When I was young, I wanted to be many people, but I didn't want to be myself. When I am old, I suddenly look back, and the past is like smoke, and I will have the impulse to go back to the past.

Supreme Bao said that if time could be repeated, he would say "I love you". Xiao Xie told me that if I could do it again, I would study hard, get into a good school and have a bright future.

I haven't known Xiao Xie long. He works in my brother's mobile phone shop. I met him for the first time at a party. It happened that the boss of the company invited him to have a barbecue that day.

At half past seven in the afternoon, I woke up with my eyes wide open. I didn't wear makeup, just put on a pair of slippers. When I went downstairs, I saw Xiao Xie and my brother.

Xiao Xie is thin and not as tall as me. If it weren't for that mature uniform, I would think he was a child. He talks a lot, and some of his words are vague. He always thinks he has many stories, so he reads a lot.

During the barbecue, I saw him barbecue alone. He looked very skilled: "I've done this before." I am a veteran. "Xiao Xie said while roast chicken wings, without looking up.

"Oh ~ There is a story ~" I have been reserved and jumped out of this sentence.

"Yes, everyone has a story. Some good stories and bad stories can be written, but more can't be written. "

I swallowed the fat cow in my mouth and suddenly wanted to know the boy in front of me.

When you are young, whether you love or hate, you should try your best to live.

Xiao Xie was born in 1999, but he is only 18 years old this year. This is my fourth year of unemployment. Xiao Xie counted his years of work with his left hand, with a cigarette between his right index finger and middle finger.

"Very fast."

/kloc-at the age of 0/4, Xiao Xie fled this small village. Don't like school, don't like reading. Even if the family members beat themselves hard with whips, they kept back from saying that they would not study.

At that time, I just wanted to be free. I study from seven to five, and I have to do my homework when I get home. If I fail in the exam, I will be beaten by my parents and compared with other children by my grandmother.

At that time, reading was the biggest constraint. The existence of parents, teachers and friends only assisted reading and locked us in a cage.

So Xiao Xie stole 1 0,000 yuan from her parents who sold rice, and came to Shenzhen with her cousin. No attachment, no dependence.

In the first year, I couldn't find a job, so I posted a film on the street with my cousin. At that time, I couldn't afford to live in a decent house, and I was crowded with many people in the old house, accompanied by geckos and cockroaches.

Sometimes when the wind blows, the glass will be blown off, and only in winter can the wind blow in.

I have come into contact with many poor people, and I just want to eat a steaming bowl of rice when I am down and out.

That was the first year. Xiao Xie slept in his room during the day until three or four o'clock, for nothing but saving money for breakfast and lunch. I seldom can afford rice, but most of the time I cook noodles and drink water when I am very hungry.

"I know what it is like to be poor for the first time. I was really poor then and wanted to go home. " Xiao Xie spit out smoke, and then laughed ha ha ha.

What do I know about being strong? It's all about death.

In the second year, 15 years old. Went to an informal factory, 5 yuan an hour, barely eat and live.

"I managed to find this factory. I only had one idea at that time. I just had dinner. "

Xiao Xie spends 12 hours a day, with a maximum of 15 hours. I am bent on making big money and getting rid of poverty.

Xiao Xie is often bullied by others in the factory, not only because he is young and easy to bully, but also because he is easy to talk, and he will agree to other people's demands.

Xiao Xie said, I am helpless, and I have a feeling of relying on others. Every day, I have to smile and be careful. They always ordered Xiao Xie to sweep and mop the floor.

Some people will even be scolded by their superiors for not doing a good job, and they will take it out on me and say bad things. "How good do you think you are, coming to work at such a young age, all your life?"

Xiao Xie took a heavy puff on his cigarette: "Whenever they say these words, I will smile bitterly."

So humble, just want to keep this job, you can make money if you have a job, you can eat if you make money, and you can survive if you eat.

Xiao Xie said, "If I had read more books, it wouldn't have happened."

One day, Xiao Xie was so absorbed in eating first that he forgot to help Xiao Lao, an elderly employee, mop the floor. Xiao Lao scolded 1, "you son of a bitch. I respect you mopping the floor! "

Xiao Xie called her cousin and kept crying.

"Do you think I've been like this all my life?"

"It will be fine."

This is the first time that Xiao Xie has cried in two years. I didn't cry when I was scared by the gecko. I didn't cry because someone found fault with the film on the overpass. I didn't cry when I was bullied. I didn't cry when I didn't have enough food and clothes.

On that day, I shed tears for my long-term grievances.

The clouds are light and the wind is light, because I have survived all the pain alone.

In the third year, Xiao Xie was displaced, set up stalls and barbecue stalls, and drifted all the way. It is said that you can make money and do things that don't require academic qualifications.

This year has been very tiring, and every day is for life. Xiao Xie said, in the first two years, everything is to eat, nothing is needed, just want to eat. This year he began to want to earn a lot of money and send it to his parents.

Every night when I set up a barbecue stall, I was dying in the smell of oil smoke and struggling in a deep sleep. Every time I go home and lie in bed, I smell of oil stains and lampblack. When I get home, I don't want to do anything, don't take a shower, just want to sleep.

"Barbecue is better to make money, but it is upside down day and night. In fact, it is not much different from movies, but movies can go to bed early. "

In half a year, Xiao Xie also made some money. I called my parents on the Mid-Autumn Festival and cried as soon as I got through. The last time I cried, I was scolded by Xiao Lao as a son of a bitch.

My parents cried, too. Everyone was silent on the phone, just crying.

"It's so tired outside, why don't you listen to me and read more?" Xiao Xie was crying all the time when her mother said this.

Xiao Xie said that he remembered everything he had experienced in the past few years. If he had listened to his mother and studied hard, he would be in grade two now.

Don't be forced by life, don't be down and out.

If I can, I will definitely read more books when I am young, which will avoid a lot of pain.

In the fourth year, Xiao Xie came to his brother's mobile phone shop and became a salesman.

This year, he just came of age.

"I used to be very quiet. Although disobedient, he is very withdrawn. You see, I can say it now, and I certainly can't think of it. "

Xiao Xie played with his mobile phone and laughed for another year.

"No way, live."

Xiao Xie said he envied me. When you go to college, you don't have to worry about life and go to work.

I was wrong. I always have to work hard for my life. He said yes, only a few years less, but also very happy.

I looked at the boy in front of me, 18 years old, and I was very distressed.

But life is like this, forcing you to mature step by step, forcing you to accept the polishing of this world. Erase your edges and corners, your willfulness, your fear and your reticence.

But I never feel how bad it is not to study. Xiao Xie said to me, "Sister, if you study more, you won't be bullied by others."

Not necessarily. Who says there is no good future without reading?

But if you read more books, you will find a clear moon shining on your heart in the middle of the night, and then you won't regret the book you read-"If a person's heart is dark, how dark is it?"