Confucius said: "A dutiful son should serve his parents, try his best to maintain respect for his parents in daily life and maintain a happy mood in life support;" Parents are ill, so we should try our best to worry about it; When parents die, we should do our best to mourn, and when offering sacrifices, we should do our best to pay homage to Jin Yan. These five aspects are well done and can be called doing things.
"Birth, support, illness, mourning and sacrifice" includes all the time we meet our parents from birth to death. Respect, Happiness, Worry, Sorrow and Strictness focuses on the mentality that children should have when facing their parents under various circumstances.
It can be seen that filial piety is incomplete from the heart. It doesn't matter how much we support our parents, what matters is our intention to our parents.
"Born with respect": Tang Xuanzong's annotation "Born with respect". Usually living at home, the most important thing is to hold a word of filial piety to your parents. The word "to respect you" is "to reach" as a verb and "to reach" as an adverb, which is sincere respect from the heart. Usually we pay special attention to this when we live with our parents, or we don't.
Because the cultivation of sages is to be alert to fear from the heart and study hard. How many achievements have been made in life are cultivated on the word respect. Respect is the gathering place of virtue. Once it is loosened, the person can't lift it.
I was not sensible before, but I always wanted to show my closeness to my father. No matter whether anyone is here or not, I often say to my father, "Look at your clothes, how handsome you look in that, or look at your food, it's all on your face, I'll wipe it for you, and so on." I think this is a sign of intimacy.
Later, I saw that my grandfather invited an old painter to dinner. The painter is a famous professor in Tsinghua University. Everyone respects him very much. He brought his daughter in her forties. As a result, her daughter said to her father sentence by sentence at the dinner table, "Look at your food, I'll help you with it." Look, you just can't take care of yourself. I will help you ... disrespect his father like a child.
When I got home, my father-in-law also said, "This child is still not filial to his parents at this age." I feel ashamed when I suddenly think of my past. Our parents are very kind, and their children will be happy if they do less. But in fact, the child's behavior is really imperfect.
We talked about Mr. Chen Yinque before. He is a university teacher, and his students go to his home to visit his father. His father sat and talked, and so did his students, but Mr. Chen stood behind his father all the time. This is the filial son's respect for his father. How solemn.
Nowadays, many people think that giving money to parents and supporting them are filial piety. As we said before, it is common for animals to keep, and some smart animals will adopt their parents, such as wolves, wild dogs, elephants and killer whales ... human filial piety must be respected.
Confucius said in the Analects of Confucius: "As for dogs and horses, it is disrespectful to raise them. Why not? " It means that the horses and dogs raised at home can also contribute to the work of the host, and the children don't have that kind of respect in their hearts. What's the difference between them and livestock?
Another understanding is that you think that you can support your parents, which is filial piety. Modern people also keep dogs and horses as pets. If you don't respect your parents, adoptive parents are no different from keeping pets.
Lutz asked Confucius, "Some people stay up late, cultivate trees and support their loved ones with calloused hands and feet." Some people work day and night, their hands and feet are full of calluses, and they work hard to support their parents, but no one says he is a dutiful son. Why?
Confucius said, "Is it disrespectful to the soul? Does he show respect in front of his parents? What's wrong with quitting? The colors don't match? There is an ancient saying:' Yi He, Miao He, don't talk to women.' If you don't do these three things, there will be no respect in your heart. Even if you work hard to support your parents, you are not a dutiful son. "
Why not respect your parents? Because children treat their parents as ordinary people and don't understand their parents' kindness. Always thinking about the kindness of parents, it is easy to pay tribute.
The second is "keeping it fun." The key to filial piety is to make parents happy. Some scholars also say that the words "raising brings happiness" and "its" mean that children should be happy. I don't think it matters much. If you are unhappy when adopting your parents, how can your parents be happy? You are happy, even if it is difficult, parents can be happy.
The Analects of Confucius asked filial piety last summer, and Confucius replied, "Why is it difficult to have color?" A person's face changes because of the mood in his heart. A happy face is because there is joy in my heart. Even if the dutiful son encounters any setbacks outside, he feels that his parents are still around and the best people in the world are still there when he returns home. I can enjoy my family and be happy. Mencius said that a gentleman has three kinds of happiness. The first is "parents are here, but brothers don't care". I am happy when I miss you, and my parents are happy when I see you.
When supporting your parents, you should always observe and remind yourself to look in the mirror to see if you look really happy. Sometimes we feel relaxed and happy, but others look like dark clouds, which is not enough.
The key is that children really have love and respect for their parents. I really like my face. Watching young men and women fall in love, they are happy as soon as they meet and laugh endlessly. Just because I really like it from the bottom of my heart. Therefore, "it is fun to raise it." The most important thing is that children have sincere and deep love for their parents and really like them from the heart.
Lao Laizi in Twenty-four Filial Pieties is in his seventies and his parents are in their nineties. However, in order to please his parents, he dressed himself as a child and jumped and somersaulted in front of his parents every day. I thought this behavior was a bit exaggerated before, and it is rare to think about it carefully. He used his childish behavior to help his parents forget their old age and express the joy and happiness around him. This is true love for parents.
Parents love to look at their children's faces and feel at ease when they see their children happy. Especially for parents who are sick in bed for a long time and need children to take care of them all the year round, he observes their children very carefully, and you can tell at a glance whether you hate him or like him. If you don't pay attention to show impatience, your parents will be very sad and don't want to drag you down.
Therefore, Confucius said, "If something happens, the disciples should take care of themselves." Eat and drink. Your husband used to think you were filial. "So, it is impossible to do things only for parents. The key is to be sincere. If there is no sincere love and respect in your heart, it can't be called filial piety.
Needless to say, parents are ordinary people we usually associate with. If you don't like what you do for others, others won't appreciate it. For example, between husband and wife, some wives do a lot of things all day, washing and cooking everything, but she is not happy, so her husband is ungrateful. I wish you less and look better.
According to the Buddhist scriptures, body, language and career are more important than before, and they are the most important in their hearts and the easiest to be felt first. Although your body is doing good deeds, you feel wronged and complaining in your heart. Your mind sends a signal that you are unhappy, and others feel it first. They think you are disgusted, and they immediately dislike you. I'm sorry, I just don't accept what you do in the future.
Zhu said: "If a dutiful son is affectionate, there must be kindness and kindness, and there will be joy;" The key is that you have gratitude in your heart, deep love for your parents and natural joy and happiness. ?
Let's look at the third part, "Anxiety caused by illness". Tang Xuanzong commented that "the color is not satisfied and the line is not correct." This is about Zhou Wenwang's anxiety when he served his father.
"Discontent" has two meanings, one is that you are depressed, and the other is that you can't show anxiety in front of your parents, otherwise parents will be worried when they see our sadness, so the dutiful son should think of his parents' psychology everywhere.
"Walking incorrectly" means that the shoes are not correct. Facing his parents' illness, the dutiful son has been very anxious and nervous to take care of him. He walked so fast that he didn't even have time to put on his shoes This is because what the dutiful son wants most is to cure his parents' illness. We should try our best to treat our relatives with all our worries. "Disciples' Rules" says, "Take medicine first if you are sick, wait around the clock and stay in bed".
"Worry" is not only manifested in appearance, but more importantly, it is necessary to take action to treat parents. A teacher on the platform of Lan Ruo, whose father was suffering from depression, had no intention of treatment, but seeing her daughter's efforts and persistence, she decided to take her children out of depression. Once a child really does it, parents have unlimited power.
The Book of Filial Piety says that "filial piety reaches the gods, shines everywhere and is everywhere". True filial piety can be "interlinked" when it reaches the extreme. Once connected between father and son, both father and son have unlimited power.
Fourth, "Mourning leads to mourning." Tang Xuanzong commented: "Cry and mourn as much as you can." "Yi" means beating your chest, and "Yong" means stamping your feet. It's all because your parents are so sad that they can't help crying.
Xu Qian has a very important saying, he said: the feelings of ordinary people, at the end of their loved ones, are sincere, but the heart of being cautious is not necessarily the case. "When my mother died, my family told me not to cry for three days because I believed in Buddhism, for fear of affecting my mother's death. At that time, I stayed by my mother's side and walked away whenever I wanted to cry, restraining myself from disturbing my mother. I am especially glad that I did it at that time.
Now hospice care also puts forward that before the death of relatives, they should not be given violent, painful and meaningless treatment, but should respect the feelings of patients and carefully prepare everything according to the needs of parents at the moment of dying.
In other words, in the face of the death of parents, we must consider the feelings of the deceased. Think about it: parents are already experiencing the most severe pain in their lives, four major separations. Her children, the children she can't give up, are crying and grabbing the land, even shaking at him. How can she stand it?
Parents will leave us one day, and everyone will realize that "the tree wants to be quiet and the wind will not stop, and the child wants to raise it, so it is your parents' chance to live." Parents left, just don't give you a chance. When their parents left, they showed a desire for tea, rice and sleep because of their sadness. These are all natural.
But this situation can't last long. According to the mourning chapter in the Book of Filial Piety, it can't last more than three days. "Eat after three days, and the parishioners can't be killed or injured." After three days, they must eat and drink, or their health will be unbearable. Because "the body is a skin injury, and the parents who suffer from it dare not hurt it." If you have sorrow in your heart, you can't hurt your body.
Fifth, "strict sacrifice" should be solemn for the sacrifice after the death of parents. Tang Xuanzong commented that "fasting and bathing can cause insomnia". "Fasting and bathing" means abstaining from our behavior three days before sacrifice.
Couples should be separated. The ancients didn't bathe every day. They wash three times a month, from the first day to the tenth day, once called "Sheung Wan". The second ten days are called "Zhong Huan"; The third ten days are called "Xia Huan".
But before the sacrifice, you must bathe to show your respect. "I can't sleep in the morning" is called "Farming" at dawn. Before the sacrifice, I didn't sleep from night until dawn the next morning, because I was negligent and relaxed when I slept. So not sleeping is also to keep yourself clean and respectful. This is such a strict behavior made by ancient children for sacrifice.
It is not easy for modern people to learn that "sacrifice is strict", which requires us to treat our parents with such sincere respect when they are alive. After their parents leave, our sincere heart remains unchanged. If our parents were in front of us, we never respected them, let alone pursued them carefully after their parents died. There are even some people who don't honor their parents before they die, but they honor their parents because they are afraid of ghosts and gods, which is even worse.
The ancients said to be filial for three years, and not to be an official or engage in any pleasure activities within three years. "After three years of mourning, I am often sad and change my life. There is no wine and no meat." At the grave of parents, or at home, try your best to think about how to be an upright person and repay your parents.
After three years, regular sacrifices were made every year. Ancient people offered sacrifices to their dead parents. Every ancestor has a memorial tablet or a general memorial tablet. Although we haven't met these ancestors, because of their kindness in taking care of grandparents, we can enjoy the care of our parents in this life. This is a kind of gratitude and gratitude.
People can have this kind of gratitude to their distant ancestors, and naturally have deeper feelings for their parents and relatives in front of them.
"When five things are ready, you can get married." These five rules, that is, "to live is to respect, to raise is to enjoy, to be sick is to worry, to mourn is to mourn, and to sacrifice is to be strict", are all prepared, even if you can get married.
Qiu Meng explained.