Fortunately, I took part in this activity by accident. When I saw the key words "one hundred days", "action" and "parents' growth", I joined them without hesitation. In fact, before attending this activity, I didn't even know that New Oriental also had family education, thinking that only New Oriental English once again proved the limitations of personal cognition. I like studying and reading, but I often feel that my understanding of reading is relatively low, and I can't understand it after reading a lot. After joining, I found this activity really great. The books I chose are all raised by my parents, which is simply great. Moreover, there are exam sharing and urging punching in the group, as well as small partners cheering together, as well as gifts, full of temptation. I joined class 10 on March 265438. At that time, there were only 10 friends in the class, but now there are 2 10+ individuals. Behind everyone is a family, and there are still many people who benefit. At that time, because of the epidemic, Wa was still in her hometown. I think, since I have this opportunity to study, I will continue to study. Listen to the first two books on the first day and take notes carefully. Give yourself a compliment. These 23 books are the ones I have contacted the most in 30 years. It's not too late to start studying at the age of 30, which is a good start.
Now that we have started, we should stick to it and study hard. Learning to punch in every day has become a part of life. I really admire how those people with high scores do it. They really work harder than me. In fact, I have never used small punch cards before, but I find that excellent people punch cards more and are good at thinking. Excellent people are learning. What reason do you have to be lazy? At first, there was little interaction in the circle, and I just punched in and took notes. Later, I found it a pleasure to get praise from others, and then I praised and commented on others. At the watershed of 5 1 that day, my punch card was actually topped by the teacher, and I had an inexplicable joy in my heart, which was happier than buying a good thing with a 50% discount. In fact, this is the first time I have recorded it with a map, and the result has been recognized, so I am very happy and have a sense of accomplishment when I am seen. The experience of doing something for the first time will be recorded by the subconscious mind. If the subconscious experiences joy and happiness, it will drive you to do more such things, and then a virtuous circle will begin, and your spontaneity will become more and more obvious. Similarly, if you experience a feeling of shame and sadness when you do something for the first time, your subconscious will automatically escape and suppress it. Then the more you run away, the less chance you have to practice well. The worse you do, the less confident you are, and a vicious circle will arise. Therefore, from this perspective, we really need to give more positive affirmation to others. Whether it is a partner, parents, children, colleagues or strangers, we should not be stingy with our praise, even if it is a small compliment, we should express it. For example, "Thank you for opening the door for me. You are really a helpful boy. " Express your praise sincerely and let the other person receive your love. Remember, praise will definitely make us better. Don't make a person worse before making him better. The last time I stood at the top, I was actually canvassing for myself. Yes, I hope to be recognized by everyone, and I hope that my efforts can be seen and recognized by more people and increase my confidence. Self-confidence means doing more and being more successful, and then letting others give you praise and recognition, especially the recognition of important people, will increase your self-confidence.
Teacher Qi Xie learned 23 parenting books through audio+mind map+manuscript. From the order of choosing books and telling books, I feel the teacher's intention. Of the 23 books as a whole, I think the theme is "Let children become adults", and the end point of education is the true independence of children. Under the nourishment of sufficient psychological nutrition, the seed of children will eventually blossom five golden flowers of life, namely independence, ability to love, security, values and links with others. Such a child's life will be very blooming. I personally understand that the whole study includes three parts, the first part is personal growth, the second part is how to be a parent, and the third part is how to educate children. Teacher Qi Xie took it apart in his speech, so that we can educate our children in their growth and think more about the relationship between parenting and self-parenting.
The first part is about personal growth. The first book, Know Yourself and Accept Yourself, started from this acceptance point. Let's accept ourselves first. Only by accepting yourself can we better accept our partners, children and others. Only by accepting can we have a good parent-child relationship, and only by having a good relationship can we carry out education, otherwise it will be useless. Acceptance is the beginning of happiness and change. The acceptance of the first book also shows the importance of parents' growth, which is the first step on the road to parenting. The success of any career can't replace the failure of children's education. Parents should first grow up and cultivate themselves. In the book "Great Me", the teacher used the metaphor of "riding an elephant" to describe the influence of the subconscious mind on us, and also pointed out the ways to change the subconscious mind, find out the restrictive beliefs behind the behavior, and then change the way of the environmental field step by step, so that we can change our old model. The book also expounds the stumbling blocks encountered in self-change and the solutions. We often find reasons for staying in our comfort zone, always make changes for the purpose of results and can't treat setbacks correctly, thinking that change must be happy. Habits are not formed in a day. There is no shortcut to growth. We need heart, effort and persistence. We will go through the stages of ending, confusion and rebirth. As the mother of children, women bear the primary responsibility of raising children, and women are under greater pressure in the workplace. In Rational Choice, we are told that women actually have the advantages of high interpersonal sensitivity, proper stress resistance and self-confidence in the workplace, and there are also some skills to help women grow up in the workplace. This is a book on career growth of working mothers. The pressure in the long river of life is so great, what should I do? We can find the answer in Internal Healing, which tells us how to heal ourselves, how to deal with so many external pressures and how to maintain our mental health when we have mental illness. The relationship between husband and wife is the first relationship and the anchor of a family. Intimate partners find out the monsters that hinder intimate relationship, that is, projection identity, role transformation, power struggle and family lineage. The relationship between husband and wife needs to be managed. In a relationship, we should all be independent people and don't expect anything from each other. When our needs are not met, we should correctly express our feelings and sincerely express our demands. If the relationship between husband and wife is controlled, it must be a serious lack of security. Communication between husband and wife is very important, and the most important thing in communication is to listen, listen more and ask less, don't interrupt, don't judge, be consistent and affectionate. Don't communicate in emotions, because it won't work. Emotionally, you tend to start with accusations, and then communication will collapse. Be sure to give each other a good impression, and they will be willing to communicate with you. In addition, don't bring expectations in your feelings. Without expectations, there will be no harm. You must know what your needs are. You can learn Maslow's five-level theory of needs, see your real needs, and then express them by request. You can express your inner needs and express them. It doesn't matter whether the other party does it or not. Just express it. You are the master of your own needs.
The second part is about parenting. The gardener and carpenter tells us that the role of parents in parent-child relationship is that we should be gardeners, role models for children, guides, guardians and teachers. The protagonist of growth is the child. What parents can do is to provide the environment. Sunshine is their love, soil is their family atmosphere and water is their language. By providing a loving, warm family environment and positive language, children will grow up well. Similarly, in Children Are Philosophers, the author says that we should consult children with an open mind, learn from them, learn from their sincerity and openness in treating people, learn from their generous expression of love, and learn from their creative thinking. In addition, aiming at how to be a good parent, "Parents' Model" introduces us to the four wisdom of being a parent, namely, understanding parents, giving children choices, giving children time and making them independent. On the problem of father's parenting, busy father can be a good father, which reveals the importance of father and how to make father play a role in parenting. Indeed, a word of affirmation and praise from my father is worth 50 words from my mother. We should be parents who are persuaded by their children, parents who worry less about more authority, parents who manage their emotions, and parents who find the advantages of their children to help them learn efficiently. We should be lifelong parents and treat ourselves and our children's growth with a growing mind. When looking at problems and difficulties, we should learn to raise the perspective of looking at problems, such as increasing the latitude of time and learning to improve the dimension, so as not to be confused by real problems. Parents are the originals of children, so we can't give them what we don't have. This child came into this world through us. He doesn't belong to us. We should make him independent and let him go further than us.
The third part is about teaching children. As a whole, I am divided into two parts. The first part is about principles and methodology, and the second part is about the practical operation of various education in children's growth. The first part, Love, Money and Children, shows us different parenting priorities in different periods and countries, and also points out the choice of parenting concepts by Chinese parents. So in the face of so many parenting choices. The Choice of Parenting points out three principles of parenting for us, namely, unconditionally accepting feelings, regularly accepting behaviors, and providing children with sustained and stable emotional support and sincere and concrete praise. What children really need is security, happiness and education. We should use scientific thinking to analyze and deal with children's temper tantrums, competitive consciousness, inattention and other problems in parenting. "parents. "Challenge" illustrates four motives behind children's deviant behavior: seeking attention, striving for power and profit, punishing revenge and giving up on themselves. Every child's behavior has a positive motivation, and parents should identify it before they can guide and give their children real love. Don't let your children feel your love. The book "How to say that children can listen and how to say that children can talk" shows us how parents communicate with their children and let them actively cooperate with us. Parents' language can be infiltrated. Parents should speak positive language, and certain positive input will form a positive belief system for their children. Give your child more effective praise, such as: "I noticed that you learned to wear pants yourself. It only took 3 minutes this time, which is an improvement over the last time. I like it for you. " Enrich children's inner, inner possession, and external becoming. Play Power shows us a way to raise children with play power, through which we can establish a closer relationship with children and keep them away from loneliness. Cultivate children's self-confidence and emotional resilience. Parents should be good at observing, following the children's rhythm, and being good at guiding when raising children with game power. At the same time, they can also use game power to cheer for themselves. The second part, The Future for Parents, shows parents how to cultivate talents needed in the future in today's information society. Parents should cultivate their children's brain power, learning ability, scientific ability, thinking ability and soft power, which are needed by future talents. The future needs a learning talent who can explore, observe, think and be good at summarizing and refining. The encyclopedia of children's time management tells us how to help children manage their time. Managing time well is to cultivate the qualities of self-control, concentration and planning. "Friends or enemies" is the cultivation of children's social skills. Parents should observe their children's social behavior, give appropriate guidance at the right time, set a good social model, set a social model for their children, and let them gain friendship. From diapers to dating, parents learn how to educate their children about sex in stages. Decoding adolescence is about how adolescent children get along. What adolescent children need is respect education, and parents have to change their identities to have a chance to enter their hearts. Teach an optimistic child and tell parents how to raise an optimistic child. Children still have a long way to go, and parents can't accompany their children for life. They need to learn to face life optimistically and stand up bravely after falling.
If 23 books are really internalized and integrated, then I think 80% of the problems encountered in parenting can be solved. Of course, it is a long process from knowing to doing and doing well. Do you have confidence?
The theory of "joint learning" was put forward by John. Dewey, a famous American philosopher and educator, was one of the founders of pragmatic philosophy.
The so-called joint learning means that learners learn only a part from the experience or knowledge of "formal" learning, and some experiences produced at the same time are mainly about the study of emotion and will. Under certain conditions, this kind of learning has even greater educational influence than the formal teaching content.
Counterfactual thinking was first put forward by Kahneman, a famous American psychologist and winner of the Nobel Prize in Economics, and his colleague Tworsky in a paper entitled "Thesimulationheuristic" published in 1982.
Counterfactual thinking is a thinking process in which individuals replace unreal conditions or possibilities.
For example, "If you didn't buy that dress just now, you can buy this one now." A counterfactual thinking consists of two parts: a false premise ("If you didn't buy that dress just now") and a false conclusion ("You can buy this dress now").
Self-efficacy is an important concept put forward by the famous American psychologist Bandura (1977).
Self-efficacy refers to people's confidence in whether they can use their skills to complete a certain work behavior.
"learned helplessness" was put forward by American psychologist seligman when he studied animals in 1967, that is, the "dog electric shock" experiment.
"learned helplessness" refers to the behavior dominated by repeated failures or punishments. The sense of helplessness spreads to all aspects of life, with no hope for reality and deep self-doubt.
E.H.Erikson (1902) is a famous American psychiatrist and a representative of the new psychoanalysis school. He believes that the development of human self-consciousness lasts for a lifetime, and he divides the formation and development of self-consciousness into eight stages.
(1) infancy (0 ~ 1.5 years old): the conflict between basic trust and distrust.
⑵ Childhood (1.5 ~ 3 years old): the conflict between autonomy and shyness and doubt.
⑶ Early school age (3 ~ 5 years old): initiative conflicts with guilt.
(4) School age (6 ~ 12 years old), the conflict between diligence and inferiority.
5. Adolescence (12 ~ 18 years old): the conflict between self-identity and role confusion.
[6] Early adulthood (18 ~ 25 years old): the conflict between intimacy and loneliness.
(7) adulthood (25-65 years old): the conflict between fertility and self-concentration.
Becoming mature (over 65): the conflict between self-adjustment and despair.
The famous American psychologists Rosenthal and Jacobson proved this point in primary school teaching. Hint, in essence, is a person's emotions and ideas, which will be influenced by others' subconscious to varying degrees. People will unconsciously accept the influence and hints of people they like, admire, trust and appreciate.
Carol Dwek, a professor at Stanford University, derives the concept of "growth thinking" from her classic book Seeing the Growing Self (English version: Mindset: the new psychology of success).
The concept of projective identity was put forward by melanie klein in 1946.
Projecting identity is a process. In this process, one person projects his feelings (existing in A) on another person (B). After receiving this message, this other person (B) will really become what the projector (A) thinks under some pressure. After the projector (a) finds his projected content on the projected person (b),
Projecting identity must be successful in at least three steps:
The first step: a person throws this thing that he can't stand to others and throws it out;
Step 2: another person who receives this person's projection is forced to interact with him according to the projector's expected and familiar model;
Step 3: The projector declares and confirms again.
Forced repetition is a word coined by Freud, the father of psychoanalysis.
More than a hundred years ago, Freud observed his children and found an interesting phenomenon: after a painful or happy event, children will unconsciously create the same opportunities again and again in the future in order to experience the same emotions. Freud called this phenomenon compulsive repetition.
This is a concept put forward by karl popper, a famous philosopher of science, in his book Conjecture and Refutation. Popper thinks that the criterion for judging whether a theory (proposition) is scientific is falsifiability (often translated as "falsifiability").
Falsifiability: The conclusion (explanation, foresight) drawn from a theory is likely to conflict or contradict with one or a group of observation statements in logic or principle.
Forgetting curve was discovered by German psychologist H Ebbinghaus and put forward in 1885, which describes the law of forgetting new things in human brain.
Jonathan heit, a famous American psychologist, put forward the metaphor of elephant and elephant rider in his book Elephant and Elephant Rider. Hite believes that there are two systems in human psychology. One is an automation system, and the other is a control system. The automation system is like an elephant, and the control system is the rider on the elephant's back.
Rational thinking-the man riding an elephant
Perceptual thinking-elephant
Children are like an empty cup, and they need to pour water into it constantly, and the people who pour water are those who establish a good attachment relationship. Your love, like rain and dew, nourishes children, makes them thrive and challenge the unknown world with confidence.
"Paternal love deficiency syndrome" is a kind of separation anxiety caused by the lack of paternal love, that is, due to the divorce of parents, the father is not at home for many years or pays little attention to his children although he is at home.
It is a concept put forward by Adler, a famous psychologist, which is called topic separation. Is to be able to distinguish between other people's affairs and mine, other people's feelings and mine. Whoever is in charge of the project should not bear too many responsibilities that should be borne by others, or even want to bear the responsibility of others for life.
Emotional ABC theory was founded by American psychologist Ellis. That is to say, trigger event A (the first English letter of A (activation event)) is only the indirect cause of emotion and behavior C (the first English letter of consensus), while the direct cause of C is the belief B (the first English letter of belief) generated by individual's cognition and evaluation of trigger event A, that is, the result of negative emotion and behavior disorder (C). It is not directly caused by a trigger event (a), but directly caused by the wrong belief (b) generated by the incorrect cognition and evaluation of individuals who have experienced this event. False beliefs are also called irrational beliefs.
This is an important theory in Satya's family therapy. It's actually a metaphor. It means that a person's "self" is like an iceberg, and we can only see a small part of the surface-behavior, while a larger part of the inner world is hidden at a deeper level, just like an iceberg. It includes seven levels: behavior, coping style, feelings, opinions, expectations, desires and self.
Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory is one of the theories of behavioral science, which was put forward by American psychologist abraham maslow in his paper Theory of Human Motivation 1943. The book divides people's needs from low to high like a ladder into five levels, namely: physiological needs, security needs, social needs, respect needs and self-realization needs.
It was put forward by jean piaget, a famous developmental psychologist, and was recognized as the most authoritative theory in developmental psychology in the 20th century.