1. Once my classmate asked me which department my other classmate was in the hospital. I can't remember clearly. I thought it was like internal medicine and acupuncture. I said she was guilty. 2. A boy saw his uncle: "Buy him two dishes!" Uncle: "The child loves to brag so much that even no one dares to say it!" " When I was at school, the Communist Youth League Secretary was particularly dumb. When I joined the League, only another girl (a horrible one) and I were the host of our League branch secretary. I said without hesitation: today is the big day for two students, and the rest of them laughed -_-0 A semester later, this guy presided over another student's joining ceremony and said that XXX students were welcome to join our mysterious organization ... 4. I was particularly shy. "He looked down and said," I want to ... I want to ... A steamed stuffed bun, a steamed stuffed bun. The guy stared at him for a long time and said, "What do you want?" Say it again? ""I want a steamed stuffed bun, a steamed stuffed bun ... oh no! A bun and a loaf of bread! "Dude fainted! When I was in college, a classmate argued with me and was at a disadvantage for a while. In desperation, he got up and shouted: You talk nonsense, I'm not stupid! 6. A friend of mine went on a blind date. When he came back, everyone asked him how he was. The buddy said: This girl is really rough. At noon, they walked into a beef noodle restaurant. The girl said loudly to the master: Hey, pull two bowls for Lamian Noodles's master and say: Do you want to eat? I eat and pull. My buddy quickly said: 1 bowl, you can pull 1 bowl. It is said that everyone in the restaurant laughed at that time. Once, my sister introduced me to a piece of music, which she said was called "Girls' Underwear". I'm surprised. I took the CD-ROM to watch it, which was "A Girl's Prayer" ... 8. The primary school teacher "soothed" our nervous mood before the public class and said, "Don't be nervous, don't look around and get off the platform in class. 9. In English class, the teacher: "Good morning, teacher" Student: "Good morning, student" The whole class collapsed … _ 10. When I was a child, popsicles were usually sold by bicycles. Once, I heard an aunt shouting in the room: the new ice cream is hot. (It is estimated that my aunt used to sell fried dough sticks) 1 1. One of my classmates called another friend, and his grandfather answered the phone. This classmate doesn't know what he is thinking. He just said, "Grandpa, I'm grandma ..." Suddenly he felt something was wrong and hung up with a bang ... 12. No, big head! 13. Colleagues in the unit read the newspaper and said that Liu Xiaoqing had a child named Yun Yun before she got married. We hurried to look for the newspaper, but it was gone. She came over and showed us. A look at it is "Liu Xiaoqing once said very modern remarks, such as being single all his life, but having children without marriage. "1, advanced math class, written by the teacher on the blackboard, the bottom is in a mess. The teacher couldn't bear it: "Students, keep your voice down! "A buddy said," Teacher, you will get used to it! " "The teacher fainted! 2. The whole high school must wear school uniforms. Students who repeat classes never wear them. Teachers in this field squat at the door every day to check. One day, the teacher saw that the student was not wearing a school uniform and asked him why he was not wearing it. This classmate was furious and said, My mother is not dead. Why did the teacher sweat to death in mourning? 3. This may not be the answer: the teacher dragged on: "Finally, I have to say something ..." A strong boy shouted: "It's not sweet to twist a melon!" The audience was silent ... "The teacher's face was livid ... class dismissed" 4. Our teacher once said in class: "The boss is a long-faced boss, and his wife is an old woman and mother. My wife will always accompany you ... "My deskmate asked the teacher loudly:" Teacher, was that teacher wet under the table just now? " Then the teacher ran away! ! 5. When I was in junior high school, I liked a few boys to shoot butterflies after class (it's really boring to think about it now). As a result, a classmate was so excited that the math teacher asked him to answer several times when the bell rang. Five minutes after class, the classmate ran to the door and called for a report. The teacher said angrily, "I call the dog and it wags its tail!" " This classmate whispered, "I don't have a tail ..." The whole class burst into laughter, and even the teacher couldn't help it ... 6. One of my buddies asked the teacher in the math class of senior three, "Calculus is a very useful subject. What is the goal of our study of calculus? " My buddy: "No cavities!" 7. In Chinese class, the teacher said, "In fact, weasels don't eat chickens, which is what scientists have learned through experiments. I once locked a chicken and a weasel together. Guess what happened the next day? " The classmate replied, "The chicken is pregnant." 8. When talking about the use of neon tube in junior high school physics class, a fat man in the last row of our class stood up and asked, "What if the milk in the neon tube comes out?" The whole class was silent until the class was over. As soon as the class started the next day, the teacher began to get angry with the classmate yesterday, so the whole class knew the teacher's reaction speed. 9. The PE teacher shouted in class: "Turn right, don't look around, and sweep the students next to you with the sidelight of the corner of your eye." Someone whispered below, "Only his bladder grows in the corner of his eye." 10, a painting teacher is quite famous. A newspaper has a large-scale report with photos, so he boasted in class: "Recently, some students always told me that your teaching is really good, and you even published photos in the newspaper." I said, "Are you looking for someone to enlighten you?" Results: The teacher stared at me for at least 5 minutes, and then gave a lecture. 1 1, senior three, geometry teacher, an old bt lady, likes to brag, which is really annoying. One day in class: "I am highly valued by the Municipal Education Bureau, and they always invite me to study the problem together, and I always pick up the car to send it" (note: the old southerner deliberately paused here to emphasize the tone). I said, "Three *?" Results: I was banned from geometry class from now on. 12, junior high school leaders had a meeting, and the students below were unconscious and threw paper towels all over the floor (the temperature was almost 50 degrees that day. After the meeting, a leader went on to say: students, today there are sanitary napkins all over the floor, and the unclean floor is deformed. All the boys stayed to clean up. Female students are crying and laughing ... 13. I still don't know if the teacher is right or wrong. When I was in high school, my English teacher (a middle-aged woman in her fifties) felt that some boys would not listen to me, so she cursed, "What are you thinking?" "I miss you!" So I answered. After the teacher was silent for half a ring, he pointed at me and cursed: "You smelly rascal!" " "14, Chinese class, the teacher called a sleepy classmate to answer the question, and the classmate was in a daze and couldn't say anything ... The teacher said," Is that okay? I won't scream either! Classmate: "Cheep." "The teacher is sweating. 15, in the photography class, a classmate took two children and played around the fountain. The teacher asked, "What is this picture?" A sentence came from below: "Yuanyang plays in the water." Everyone laughed ~ ~ ~16. In music class, the teacher made a music solitaire, that is, the previous classmate drank a "la" with one sound, and the next classmate had to repeat the "la" of the previous classmate, and then sang a "la" with another sound. A boy is bored. He added a word after everyone's "La" sound, such as "La Feng", "Lamian Noodles" and "Shit". After he sang "La" in a very beautiful tone, the music teacher smiled and said to him, "See what you can play. 17, Chinese teacher: The above sentence shows that he is a very arrogant, steep and upright classmate, right? ! The boy absolutely replied loudly: "Yes! ! ！” A girl suddenly said, "Is it safe to get on the bus? ! "The people in this class laugh wildly! 18, I think our senior high school math teacher is the most classic. A girl in my class sat in the back row, listening to the walkman, and when her ears were blocked, she spoke loudly. She said to her deskmate, let me know when the teacher comes. Almost all the students heard it. Teachers are no exception. Look at my classmates and say, I'm not going. 19, the chairman of the flag-raising ceremony gave an ideological report: "I am the son of the people of China." The following classmate "I'm from China" 20. In high school, we had exams. We are having a geography class. The teacher reported a place name on it, and we answered minerals below. After talking about many places, the teacher suddenly asked, "What is produced in Jiangnan?" The boys in the class said in unison: "Jiangnan has beautiful women! ! ! ! "2 1, in physics class, the teacher talked about convex lenses and cameras. He was writing on the blackboard when he heard laughter below, so he turned around and asked the idiot what to say. The boy finally managed to squeeze out a sentence: "Teacher, you made a mistake. "So we looked back at the blackboard and saw that the teacher's handwriting on the blackboard was scrawled, and it was a" camera "... Nothing was said. ................. 22. During the self-study class, the director of the Academic Affairs Office came in and asked the monitor," Help me find two people, I want a class flower. "So the monitor organized the whole class to vote for the class flower, opened a class, and finally unified their opinions, and chose 2mm with the most pl in the class, so 2mm shyly went to the director. I was awakened by my deskmate while sleeping. I got up and pushed the door out of the classroom. Five minutes later, I felt very strange outside the classroom, and then I hurried back to the classroom. All the teachers and students were frightened. 24. The college entrance examination is coming soon. The teacher said, "Now is the critical moment. Everyone should really do it and do it well! "There is a cloud below:" The question now is what to do and how to do it! "The teacher said," If you work hard, you can do it! " !" 25, a junior high school biology teacher's masterpiece. Once he talked about the ecology of African grasslands, and no one in the class listened, so he got angry and said, Look at me! How can I know what African wildcats look like without looking at me? 26. When I was in high school, after class, my classmates all went outside to buy lunch boxes. A girl took a shortcut before others, and the manhole cover in front was not properly covered and she fell! At this time, she was very embarrassed to climb up with the manhole cover. A group of junior high school students ran to buy food. As she climbed, she said, Hey! It's really hard to repair (sweat! In high school, the political teacher said in class? Developed capitalist countries, especially the United States, always bully other countries when they are strong. Our socialist China will not be like this. Even if it is strong, it will not bully others ... My deskmate replied, "How do you know if you are strong or not?" "The whole class laughed and the teacher ran away! ! ! 28. In high school, there was an experiment in chemistry to replace silver ~ At that time, one of my classmates succeeded in replacing silver ~ and shouted "Teacher! There is really silver coming out! "Then he said," Teacher, why don't you sell the money? " (Note: the teacher's daughter) The teacher didn't hear it, but also replied: "Selling silver is not something that can be sold casually, and it needs the permission of the state. "The whole class dropped 29. Strong physical education committee member: In high school, the head teacher (a female teacher in her twenties) said to the physical education committee member one day, "Go to the class and find two boys. Be strong and I will use them later. "After the teacher left, I laughed hysterically. When I was in junior high school, one day at the school student union, the class teacher wanted the physical education Committee to confirm whether the girls after work were there. Say to him (the sports Committee member is a very strong and lustful boy), "You go and tidy up the girls in the class." The Sports Commission is not a fuel-efficient lamp, so he quickly asked, "Who is it? "The teacher thought for a moment:" I know I want you to go! " "