I can't remember how many times I called him. The phone rang one after another, but no one answered at the other end. I don't know when it began to rain outside, and there are still fallen leaves in the withered autumn. Is it time to break up? Beads of rain gently knocked on the window, just like lovers' whispers, slowly hung up the phone, and tears fell gently in their eyes.

I met a friend at his party. His tall and handsome man caught my eye. I sat in the distance, watching his casual jokes and occasional eyes. When the dance music starts, he often comes to invite me to dance. I'm not good at dancing, but dancing with him is really beautiful. I don't believe in love at first sight I attribute my slight drunkenness to that unknown red wine. Sometimes during the break, my friend kindly tells me that he just graduated from high school, his family is poor and he has a sick mother. He used to be a sailor and now he works in a factory. I understand my friend's kindness, but I'm still a little disappointed.

I turned to look at the moonlight outside the window. It was very cold. Suddenly I feel that the moonlight is a little less profound. If it is profound, it is a kind of perfection, and this world always seems to lack such perfection. Of course, many things are always regrettable. I started the next dance with others. When I was leaving, he came over and stubbornly said he would see me off, but I couldn't resist his kindness, so I went with him. He told a lot of jokes on the way, but I just smiled and thought about the perfect annotation. "It's rare to see a girl like you." I smiled faintly and didn't want to ask. "You give me the feeling of being light and far away." He said again. I smiled noncommittally and looked at the shadow we projected on the ground, thinking of my friend's words. I have a little regret for him and myself.

When he got home, he suddenly asked, "Would you like to buy you coffee another day?" Looking back at him, the moonlight shone faintly on his face, soft and bright, and I heard my strange voice: "My boyfriend" would not agree. "

A few days later, when I got off work, I was quite surprised to see him at the door of the unit. He stepped forward with a slight smile: "A girl who loves to lie is not a good girl." I understand what he means, but I don't want to explain. "Have dinner together, will you?" He refused him, but he didn't give up. He smiled and said to me, "I won't give up." I will come every day until you promise. " For the next few days, he waited for me to get off work every day, asking nothing, but not giving up. I was at a loss for his stubborn smile. When I think of friends, I know exactly what I want. What I want is the integration of external conditions and internal character. I hate my hypocritical appearance, but I can't get rid of it. Finally, in that faint evening, I said something I didn't want to say, and then I heard my distant and strange voice: "I don't think ... we are very suitable." Maybe my words are too frank. His face tightened, he turned and stopped, his expression was serious, as if he were trying to suppress himself, but his tone was neither humble nor supercilious: "Although I don't have a good background, a good job, and a good education, it doesn't mean that I don't have the right to pursue love." A trace of guilt crawled on my face. Don't I have a sensitive heart, a heart that tries to protect myself? "I didn't underestimate you, I never meant it. I just ... I just ... "These words choked me. "I won't underestimate myself." His expression became distant and unfamiliar: "Goodbye."

Like a puff of smoke, he suddenly disappeared, and in the next few weeks, something was lost in my heart.

Finally, one rainy evening, I saw him again at the gate of the unit. He stood quietly against the wall, his head slightly lowered, without an umbrella, and the whole person was like a lonely shadow covered by a lonely pet. The moment he walked past the building, he slowly looked up. The rain in the sky is a little floating, like fine sand flying all over the sky. The drizzle added a touch of sadness to his eyes. Looking at him, my eyes got a little moist, and I hesitated for a while. Finally, I went over and raised my umbrella over his head. I heard my deep voice: "shall we go to dinner together?"

So we started our story. He starts studying at night, and I often take care of his sick mother. Although sometimes I feel that his conditions are not good, who doesn't have the desire to pursue perfection? But for the sake of love, I told myself that there is nothing wrong with low education. It doesn't matter if he is self-motivated and doesn't work well. As for his family, I love his people, not his family.

When my family learned that I had found a boyfriend with such conditions, as I expected, our interaction was strongly opposed by the whole family. My parents are both university professors. How can I tolerate finding a boyfriend with only a high school education? What's more, he is a factory worker. That weekend, my parents locked me in the house in order not to let me see him, regardless of my pleading. In order not to let him wait outside, I climbed down the water pipe outside the second floor window. When he learned all this, he hugged me tightly and said with tears that he would never fail me and give me a warm and loving home. We sat in the cinema until dawn that night, and you can imagine how crazy my parents were looking for me the next morning.

The next day, my mother began to invite boys in the company who she thought were good to see me and introduce me. I was tired of all this, and finally let her down mercilessly in front of a boy ... After the boy left, we started a war of words again. Finally, my mother said, "Unless I die, you must accompany him!" " Otherwise it won't work! "Looking at my mother's cold and determined face at that moment, I almost rushed into the kitchen without thinking, took a fruit knife and cut the artery of my left hand in front of her, watching the bright red blood flow down the knife and wrist. At that moment, I just smiled and said to myself: If I can't be with the person I love, let me not live to endure this pain in my life. Mom was scared. She panicked. This time, she was completely disappointed. Maybe it should be said that she gave up on me. She stopped asking me anything, and she didn't talk to me. I know she is disappointed, but for the sake of my feelings with him, I resolutely refuse to bow to my mother.

In the later days, the whole family lived cautiously, and no one mentioned him so as not to cause unhappiness. I cherish this hard-won feeling. I thought he cherished this feeling as much as I did, but I didn't expect our communication to really fulfill my mother's words: you won't last long.

When I first saw him talking and laughing with another girl in the street, I told myself that it didn't mean anything, maybe it was just a friend of his. But in the later days, he gradually stopped coming to me, and the voice on the phone was much colder, and he often got angry for no reason.

Finally, on a rainy night, he asked me to meet him and came to a place I was familiar with. What caught my eye was the figure of him and another girl under an umbrella, and my heart fell down bit by bit. Forget it-his cold voice and cold face quietly pushed me under the nearest umbrella. A cold like never before swept through me. At present, I am dizzy. The umbrella fell gently from my hand, and all the sounds around me suddenly disappeared. The world suddenly quieted down. I don't remember what he said. His indifference and indifference to me in recent days suddenly came to an answer. Looking at him at the moment, I feel so strange that the wind is still blowing gently and the rain is still floating gently, but the wind can't take away the desolation and the rain can't take away the pain, but it has left an unhealed wound in my heart. Is my love wrong from the beginning? Why did the heart I gave up finally make me so disheartened?

It is raining everywhere. This is his world. How can I walk into his heart? Why can't I see my day, my dream, my mountain, my river and everything in his world? Rain flows into my eyes and mouth, and I feel salty. I can't tell whether it is rain or tears. Anyway-it doesn't matter, my vision suddenly blurred.

It's not a long way home, but he's gone. I wanted to tell myself with a smile that it was nothing, but I didn't, and my tears fell drop by drop. It's raining and there are endless tears. I walked numbly. In the drizzle, my back turned into a river, flowing quietly. ...

When I got home, I shut myself in a small room, smiling and motionless. I don't know why I am alive. During those days, I neglected the care of my family and turned a blind eye to everything around me. Only those who have been heartbroken know the taste of heartbreak.

My family tried their best to cheer me up. My mother took a week off, and she stayed by the bed all day to enlighten me, but I always thought that some things could only be faced silently by one person. I lay in bed, listening to Chyi Chin's songs over and over again, until my heart became numb: "I no longer remember your agreement. You make me cry again and again in the rain. Ruthless rain gently woke me up and made my tears as cold as rain. You, heartless, no longer miss the past, so that my feelings are denied ... "When the tears are as heavy as the rain outside the window, I said to myself that love is not life. The bottom of pain is that there is no love anymore.

Looking at my thin face day by day, my mother finally found him and begged him to come to see me (only to know later). He came and stood in front of my bed, and I turned my head away. "I'm sorry." I heard his voice choked and hoarse. I think he may be crying for my love for him. At that moment, I smiled and looked at the faint scar on my wrist, and tears gently slipped from the corner of my eye. This man was once the only one in my life, and his initial promise sounded faintly in my ear. I hate my tears and don't want him to know my heartbreak and see my tears, because he will never understand my tears because of my smile. I laughed that I cut my wrist for him, and I laughed that I almost fell out with my family for him. I smiled. This man, a familiar and strange person in front of me, stands in front of me, but his heart is not here. I don't need hypocritical and cheap sympathy. I have my pride. I can't ask for a love that no longer belongs to me. Looking at him at the moment, it feels so far away. I have been moved by him and my heart has been broken for him. It's just that the ecstasy and sadness of the past can't be found anymore. We had nothing to say then.

Mom's right. I can't let anyone think that I can beat me, and I can't let myself live without anyone. I want to live well. Tagore said, "Let me not expect my pain to be static, but hope my heart can conquer it."

Later, I began to laugh again, but there was something missing in this smile, and only I knew it. I work feverishly and redouble my efforts every day. I am thin and dark, and I have lost my luster. When the interview I did at the end of the year finally won an award in China, I couldn't help crying when I recalled my own dribs and drabs. I looked at my mother's much older face and wanted to apologize for my recklessness and ignorance. All the children who have had similar experiences with me, I think you will feel the love of being a parent one day. So, love the people around you, don't hurt them, and don't regret it in the future.

There are many unpleasant things in life. We can't refuse the light of dawn and the gorgeous color of life, nor can we fall into endless silence and indifference because of the sudden change of life. Really, people can lose everything, but only themselves.

It was a long time before I heard that the girl was divorced. It is said that her family can be regarded as the richest man in the area. I'm really surprised to think of his lifestyle. Later, he came to me and said that he broke up with his girlfriend and asked me if I blamed him. Looking at his handsome face, the past came to my mind ... I was hurt and shed tears, but I loved and hated them in the rainy season, but I was confused ... Really, every journey of life is only once and I won't come again.

I shook my head and it was all over. Smile and say "goodbye" to him, but the moment I turned around, I still cried like rain. He didn't see me behind me. ...