Why do we feel uncomfortable and embarrassed? The fundamental reason is that we think that being rejected is our own fault, that we are not doing well enough, that others refuse or deny ourselves. However, is being rejected necessarily your own problem? Absolutely not!
First of all, if we want to make ourselves feel less uncomfortable, we must change our concept: when others reject us, most of the time it has nothing to do with who we are and ourselves.
Last May, my husband and I went back to Wuhan to visit relatives. When we were having dessert in the World Trade Center, we met two college students who were selling a detergent to diners one by one. They are carrying schoolbags, holding detergent in their left hand and a small rag in their right hand. It can be seen that they are very nervous. They came to our table, nervous but clear, telling the advantages and characteristics of detergent in an orderly way. Finally, we didn't buy detergent and turned them down because we really didn't need detergent. This is by no means a denial of them. On the contrary, Susan appreciates their initiative to exercise their courage.
First of all, don't criticize yourself for being rejected. Secondly, psychological desensitization therapy can be used. Desensitization therapy, simply put, is that the more you are afraid of something, the more you contact it and gradually form immunity to it. For example, if you are afraid of spiders, desensitization therapy will first show you many pictures of spiders, then give you a spider-like touch, then give you a plastic spider touch, then give you a dead real spider, and finally show you a live real spider. After this process, you are used to spiders, and you can't bring any mood swings, so you are no longer afraid.
A China guy on TEDTALK practiced this "rejected" desensitization therapy in Midi. Like everyone else, he is particularly afraid of rejection. Being rejected was particularly uncomfortable, so he did a "100-day rejection experiment" and took the initiative to do something to "seek rejection" every day for 100 days, such as asking passers-by to lend 100 dollars, asking him if he could play football in the backyard of strangers' homes, and asking him if he could plant a flower in others' homes, and so on. (Please poke the video of Tedtalk below:)
Tedtalk: What did I learn from the rejection of 100 days?
Gradually, he found that he was no longer afraid of rejection, and he also found that no matter how unreasonable the request was, it was possible to achieve his goal as long as he followed a few skills.
1. Don't turn away immediately, even if your face turns red, stop for a few more seconds. These seconds are the key to successful desensitization.
2. After being rejected, ask the other person "why". Usually the other party will give you a reason, and you can continue to ask questions or make demands from that reason. Even if you are still rejected, at least you know that rejection is not your problem.
3. Tell me why you want to make this request. The other party will usually be happy to hear your reasons.
4. Tell the other person's doubts. For example, "Does my request sound strange?" Put yourself on the same side as the other side.
The four items summarized in the above "Reject the experiment 100 days" are almost the same as what Su San always said: "Remember to negotiate", "Say you are lucky" and "Ask more why". Please remember to try next time!