I am a freshman who is about to enter freshman year. I have a headache how to deal with interpersonal relationships. I am very happy and a little scared when I am about to enter school. I don't know what kind of people I will be roommates with, and I don't know if I can get along with them. I am very worried about this problem, because my interpersonal relationship was not very good in high school, but at that time I felt that I was sincere to my classmates, but some students still said that I was fake. I really can't stand it. I don't know what I should do. I am bored. I really want to make friends, but nowadays people think I am very calculating, and I like to speak ill of others behind their backs, and they even exaggerate things that are obviously not.

Now that I'm in college, I really want to have more sincere friends. I hope we can get along well, instead of fighting each other every day. I really can't stand those days. I'm not happy at all. I hope my new friends and I can help each other and make progress together.

Sometimes I don't know who to tell these psychological things. It's too uncomfortable. I hope the teacher can help me and give me some advice. Thank you sincerely! -Xiaoyun Xiaoyun: Hello! Your question is very realistic, especially for students who have been with their parents from primary school to high school. We should deal with this problem well. Let me briefly discuss it with you. We are blessed by God. From this day on, it means that we have entered a critical stage of society, and our interpersonal relationship is relatively simple in primary and secondary schools. For example, we can associate with whoever we like, and those who don't like or want to associate can ignore him. After college, living in dormitories, eating in canteens, living together and acting together will all affect a person's mental health and the quality of campus life. So we should not only associate with people we like, but also keep friendly relations with people we don't like. In addition, in college life, because everyone comes from all over the country and has different behavior habits and lifestyles, it is very "petty" to ask others according to their own behavior habits and lifestyle standards. Therefore, we should not only consider whether our own behavior habits and lifestyles can be accepted and liked by others, but also accept and adapt to others' behavior habits and lifestyles, so as to seek common ground while reserving differences and live in harmony. When there is conflict or disharmony with others, the first thing to do is to put yourself in others' shoes and adapt to others on the basis of understanding. Never give an eye for an eye, give a tooth for a tooth, blame each other, and never gossip behind others' backs. When you hear what others say about you, you should "correct what you have, and encourage what you have not." That's what the so-called "rumors stop with wise men" means. Second, we should pay attention to our own ability training and personality shaping. Generally speaking, people with good quality, strong ability or a certain specialty are easy to be loved and respected by others, so after entering the university, you should fully improve your personality-enthusiasm, sincerity, frankness, liveliness, friendliness, responsibility, and sincerely praise others (such as "You are great!" ) "Your hairstyle is very beautiful!" ), etc. , display their talents, show their specialties, and constantly improve their character, ability and talent. Third, learn to be a caring person, be good at observing other people's moods, take the initiative to care about others, and let them feel your kindness and warmth in different ways. In the communication with roommates, we should pay attention to their physical and mental conditions and try our best to meet the needs of others, such as often consciously fetching water to sweep the floor, cooking for students who are sick or have something to do, and making up lessons. In fact, these are trivial things, and it is these trivial things that can make others moved and like them. Therefore, only on the basis of recognition, understanding, acceptance and respect of others can we win their recognition, understanding, acceptance and respect. Therefore, we can get along with others with empathy, empathy and sincerity, so as to achieve spiritual communication and emotional harmony. Only in this way can we get real friends; Only in this way can we get along with others better. Fourth, we should follow the principles of interpersonal communication: ① fully respect each other's inner secrets or privacy; (2) When talking, look at each other; (3) After hearing the secrets of the other party, don't disclose the contents to others; Don't criticize others behind their backs, save face for them. On the basis of observing the above four principles, we should pay attention to the following points: (1) Admit your "true self" and show it to everyone, that is, honestly admit your image reflected in other people's minds. Psychological research shows that people don't like a person who is perfect in all aspects, but a person who is excellent in all aspects and has some minor shortcomings is the most popular. So you don't have to care too much about your own shortcomings, and you have to have enough confidence in it.

(2) Always consider the problem from the perspective of others, often cooperate with others, and share the results with others; Provide opportunities for others to help others achieve their goals in life; When others encounter difficulties and setbacks, lend a helping hand and give help. (3) Open-minded, willing to accept others and accept yourself. When others make achievements, we should seize the opportunity to give praise and congratulations. This kind of praise will bring happiness to the praised person and cause positive emotional reaction. Emotions are contagious, that is, they will also infect people around them and bring happiness to them. "Happiness" will melt the deadlock of interpersonal relationship and make the dormitory relationship harmonious. (4) master communication skills. When communicating with others, you should pay attention to listening. Smile when you listen, and it is best not to do anything else, and give appropriate feedback in terms of expressions, gestures, nodding, etc. Especially when the other party has grievances and dissatisfaction to vent, it can better show a person's quality and cultivation level; Pay attention to being subtle, humorous, concise and vivid when expressing ideas. When giving advice and pointing out mistakes to others, we should pay attention to the occasion and use peaceful words so as not to hurt others' self-esteem. When talking with people, you should have your own emotional input, so that you can be emotional. 5] Strive for more communication and exchanges. Don't avoid communication because of some misunderstandings, but take the initiative to communicate with you and participate in your discussions and activities. Only in this way can we better understand ourselves and others, eliminate misunderstandings between them and strengthen mutual understanding and trust. [6] Absorb the advantages of others and be more understanding and tolerant of your own shortcomings. Don't care too much about trivial disputes in life, forget them, forgive them and reconcile them. The so-called "big things are smart, small things are confused", and limited energy is spent on the main things. One is to take time to participate in group activities. In this way, we can cultivate our hobbies, make friends with hobbies, exchange information, exchange ideas and experiences, and achieve the goal of harmonious interpersonal relationships.

I hope everyone can learn from it according to their own specific conditions. Your friend Yang Yonglong wishes you a harmonious interpersonal network in college.

Thank you for your reply. I'm really glad to receive your reply so soon. I don't know why I always tell my good friends something that can be said to be secret, but now I don't want to say anything, because when I told them, I clearly said I couldn't tell others, but I heard some rumors from others, and they were all exaggerated. Things I don't know are embellished, and I can't stand it. You told me in your last reply that "rumors stop with wise men", but I still don't understand what they can do with me. Also, I have a good relationship with the boys in my class, but it is clear that as long as I have a better relationship with any boy, someone will ask me what our relationship is, alas.

! It's really ... I told them they were good friends, they didn't believe me, and they talked like they were imagining things.

I also know how to treat others with a sincere heart, but what I want to ask is: There are so many people of all kinds now, and they all say that I am a simple person without thinking. I am really annoyed. I think what I said is all thoughts, not that they don't pass through the brain, but that what I said is very simple, because I have been studying in our factory since I was a child. To tell the truth, I really want to have a sincere friend who can be honest with each other. Sometimes I feel much happier being friends with boys. Really, they are not as stingy as girls.

I will register tomorrow and start my college life. It is said that college is used to kill time, but it is really boring. I think my college life is a little richer and happier. Actually, I think it depends on what I think and what kind of friends I make. I really think what kind of friends you make is very important, because friends will affect your life and study, if friends don't do well. I really hope you can give me some advice and guidance. I really sincerely express my thoughts, and I hope you don't laugh at me, because I saw on your blog that you are a psychology teacher. Originally, my ideal was to be a psychology teacher, that is, the psychology department of Southwest University. Later, to be honest, I think being a good psychological teacher is not as easy as I thought. Thank you teacher! -Xiaoyun Xiaoyun: Hello! About making friends, you can visit my blog.

You said, "It turned out that some of my things were secrets and I would tell my good friends, but now I don't want to say anything, because when I told them, I clearly said I couldn't tell others, but I heard some rumors from others, and they were all exaggerated." Things I don't know have been embellished, and I can't stand it. " The "good friends" here are actually "good friends" who have not made a comprehensive investigation. The criteria of a good friend are like-minded, noble character, mutual affinity, sincerity, honesty and reliability, and integrity. If you tell him or her your secret, he or she will keep it strictly confidential for you. If he embellishes your secret and spreads it all over the city, is he still your good friend? You said that heterosexual friends can bring you pleasure and happiness. I totally agree.

Because of different genders, they look at problems and do things differently, so he can persuade you with the reasons of the opposite sex. When you are unhappy or depressed in your life, there is one.

Can meet with heart, treat each other sincerely, be honest and reliable, and be upright.

The research results of western psychologists on human heterosexuality show that men are more feminine and creative; Women are highly masculine and have high IQ. People with a high degree of heterosexuality show that they have accepted the advantages of the opposite sex and their thinking is more active. Therefore, we should advocate normal communication and mutual learning between the opposite sex. However, when dealing with the opposite sex, we should grasp the scale, that is, friends of the opposite sex should broaden their horizons, communicate generously and frankly, keep a proper distance, and not be too close.

You said that "others say that it is easier for beautiful girls to do things", which has such an advantage in terms of primary influence. However, the communication between people does not last for a day or two, especially for more than 1000 days and nights in the four years of college, so only those who are enthusiastic, sincere, frank, active, reliable, honest, friendly and attentive can be accepted, liked and supported by others. With your personality and sincerity, I think you will get a good interpersonal relationship.

Finally, you said, "I want to make my college life more fulfilling and happier." Actually, I think it depends on how you think and how you make friends. I really think it is really important to make friends with friends, because friends will affect your life and study. Friends don't study hard, and if you love learning, you won't be good friends. " We are students, and the important job of students is to learn the knowledge, technology and skills of survival. Of course, learning is to master the knowledge, technology and skills of survival, improve their survival ability in this world and improve their quality of life. The so-called "fate is in my own hands" and "I am the master of my own life" means to know myself, understand myself, develop myself, improve myself and surpass myself. If he gives up studying when he enters the university, then he loses "knowing himself, knowing himself, developing himself, improving himself and surpassing himself." Opportunities, of course, people who complain about finding jobs in the future are those who say that college is to kill time, but it is actually boring. So don't blindly listen to others or imitate others, take your own ideal road, and the future self-actualizer is you!