Xiao Min, the protagonist, is a veritable "other people's child" and an only child. She has been a good student in key schools and key classes from primary school to high school.

Mom is very strong, from what clothes to wear, what hairstyle to keep, whether to be a class cadre or not, to whom to associate, she has the final say. Xiao Min rebelled a little against her mother. When Xiao Min was born in childbirth, she almost lost her life. She accused her of having no conscience with tears and runny nose until Xiao Min felt infinitely guilty, and then apologized and compromised. But I'm depressed. As soon as my mother opens her mouth, she becomes a curse, which makes her feel suffocated.

When she was admitted to college, Xiao Min wanted to get rid of her mother's control and go to a foreign university. When her mother found out, she first nagged. Seeing her resolute attitude, lying in bed without eating or drinking forced her to death. Knowing that her mother would not really commit suicide, she wanted to fight to the end. Finally, all her relatives came to accuse her of being unfilial. In desperation, she changed her mind and went to a key university in this province.

When she was in college, she used being a tutor as an excuse. When she didn't go home, her mother went to school for various reasons. You can't leave her sight during the winter and summer vacations. Shopping should be reported: what to buy and do? With who? Where are you going? What time are you coming back? Keep calling to ask where she is. In Xiao Min's words, the lookout still carries the remote control.

In her junior year, she dated her junior, but her mother strongly opposed it. She was unmoved by all the tricks of crying, making noise and hanging herself. When my mother went to see my brother, she might have said something ugly to him. He blacked out all the contact information of Xiao Min and avoided it. Xiao Min said that she could understand that as a mother's daughter, she would doubt her existence value and want to die after being scolded by her, not to mention a passionate young man who has never seen a shrew! She used the word "bitch" to describe her mother.

She stopped dating when she was in college. After graduation, I met a boy with the same major in a neighboring school and loved each other. She knew that her mother would definitely object, because anything she chose was rejected by her mother with one vote. Sure enough, my mother quickly arranged for her blind date after smelling the signs. She was silent on the surface, but she was not satisfied and passively resisted.

It turned out that my mother tried the same trick again, trying to threaten her to break up with her boyfriend with a hunger strike. She is even more heartless, saying that she should choose two paths for her mother: first, mutually assured destruction, and second, never marry. Finally, with my father's efforts, my mother stopped objecting, but she never had a good look at her boyfriend.

After marriage, Xiao Min's mother nagged and accused her son-in-law. There is a saying: "When a person doesn't like you, you can't even breathe right." Her husband has never been praised by her mother, but there are only endless faces. As long as it is slightly unsatisfactory, her mother will scold her in front of her son-in-law: "If you don't listen to the old man, you will suffer in front. See what man you married! " Her husband has always swallowed his pride and is cautious.

But everyone has a bottom line, and patience without a lower limit is impossible. When Xiao Min's son was 4 years old, her husband's patience with his mother's various dislikes and pressures finally reached the limit. He won't go home as long as he sees her mother in his house.

Xiao Min's mother turned a deaf ear to this and refused to listen to her daughter's persuasion. She insisted that she was right and everything she did was for her daughter's happiness. She still goes to her daughter's house every day to criticize her son-in-law.

Once my son-in-law saw her at his house after work, and her attitude was cold. She is going out on the grounds of working overtime. She asked him with a gloomy face, "Where did you read so many books?" How did your parents teach you? You don't even know basic manners! No tutor! "In a word, it became the last straw to crush the camel! Xiao Min's already precarious marriage collapsed instantly.

She said: "There may be other factors in our final divorce, but there is no denying that my mother's influence is too great. If I were him, I might not be able to stand leaving early for so many years and it would be difficult for him. "

Xiao Min left her son and house to her ex-husband and left the city where her parents lived for 32 years without saying a word. She said that she didn't want to be controlled by her mother all her life.

I asked her, "What about your parents? They only have one daughter. You are too old to accept it? " She said, "My mother still thinks she is right. She hasn't realized where she is wrong yet. I'm desperate for her. I don't care if she stays the same. I just want to stay away from her now. Let time beat her. When she is too old to control my life, I will come back. "

Sadness in my heart is greater than death, so it is. Xiao Min's mother was worried that she was injured and cheated since she was a child; When she grew up, she was worried that she would meet inappropriate people and suffer losses, which eventually led to the breakdown of her daughter's marriage and her daughter's departure. As the psychologist Zeng Qifeng said: "If a certain degree of worry is full of love, then excessive worry is equivalent to a curse." Xiao Min's marriage is the result of this curse.

If Xiao Min is an only child and a girl, and all her mother's misconduct is because she loves and worries about her, will her parents be enlightened in a family with many children? Not necessarily.

2.

Let's call the protagonist of this story Beckham. My parents used to be employees of state-owned enterprises. Because of his birth, my mother was laid off and became a full-time mother. Perhaps it is the middle-aged son, perhaps because of the loss of unemployment, Beckham's mother dotes on him very much.

Beckham has two sisters. When Beckham was born, they had already lived in middle school. After that, they only met when they came back from high school and college. Because of the age gap, the two sisters also love him very much.

Beckham has been very good and obedient since childhood. As long as mom and sister don't like things, they won't do them. For example, when I go to play football with my classmates after class, my mother will nag for a long time, fearing that he will get hurt, saying that she lost her job for him, how hard it is to take him, and so on, and kidnap him mentally. Brainwashed since childhood: mom sacrificed her career and worked hard for him. My mother loves him the most in the world.

By the time Beckham was in middle school, his sisters had made small achievements in his career and had a happy family, which provided him with a lot of financial support. Beckham Middle School was a famous brand from the beginning. Want to know what clothes are popular in Hong Kong and Taiwan, and see what Beckham wears? When Beckham's classmates still want to surf the Internet in the Internet cafe, Beckham has changed two computers. In Beckham's mind, his sisters are the second people who love him in the world.

Beckham went to the university in this city carefree and smoothly, and took his dirty clothes home to wash every week. Until he joined the work, all the food and drink were cooked by his mother and sister, and of course the work was arranged by his sister. Even every trip Beckham made before he was 24, except his parents, he was surrounded by his sisters.

At the age of 26, his sister introduced him to a girl on the orders of his mother. He regarded love as his sister's homework. Half a year later, the wedding was held under the control of parents and sister. After their marriage, the young couple still live with Beckham's parents.

Three months after marriage, my wife went back to her family in tears. It is said that the parents-in-law won't let the young couple lock the door and sleep, saying that the son is dishonest and will kick the quilt, and the mother-in-law is going to help his son cover the quilt. Beckham also thinks that his mother just loves his performance, and there is nothing wrong with it. So Beckham's wife often wakes up in the middle of the night and sees her mother-in-law sitting by the bed with long hair, staring at her sleeping son like a ghost. Every time she sat up screaming, she felt two cold lights on her mother-in-law and made her shudder. Finally, I often lose sleep.

Persuaded by her mother, she returned to her in-laws' home. Mother-in-law still goes into the room to see her son almost every night, and my father-in-law occasionally brings water to his son. And her husband Beckham is a giant baby. He can't do any housework and often doesn't flush after going to the toilet. He has no thoughts of his own, lives according to the wishes of his parents and sisters, and has no intention of resisting.

The news that Beckham's wife was pregnant discouraged her from getting a divorce. Throughout pregnancy, what to eat, what to do, where to go for a checkup and so on. It's all decided by Beckham's mother and sister. Beckham's wife was dissatisfied, but she didn't dare to attack, comforting herself that their starting point was only for the children. She endured it.

During childbirth, she was in terrible pain and wanted to have a caesarean section. Sister Beckham wouldn't let her, saying that she would have to endure it unless the doctor thought she couldn't give birth. Finally, the uterus was fully opened, and the doctor said that the amniotic fluid was turbid. Before the doctor suggested cesarean section, Beckham's mother and sister immediately interrupted the doctor when they heard that the fetus might be in danger: "Don't wait, cut it right away!" Beckham's wife was sent to the operating room crying.

On the second day after the son was born, because there was no milk, Sister Beckham brought a rush emulsion to coax his wife and finally got milk. Beckham's wife was sweating with pain, and finally she couldn't tell whether it was wound pain, uterine contraction pain or lactation pain.

After leaving the hospital and going home, my parents-in-law went in and out of her room more often, and often blushed awkwardly when she was nursing, but they didn't feel anything wrong.

When the child was three months old, her mother-in-law insisted on weaning her and forcibly took her son away. Since then, the child has slept with his in-laws. Most of the time after that, she watched her in-laws holding their children. As long as the child is in her hand, her mother-in-law will fidget and quickly take the child back. She told Beckham that her mother-in-law was acting strangely, and Beckham said she made a mountain out of a molehill.

When she went to work after maternity leave, she became a complete outsider at home. Every time I come home from work, my mother-in-law is nervous and creepy. After hugging her son for a while, her mother-in-law snatched him away from her with various excuses.

Later, the son who was with his grandmother cried all day long when he left his grandmother, and he didn't want to be with his mother. Every time the mother-in-law saw her son holding hands and crying for grandma, Shi Shiran hugged her peacefully, her mouth turned up and she looked at her as a winner. She said that everyone could hear her heartbroken voice and felt that she just provided a womb for their family to reproduce. But after providing sperm, Beckham is still his mother's baby role, and his son is just a toy when he is bored.

In Beckham's mind, Beckham's wife may just be a role arranged by his mother and sister. He has no consciousness and responsibility as a husband and father, and he will not bear this responsibility. Therefore, countless times his wife cried that her son was not close to her and asked her to take care of the child alone. He impatiently scolded her for being unreasonable, only doing the thing of giving birth, and being dissatisfied and ungrateful to his mother for paying so much. He didn't notice that his wife was in a bad mood, nor did he doubt whether she had postpartum depression. Beckham's wife asked Beckham's sister for help, but they taught her a lesson and hung up.

Beckham's wife was later taken back to her mother's house for care because of attempted suicide due to postpartum depression. I don't know if Beckham will feel guilty, and I don't know if Beckham's mother and sisters will be sad. What is certain is that Beckham's marriage has come to an end.

3.

With the excessive participation of parents, the marriage relationship between Xiao Min and Xiao Bei broke down. Master Yan Zhengda said: "If a parent often worries about his children, his children will not be blessed;" Because Fubao is worried by his parents. "

Xiao Min and Beckham are the epitome of parent-child relationship in quite a few families after China's reform and opening up. In this era of solving food and clothing, parents' eyes are focused on their children's education. And these parents, who have suffered, don't want their children to suffer what they have suffered. As parents, they always control and arrange everything for their children.

Psychologically, this kind of parents can be summarized as: controlling parents and arranged parents. They regard their children as their other "I", and subconsciously regard them as "I" who once lacked material and fatherly love, giving them excessive satisfaction. Giving children infinity is actually giving yourself infinity.

Even if the child has grown up, in the eyes of these parents, the child is the projection object of their "inner child" all his life. Suddenly, when children grow out of control, they will feel lost, anxious and uneasy.

I believe that the original intention of most parents is to be a good parent, but unfortunately they don't know what to do, and finally they become satisfied with their own wishes, which comes from the limitations of their own knowledge and insight.

They want to be their perfect parents. Parent-child relationship naturally gives them the initiative, but it is these parents' anxiety of "trying to be perfect parents" that always jumps out to control their education and parenting direction.

So they arrange everything for their children, don't trust them, don't want them to solve their own problems, and shape them according to their own wishes. Their desire for control makes them ignore their children's independent personality, and ultimately the children live entirely for their parents.

Many children controlled by their parents form a crouching posture (giant baby), which makes them subconsciously believe that "parents control my life for my own good, and opposition is unfilial." Some children even think that "I can't live without them, only a dead end", such as Beckham, is such a child.

Xiao Min belongs to the category of awakening. After awakening, she was very painful, did not agree with her parents' love and could not live a happy life. In order to get rid of the relationship between parents, especially parents and mothers, parents are more anxious because of the contradiction between wanting to "break up peacefully" with their mothers and not wanting to "abandon" their parents.

When children grow up, most parents with strong control desire have a tense parent-child relationship, and their children are unhappy and want to escape from their families. Uncontrolled children make the frustration of such parents more obvious. Cognitive limitations prevent them from examining their own problems, blaming everything on their children's rebellion and unfilial, and unable to rebuild normal family relations.

This parent-child relationship is often a vicious circle, affecting generation after generation. In order to break this cycle, we must first change ourselves as parents.