As parents, what are our expectations for our children 18 to graduate from high school? I believe that the answer in many people's hearts must be that they want their children to be admitted to a good university, preferably a first-class university, or even an Ivy League school in the United States, so that their children can have a successful life. To this end, most of our children are trained according to this benchmark before 18 years old: excellent academic performance, excellent talent in music and sports, winning prizes in various competitions, volunteering everywhere, organizing activities as leaders, in short, accumulating bright spots for applying for prestigious schools.
However, when we are busy for children day and night in order to achieve the above-mentioned "indicators", when we focus on the cultivation of children's "quality", when we try our best to provide all conditions and create all conveniences for children, we often forget the basic abilities that children must have as adults when they are 18 years old.
An eighteen-year-old man must know how to talk to strangers.
In today's society, every parent keeps telling their children, "Don't talk to strangers" for safety reasons. However, after 18 years old, no matter whether children enter the university or go to the society, they must leave the familiar, comfortable and safe environment of their families and schools (middle schools) and face unfamiliar environments and strangers alone, new classmates, professors, university staff, people in banks and hospitals, employers, colleagues, customers and so on. These are no longer people who need children's vigilance, but people they have to deal with in their daily lives.
Nervousness, vague words, indecision, wandering eyes and being at a loss are all common manifestations of "communication phobia of strangers". If a person aged 18 has these performances, the main reason is that he has not changed from a child to an adult and does not have the maturity he deserves.
I remember two years ago in April, we accompanied our eldest daughter to Duke University to attend an open day for enrolling students. In the morning, in the registration hall, students from all over the country reported at the station to collect information, and parents stood by. A white mother next to me greeted me and introduced herself and her children by plane from Denver. While we were talking, her son came over and she immediately said to him, "This lady is from Ohio." The boy immediately turned to me and naturally held out his hand and said, "Nice to meet you!" " "Boys talk very calmly, look at me when shaking hands, and be generous and polite. In addition, he wears a formal shirt, trousers and black shoes, so he can't be seen as a high school student at school. I think his parents must have trained him to deal with adults like this a long time ago.
Our parents in China are always used to treating the children who have entered adolescence and gone to high school as "children". The way we talk to children and introduce them to others in social situations makes children feel that they have not grown up, so they lack the awareness of equal communication with adults.
In senior high school, parents need to train their children to communicate with others in an adult way: greet people and introduce themselves, use polite body language, including smiling and looking directly at each other, shaking hands properly and daring to ask questions. A person of 18 years old, learning to communicate in a mature and generous way, will make the other party respect and have a good impression at the first meeting, and will not be despised because of his youth.
A 18-year-old person must be able to quickly get familiar with the surrounding environment and find ways and means of transportation.
In the United States, parents have been the "drivers" of their children since childhood. We not only take our children to various activities, but also take them on long-distance trips. Children are just passers-by wherever they are. They can reach their destination safely without distinguishing between southeast and northwest.
But when they come to a strange city, a strange campus, or live in a city for a short time during their summer internship, everything depends on themselves. Therefore, they must know how to find the travel route quickly, how to calmly face the chaotic traffic conditions, how to refuel their cars, how to make long-distance travel plans and so on.
In an unfamiliar environment, being able to quickly adapt to the surrounding road traffic environment is actually a very important survival skill.
A person of 18 years old must be able to manage his study or work well, be clear about his class volume and workload, and keep in mind the deadlines of various tasks.
In middle school, many parents often remind their children what to do: homework every day, dates and times of activities and competitions, etc. The timetable is controlled by parents, and children are used to being reminded by beautiful parents. When they leave their parents and have to face this alone, they often don't know how to arrange their time and adjust their priorities, so some people indulge in game networks on weekdays and stay up late on the last night when their homework is due.
Therefore, as parents, we might as well let go in high school and let our children learn to take responsibility. Even if you forget to finish your homework because of negligence, parents should study hard and let their children learn from it. Only in this way can children learn to manage their own time.
I remember when my daughter was a freshman, she attended a party one day and had a good time. As a result, American teachers who abide by the rules do not give money or make up lessons. My daughter was depressed. In front of her, I didn't complain about the teacher's abusive language, nor did I take the responsibility on myself (I also forgot the time of class). I told her, "This is a lesson. When you are old, you should be responsible for your own affairs. Mother is very busy, she has to work and do housework, and take care of her sister. You should know all your activities in the future, and I will only be your driver. " From then on, I don't have to worry about what she should do all day. I transferred the responsibility to her.
A 18-year-old must learn to care about the rest of the family, instead of standing by and watching everything at home.
Because children's daily schedules are full of studies and various activities, parents are often reluctant to ask their children to help with any housework. In order to let children go all out to study, parents not only meet all the material needs of their children, but also let them enjoy the life of "clothes to reach out and food to open their mouths" with peace of mind. In this kind of life, children often become self-centered and don't know how to respect and take care of people at home and around them.
In order to prevent children from becoming selfish, indifferent and unwelcome adults, parents should let their children do small things for the family every day, even if it is just washing dishes, taking out garbage and peeling apples, so as to cultivate their awareness of caring for their parents and serving others.
An eighteen-year-old person must be able to deal with interpersonal problems.
When children go to primary and secondary schools, they have conflicts with their classmates, and parents come forward with theories; When a child is emotionally frustrated and depressed, his parents will take care of him in every possible way. These "doting practices" on children's emotions make it impossible for children's emotional intelligence to grow up without the help and guidance of their parents, and it is impossible to handle all kinds of complicated interpersonal relationships between adults.
Therefore, when children encounter "thorny" contradictions between some classmates and friends at school, parents may wish to restrain their impulses, help appease them, and observe calmly to see if the children can bear it alone and solve it alone.
A person of 18 years old must be able to cope with the ups and downs in life.
Especially when children have just entered the university, their lives have changed too much, college courses are difficult, homework is too much to breathe, and professors are strict and ruthless. I used to be a good student in high school and got a C in the first semester of college. Some people can't accept their "failure", have a psychological breakdown, and even have suicidal thoughts.
Therefore, it is very important to cultivate children's psychological resilience, get rid of perfectionism, have a normal heart, and let children get used to the ups and downs and ditches on the road of life.
An 18-year-old must have the ability and experience to make money and know how to manage money.
If children never earn money through their own labor before 18 years old, and always reach out to their parents for it, and parents always meet their children's various material requirements unconditionally, then it is difficult for them as adults to understand the hard work behind the money. Such people often lack the sense of responsibility to do things in a down-to-earth manner in their work. This is the type of young people who reach out to their parents with confidence when they are adults and are arrogant at work.
Last year, it was reported that a 20-year-old young girl in Jingzhou, Hubei Province took a fancy to a mobile phone, but the price of more than 2,000 yuan was beyond her father's financial ability. Dad refused to buy it. In a rage, she rushed to the road and lay down on the road, which made her angry with her father. Finally, the police must protect her from being hit by a car. I believe that although this father is not rich economically, he has always been responsive to his daughter since childhood, which is why this bitter fruit has been caused.
Let children earn some money with their own labor before 18 years old, and let them manage their own money, which will cultivate their positive outlook on money, truly understand the value of money and know how to live within their means.
An eighteen-year-old man must be able to take risks.
If all decisions are made by parents since childhood, from what musical instruments to learn, what extracurricular activities to which university to choose and what major to study, that is to say, children are following the paved road designated by their parents, without making decisions and taking risks.
But they will have to face all kinds of choices in life alone one day. They must make their own decisions, take risks and bear the consequences of possible failure. They need to understand that all success comes from failure.
Before the child is eighteen, parents might as well try to let the child make some decisions by himself. And some important decisions related to their children's future, such as going to school and choosing a major, parents should not speak at will. It is best to let children participate in decision-making, let them analyze the pros and cons and risks themselves, and be psychologically prepared for every possible failure.
The above eight items seem ordinary, but when you think about it, it is not easy to do it. If we want our child to become a confident, mature adult at the age of eighteen, we should check it quickly and make up for those abilities that the child lacks.
Expansion: the way to communicate with 18-year-old children.
Respect him
Respect is mutual. When parents ask their children to respect themselves, have they ever thought about respecting their children? The communication between people is at least mutual respect, especially for adolescent children. Their hearts are particularly fragile at this time, hoping for support and understanding. There will be many little secrets in your heart. Don't go through their personal belongings, don't try to pry into their privacy, and respect the fact that he keeps secrets from you.
Understand him
Understand that he is hiding secrets from you on the premise of respecting him. After all, everyone has their own ideas, especially adolescent children. It's normal to have a little secret that they can't tell you. Their thoughts are in a semi-mature stage, and their parents should give them understanding. Their adolescence will be happier, and the relationship between parents and children will not become tense.
Care about him.
On the basis of understanding him, it is normal for parents to care about their children, but don't care too much. If it goes too far, it will easily arouse his disgust, just asking for the usual warmth. Therefore, parents should not be too sad, because your child is going to grow up, and this stage is something he must go through. You should be patient with him and watch him grow up. You should be happy.
Communicate with him
Communication is the most important thing. I usually talk to my children at home. After dinner, take him out for a walk and chat with you. If he says no, you can spoil him, not only children have the right to spoil. You can talk about his ideas or yours on the way. Good communication will help you master his thoughts in adolescence, and will not make the relationship between your go further and further.
Tell him "yes" or "no"
There is a saying that "if you don't listen to the old man, you will suffer." As an experienced person, you can recall your adolescent experience and tell him what you regret most and what you are most happy about. It is also your great responsibility to give him correct guidance during adolescence. Adolescent children will encounter many problems. For example, when he catches smoking, don't be hasty and harsh. You can ask him why he smokes first, and then instill in him the dangers of smoking. Adolescent children are easy to teach, and they will inevitably make mistakes when they are immature. Therefore, parents should correct it in time to help their children get through adolescence smoothly.
Youth is always beautiful, it is like a beautiful dream, cherish what you have, don't let the dream become a nightmare, parents should give their children full understanding and support.
Ways to communicate with children aged 18.
1. Please remember that your children have the same desire to control their own lives as you do. Although sometimes they do something wrong, any desire for independence is a symbol of their growth and maturity.
2. Educate children by doing things, instead of blaming them blindly.
3. Show that you and your child are on the same side, not on the opposite side. When you find your children doing something wrong, let them find out for themselves. When they find that they are wrong, they will stop. In this way, they will not think that their parents are on their side, but on their side.
Don't worry about children making mistakes unless it hurts their lives. These experiences can help children grow up. Trust your children and make them trust themselves more. Only by believing in yourself can we help others gain confidence in the future.
Enthusiastic encouragement is far more effective than criticism. Don't say "you have a bad life"; Instead, he said, "I promise, you can do better next time."
I don't want to admit it, but I have to admit that a person's success does not depend entirely on whether he is a successful student or not. Newton, Einstein, Jobs and other most successful people can prove it. If your child is not a successful student, don't think that their future has lost hope. Encourage them and tell them that if they are determined to find a goal in life that can stimulate their potential, they will eventually succeed. It's not what it used to be. )
7. Please remember that a person with a good personality is a person who can discover the beauty of others. Whenever you find your children's mistakes, please learn to find their advantages at the same time. Tell them these advantages encouraged them. Life will not always correct mistakes, but make use of its own strengths. If you can help your children focus on what they are good at, they can finally use these things to succeed.
As most children in China come from one-child families, some children become self-centered and take it for granted. If you want children to think more about others, you must first be unselfish.
9. Anger is not a disease, but a symptom of a disease called arrogance and selfishness. People get angry easily when they get carried away, don't tolerate others, don't accept others' differences, or things don't go their way. So the next time you get angry because your children don't respect you, you should be ashamed and ask yourself where they learned these bad habits.
10. No matter how they are doing now, please paint a bright future for them. How we face life depends largely on our attitude towards the future. For example, two prisoners are imprisoned at the same time, serving 30 years of hard labor. If you tell one of the prisoners that his wife and children are doing well and miss him very much; Tell another person that all his family members are dead. Who has any hope of spending time in prison?