Children must master the steering wheel by themselves.

According to the call in my heart,

Constantly exploring,

I finally went my own way,

He will find the world interesting.

? -Hello, Child by Annabel Lee

Do you want to be the perfect parent with 100?

Is it only necessary to have a good mother or father to educate a good child?

It took Annabel Lee ten years to bring up the child gradually, and she found that it was not something that a mother could do with anxiety and hard work.

1. What does she think of parenting?

One is that you should really observe and understand the characteristics, psychology and mental model of children at each different growth stage; Another angle is also particularly important, that is, whether you can observe yourself. Your thinking habits and some psychological hints brought by your growing up will affect every moment you get along with your children.

2. Why do you propose "child-friendly cooperative parenting"?

For the upbringing of children, it is not enough to just do the above two points. If mother has been able to face this process well, but the surrounding system can't give her corresponding support, she will work harder. China's family model has a formula called "absent father+anxious mother = out-of-control child", which is the lack of support system.

Mom and dad should cooperate, so should grandparents. When children's families gradually move from the palace to the wider society-kindergartens and schools are like a transit station-this is home-school cooperation. Steamed Bun, a child, walks to the club. In every unfamiliar environment, such as buses, museums and cinemas, he realized what kind of attitude he had towards the society, the future, others and the club, which were interrelated.

When the whole social system is good for children, children will feel the kindness of the world and give back this kindness.

3. Why can't I hit my child?

If you hit your child, he won't love you, but he won't love himself. He will become fragile or violent. But many parents can't understand this. He thinks it would be better to be strict with him, so goodwill is a particularly important thing. Zhao Xudong, a psychoanalytic psychology teacher at Tongji University, believes that parents only need to be "waiters" for their children.

4. What is the essence of companionship and parenting?

You may think that left-behind children are pitiful and unloved, but some of them develop better than those around their parents. If the parents around the child often beat and scold the child, it is better to be a left-behind child. Tian Yulan's impeccable discipline finally made him collapse in the recently hit TV series Xiao Shede, which is the best example.

The essence of companionship and parenting is not to spend every minute with parents, but to feel that they value him and love him.

5. How do children love themselves and discover their intrinsic value?

First of all, adults should love him. Without love, it is difficult for a person to love others. Children's initial evaluation of themselves comes from the surrounding environment and parents. If they get a lot of positive comments from it, he will have a positive understanding of himself.

Be a kind mother, and think from the perspective of children. Goodwill does not need a high degree, nor does it need to enroll in many classes. It needs to relax and stop worrying. What makes you anxious at the moment may be trivial in a few years or decades.

6. Why do you want to be a mother with 60 points instead of 90 points or 100 points?

Children are children, and you are you, not you who live your own life instead of children.

Parents do less, and children have more space to be themselves. 90, 100 points Parents impose their unsatisfied vanity on their children. If a child does what his parents ask every day, then he has no self.

Being a 60-point mother also requires determination. Don't feel that people around you got 80 points and are anxious again.

It's okay. Enjoy the parenting process.