Characters: Zhu Bajie's mother, Wang Ma's daughters.
Preface: It is said that Zhu Bajie became a static altar messenger after he came back from studying classics. It was a completely different life. It's said that he started a pig financial company, and now he is rich, and the beautiful women chasing him are train after train. Yo, I'm not kidding. I had plastic surgery. I don't believe you.
Pig Bajie goes on stage (background music: devils enter the village. Status: Look in the mirror while walking)
Pig: Oh, I forgot to introduce myself. To tell you the truth, I am the symmetrical tree, the pig whose pear blossoms crush Haitang ... Oh, no, the messenger of the static altar. Today, I am here on a blind date. The daughters of Ms. Wang's family are crying and crying to see me. I heard that there are so many people who look like natural disasters and ask for relatives. They have broken through the threshold. Well, I can't help it. I have to go there myself. (monologue: actually, in my heart, I don't know where the beauty is)
When Wang Ma's home arrived, the pig knocked at the door.
Wang Ma: We don't accept gifts for the Spring Festival this year. We only accept gifts of one hundred dollars.
Pig: Look.
Wang Ma: Wow. That's very kind of you. I'm sorry you said you were a great person and couldn't meet you in person. Please sit down, please sit down, please sit down.
Narrator: Pig Bajie can't resist. Look east and west.
Pig: Tell your daughters to come out.
Wang Ma: Yo, what's your hurry? If all this comes out, you won't give them food, will you?
Pig: It's still thoughtful of Wang Ma.
Wang Ma: Cui Hua, the tea is served, and the octagonal fan is served. Do you think this is okay? I'll have them all prepare a program for you so that we can watch and drink at the same time?
Pig: OK.
Wang Ma: Are the daughters ready? play music
The first group of daughters: the song "Song of the Pig"
The second group of daughters: children dance's "Porky Pig Fuck"
The third group of daughters: passionately recite poems praising the life of pigs.
Three groups of daughters finally.
Wang Ma: Mr. Pig, what are your feelings at this moment? What did you think of the performance just now? Which group of daughters do you think you prefer? Do you think you can find the love in your heart? (interview)
Pig: Do you really want me to say it?
Daughters: Go ahead.
Pig: From the heart? I like these programs very much, but I like you more. I want to marry all of you.
Wang Ma: At the third session of the Fifth National People's Congress, according to the Decision on Amending the Marriage Law of the People's Republic of China made at the 21st session of the Standing Committee of the Ninth National People's Congress on April 28th, 2006, the second amendment was adopted: a marriage system featuring freedom of marriage, monogamy and equality between men and women was implemented.
Pig: That's ... that's ... that's ... that's what we have to do.
Wang Ma: I have a good idea to throw hydrangeas to attract relatives.
Pig: Well, it's all right.
Wang Ma: That's what you want. 74 1 10 send hydrangeas. Daughters, now I declare Mr. Pig married by throwing hydrangea. Those who receive hydrangeas can marry Mr. Pig immediately. Don't be discouraged if they don't receive it. .......
The pig got the hydrangea and threw it out. The hydrangea was caught by her daughter.
Wang Ma: Now I announce that they will get married at once. The daughters are diligent.
2. Snow White's slanting biography (based on Snow White)
Snow White: Are you kidding? It is popular to speak Chinese now. It's really out of date
Narrator: Ah! It slipped my mind. Start over.
Once upon a time, there was a very rich kingdom. The king is handsome, but the queen is ugly. Based on the extremes of the two, they gave birth to a freak. This freak is as beautiful as a fairy when it snows, but once it rains or sunny, it will become extremely ugly. Therefore, they named this freak "Snow White". Our story begins here.
Doctor too much: No, no, the Queen can't hold on any longer. Somebody, the queen is dying.
Snow White: Oh, Mom. You are free at last.
Queen: My beautiful daughter, I will leave you soon. Don't miss me too much.
Snow White: My mother, go quietly. I will take care of my father instead of you.
Queen: Ah ~ I'm dead.
Snow White: Mom, Mom ~ ~ Narrator: After Snow White's mother died, the king restrained his sadness and married a new queen. This woman is uglier than Snow White's mother, and her heart is more vicious than Snow White's mother. She has a magic mirror that can answer all the questions.
Queen: Mirror, mirror, who is the ugliest in this world?
Mirror: Snow White, of course. She is the ugliest person in the world.
Queen: Hum! She is the ugliest here all day. I want to marry her off! If you marry far away, you will never come back to rob me.
King: Queen, what do you want to discuss with me today? Has football started again? The Miss Universe election has started again? Or did qq hang up again?
Queen: Neither. I think our daughter is not young either. It's time to find her a husband's family.
King: That won't do. My daughter is missing. Who will play Lianliankan with me? No, no, I won't allow it a hundred times.
Queen: Who is playing Lianliankan now? The prince and ministers have begun to play eternity, and they are taking a public beta. I have an account. Do you want it?
King: Then you promise to help me upgrade my level, and you will also help me deal with princes and ministers when I play cs in the future.
Queen: OK, no problem. I will take care of it.
King: But where can I find this daughter's date?
Queen: This is the Internet age. How about online marriage?
King: Good idea. Somebody, get someone to take a photo album for the princess.
Narrator: Snow White's life is actually very simple, basically no different from other ladies. Every day is to dress up, buy clothes and go shopping, then chat online, then do interviews and pat photo albums. ...
Maid: Ugly Princess, you have been playing computer all day. Do you want to have a rest?
Princess: OK, then take my laptop, and I'll lie in bed and rest while playing.
(Princess chats online)
Princess: Dear balloon frog, what are you doing?
Balloon frog: Oh, happy Britney, I'm talking to you.
Princess: Oh, you are so dishonest. What are you doing besides chatting with me?
Balloon frog: no, you are my only, happy Britney Spears. When I was chatting with you, I was still thinking ... (rap)
Come on, baby, let's fall in love, okay?
You should stop thinking about whether we deserve each other.
I won't make you nervous, I will only make you jump.
The big deal is that I will be a little tired when I get up tomorrow morning.
Start (a disease)
Who else can blame for wasting these tears?
Don't be so sad as the ending of Baoyu and Daiyu.
Don't regret.
There is nothing wrong with not being afraid of foul in this friendly match.
As long as you want.
Go and get into the quilt with me.
Princess: Hum ~ ~ ~ You are so annoying ~
King: My dear daughter, come quickly.
Princess: Oh ~, I won't talk to you. My father wants to see me.
Balloon frog: OK, Happy Britney Spears, see you in my dream.
Princess: Dad, I'm coming.
Kim: We found a photographer for you and took a photo album for you.
Princess: Ah ~ ~ so shy. Do you really want to take a photo album for me?
King: Yes, go shopping with your mother.
Queen: You see, this smelly Nell's clothes are just unusual, right?
Princess: Yes, the selection of materials, design, cutting and sewing are all done by first-class experts. It is rare in the real world. What is even more rare is that it clings to every inch of my skin and gives me gentle care, just like the spring breeze, just like the feeling of first love.
Queen: Huh? When did you first fall in love? Why don't I know?
Princess: this ... this ...
Queen: Hum, you think I don't know that your first love was me. Boss, all the clothes here are wrapped and sent to the palace.
Boss: After the discount, it comes to 22,000 pieces of silver.
Queen: Are you kidding? We ugly duo want money?
Boss: You are absolutely ugly, but Snow White is not.
Queen: Huh? I don't even know why it snows. It doesn't matter. Wait for me to make a phone call. Hello? Is it the meteorological station? Well, I'm the queen. I order you to modify the weather parameters of the system immediately and change it to rain today. You don't have to change it all day, just the next two hours. Hmm.
Boss: Wow, it's raining.
Princess: Yes, yes, it's raining.
Boss: Wow, it's ugly.
Queen: I told you we were an ugly couple. Somebody, take your clothes and drive back to the palace.
Narrator: Snow White's photo album was snapped up as soon as it was listed, causing an uproar on the Internet. Even smelly Nair has become an international brand. Well-intentioned people didn't know it was Snow White, so they gave this online beauty a respectful name: upper-class beauty. At the same time, princes from all over the world came to meet each other and happily married Snow White home.
(The Queen is sifting through resumes)
Queen: Asian? No way! Europeans, no way! Africans, it's not negotiable! Middle East? Next life. Zhang Wuji, indecisive. Nicholas Tse? Love is not an expert ... ah! Prince charming! Live in the North Pole! All right! That's the man I'm looking for!
King: Did you see it or not? Do you want an interview?
Queen: Well, let's interview Chen Shui-bian, Alibaba, Tang Priest and Prince Charming.
The princess chatted online again.
Princess: Oh, balloon frog, I haven't seen you for days. I miss you so much!
Balloon frog: Oh, sweets. I bought a new camera. Can we record video?
Princess: OK ~ ~ ~ Wow, frog, you are so ugly.
Balloon frog: Wow ~ ~ ~ Sweets, you have a good personality, too.
Princess: Frog, I suddenly feel that I am in love with you.
Balloon frog: Sweet, I love you madly, too.
Princess: Oh ~ ~
Balloon frog: Oh ~ ~ ~
Narrator: In the far north pole, there is also a kingdom. The prince of the kingdom is called Prince Charming, and he is also a freak. When he rides a white horse, he is very handsome, but at other times, he is just a frog as round as a balloon. Yes, the balloon frog is the screen name of Prince Charming.
Prince charming building
Prince: Oh, my happy britney spears, she's so ugly and unforgettable. Oh ~ ~ ~ Only in the dead of night ~ ~ you and I can open our hearts, release innocence, and turn my thoughts into songs ~ ~ around you ~ ~ and sing Love Me.
Prince's father: Son, I sent your resume to Snow White's country, and they informed you of the interview. Please get ready quickly. I will send you there by Apollo in five minutes.
After the prince's father left.
Prince: Oh! Why? Why should I accept this fate? Oh ~ ~ I will be as miserable as Liang Shanbo. Oh ~ ~ ~ heartbreaking. Britney spears, I will definitely remember you in my next life. Please don't blame me for being an ungrateful person.
The princess sang: You said that if I remember you in the next life, we would die together, like a hypnotic distance.
Narrator: We returned to Snow White's country. One day in the sky, one year on earth. Prince charming's Apollo spacecraft broke down halfway, but he arrived on a camel as scheduled.
Queen: Well, all young talents are very powerful, ah. We're going to start the interview now, ah. Please don't keep, ah, show your talents fully. At the same time, today's interview will be broadcast by global satellite. Well, your friends and relatives can give unlimited support online.
Kim: contestant number one, Chen Shui-bian. Professional, gossip.
Queen: Don't look at this, just go out!
Kim: contestant number two, Ali. Specialty, say magic.
Alibaba: Dear king and queen, hello ~ ~ I'm Alibaba from a distant country. My specialty is to say a spell: open sesame, open sesame, oh, oh, oh, open sesame, open sesame, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Queen: Get out. I am allergic to sesame.
Alibaba: Oh ~ Queen, I'm not finished yet. . . You keep listening to me. ......
(Rap) Alibaba is a happy young man who came here to say a spell and Zhou Yu.
Listen carefully to what you read.
Open sesame, open sesame, I can't help it until Sesame opens the door.
Happy youth is my sesame, sesame, sesame, sesame. . . . . . .
Queen: Get out! Get out! Get out!
King: No.3 player, Tang Priest. Specialty, but also chanting.
Tang Priest: Dear kings, queens and judges, hello. I'm Tang Sanzang, and I went to the Western Heaven to learn from the Tang Dynasty after many hardships. Nowadays, poor monks have changed their customs. Today, I came all the way to your country from Sanzang Cosmos Trading Group on Mars, just to have a happy relationship with the princess. To this end, I prepared a widely circulated song. . .
Only you, I finally came back, birds only you, my love birds flying birds.
Only you own all my BMW villa business now, but I am short of favorites.
Only you brought 99 carats of diamonds to the interview today to show my sincerity.
I am the best, the best, the best. Please let me into the bridal chamber, hohoho. ...
Queen: What does it matter? A Chinese odyssey? Out of date ~ directly out.
King: contestant number four, Prince Charming.
Queen: Wow. Well proportioned, hold your head high. The overlord of the crowd! But can you get off the horse? So I can't see your face clearly.
King: Well, come down and have a look.
Queen: God, he is uglier than Snow White and has a great personality.
King: Oh ~~ ~ I might as well sigh in front of him.
Queen: Well, it's you! Hey, hey, King, did we play this scene well? Ha ha ha ha.
King: (grinned) Ha ha ha ha ha ha ~ ~ ~
Queen: Daughter, we finally found a good husband's family for you.
Princess: What? When did this happen? Why don't I know?
Queen: Just when you went to the Sleeping Beauty wedding.
Princess: But I already have a husband.
Queen: Online?
Princess: Yes.
Queen: That has nothing to do with it. Shit, are your two husbands still upset?
Princess: But I love him.
Queen: There is no room for discussion. We will get married tomorrow.
Princess: Oh ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I'm so sad that I'm dying.
Guard 1: Did you see a figure just now?
Guard 2: Yes, Snow White.
Guard 1: Somebody, Snow White has escaped. ...
in the forest
Princess: Hum, damn Obasan, I dare to force marriage, and I don't want to see anyone ugly! Fortunately, I run fast. Who knows what kind of person that guy named Bai is! Wow, there seems to be an Internet cafe ahead. Let me have a look.
(Aizi Internet Bar)
The pigs sang: There is a lamb on the high mountain. Oh, it has no relatives and friends. Oh, it has no family, no friends and no Raleigh.
Princess: Wow, I didn't expect there to be such an emotional Internet cafe in this deep forest. It's not a monster, is it?
Pig: Welcome!
Princess: Wow! That's a monster, and it's a seven-pig demon!
Pig demon 1: What a pig demon! You underestimate us! We are seven rainbow pigs-red, yellow, orange, green, blue and purple! Because we have different refractivity to light, we show different colors.
Princess: Cut the crap! As the saying goes, "crows are as black as pigs." Although you have different skin colors, you are still pig monsters! Forget it, turn on the machine.
Pig demon 2: Oh, machine 7.
Princess: Wow, a virus.
Pig demon 3: Huh? You broke our machine? Lose money. . . . .
Princess: I'm an ugly duo. What money should I give?
Pig demon 4: Are you lying to me? Who doesn't know that you are beautiful and even call yourself an ugly duo?
Princess: Shit, when did it snow? I didn't notice.
Pig demon 5: There is nothing to say. You must pay for the damage to our machine. Just accompany the guests online and teach them to chat.
Narrator: There was the sound of hooves in the distance. It turns out that Prince Charming also came to the forest.
Prince: Hey, I failed my happy britney spears. God knows what that Snow White looks like. Well, I'm actually a Chen Shimei. Anyway, go to the internet cafe in front and send an email to Britney to apologize.
Prince: Boss, help me turn on a machine.
Pig demon 6: It turned out to be Prince Charming. Do you need chat service? We have senior beauties here.
Prince: upper-class beauty? All right.
Pig demon 7: Prince, we are not allowed to ride horses here. Please come down. Thank you for your cooperation.
Prince: All right.
Princess: Huh? Balloon frog?
Prince: How do you know me? Who are you?
Princess: Dear, I am happy britney spears.
Prince: Nonsense, my Britney Spears is not as beautiful as you. The boss says you are beautiful. Don't bully me.
Princess: You, you really don't recognize me? You heartbreaker, 5555555.
Prince: Wow, it's raining. Wow, happy sweets?
Princess: Hum, don't you know me?
Prince: Oh, dear. My eyes are not good, dear, don't be angry. What is your real name?
Princess: What about you? My stepmother forced me to marry Prince Charming, and today was the last time we met.
Prince: Hum ~ How dare you rob me? I killed Prince Charming. Wait, are you Snow White?
Princess: Yes, I am.
Prince: I am Prince Charming! ! !
Princess Prince: Oh ~ ~ ~ ~ ~!
Narrator: Snow White and Prince Charming finally recognized each other and went to the North Pole after marriage. The queen finally became the ugliest woman in the country.
Queen: Hahahaha, Snow White was finally married by me. Ha ha ha ha ha.
King: Queen, can you pay attention? How can you play mahjong like this?
Queen: I'm Hu, hahahahahaha. Pay, pay. Ouch ... I have a stomachache ......
King: Hurry up ~ ~ It's too fast to pass the doctor ~ ~
Narrator: The queen gave birth to a second daughter for the king and a freak. Also known as Snow White. In order to adapt to the development of the story, the queen died again The king married an uglier woman and our story repeats itself. However, at the end of the story, the princess and the prince will live a happy life.
Princess: Honey, cut my toenails.
Prince: Yes, yes, yes, yes. I'll cut your toenails right away.
Princess: Honey, help me change the TV.
Prince: I'll change the channel for you as soon as you arrive.
Princess: Honey, it's time for the baby to change diapers. Prince: OK, OK, OK, OK, I'll change your diaper right away. Oh, no, no, no, change the baby's diaper right away.
Prince: faint ......