There are many similarities between the two events: both are senior three students, and both are full-time accompanying mothers. Since when has it become a high-risk occupation to accompany my mother full-time?

Mother-killing must have happened by accident, but the conflict between mother and son must not have happened overnight. Parents must be responsible for education, at least half of them.

I don't want to whitewash those two children, but to accompany adolescent children. This is definitely a technical job, and it is difficult for ordinary people to do it well.

Let's take a look at the state of the child first. Senior three is a period of vigorous hormone secretion, and you can get married in ancient times. But now, dozens of people are locked in a small classroom every day, studying day and night and brushing questions.

That small classroom, like a pressure cooker, is constantly generating pressure every day.

Posters such as "Work hard for a year and live a happy life" and "Learn from the dead as long as you don't die" are posted at the back of the classroom. On the blackboard in front, there are not only countdown tips for the college entrance examination, but also words such as "increase one point and kill a playground". This is the pressure from the environment.

All the teachers are trying to grab classes like chicken blood, working overtime and increasing the amount. Whenever the students slack off a little, the teacher's face immediately becomes as scary as Sister Rong's. If you fail in the exam, you'll have to be talked to by the head teacher. This is the pressure from the teacher.

Every exam should be ranked, and the ranking should be clear at a glance. Children themselves know what kind of university they can go to.

A class of students are struggling to compete, secretly thinking about other people's achievements, secretly thinking: if you play well with someone, you can rank 985 with him, and the girl who has a crush on you can rank 2 1 1, no problem. The guy who always laughs at me in the class is probably enough. ...

Students who live together day and night are both friends and competitors, which is the pressure from peers.

The study intensity of each senior three student far exceeds 996, and most students study for more than 12 hours every day.

Unlike migrant workers who have time to fish, they can look at their mobile phones, chat on WeChat and take a shit with their wages. The children in senior three actually studied 12- 15 hours without a moment's rest. All the high school students I know say that you have to recite words when you go to the toilet, otherwise you can't defecate with peace of mind.

This is the pressure they put on themselves.

Look at the state of accompanying mother. I have discussed the living conditions of stay-at-home mothers before. Full-time accompanying mothers are different from ordinary full-time mothers.

First of all, the attention of accompanying mothers is basically on their children's grades, and they will become extremely anxious and their emotions will erupt from time to time.

The reason why I choose full-time accompanying students is nothing more than hoping that my children can be admitted to a better school. Mother and child have the same goal, but only one person can work hard, which will make the accompanying mother more anxious than the average person. They easily feel powerless and out of control.

If the mother has a class and something to do, she can distract herself from being eroded by anxiety, but the full-time accompanying mother has nothing else to distract her. She must find an outlet for her anxiety day and night, or she will be depressed after a long time.

The export of anxiety is often the outbreak of emotions first, and once the emotions break out, they will inevitably break out on the child, because she has no choice.

Therefore, the normal state of accompanying my mother is like this: patience, patience, patience, patience, telling myself that my child is under great pressure in senior three, and I want to control my emotions. Don't put pressure on him, be patient, can't help it, burst out, and pour all the emotions I hold back to my child at once. ...

Cycle after cycle.

Secondly, everyone needs to have a sense of value and need to be affirmed for their own efforts to prove that this is meaningful.

The most direct way for ordinary people to prove their worth is to get paid, and RMB is the greatest affirmation for themselves. The accompanying mother can only look at the child's grades. And often even if the child's grades are improving, the mother will not be very satisfied with herself.

Why? Because what she wants is not only the improvement of children's grades, but also the improvement of children's grades with her company/help.

Therefore, many accompanying mothers often do some unnecessary actions to prove this.

They will always monitor whether the children are playing with their mobile phones and whether they are distracted. They have no idea how crazy it is for a child to be caught by his mother after studying hard all day.

They will take good care of their children's health. Children stay up late, and some accompanying mothers will "share joys and sorrows" with their children. When the child learns something, when will she stay up late? Some accompanying mothers will urge from time to time: health is important, you should go to sleep quickly!

If the child doesn't sleep and the mother doesn't sleep, it will put pressure on the child and make the child feel guilty. The mother constantly urges her children to sleep, which will make them feel extremely uneasy and unable to concentrate on their studies.

Accompanying mothers will also cook various bland nutritious meals in different ways to urge/force their children to eat. ...

In short, most accompanying mothers don't know how to communicate with their children, and children often don't have time to communicate with her, so she can only prove her value by brushing her sense of existence in various ways.

Song Qian, the accompanying mother in Little Joy, is such a typical example. She specially installed a piece of glass in her daughter Eiko's room so as to observe her daughter's study status at any time. Eiko doesn't like to eat bird's nest, but Song Qian always likes to cook it for her.

In Song Qian's eyes, her daughter's good grades depend on her meticulous care. In fact, Eiko got good grades and was admitted to Peking University Tsinghua. It is her mother's behavior that makes her want to jump into the sea.

Finally, accompanying mothers tend to have a strong sense of sacrifice.

After all, I resigned and stayed with her wholeheartedly. My accompanying mother is always a little unwilling. They will feel that they have made such a big sacrifice for their children. If their grades still don't go up, then I'm sorry for their efforts. Individual mothers really blame their children while crying.

Mothers want to use guilt to stimulate their children's internal drive, and the result is often counterproductive.

The ups and downs of senior three are normal, and even seniors can't guarantee the stability of each grade. The retrogression of test scores makes children feel very sad, and they have to deal with their mother's emotions and tears, which really forces adolescent children to break out.

The protagonists of these two incidents are all boys. Perhaps the main reason is that when boys are irritable, their destructive power tends to be outward, so they will attack their mothers. But many girls, including some introverted boys, are more inclined to hurt themselves than their parents.

Imagine a mother who puts her value entirely on her children, often having emotional outbursts because of anxiety, and always brushing her sense of existence in front of her children on the pretext of "being good for you" and "caring for you".

On the one hand, adolescent children are under great pressure at school. After he came back, he was not only unable to relax, but also responsible for comforting his anxious mother, who was tired of their meticulous care, but showed a little redundant concern.

Children will have emotions, and mothers will also have emotions. Both sides are each other's only emotional outlet. It is conceivable that the scene, the result must be disastrous.

If the above three points are counted, then this accompanying reading must be better than not accompanying reading. Children don't want much, as long as they have a learning environment where they can concentrate on nothing. As for what to eat and when to sleep, children are almost adults, and they can still take care of themselves.

To be an effective accompanying mother in senior three, we must first learn to "pretend to be deaf and dumb" and control our impulse to communicate with children and care about each other. Every day when the child comes back, give him a hug, if he can accept it, or just say hello.

If the child has the desire to communicate, the mother should be a listener patiently!

Most adolescent children don't need any opinions and suggestions from their parents. Mom only needs to look the child in the eye, listen to him carefully, and nod her head in the middle to show her understanding and approval, and she can get full marks.

Mothers can cook nutritious food for their children, but they should also allow them not to eat it. Zhu Chaoyang's mother forced him to drink milk in a hidden corner, which may remind many people of the shadow of childhood.

Don't take children's grades too seriously. Always remember that you are anxious, and your children are more anxious than you. Any words and deeds that increase children's stress will not really help to improve their grades.

If you can't do this, then go to work honestly and earn money to make up lessons for your baby! Full-time accompanying students often hurts people and hurts themselves. It will make people feel out of control to base their success on the efforts of another person.

These tragedies could have been avoided.