I want to reflect on my five-year experience of following "abstinence as a good medicine". Not only did I not give up completely, but I also suffered from moderate anxiety because I didn't use my brain. I am now diagnosed with moderate anxiety in the hospital. I feel dizzy every day, often weak, and there are a bunch of other inexplicable symptoms. People who don't suffer from anxiety don't feel pain ... and the process of my illness is because of the experience of playing magic 2 1 day last year.

From June 20 16 to March 20 17, I studied the good medicine of abstinence every day and had time to practice it. However, on the morning of March 3, 20 17, I had a great desire for nocturnal emission, because "Abstinence" said that I should be highly alert to demons after nocturnal emission. I broke again and again, thinking that my desire would go down in a few days, but the more I broke, the more I got up. During 2 1 day from 3.3 to 3.24, every minute of every day is a tug-of-war with the devil. Stop reading for at least half an hour every day and change it to 1 hour. I stop thinking and practicing every day and always pay attention to my own thoughts. But the more I stare, the more my demons bounce back. In this 2 1 day, I am in a state of high tension and anxiety. Because I don't want to break the precepts, I continue to study crazily and resist my desires crazily, because it has been said many times in "Abstinence as a Good Medicine" that abstinence should be as fast as 0. 1 s, 0.0 1 s, and I have been in a state of high vigilance and tension, but my demons are getting more and more fierce, resisting 2 1 day, 3.20.

After breaking the precepts, Brother Wen said he would repent. I kept a diary on the 25th and repented for another day. Soon less than a week later, I put a spell on my head and felt groggy and flustered all day. Until now, I am still in the shadow of anxiety.

Now I think about the reason why I am sick. Brother Fei Xiang attributed the neurosis to staying up late and sitting for a long time, but from 20 16 to 20 17 March, I didn't break once. Go to bed before 1 1 every day in the university dormitory, and get up and move nearly 65438+ after sitting for less than 50 minutes. The only thing is that during the 2 1 day from March 3 to March 24, I was on high alert for demons and studied crazily every day. I have been very nervous about the invasion of demons, and 2 1 day is in a state of high anxiety and vigilance. This is why I am moderately anxious. Because abstinence is a good medicine emphasizes the extreme asceticism of "0.00 1s", we should be highly vigilant for fear of missing the "golden age" of abstinence and burning in the bath fire. However, it turns out that not only can you not break it, but you also keep your brain in a state of high tension. Over time, your brain and nerves are exhausted. ...

I have been chasing Abstinence as a Good Medicine for five years, and I have read every article twice. Those articles about abstinence, each at least 10 times, I practiced abstinence formula for nearly 3 years. Here is a number to report. In the third abstinence period mentioned in the second paragraph above, I obviously counted more than 60 thousand times to practice abstinence, not counting the times of going to the toilet to watch movies during this period and the times of the second period, which made me have a lot of obsession. Before I chased her, I also had the bad habit of sy. I just happened to see a beautiful woman in the street and didn't think much. After practicing trance, I was very nervous to see a beautiful woman in the street rushing away. After watching too much, I feel that I am in a trance and lost to my demons. A lot of space is devoted to abstinence, such as "always pay attention to your own thoughts, always be alert to demons", "abstinence should be practiced to the extreme", "abstinence should be as fast as 0. 1s", "mindfulness should be strengthened to the extreme", "crazy study to improve consciousness, crazy practice mindfulness" and so on.

I want to ask, can't he have obsessive-compulsive disorder because he guided his friends to abstain from sex, always be alert to demons, always monitor his thoughts, and extremely strengthen his mind-watching? So as not to let the inner imbalance go astray? After going astray, a normal thought will be entangled for a long time, fearing that it will be defeated by demons, nervous and nervous. In life, I am very wary of demons when dealing with girls, and there is no psychological problem. So abstinence, is it normal?

Now I have deleted all the documents about "abstinence is a good medicine", and I feel tired and painful when I think of the days when I was always alert to my demons. I shut him down, too, but I will never give up abstinence (hehe, lest someone say that I "speak exactly like an abstainer"). Now I'm trying to return to normal life and normal thinking to quit color.