Children's love of playing games is a headache for modern parents.
Question:
Hello, teacher. My children like playing games since primary school. Now a sophomore, I am addicted to games. Now I wake up at home and start playing games, staying up late at night. Day after day, every day. I think he will get tired of playing one day, but the more he plays, the more addicted he becomes. Teacher, can you help me and give me an idea?
Answer:
Your letter is simple. I'll try to smooth it out. "I have been playing games since primary school, and I have been addicted to games since the second year of high school." In this way, although the game occupies a lot of space in life, it has not seriously affected the normal life of this child. The letter didn't mention how the family responded, but said a sentence-"I think he will get tired of playing one day", which gave me some guesses. Perhaps you have always felt that children's games have not developed to an unbearable level, and parents' attitude is still relatively tolerant. You hope that one day he will give up voluntarily.
Because the letter didn't mention anything more specific, I don't know what happened in reality, which makes you hope to find a way to change his current lifestyle. Is it because of the epidemic that children have been staying at home, so playing games has become a prominent problem?
Speaking of change, according to common sense, the younger the child, the easier it is for adults to change and shape him; The older a child is, the harder it is to change and shape. This is because when the child grows up, he has more power to defend himself, which just reminds parents how to respect their children. I want to think about this problem from another angle. Did the tolerance my son got from playing games as a child create a free space for him and give him the strength to keep his normal study and life after playing games?
Now, he is a sophomore and an adult. If we want to change him too much, although it is out of love, care and responsibility, he is likely to get angry and think that this intervention is a denial of his ability and a disrespect for his personality. Unless he tells his parents: I need to change, can you help me?
Of course, few parents can accept this frivolous life. I will definitely worry about my child, his future and want to care about him. So what should we do? I think we can let go of our dissatisfaction with this game-playing behavior (yes, this is a very difficult thing), go beyond this superficial behavior and focus on understanding and wondering why our son chose this lifestyle, what his inner needs and thoughts are, and how he hopes his family will treat him during this time.
How does he usually play games? What games does he like to play? One person or a team? What does he think of the balance between games and study life? How is his classmate relationship? How is his homework? Is he in love? What other hobbies does he have? What does he think of his body? What is his plan to make money? From what aspects did he gain a sense of accomplishment, self-confidence and self-esteem? What does he think of going to bed so late every day? What are his real fears and worries about his future life?
This information requires you to think, observe and look for clues in your daily life. Of course, it would be great if you could talk openly in a friendly atmosphere.
Knowing more about his son's inner world and real life is more likely to transcend superficial behavior, understand his predicament and advantages, and trust, understand, care and respect him. This in-depth understanding and understanding will also greatly reduce your inner anxiety.
Only in this way can you get close to him, help him and give him acceptable love when he really needs help.
About the author:
Lin Yin
National second-level psychological counselor, master of developmental psychology, mother of two children, believes that "the strength is behind the pain".
You can write a letter of more than 200 words to yinlin@thepaper.cn, describing one or two problems that bother you the most. The more specific the better.