Some students asked: I am in college, should I fall in love?
Some students said to me: love will never have a result, so I will never waste my feelings to fall in love in college.
I told them that the college students who don't fall in love are XX, and the college students who don't fall in love are XX. (What is XX? )
You are a college student, so you can't fall in love? Youth, I finally got rid of the cage of exam-oriented education, I want to relax myself and be happy! Who says love must have a result? The process of enjoying love makes the soul happy and can stimulate people's potential. In this process, smart children will not only know how to rely on, be melodramatic and willful, but also know how to correct and improve themselves under the nourishment of love. This is a process of all-round promotion. In college, everyone is extremely malleable. Whether boys or girls, through love, as long as you give them hope and strength, they will be inspired to grow in the direction you want.
For love, we can't expect it to be too perfect. I don't comment on those who just want to do business and don't want to do love, which involves personal orientation and subjective will. But I want to say to those fake people who really want to fall in love and are afraid of frustration: how can you sweep the world if you don't sweep a room? Even if you can't manage love, what else can you do to manage your career and life? Of course, you can't chop and change in love and let go and regret it. No matter what career you do, can you change this today and that tomorrow? What occupation doesn't need a training period?
Love itself is a career, which is related to a happy career. Run for life. Love in college is an opportunity to exercise one's vision, decision-making level, emotional control ability and so on, and it is also a process of testing and cultivating one's ability. Therefore, college students who are in love may wish to change their thinking-practicing ability begins with "practicing love" and managing career begins with managing love. Love does not mean longing for each other's body and figure, love does not mean longing for each other's money and looks. Love is the exchange of opposite sex thoughts and the blooming of the soul, the fusion of emotions and the broadening of communication, the real reliance of a lonely soul and the liberation of a blinded idea. Well-managed love is as fragrant as aged wine and as beautiful as a warm harbor.
However, love is not a commodity. You can buy it if you want and sell it if you want. Sometimes it's true. There are some things in life that you don't have to force. But many things are man-made, treat them calmly, grasp them well, cherish them hard, and everything is fine! Whether you succeed or fail, you will be a lucky winner.
Therefore, career needs to be cultivated, and so does boyfriend (female). Under the rain and dew of love, the broken branches and leaves can be revived, and the withered buds can be in full bloom in the sun.
Love can warm everything, transform everything and inspire everything. As long as you know how to cultivate and maintain, even the smallest man (woman) can be strong.
Take love as a career, and manage it with heart on the basis of emotion. Please cherish what you have, and don't worry if you don't have it. Go for it and cherish it slowly!
Related content:
Love concept-the concept of mutual admiration and cultivation of love between the opposite sex under the interaction of physiological, psychological and environmental factors.
In today's colleges and universities, it is very common for college students to fall in love. The average age of college students is about 20 years old, and they are already legal citizens and adults. Protected and bound by law. Sexual psychological and physical maturity. They are eager for love, and the rules and regulations of Chinese universities clearly stipulate that college students can get married. Therefore, there is no doubt that college students fall in love. However, after falling in love, it is followed by ideological rejection and fluctuation, which makes lovers quarrel endlessly, be trapped by love, give up their studies and regret for life; Fighting for love, wyndell dichinson incident on campus. There was a rift in their relationship, and the vulnerable teenagers chose to commit suicide to escape the relationship that was about to break down. All these have stained the pure and loyal love of college students with a gray stroke, which has caused the society to question: Should college students fall in love during their studies? Which is more important in the choice between love and study?
From another point of view, with the introduction of western ideas and the influence of social phenomena, college students have accepted "sexual liberation" and "sexual freedom" while accepting new ideas. Under this idea, love is not for marriage, and love is not the expression of true feelings. Take love as the "power source" for the development after graduation; Take love as a way to relieve sadness during college; Think of love as a fashion, a way to show your ability. While emancipating their minds, college students ignore the constraints and condemnation of morality, society and law. This kind of thought has put an ignominious touch on the normal love of college students. Let the society ask again: Are these what contemporary college students should do?
As a young teacher who is about to graduate and work as a college counselor, I have heard and witnessed all kinds of violent incidents caused by the pain of college students being trapped by love, as well as young lives lost because of love. Because the future work will be in frequent contact with college students, therefore, how to understand college students in the late adolescence; How to enter their inner world, let them grow up healthily, finish their studies smoothly and succeed is my ideal and my goal. In order to make students have ideals and ambitions and reassure parents and society, the first problem to be solved is the love view of college students. That's all that matters. Contemporary college students are mostly only children, with aloof personality and fragile feelings. How to enlighten them and help them get out of the misunderstanding of their feelings? Let unnecessary painful events reduce or even disappear?
I have always had the desire to deeply study the issue of love. By taking the opportunity of my graduation thesis, I consulted a large number of books on adolescent mental health through my understanding of adolescent sexual psychology and physiology. I looked up a large number of factual cases on the Internet. Extracted the essence of the papers of many experts and scholars; In addition, I heard and witnessed during my five years in school, examples around me, and my own understanding to complete this paper.
The purpose of studying contemporary college students' love view is to understand their understanding and attitude towards love view physically and psychologically, and to analyze many problems caused by incorrect love view with examples, as well as the influence of western thought and society on college students' love view. By integrating theory with practice, college students can understand the concept of love, so as to guide them to establish a correct concept of love, spend their college time smoothly and realize the "double harvest" of love and career.
Discussion on contemporary college students' love view
Since 1990s, influenced by foreign "sexual freedom" and "sexual openness", the psychological maturity stage of Chinese teenagers has gradually advanced. However, due to the immaturity of sexual psychology, there are many unhealthy and immature views on love. This unhealthy and immature concept of love will directly affect the psychological and physical growth of teenagers; But also affect the cultivation of young talents in the new century. Colleges and universities, like a small society, are more susceptible to external influences. Unhealthy information and unhealthy social atmosphere on the Internet have caused one misunderstanding after another in college students' psychology, and a new concept of love for contemporary college students has also emerged. College students' time is a critical period of ideological maturity. College students in their twenties are in their prime of life, full of longing for love, pursuing the beautiful moments of life, hoping to get to know the opposite sex and get the attention of the opposite sex. In fact, as early as middle school, teenagers have a yearning for the opposite sex.
1. Introduction
The phenomenon of love is very common on university campuses. For freshmen who have just set foot on college life, they are full of curiosity and yearning. However, in reality, some students can't correctly handle the relationship between love and study, and lack the correct love motivation and ideal mate selection criteria, which leads to a series of psychological troubles, affects the healthy development of college students, and also causes a series of social problems. The purpose of this study is to understand the current situation, motivation, mate selection criteria and neutral love view of freshmen through investigation, so as to put forward targeted suggestions for the education of college students' love view.
2. Research methods
2. 1 subject
In this survey, 3 10 questionnaires were distributed to students of grade 07 in eight colleges of a university by stratified sampling, of which 298 were valid, and the effective questionnaire rate was 96.4%. The sample consisted of 156 boys and 142 girls.
2.2 Research tools
In this study, a self-designed questionnaire was used to investigate the love view of freshmen. The main topic of the questionnaire is closed topic, and few topics are open. It mainly involves the current situation, motivation, mate selection criteria and sexual concept of freshmen in love.
3. Research results and analysis
3. 1 Freshmen's love situation
Statistics show that 27.3% of boys are in love, and 35.7% of girls are in love. Among college students who are not in love at present, both boys and girls are eager to fall in love, accounting for more than half, accounting for 50.6% and 50. 1% respectively.
As can be seen from the above results, the characteristics of freshmen in the current situation of love are:
First, the proportion of girls in love is higher than that of boys. The reason may be that, on the one hand, girls' physical and sexual maturity is earlier and their dependence is stronger, so the demand for love is stronger than that of boys. On the other hand, the absolute number of female college students is very small, accounting for less than that of boys. In the "one-on-one" love world, girls are always in short supply.
Secondly, freshmen have a strong desire for love. There are many reasons for this phenomenon: on the one hand, freshmen just sprint the college entrance examination and want to relax after entering the university, and their repressed and hidden love desire for the opposite sex naturally appears. On the other hand, college students are far away from their hometown, get rid of their parents' control, live relatively freely at school, and the monitoring of schools and teachers is reduced, which creates conditions for falling in love. In addition, it is also related to their temporary lack of ideals at the beginning of college life. As they have just entered the university, new goals have not been established, which makes some college students feel confused and bored in the face of college life with a lot of free time, and want to get rid of their psychological state by falling in love.
3.2 College freshmen's mate selection criteria
On the whole, freshmen choose their lovers on the basis of good personality, similar interests and good ability (accounting for 47.5%, 25.4% and 13.25% of the respondents respectively), while looks and family conditions are rarely used as the main basis for choosing lovers.
The results show that freshmen's mate selection criteria tend to be more rational, paying more attention to each other's internal spiritual factors, such as personality, ability and hobbies, and paying less attention to each other's external factors, such as appearance and family conditions.
From the gender analysis, there are great differences between men and women in choosing lovers. Compared with boys, girls value each other's abilities more. The data shows that girls are higher than boys by 12. 1 percentage point. Compared with girls, boys pay more attention to each other's looks, which is 6.3 percentage points higher than girls. The reason may be the influence of some traditional ideas on college students. As college students in the 2 1 century, although they are in the forefront of the times, they are still inevitably influenced by some traditional concepts such as "having both talents and looks" in their lives, which in turn has an impact on their own mate selection criteria.
3.3 College freshmen's love motives
Freshmen's love motives are complex and diverse. More than half of the college students are attracted by some advantages of each other (54.8%); 19.4% of the respondents fell in love to make up for their inner emptiness and seek spiritual sustenance; Seeing that everyone has a boyfriend or girlfriend, 4.3% is ashamed. The results show that college students' love motives are diversified, and the mainstream motivation is positive, but some college students' love motives are negative, such as conformity motivation and spiritual sustenance motivation. This requires the school to organize beneficial collective activities, eliminate students' loneliness, strengthen the education of students' outlook on life and world, and enable them to establish correct love motives.
3.4 College freshmen's sexual concept in love
54.6% students neither oppose nor support cohabitation or premarital sex, and take an indifferent attitude. Another 10% students think it is very normal and agree with this phenomenon. A survey of students who are not in love at present shows that 17.5% students think that intimate behavior with lovers can achieve sexual relations and cohabitation. This result shows that college students' moral love view is relatively weak, and there are many reasons. The influence of the western thought of "sexual freedom and liberation", the improper exaggeration of domestic media and the weakness of sex education in colleges and universities have all led to the irresponsible attitude of college students towards love to varying degrees.
Step 4 suggest
4. 1 Help college students establish a correct view of love.
To help college students establish a correct view of love, we must first make them correctly handle the relationship between love and study. With the growth of age, the maturity of sexual physiology and the development of sexual psychology, college students have a yearning and pursuit for the opposite sex, which is the performance of humanism. A rational person can develop himself from id to superego through self-adjustment. Only by reaching this state can he correctly handle the relationship between love and career, grasp the course of life journey and reach the peak of realizing the greatest value of life. Secondly, pay attention to love morality. Love is a heartfelt and voluntary choice based on a certain life and thought. The personality and status of both parties in love are completely equal, and they can't force each other or themselves. One of the differences between love and other interpersonal communication lies in its specificity and exclusiveness. Therefore, when determining a love relationship, that kind of "half-hearted, indecisive" and "multi-angle love" is not true love, but disrespectful and irresponsible to each other and their feelings.
4.2 Strengthen the construction of campus culture
The function of campus culture is to make every member living in it consciously or unconsciously identify with the real culture through a certain material environment and spiritual atmosphere, so as to realize the influence on people's spirit, mind and character. For most college students, they are tired of the "three-point-one-line" life in middle school and hope to live a different life from middle school. In addition, college students tend to feel empty, lonely and at a loss. If educators do not guide them correctly at this time, it is easy for them to fall in love and get rid of the above psychology. Therefore, we should enrich students' amateur cultural life, endow them with advanced cultural awareness in colorful campus cultural activities, and make them form noble cultural awareness and cultural character under the long-term subtle cultural influence.
4.3 Strengthen sex education and mental health education for college students.
For college students, it is not only the contradiction between sexual physiology and sexual psychology, but also the conflict between sexual physiological requirements and social norms. It can be said that this is the focus and key of sex education for college students. Strengthening sex education for college students and correctly understanding and solving these contradictions and conflicts are of great significance to the success of college students' love and the happiness of marriage. At the same time, we should strengthen psychological counseling and give full play to the role of mental health education. The psychological confusion of college students largely comes from the troubles in love. This kind of trouble is not only embarrassing to talk to teachers and parents, but also eager to get guidance and help from people who have experienced it, which makes some students in a dilemma. Schools should carry out psychological counseling, fully respect students, protect students' privacy, make up for the shortcomings of general education management and ideological and political work, partially solve students' psychological problems in love and sex, and help students get out of their psychological predicament.