Many introverts hope to change their introverted personality, improve their ability to communicate with others, and then have good interpersonal relationships. So they read a lot of books on interpersonal relationship and learned a lot of interpersonal skills, but they found that the effect was little and not obvious. This shows that learning skills alone is not enough. They can't have good interpersonal relationships not only because they lack skills, but also because of many deep-seated reasons. At the same time, does this also explain from one side that the current interpersonal relationship books are flawed and incomplete? Introverts need to change and improve their beliefs, attitudes and skills if they want to have good interpersonal relationships. First, faith: establish a "win-win" (equality and mutual benefit) belief. If you want to have good interpersonal relationships, you must have the idea of equality and mutual benefit. In fashionable words, it is to have a win-win thinking. There are several modes of thinking in dealing with interpersonal relationships: 1. I win and you lose: we have been educated to strengthen this concept since childhood. Do better in exams than others, run faster and jump higher in sports competitions than others, and win the championship. In a word, only by surpassing others and winning can we feel happy. We regard life as an arena. To be successful and happy, we must surpass others and leave others behind. In addition, selfish people hold the idea that I win and you lose. 2. I lose and you win: people who lack self-confidence and self-esteem often think so. They dare not stand their ground, want nothing, compromise at the expense of personal interests, and seek peace at the expense. 3. lose-lose: on the surface, no one will benefit from this, and it seems that no one will do it. But some people just want to do this! What I can't get, you can't sacrifice others. For revenge, I would rather sacrifice myself than drag you down. 4. Win-win: Win-win is based on the concept of equality and mutual benefit. Earn your own profits without harming the interests of others. If you don't set yourself against others, you and I are not hostile parties, but comrades in the same trench. We share weal and woe and work together to create a better future. I win, you lose (selfish), I lose, you win (compromise), and both lose (lose), which can't make people have good interpersonal relationships. If you want to have a good interpersonal relationship, you must have a win-win thinking and an idea of equality and mutual benefit. 4. Understanding others and expressing yourself (the balance between "understanding" and "expression") are inseparable from communication. Communication is to understand others by listening, and to make others understand themselves by expressing. Introverts are not good at expressing themselves. How to speak is their weakness, and they are more willing to listen. But their listening is passive. They listen to what others say, but they are not good at grasping the conversation process by asking questions, and they are not good at letting others think that you are willing to listen to him by agreeing. Therefore, this advantage of being willing to listen has not been fully exerted in introverts. 5. Be tolerant of others and take the initiative to admit mistakes (the balance between "tolerance" and "admitting mistakes"). When others make mistakes, tolerate each other; Apologize when you make a mistake. Introverts often dare not take the initiative to admit their mistakes because of their lack of self-confidence, for fear that doing so will let others know that they have made mistakes and look down on themselves. So he is afraid of making mistakes, cautious, timid, hiding mistakes, afraid of being known. Or go to the other extreme, whether it is your own fault or not, always admit your own mistakes, so as to gain others' sympathy and pity for you. In fact, whether he dares to admit his mistakes or keeps admitting them, it reflects that he has no confidence in others to forgive his mistakes and his ability to correct them and turn the situation around. This makes him prefer to do nothing, so as not to talk too much and make too many mistakes. ........... Through the above analysis, introverts can't have good interpersonal relationships, not only because of personality factors, but also because of many ideological deviations. And the more analysis, the more problems. But this is good. Knowing where the key lies, you can start to improve and improve. In addition, we also see that most interpersonal books only talk about the love part of interpersonal communication, such as respecting others, being honest and trustworthy, being interested in others, understanding others, tolerating others, etc., while ignoring the courage part of balancing love in interpersonal communication. The interpersonal relationship established in this way is biased and there is still a certain distance from our ideal win-win interpersonal relationship. I make up for the courage that has been neglected for a long time in interpersonal communication, which is especially useful for introverts to do well in interpersonal relationships. The interpersonal communication theory thus formed is a complete theory. The interpersonal relationship established under the guidance of this theory is real, desirable and good interpersonal relationship! Third, skills: establish the belief of "win-win", grasp both "love" and "courage", and be hard with both hands. This is the right way to walk in good interpersonal relationships. If you can master some interpersonal skills at the same time, it will be even more powerful. If you want to have courage, you must have confidence. There are many ways to build self-confidence. There must be a reason for inferiority, and there must be a way to be confident. As long as you follow the method of building confidence, you can have confidence. The common methods to build self-confidence are: daily encouragement, self-suggestion, positive memory, full preparation, doing small things and so on. With self-confidence, you dare to take risks and have courage! Just as there are ways to cultivate courage, there are skills to express love. 1. How to do it: smile, be polite, help and serve. 2. How to say: greetings, questions, listening, expressing praise, gratitude, persuasion, encouragement, and so on. Books on interpersonal relationships have detailed explanations. Introverts need to have good interpersonal relationships step by step. Just like children have to learn to climb first, then learn to walk, and finally learn to run. Eat the rice bit by bit and walk step by step. Haste makes waste, be patient. There are many skills in interpersonal communication. We only focus on learning and practicing one skill at a time and try to learn it well. Don't master all the skills at once. As long as interpersonal communication is better than before, you should feel happy and gratified, and don't expect to eat a fat man in one bite. Learning is not equal to understanding, understanding is not equal to doing, and doing is not equal to being old. Only when you practice a skill to an age where you can use it without thinking, that is, form a habit, can you really master it. According to the general rule, it takes 2 1 day to cultivate a habit. So we should spend at least 2 1 day practicing one skill before moving on to the next. Introverts can start with simple skills. For example, practice smiling and greeting first. A simple greeting means hello. "Hello!" "The weather is good today." "Have you eaten?" "Goodbye!" ..... and so on. Try to greet the people you meet in your life with a smile, this 2 1 day. If we can also combine the practice of cultivating self-confidence, the effect will be better. When smiling and greeting become a habit, you can practice asking questions and listening. If you really master the skills of asking questions and listening, even if you are not good at words, others will regard you as a master of interpersonal communication. Smile, greet, ask questions and listen. After mastering these simple methods and skills, you can learn other skills in depth. With the improvement of communication skills, you will find that having good interpersonal relationships is not as difficult as you think. As I said before, good interpersonal relationship comes from the balance of love and courage. And courage and self-confidence are inseparable. With self-confidence, there is courage; Without self-confidence, there is no courage. So what is confidence? Some people say that confidence is a feeling. With this feeling, you will have confidence in yourself, be fearless and dare to do anything; If you lose this feeling, you will doubt yourself, hesitate and dare not act. Moreover, feelings are changeable and difficult to control and grasp. This is the feeling now, maybe it will be the opposite feeling after a while. Taking self-confidence as a feeling gives you an excellent excuse not to act. Because self-confidence is a feeling, and this feeling is fickle, maybe there is a feeling of self-confidence now, but it will not be like this after a while. Without a feeling of self-confidence, you dare not take action. If you dare not act, you will feel insecure and even more afraid of acting. This has fallen into a vicious circle: because I am not confident, I dare not act; I am even less confident because I dare not act! The result of this vicious circle is gradually becoming timid, inferior and unconfident. So, don't take confidence as a feeling! Confidence should be an attitude. Attitudes and feelings are different. According to the dictionary, attitude is the view and practice of things. Self-confidence is an attitude that we should take the initiative to do things, not a feeling of waiting for arrival. I can't say that with this feeling, I will act boldly; Without this feeling, I will passively escape. Otherwise you will fall into the vicious circle mentioned above! Self-confidence is an attitude, a way of thinking and behavior. Specifically, self-confidence is the idea and practice based on believing that you can do it. Imagine what a confident person will think and do when he encounters something he is afraid of, and then think and do it as a confident person according to his thoughts and practices. Even if your legs are shaking and your heart is beating too fast, command yourself to think, do and act. Action will bear fruit. Only with the results can we have confidence. The more you can take action, the more you can see the results and the more confident you are. Firmly establish the belief that I can, and think and act according to this belief. Gradually you can become a confident person 13 Responder: North China.