I really don't know what your growing experience is like.

Your mother's darling? Mom told you everything, completely ignoring that you are a boy, and even once naked in front of you to change clothes? Do you think that mothers are women and all women are like mothers?

Dad is very good, but he always keeps a certain distance from you and your mother. When you were growing up, your father's love was seriously lacking, so you always looked so gloomy, soft and lacking a little masculinity?

In fact, like your mother, you always need a powerful man to support you?

The boy you like is selfless and tries his best to help you. From him, you have learned a lot and become enriched. So that boy first met your psychological needs. How much you crave the help of masculinity.

So whether you are gay or not, I think it is debatable. Please consult a professional sexologist.

In my opinion, you are caused by a great lack of psychological love and security.

Subconsciously, you may think that developing a relationship with a woman means having sex with your mother (1). It may be that you were too close to your mother and girls when you were growing up, and you had a sexual impulse, which produced a huge sense of moral guilt in your mind, so it was internalized that all women could not get close to you. 2. Maybe you think your mother is terrible, which leads to the fear of living with women? )

The serious lack of fatherly love makes you long for the protection of that kind of man, so you will be more attracted to powerful men, because this is what you longed for when you were young, but as you grow older, you combine this desire with sex.

I wonder if my analysis will help you. If it doesn't suit you, ignore it.

But if you agree, then I advise you to see a psychologist. You should hypnotize (go back to the past and satisfy your inner child who hasn't grown up and let him grow up quickly and become a real man).