The girl likes to drink ice water. My favorite dress is a white cotton skirt, and I wear sports shoes barefoot. Hair is very long. With dark and bright eyes. No makeup. /kloc-When she was 0/2 years old, she had a crush on the handsome guy in her class. My favorite man in high school is Hemingway.
Do you know how Hemingway died?
He: I don't know.
Ann: He put the shotgun in his mouth and pulled the trigger.
He: Yes.
Ann: Then his whole skull was blown off.
He: It's tragic.
Ann: Not tragic.
Ann: This is just the way he likes.
He: Do you like his way?
Ann: Hehe
Ann: Yes. I often wonder how people should treat themselves decisively.
But life has tortured us to death.
He is not sure whether such a girl will exist. He met her online. He hasn't seen her before. In real life, there seems to be no such interesting girl. Her thoughts sometimes make him doubt that she is a man. But she's cute. She has her own way of speaking. He likes it, too.
I met Wei 'an on the Internet again that night. He said, can you come out and meet us? We're going to Haagen-Dazs. She once told him that she liked ice cream. She said, is it Isetan on Nanjing Road? There's one there. He said you choose. He always believed that she was in the same city as him. While chatting, she talked with him about KENZO's new perfume with great interest. She told him that she liked the subway in Shanghai. When waiting on the platform, she often has a desire. I suddenly want to jump, and then try to climb the steps when the subway is roaring. She said that she likes this fantasy that hides fear and despair.
Do you like watching the sea? She said. The sea is the clearest and warmest tear on the earth. He laughed at her there. But there is only one dirty Huangpu River in Shanghai.
He knows very well that she won't easily agree to come out to see him. Once, netizens in Shanghai were used to this kind of gathering. /kloc-More than 0/0 people go out drinking and bowling together. There are more men. Of course, he used to date girls. IRC is the best place to get close to strangers. He met with nearly 20 girls he met online. Some of them broke up after eating together and never met again. There are exceptions. For example, his ex-girlfriend Lace is the most beautiful girl he has ever seen on the Internet. This indiscreet love affair lasted for six months.
Hunter-like curiosity and desire to conquer later felt its cruelty. There was a long silence. Like a glutton, he has an empty stomach. He just asked her that. Don't expect anything.
Chatting is also good. Sitting barefoot in a big cane chair. Sometimes I cover my shoulders and knees with a blue floral blanket. I'll make another pot of coffee on the way. I often knock things over suddenly because of numbness in my legs. At dawn, they got off the net. Count from one to three as usual, and then enter QUIT together. This is a warm moment he needs to share. This feeling made him sink.
But he believes that he is awake. Sober devotion to virtual network and confusion of love.
He began to miss her. After work, on the subway station, I thought of some lovely details of late-night conversation. Her sinister tone. Those obscure and simple statements. He has never seen a girl as cold as snow. Once, they fell in love online.
Do you remember the first time you had sex with a girl?
He: Right.
What impressed me most was that.
He: The tears in her eyes flow on my fingers, which is very warm.
Ann: Since then, your fingers have lost their virginity.
He: Hehe
Ann: Hehe
He: Why do you ask?
Ann: I wonder if there is still love in your heart.
He: There may still be 10%. I think it's going to rot.
People who do not believe in love are more likely to be unhappy than ordinary people.
He: What about you?
Ann: Sometimes my heart is full.
Sometimes it is empty.
After work, he squeezed into the subway car in the crowd. Slightly shaking, the pale light in the carriage lit up the dark tunnel. He looked around. It suddenly occurred to me that she might be with him. Any stranger will do.
Many young girls in the carriage are office girls. Uniform suit, exquisite makeup. But he didn't think she would be like this. It seems that she lost her job online. Doing nothing. And often appear late at night. He thought that if she were here, she would recognize him. People who stick to their own way of life. Wear cotton shirts and lace-up suede shoes. Flat head. Cologne with the smell of grass. Maybe she is laughing in the dark. But she won't come up and say hello to him. She just laughed to herself.
It was not until he began to pay attention that he noticed the existence of the girl. Every morning, she is on the same platform with him, waiting for the subway in different directions. For a short time, she looked as cold and lazy as he was there. She was wearing large washed jeans and a black T-shirt. Thin wrist wearing a large string of dark silver bracelet. Hair is dark and thick. Flax sandals with thin straps on barefoot. She likes to carry a big backpack on her side. Sometimes I take out a pair of headphones from there and plug my ears. When listening to music, her expression seems more alienated and indifferent.
He always wondered whether she was listening to Paganini. Sometimes, he feels that he should suddenly walk up to her and say, Vivian, have a cup of coffee. If it's her. She would look up at him innocently with her usual seemingly malicious smile. If it wasn't for her, she would have turned her face away. However, he wants to set aside more time to see her. Easy and firm. He can control the outcome of this game. The company goes to a bar party on weekends. Joe came over and asked him to dance. Joe said, remember my lips? She smiled sideways at him in the shadow. When he hugged her, he found her drunk and out of her mind. John came and grabbed Joe's arm. You are drunk. I'll take you home. Everyone in the company knows that John has a crush on Joe. Although Joe has a boyfriend who is a photographer in England.
Joe pushed John's hand away. Her rosy cheeks rested on his shoulder. She looked at him with bright eyes. Lin, dance with me. He looked at the embarrassed John beside him. He dragged her out of the bar. It's already midnight. In the narrow apartment elevator, she looked up again and asked him if he remembered her lips. He looked at her with a straight face. Then suddenly pushed her to the elevator door. He kissed her rudely. She said softly, I haven't had sex for a long time. He has been to England for two years. I didn't have sex with any men. The lipstick on her lips began to rot. Like petals burning in the dark. I can't help myself. He doesn't remember having sex with her several times. Finally, I fell into a deep sleep in a trance.
He woke up in her touch. He wants her again. Her face was twisted with an expression of pain and sadness. She pleaded with him in a low voice. He lifted her long hair. Tell me you won't love me. He heard his numb voice. In shame and happiness, she raised her flower-like face. I won't give you any trouble. Lin. You're free. Tears rolled down her eyes.
His fingers trembled slightly. The temperature of the tears in the darkness exceeded his memory.
At dusk, an accident happened in the subway station. When the subway roared, a middle-aged man suddenly flew to the track. Emergency braking and screaming stagnated in the air. He was caught in the chaotic crowd and looked at the scene of the incident. Bright red blood gushed out. He saw a pale hand gently spread out there. Nothing was caught.
When he pushed his way through the crowd, he saw the girl in black with headphones. Standing in the distance. As if nothing had happened. He walked towards the exit passage. He suddenly felt an empty burning sensation in his stomach. He couldn't open his eyes because the sunlight came in from the corridor. He turned around again. Late at night, he and Vivian just finished discussing the end of life. He may never see her again. He saw the girl coming. He waited quietly for her to come to him. Then he said, Vivian, have a cup of coffee.
The girl wore a black high-necked sleeveless cotton T-shirt that day. A large string of silver bracelets on the wrist made a crisp crash. The corners of the eyes are painted with silver-white bright powder. It is the most in-depth makeup for girls this summer. She has a light brown tear mole under her left eye. She looked up at him. She didn't laugh. But my name is Vivian. She said.
Her voice is a little hoarse. The feeling of silence.
He takes her to the shop where he buys coffee every morning. Happy Cafe. He asked her what kind of coffee you like. She said, cappuccino. He likes espresso. He doesn't mind this small difference. He said that the man must be dead. The girl stroked the white porcelain cup gently with her fingers. Death is a common thing. Maybe he just lost his job. Maybe he is facing a divorce. Maybe he was cheated. Maybe he's just bored.
The girl put the earphone back in her bag. She said that if he survived that moment, he could have a nice cup of coffee.
Vivian works as a graphic designer in an advertising company. They have some informal appointments. It is often in the Happy Cafe. She called him the Coffee Man. Because he can't live without this gloomy and bitter liquid.
He finally figured out the music she listened to. Not Paganini. This is Ben's bass saxophone.
She is a unique girl. I used to have that indifferent expression on my face. She seldom talks when she drinks coffee with him. Sometimes he would put his hand on her finger. He gently stroked the part of the skin on her fingertips. She raised her eyes and looked at him Gherardini.
He took her to Haagen-Dazs. Take her to the real pot, the Japanese coffee shop on Huating Road. Take her to the time channel. All the places he talked to Vian on the Internet. In the dim light, he looked at the brown moles flashing around her eyes. He doesn't want to kiss her easily. She insisted that he call her Vivian. She said, I don't want to be who you think I am. You are actually a very selfish person. Guess what?
Maybe. He thought. Selfish men will wear cotton shirts and lace-up suede shoes for 29 years KENZO's grass perfume is 500ML as soon as you buy it. He is used to his feelings. And the world around him is far from his dream. He met Wei An again on the Internet. He remembered the white fingers of the subway girl and gently put them on the coffee cup.
He: If tomorrow is the end, will you meet me?
Ann: No.
He: Why?
It feels like we may pass each other every day, or we may never meet again.
Ann: There are some mysterious ways to keep the world.
We need the rules of adult games.
He goes to Joe's apartment once or twice a week. If Joe calls him, Joe knows their present situation very well. Before her boyfriend came back from England, they were full of loneliness and longing. Of course, they can be separated at any time.
She cooked dinner for him. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and see this sleeping man beside me. His face is very handsome. Usually indifferent expression is warm in sleep. Like a naive child. When a man is eating and sleeping, it is a lovely moment. Restore the sweet and fragile side of their humanity.
She touched him gently. She knew that their bodies had been addicted for too long. So the soul goes further and further. Or maybe she doesn't have his soul at all. She remembers him chewing cherry blossom petals at the elevator door. His body exudes a faint, displaced flower fragrance. His eyes look blue. When a girl feels that she can't get to know that man easily, she will fall in love with him. So is Joe.
Joe found himself unable to choose to be strong. Try asking him if he has any children. Joe looked into his eyes carefully. His eyes were cold. He said, be careful yourself. This is something that should not happen.
But ... Joe stroked his fingers feebly. What if there is? He looked at her without moving. He said, I won't bother you. Please remember. Vivian. He called to her softly. Look at the gentle expression of her tilting face to ask questions. On the empty platform of the subway, the roar of the subway disappeared far away. He believes that this is a game she plays with him. It's just that the control role in this game has begun to change.
If she admits that she is Vivian. Then she is. If she refuses to admit it, Then at least she's Vivian. In the late-night chat, he looked at the monitor and heard the sound of fingers tapping on the keyboard. Lonely voice. It's like blood flowing in your veins. The appearance of a sentence in her language. Word by word disappears. It's the end at any time.
When they saw each other, they began to kiss good night. She marked it with an *. When he caught a cold. When he told her, he felt a little cold. She said, sleep well and be good. Then quit typing. It's over. Vivian is a girl within his reach. At least part of him fantasizes about her. Love is such an illusion. Let him forget his desire for Joe for a while. Those shameless cold desires.
He said, I want to tell you how to make cappuccino. Pour the deep roasted coffee into the cup. Add sugar and a tablespoon of whipped cream. Sprinkle some lemon slices. Orange slices are also ok. Then cinnamon. Vivian smiled. You can work in a coffee shop. Too professional. He said that when I graduated from college, what I wanted to do most was to make coffee in the bar. The night is silent and confusing. This is his favorite time. The beautiful girl sat alone in the corner of the bar smoking. The aroma of coffee is intertwined with tobacco and perfume. Paganini recorded it with the idea of murder. Endless feelings. You can get caught up in it
Then sleep during the day. Isolated from the world, in the sun.
But reality doesn't allow him to live such a simple life. He walks through the reinforced concrete city in the sun every day. I am a person who likes the dark. He said. He narrowed his eyes gently in the sun.
The world forced him to appear naked in the sun again. It seems that light can make him disappear instantly. The burning feeling is so painful. When Joe told him at the elevator door, she broke up with her British boyfriend and had a baby. All the company colleagues waiting for the elevator are here. It is not that I don't know the secret between him and her. But Joe just wants to let them know loudly. He has a responsibility to her. He must be responsible for her. John came over and said with a complicated expression, Lin asked us to eat wedding candy early. Colleagues smiled and began to ridicule.
He stood there quietly. His eyes stung and he was dizzy. He was disgusted in a forced mood.
This day is Joe's 24th birthday.
It was unusually dark that night. He tried to control himself. After getting out of the subway car, go to HAPPY CAFE to buy hot coffee. Joe got through to his cell phone. She said, come here at night He was silent and didn't speak. Women begin to be stupid after falling in love. He is tired of her stupidity. He heard her crying there. She said, if you don't come, I will die for you. She hung up the phone.
He never wanted to get married. This is ridiculous. Joe broke the rules of their game.
I won't give you any trouble. She said. Then she went her own way. He began to miss Vivian. He hasn't met her online for five days. Her whereabouts are unknown. This is a bad day. He thought. He will tell her online that I am unhappy. Vivian. Then Vivian will put a question mark. In their usual tacit way. She always leaves enough room for each other. She is as clever as ice and snow.
In the evening, he waited for Vian on the Internet. His coffee is getting cold. Eyelid chugging straight jump. He had a hunch that she might not show up tonight. He was destroyed by his inner loneliness. He began to think of Joe's warm body again. He just needs her body. Not all of them. 1 1 o'clock, he turned off the computer. He put on a cotton shirt, grey socks and lace-up suede shoes. On the empty street, the street lamps are pale. He stopped the car and went straight to Joe's apartment.
The elevator is still small and stuffy. Reminds him of that crazy night. Joe's ruddy face blooms like a flower in his hand. At some point, they are also lonely, so they need each other. But he doesn't love her. He still has 10% love in his heart. But it doesn't belong in this world. When Joe opened the door, the room was dark. They looked at each other silently in the dark for a few seconds. Then he closed the door backhand. Push her down to the wall silently and rudely like an animal.
Why happiness is so short and fleeting. When he left her body, he felt melancholy and helpless inside. Only this moment is not lonely. Without a clear sense of the world. No despair. Then Joe turned on the light. He closed his eyes in disgust. He said, I hate light, you know. She said, we should talk it over. There is nothing to talk about. He lay wearily in bed and closed his eyes. I am tired. I'm going to sleep. Joe turned over stubbornly. Her eyes are red and swollen. She is really not beautiful anymore. She said, I love you very much Lin. Her eyes looked at him empty and sadly. Don't say such nonsense. He said. You can marry John and any man who wants to marry you. But that's all I can give you.
Like I just need you to give me this. Please forgive me for being so realistic. What I need and what I give must be equal. Joe stopped talking. He turned off the light. The room was dark again.
It was three o'clock in the morning when he woke up. There is no Joe with him. The wind blew in through the open window and it was very cold. He turned on the light. The room was quiet and empty. There is only a big black and white photo of Joe on the wall. This was taken by her boyfriend before he went to England. Joe's beautiful face has a fragile and naive smile. In fact, she is not his kind. And no match for him. Only Vivian can play games with him. Because each other has indifferent patience.
And Joe is fragile and childish. She needs warmth. Need commitment and eternity. Pushing open the bathroom door, he saw Joe lying in the bathtub full of cold water. The water in the bathtub was crimson with blood. Blood dripped from her shaking arm on the tile. Her face leaned there quietly. Like a withered white flower. He fell down and vomited violently in the smell of blood.
Coming out of the public security bureau for the last time. He waited wearily at the elevator door of the company. Without any ideas. I have no feeling. He is the only one in the elevator. He got up slowly, leaned against the elevator wall, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Suddenly I heard a gentle voice. Call him gently there. Remember my lips. He opened his eyes in fear. The elevator is still rising slightly. The cold sweat on his forehead ran down his eyes.
He said softly, I really can't love you. pity
Open the door. There is no sound. He calmed down and strode out.
The company can't stay. When he came out of the general manager's office, he saw all his colleagues standing outside looking at him silently. He walked to his desk with a straight face and began to pack up. The sun shone through the French window, and in the silence he heard strong light shining on his face, making a burning sound. John is at the door. He said to John, get out of the way. John, look at him. John has no expression in his eyes. Then John suddenly moved and punched him hard in the face. He smelled blood again.
You son of a bitch. He heard John hold back his grief and anger. He wiped the blood under his nose with his hand. Silently went out.
The weather began to get cold. In the square, the French phoenix tree leaves a lot of dark yellow in the wind. The noise is as loud as the crowd. Life goes on as usual. He crossed the square and hurried to the subway station. Walking to the small coffee shop in the station, the boss greeted him with a smile. You haven't been here for a long time. The girl in black has come to see you several times. There is a cup of hot espresso on the bar. He took a sip gently. No one knows what happened to him.
There are a lot of people in the subway station every day. But they are all strangers. There is no dialogue. There is no comfort. Except vivian. Or Vivian.
After drinking the third cup of coffee, he saw Vivian coming out of the subway car. She didn't notice him. She is saying goodbye to a man in his forties. The plain but well-dressed man kissed her on the cheek at random. Then leave in a hurry. He looked at her. She walked towards the Happy Cafe. She is still a unique girl in the crowd. Long black hair. Wild and mysterious. She left enough room for fantasy.
But he saw the truth. Truth will always appear.
Hi. She smiled at him. You seem to have disappeared for a long time.
I killed a man. He said. I want to run away. Come with me. He looked at her. Her brown mole gleamed charmingly in the twilight. Her face is always calm. She is the coolest girl he has ever seen. He should know that such a girl must have had an unusual experience. Her eyes looked at him Gherardini. In that case, I should report you. Some gloomy blood slowly flowed through his heart.
He said, don't lie to me. Tell me. That man. She looked up quickly. Her eyes looked at him calmly.
She said, what do you want to know? She looked at him calmly. I never meant to cheat you. If you want to know. I can tell you that I lived with that man for three years. He will never get divorced. But he helped me maintain the material life I wanted. Why not? You have a job and your own ideas.
You think I am qualified to make a living. She sneered. I have nothing. I just want to live like this. Don't want to be poor. I don't want to die. He looked at her. He said to himself, everything is all right. Yes, the world can have enough reasons to make us long for life. Don't want to be poor. Don't want to die. He's just disappointed. Just disappointed. Why are you with me? He said. He looked at the girl who would silently drink coffee with him. Think of the details of gently stroking her white fingers. He doesn't know whether they love each other or not.
Because you came to say hello to me that day. She smiled faintly. I never refuse what life gives me. Besides, you are so handsome.
Healthy young people. This game could have been played forever. Warm and mysterious, continuing in a dull and boring life. But he revealed the truth. She also likes black women.
All right. I'll go first. She said. She stroked his face gently. Lin, you are the loneliest coffee man at the end of this century. There is no dream for you in this world. You have nowhere to hide. The silver bracelet on her wrist slipped onto her arm. Expose a messy row of red scars on your wrist. It's a mark left by deep burns on cigarette butts. It was terrible for her to see his surprised eyes. She said. I used to take drugs. The tattoo is still there. I really don't know you. He said. Never knew you.
But why do you need to know? She smiled. We are always lonely. Just need company. No need to fall in love.
He didn't go home or have dinner. He walked into the nearest Internet cafe. He just wants to wait for Vivian. Suddenly, he had a deep fear. Afraid Vivian will disappear like Vivian. She is the warmest comfort in his life. He has been waiting for her. 7 o'clock, 8 o'clock, 9 o'clock, 10. He waited for the familiar name in IRC. But she didn't show up
With sore eyes, he asked the owner of the Internet cafe for coffee. He said, do you have Paganini's records? I want to hear that scene of love. The young boss said, no, only U2 and CURE's music. He didn't say anything. He sat in front of the computer again. He only typed one line, Vivian, you type. Someone opened his window. You are an unfortunate guy, and you are in love with her. Someone opened his window and said to him, your waiting is doomed to failure.
It seems to be raining outside. There he is, facing the computer. His brain went blank. The nights I used to spend with Vivian. he
Tell her about his childhood. His first love. His broken family. All the darkness and light in his heart. No one knows him as well as she does. But he doesn't even know if she's a real girl.
It was almost two o'clock in the morning when the boss came to remind him to close the door. He didn't bring his cell phone. He said, what is the public phone outside the door? The boss told him. Before he quit IRC, he solemnly asked the people there. Please tell the girl I am waiting to call me. I will always wait for her. He kept typing the number and her name on it. Vivian. But I call her Vivian.
The sky is dark blue, with piles of gray clouds. When he walked out of the Internet cafe, he breathed the cold and fresh air in early autumn. Big drops of cold rain hit him in the face. He walked to a small shop nearby that was open 24 hours a day. Bought a pack of cigarettes and eight cans of beer. Then he walked into the telephone booth. He waited there alone.
Occasionally, cars pass by quickly on the road. But there are almost no pedestrians. Only the yellow leaves of the phoenix tree fluttered in the wind. He smokes. Drink beer. He felt the feeling of waiting was warm. Just like Vivian once brought him comfort. At least he doesn't feel lonely. Even he is eager to continue. Two hours have passed. The sky began to turn white. He leaned his face against the glass. He cried.
Then the phone suddenly rang.
He picked up the receiver. He heard a rustling sound in the microphone. He said, hello, Vivian. That's a girl's voice. Sweet and magnetic. This is a wonderful voice that he has never heard before. The girl smiled softly. It's me. He felt warm tears seeping into his mouth. He smoked. Tears are salty. He almost forgot. He said vivian. I finished eight cans of beer and a pack of cigarettes here. It is raining. Why should I call you?
I don't know. He said. I just miss you. Come and see me. Vivian. I don't pay attention to appearance. You mean a lot to me. The girl smiled and said, it's not that I'm afraid to see you. Besides, I am not in Shanghai. Then I will come to you. Vivian. Tell me where you are.
She gave him the name of a city. But she wouldn't tell him the specific address. She said, I won't see you. Why?
I told you why before. I have been to Shanghai. Shanghai and Shanghai men will always be my complex. But I'd rather be in fantasy. You take me to eat Haagen-Dazs. Take me to Huaihai Road for coffee. Take me to the bar in the west. There will be no beginning. There will be no end.
He said, I know. You need a perfect game. But I'm still not the kind of player who can stick to the end. The girl said that as long as one person can persist to the end. This game will still be perfect. He looked at the raindrops falling on the glass. The dawn of the city has come. He said, I will leave Shanghai soon. Maybe Australia.
The girl said that no matter where you are, you can always find me online. I am here. Hear me out. He said softly. The girl was silent there. Then he said into the microphone, thank you, on this night and early morning. Exhausted my last 10% feelings. I finally have nothing.
After completing the visa, he took a day off and went to Wei 'an's city.
That distant seaside city. Thousands of miles away in the north.
He finally saw the Na Pianhai she had told him on the Internet. The vast blue sea. She said that the sea is the clearest and warmest tear on the earth. She likes watching the sea. Then he went shopping. There are a lot of European-style buildings with red brick spires in this city. Classical amorous feelings with melancholy. The streets are full of bright and dry sunshine from the north. There are tall and beautiful northern girls everywhere. He thinks she may be one of them. Finally, he can whisper to her in his heart, goodbye, Vian.