Dear editor:

Hello, I've been very annoyed recently. I have always been strong and met an equally strong boyfriend. Usually I regress, because I don't want to be unhappy. But we will also worry about whether we are not suitable for this problem. Before the relationship begins, I hope to grow old together, but he doesn't feel like me. He is eager to express his feelings. He never said anything about my future. What bothers me most is his selfish self. When two people are together, I always cater to his preferences by myself. After all, I don't ask much and I'm not picky about food. But when I need him, if he is sleepy or tired, he will refuse me directly and mercilessly. It hurts me. I don't think it's right with him, but I don't want to be apart. I'm really confused. I don't know whether I should continue to wronged myself to cater to him, swallow all the unhappiness or go my own way to confront him. On the other hand, they all say that my demands for love are too high and too dreamy. I just think if you like me, you should be able to do it. Indeed, I like the selfless romantic love between the hero and heroine in idol dramas, which he has never done. The love he gave me was an old married couple's feeling, but it didn't give me a sense of security. I don't know if I should believe him when he says he likes me. In fact, after we were together, he didn't say that on his own initiative. Maybe there is something wrong with my concept of love, which needs to be changed? Although I talked about love, I have always admired the couples who show love in the space. Is there something wrong with me? But I also think there is something wrong with him. He only cares about his feelings. If I force him to accompany me, he can nag for a long time, and when he needs me, he is angry with me because I didn't accompany him. I am confused about love, love ... I also like to compare him with my first love. I don't think he loves me, which is bad for me. My girlfriend says it's wrong, but I think it's the basis of my love view? Otherwise I have no experience. How can I judge? I hope you can point out the mistakes in my thoughts, and I am willing to accept them.

Want to be a wayward queen, a freshman at Xiangtan University.

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Dear wants to be a wayward queen:

Hello!

Uncle Xiyou read your letter and felt that you two were neck and neck. In fact, in a relationship, there will always be one person who is stronger and one person who is weaker. This is not a problem in itself, and this relationship also exists in the process of interpersonal communication.

A few days ago, my uncle saw a joke saying:

Men are very easy to coax, and they will be happy if they boast handsome! Women are also quite easy to coax, boasting beauty, gentleness, thoughtfulness, assertiveness, filial piety, caring, unselfish, lovely, smart, capable, pure, generous and single-minded, and basically happy.

Many people laugh at this kind of joke at most, and uncle thinks it is telling the truth, and so is falling in love. Most boys are born with less delicate thoughts than girls. As long as they give him a candy, he will be happy. Most girls in love are sensitive hedgehogs. If you praise her in one aspect, she can make up for your incompetence in reflecting her in other aspects. Of course, most girls can finally adjust their mentality.

It is said that boys in love are the cleverest, full of rhetoric, slowly capturing the last line of defense of girls with sugar-coated shells, and then their enthusiasm will not be high before long. In fact, many boys will take the initiative to adjust themselves to the most comfortable state after their love is stable, but girls are easily immersed in the joy of love and can't adapt for a while, which makes it easy for girls to have these ideas:

You used to coax me when I was unhappy;

Now you are always "hmm" and "oh".

In the past, when I needed you, you always appeared at the first time;

Now when I need you, you always refuse me for various reasons.

Influenced by many idol dramas, girls always feel that the process of love should always be full of sweetness, and they can sprinkle a handful of dog food at will. However, the gap in reality has unexpectedly poured cold water on them, and they can't help asking themselves: Why is my love different from idol drama?

Girls put aside the influence of those TV dramas. Love in reality is much more interesting than in drama. Everything sweet, quarreling, encouraging and supporting, running in with each other, etc., is beyond imagination.

If you feel uncomfortable in this relationship, Uncle hopes that you can jump out of the perspective of the first person in this relationship and see how he treats you. Think calmly. If he was born like this, can you always accept and tolerate him? Do you have enough energy and patience to let him change for you? Don't close your eyes and deceive yourself.

Finally, uncle gave girls a suggestion to deal with strong boys for reference:

Boys are strong and macho, you can show weakness on your own initiative, not because you want to play a feminine role, but because you worship him, spoil him and show weakness with your cleverness. It is not only easy for him to do something, but also you need to grasp the specific degree by yourself.

Uncle grapefruit with many ideas.

* The following is a wonderful reply selected from Grandpa nirvana in fire's activity.

Hello:

In fact, for me, feelings are sometimes really unclear. I don't know much about it myself, but after hearing your distress, I personally feel that your boyfriend doesn't care about your feelings at all and always feels a little selfish. Feelings are two people's business, and both sides should strive to change themselves for each other. You don't need to compromise yourself and fulfill his wishes, so that you will always be weak in this relationship, and your grievances are taken for granted in his eyes. Instead of moping all day, let yourself go. Being a man, happiness is the most important thing.

Of course, the above are all my personal opinions. I believe you already have the answer in your heart, but you are not sure yet. Anyway, I hope you can be happy.

Running snail

Dear wants to be a wayward queen:

Hello, you have read your letter. I generally understand your troubles, but I don't think love can be settled anytime and anywhere. Just like you said, you will always cater to his preferences yourself. If we continue like this, we will only endure the outbreak and will not have a good result. So, stop fooling around. You can't maintain your feelings by working hard alone. You are too busy getting close to him and too busy walking away. He won't even give you the only sense of security. What are you missing? Two people are together for the better, not for him to change himself.

Also, you complain that he didn't return your message in seconds, didn't give you sweet words, and didn't give you comfort in time when you were sad. At this time, you might as well think about it from another angle. Is it because he just doesn't know how to express himself, so he is regarded as a sign of indifference? Maybe he missed happiness because he was afraid of rushing for success, and his feelings should be long-lasting.

Besides, I think there are many reasons between you two besides his problems. First love is a thing of the past Why are you still obsessed? Since first love is so good, why not stay with you? Why can someone who is so kind to you only be called first love? Maybe what I said is a little ugly, but I hope you can understand my kindness. In fact, it is very simple for two people to be together. When they feel that they have contradictions and can't go on, they begin to think about whether to break up, which may be an inappropriate idea. The best way is for two people to meet and have a good chat and tell each other their inner confusion and thoughts. Even if there is no happy ending in the end, please be sure to speak your mind. Sometimes if you don't say that he doesn't understand, the gap between them will get deeper and deeper. That's all I want to say. I hope you can solve your own problems well. Of course, the most important thing is to hope you are happy!

Mr Mu Yi.

Dear Queen Girl:

Hello! Here, I will satisfy your wish to be a queen first. However, if you want to be a real wayward queen, you must have someone who is obedient and spoiled to you, or pay enough to bear the price of wayward. My personal opinion is that don't rely on others, improve yourself, and you will have more and more opportunities to be willful.

About you and your boyfriend, in fact, I don't think it's a matter of strength, but whether he really likes you. Of course, here, I want to ask first, do you need him to accompany you every day, or do you feel unhappy occasionally, so let him accompany you because you are tired? If it's the former, I think it's just that you are too clingy. No matter how close, two people who love each other need their own private space. My advice is to be yourself and enjoy your own time alone. Maybe he will take the initiative to accompany you. If it's the latter, I don't think he likes you enough. Girls don't feel insecure for no reason in love. If he still shows indifference when it is really difficult for you to show that you need him, then you should really think about your future with him.

Love may need tolerance and mutual change, but it is by no means a person's submission and concession.

Then, everyone has their own view and way of love, which I think is not wrong. But there is no need to envy others. Moreover, people who show love in a circle of friends are not necessarily as happy as they seem. Even if they are really happy, they should have experienced many hardships on the road of love. As an experienced person, I really feel that there is nothing to envy.

Du Chun

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