Haha, I suddenly thought of this article today. . So I found out that you were looking for it, too. . Now I found it. . Like you, at first I thought it was for readers, but in fact it was in Yilin. . . So I'll send it to you later. . . PS, this article is really good.

I can't help being cruel to you.

My brother was the same age as me when he first went to Beijing for college. In the eyes of parents, 17 years old is just a child, moreover, he is still a rural teenager who has never been out of the county and even seen the train. My mother called me and said, why don't you come back and pick him up? It's really worrying. What if you get lost in such a big Beijing? I remember the road I walked alone for so many years, and I resolutely refused. I said, what is there to worry about? A boy can't even walk. What's the use of going to college? !

My brother is very unhappy with my ruthlessness, but my parents can't read and have to rely on themselves. I can imagine his difficulties in getting to the city by train from a small county, and then he didn't even know where to buy tickets at a strange railway station, but I just told him that there was a mouth under his nose and hung up the phone. It was the train at 12 o'clock in the evening. My mother drove him to the station five hours in advance for fear that someone would grab the bag in the dark. He sat outside the waiting room of the railway station, carrying a big bag and a small bag, and the lights were dim. Finally, he couldn't help calling me. I was there listening to my brother almost crying about several gangsters around him, and then I asked: What do the police at the station do? ! Come and disturb my sleep so late. See you at the station tomorrow. My brother also shouted to me: no need to pick up the station, no need to beg! I said, ok, I happen to have something to do. See you at the university. I raised the phone and heard my brother crying in a low voice in the noisy voice over there. I was distressed for a while, but when I thought of myself who ran into a wall and couldn't find my way a few years ago, I held back and hung up the phone gently.

My brother is a boy who is not good at words and is a little shy. He speaks Mandarin badly. If you look at his eyebrows, you will know that he is a teenager from the countryside. It should also be like me at the beginning, I don't know how to use honorifics, and asking for directions is very annoying. He was alone on the train, didn't know the toilet, and didn't dare to drink water. Another kid who didn't want to spend money chewed only two bags of instant noodles in an eight-hour drive. I don't know how to get off, and I can't even find the exit. Finally, after coming out, I squeezed the bus all the way. I didn't hear the name of the station, but I stopped and returned. When he saw me smiling at the university gate, tears came out at once. Looking at this skinny boy with chapped lips, fluffy hair, a full face of sweat and a slight scar on his forehead, I finally put my heart down, raised my hand to give him a warm palm and said, congratulations, I can finally come to Beijing alone.

I only gave him two months' living expenses when I left. I saw him standing among a large group of well-dressed students, so lonely because of his simplicity, how much like when I first entered the university, and then I felt inferior because of my modesty. I smiled and said that Beijing is cruel and tolerant. As long as you work hard, you will support yourself like your sister. I know my brother doesn't understand this sentence much. He's just sad. Why does he love his sister so much? After only a few years in Beijing, you have become so inhuman?

A month later, my brother called and begged me to find him a part-time job. I said, do your classmates have sisters to find, too? He was a sensitive boy, so he grabbed it without saying anything. In an instant, mom's long-distance call came. She almost said angrily, if you don't give him money, you won't even help him find a job. He is alone in Beijing and so small. Who can you rely on without you? ! I don't know how to explain to my mother to convince her that she should be able to eat what I have suffered, because we are all children from the countryside. If we don't make our own way, poverty will only extinguish all hope, leaving us with endless fears floating in the city.

I finally promised my mother to give my brother some help. But I just wrote a letter telling him all the ways to collect part-time information. These priceless "wealth" accumulated by me in four years finally enabled my brother to find a part-time job as a proofreader in a magazine a week later. The work is not so easy and there is not much money, but he can always maintain his life. After he got his first salary, I relied on him for food. He carefully calculated the money he needed, and the rest was only enough for a "snack" in the school cafeteria. But I am still very happy and keep praising him. He lowered his head and said nothing. After eating for a long time, he spit out a sentence like a grain of sand: my classmates pity me and support themselves so hard; Everyone else is chatting online, so I have to stay up reading the manuscript, and I don't even have time to write a letter to my classmates. With so little money, there is not even a fraction of your salary. I smiled: Pity is nothing. I have been laughed at. I cried all day in the dormitory because I lost 50 yuan. No one knows this is my monthly meal. And I feel inferior and don't want to borrow it from others, but I still can't help being hungry. I help people in the school cafeteria. I don't get paid, but I finally have food. In the face of reality, if you don't have the cheek, you don't even have the strength to walk.

In the days that followed, my brother seldom called again. I know he is beginning to feel "distressed" about money, and I know he is still angry with me, because once I called, he was not in. I said he would come back and told him that his sister, who is a teacher at the university, called to say hello. His roommate was surprised and said, how come he never told us that he had a sister working in Beijing? I didn't explain to them. I know he still can't understand my ruthlessness, so he forgot his sister who could have been proud of. Just as roommates talk about how generous my parents are, I will keep silent and resent my origins. Mock and satire, self-confidence and pride have to go through. I am willing to let them walk in front of my brother bit by bit and make his heart tortured by poverty more tenacious.

At the end of the semester, we met again. My brother asked me out. In a coffee bar that can be counted as grade, he calmly asked me to "make yourself at home". I looked at the simple but confident boy in front of me. His mouth remained motionless for a long time, and his words were calm. In his brow, he actually smells like a man. Finally, he is no longer the little boy who is flustered when he speaks. In this short period of six months, he has sold magazines, proofread manuscripts, worked as a tutor and washed dishes. Now, he picked up a pen and recorded the laughter and tears in his youth, so he got higher reward and glory. He matured a whole year earlier than when I first arrived in Beijing.

We slowly enjoyed the beautiful city of Beijing, and the snow began to fall. In order to have a mouth to eat, we hit a wall again and again and were laughed at again, but it accepted us gently, not only giving our stomachs enough food, but also giving our hearts such practical comfort and encouragement.

Without cruelty, there is no courage. This is what life taught me, and I just gave it to my younger brother who has just grown up.