication and so on will tell us how to deal with or improve these things. Believing in ourselves is our most precious asset. While appreciating yourself, we should also see the bright spots in others and respect their values. We should sow the seeds of trust and hope among people. We don't need rules to fight our feelings, and we don't need to always do things according to our feelings. If we don't fully realize our uniqueness, we are just slaves, robots, computers and tyrants-not human beings. I'm not used to taking notes. I still study in my own way. Found that there are many similarities with the knowledge of teachers in the classroom; The way of getting along with the family can also be used for reference if it is placed outside the family.

Dai: It shows that the class is very serious, and I can recall the content of the class. I think it's possible.

After reading some of the contents, I think the title of this book can be understood as: how to form an old family into a new family, and how families shape people with high self-worth. One point in the book left a deep impression on me. For example, Ms. Satya said that parents pull up their children's arms and walk. After a long time, the child's arm will ache and want to put it down. Adults may misunderstand that this is disrespectful to themselves, but it will make children feel that adults are cold and even reject themselves. This is a common contradiction in many families. However, such a neglected contradiction will become a breeding ground for children's inner hatred and fear, making parents feel like giving up. In fact, this is the point of "the same reason" in interpersonal communication class. They don't enter each other's frame, parents don't consider their children's arm pain, and children don't know how to express it. However, the above views are only valid if the family/individual is willing to change and try. On page 6 of the book, it is put forward that "understanding is the beginning of change, and experience makes change happen" and "remember, you have to go into the water to learn to swim". I think it's true. No one can help you if you don't reach out.

Yang Jieyu: I saw the value of reading club sharing, because I didn't notice or forgot some details, and you reminded me.

My first impression of How a New Family Shapes People is that it is in line with the situation faced and encountered by this family now, and it is also very similar to the behavior of parents treating their children now. At the same time, I also gained the following points.

1. There are many ways to shape more than one person in a family, and the words, deeds and actions shown by individuals are very close to the family style.

At the same time, I think it is very important for everyone to deal with different plots. For example, the mother who accuses the little girl of breaking the cup in the book may make the little girl feel guilty, sensitive and sad. A caring mother will make the little girl feel warm and comfortable. For the little girl, she will be more sympathetic to others' mistakes next time. So it is very helpful for me to speak and deal with things, and I also tell myself that it is very important to treat others and restrain my emotions in life.

3. That is, when we feel that our self-worth is very low, that we are not cared about by our families, and that the atmosphere at home is not what we want, we must enhance our own value and learn to affirm our own value.

Yang: Value can be self-remolded.

Dai: Treat him as your parents treat you. Thought of the book inferiority and transcendence.

Li Shan: Doubt: You will become the role you don't want to be in your family.

Xie Qixun: I know what she means, such as the inheritance of domestic violence.

Yang: This kind of inheritance is also mentioned in intimate relationships.

Huang Zijian: I think we can ask Yuan's mother. She checked in yesterday.

Dai: I understand. I learned it at home because you don't know any other way. Realizing that you don't like it is the first step. Then you can learn new methods.

Summarized three major points: first, understand and accept others, try to deliberately others, I take part-time jobs, accept others' views and preferences, and respect others; Second, when accepting others, we should accept our own emotions. Many people like to suppress themselves when their emotions are not accepted. I think we should really face them; Third, the orientation of husband and wife, with partners first, will be happy, and children will know how to love. For example, last year's Weibo (see: papi sauce's life ranking was scolded by hot search, what do you think? )。 Fourth, high value and high self-esteem are not given by others, but by themselves.

Dai: The hot events you mentioned are mainly unclear family boundaries and unclear family roles, which will be greatly affected when dealing with family affairs.

Let me talk about the mode of getting along with family. For example, my father is very shy, and I am greatly influenced by my father, but I want to be like my mother, which will be very contradictory. Then I feel that personality needs to accept myself, not blindly resist.

After reading it, I think listening is particularly important. Chapter 5 Two children quarrel, and the mother listens to them. I thought of negative examples of parents in our community. That child has low self-esteem, and he will feel that it is all his responsibility. My question: the case will be hidden, how to let the case owner face it calmly?

Dai: When will you be honest without reservation? When you are relaxed, when you are needed (when you can help you, when you are trustworthy), when two people are particularly close. Who will I talk to: someone who won't scold me.

Xie Qixun: I read the book "Case Work" myself, which mentioned how to make the other party believe you in the shortest time: introduce your responsibilities, and the working relationship is greater than the friend relationship.

I just started reading this book, and it doesn't play a very important role at home, so I started reading it slowly, and it became faster and faster after the fourth chapter. For example, my nephew begged me, and I just wanted to get rid of him in the fastest way. If children don't listen to you, the best way to self-esteem is. . . Then I found that all my actions were hurting his self-esteem. When I was a child, I seldom sat on my mother to rest. She is so tired that I wonder if she doesn't like me sitting on her lap. I like a book, which can be used by me.

It is important to lead by example. Everyone is unique, thinking in different ways and dealing with them in different ways.

1, the students read it very carefully.

This book is worth reading, and it is worth reading again and again.

3. Teacher Lu Xiao's participation has benefited us a lot, and we look forward to teacher Lu Xiao's coming again next time.