He made a name for himself.
In the early years of Tianbao, Emperor Xuanzong of the Tang Dynasty, the famous minister He wrote to the court, demanding to retire to Wuzhong. Xuanzong Li Longji respected him very much and treated everything differently. When He Zhangzhi left, he said goodbye to Tang Xuanzong, and his eyes were full of tears. Tang Xuanzong asked him what other requirements he had. Zhang Zhi said: I know a son who hasn't been named yet. If your majesty gives you a name, it will be a great honor for the old minister to return home in clothes. "Xuanzong said:" Faith is the Tao, and those who are blessed believe it. Qing's son should be called Fu. "Know chapter and thank humbly. It took me a long time to realize. I thought to myself, "The emperor is so happy with me. I'm from Wu, and the word' fu' is followed by' zi'. He named my son Fu, didn't he call my son's paw? "
I don't know what poetry is.
Ai Zi likes to write poems. One day, Ai Zi swam between Qi and Wei and stayed in a hotel. In the evening, he heard a voice in the next room: "A song." After a while, he said, "One more song." Ai Zi was baffled and sleepy all night. Lying until dawn, * * * heard the man in the next room say about six or seven times, that is, six or seven songs. Ai Zi thought that the man in the next room must be a poet. He quietly concentrated on poetry at the foot of the mountain, and he felt respected inside. He also liked this man's quick thinking and decided to get to know him. Early in the morning, Ai Zi got dressed and got up, adjusted her crown belt and stood at the door to meet her. Soon, a vendor came out of the next room, thin and pale. Ai Zi was disappointed, thinking: With this respect, you look like a poet. Perhaps, people can't judge people by their appearances, and they can't guess blindly. He went up to him and asked, "I heard that Mr. Wang has many poems." Can I see them? " The man said, "I'm a businessman and I never know what poetry is." Ai Zi, who has always refused to write poetry, stubbornly said, "I heard you say' one' in the house last night, and then said' one'. Isn't that a poem? " Hearing this, the man couldn't help laughing: "You misunderstood. Last night, my stomach was upset. Every time I have diarrhea, I can't find toilet paper at night, so I wipe it with my hands. Diarrhea lasted all night, and my hands were dyed almost six or seven times. The' hand' I said is not the' first' of poetry. " Ai Zi felt ashamed to hear that.
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Su Shi was a great writer named Dongpo in the Song Dynasty. He often studies the meaning of words with Wang (An Shi). On one occasion, Dongpo pointed to the word "slope" and asked what Wang meant. Wang Anshi explained: "Slope is the skin of the earth." Hearing this, Dongpo disagreed and asked, "So, the word' slippery' is the bone of' water'?" Wang Anshi heard that he was speechless for a long time.
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I don't know for whom hard work sweetened Su Dongpo's words. As a magistrate in Hangzhou, he often joined the poet Fo Yin in meditation and singing, and they were the most friendly. Dongpo likes to cook pigs. When monks in Fo Yin lived in Jinshan Temple, they often cooked pigs and waited for Dongpo to eat. One day, Su Dongpo came to Jinshan Temple again, but the roast pig in Fo Yin was stolen by others. Fo Yin was very unhappy. Su Dongpo wrote a game poem to comfort Fo Yin: Yuan Gong sells wine and drinks Tao Qian, Fo Yin cooks pigs and other sons; After picking flowers into honey, I don't know who hard work is sweet to.
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Why did Su Dongpo go to He Xiucai's house for dinner one day when he was appointed as the deputy envoy of Huangzhou Yingyong? He Jia's avocado is crisp and delicious. Su Dongpo asked while eating, "What's the name of this avocado?" The host replied that he hadn't named it yet. Dongpo asked again, "Why?" (Why is it so brittle? The guests in the seat all said, "Why is it crisp?" Also, Chief Pan knows that Su Dongpo can't drink, and Dongpo specially prepares some low-grade sweet wine for him every time he comes to eat. Su Dongpo laughed and joked, "This wine must have been cooked wrong." One day, Su Dongpo suddenly had a whim and wanted to eat avocado, so he made a small poem to He Xiucai: there is nothing before drinking wild flowers, and the gourd is wrapped around his waist; I poured the wrong boiled water in Pan Zi, so I found your house easily.
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Su Dongpo and Jiang, both drug names, attended a friend's party and they sat together. During the dinner, Jiang first said a wine sequence: "You should all have a medicine name." So he pointed to Dongpo and said, "You are the name of the medicine." Dongpo puzzling, hurriedly asked. Jiang said to him, "Zi" Dongpo casually said to him, "You are also a medicine name. If it is not Pinellia ternata, it must be Magnolia officinalis. " Jiang Zhi was puzzled and asked what Dongpo said. Dongpo smiled and told him, "It's not Pinellia ternata and Magnolia officinalis, it's ginger."
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Su Dongpo, a word player, heard that Wang's Zi Shuo had just been written, so he went to the government to congratulate him and joked: "In the masterpiece, it is said that' bamboo' whips' horses' as' Benedict'. But I still have a question: "I don't know what's so funny about whipping dogs with bamboo?" Gong Jing just laughed and asked, "Is there any evidence that the word' pigeon' is changed from' bird' to' nine'? "Dongpo immediately replied:" The Book of Songs says:' The dead pigeon is in mulberry, and his son is seven', plus their parents, it is exactly nine. " Hearing this, Wang nodded happily. It was a long time before I knew that Su Dongpo had played a big joke with him again.
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There is a story in Qin that the poet Guo passed by Hangzhou and gave Su Dongpo a book of poems written by him for his appreciation. Before Dongpo could read the poem, he began to recite it vividly and read it with emotion. After singing the poems, I asked Dongpo's opinion: "What can Zheng Xiang say about these poems?" Dongpo said without thinking, "Ten points." Guo exultation, and asked why there can be very. Dongpo smiled and answered, "You just recite poems, seven points come from reading and three points come from poems. Isn't it ten o'clock? "
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When Su Dongpo was demoted to Huangzhou by the imperial court, he supervised the business tax work in Huangzhou. A scholar wrote a letter to Dongpo asking for tax relief for his family. The letter said: "I have no goods on board, so I can't pay taxes." Everything is at your command. Please let me go to Jingnan House to retrieve my dead father's coffin. The officials laughed their heads off when they saw it.
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Well, your Su Dongpo is generous and straightforward, and he can't let things go in his heart. He once said, "If there is a fly in the food, you must spit it out." Every time Chao (Chao Duanyan) goes to see Dongpo, Dongpo always says so. Once, Dongpo said to Uncle Mei, "I was selected by Zhaoling in Xianke. At that time, Wen Kuijun often became bosom friends with Yan. When I called ministers in the temple, I was always honest with current events and was recognized by the emperor. Soon, I repeatedly presented the remarks in the last chapter. Although very straightforward, the emperor never complained. If it weren't for my advice to the court, who could give pertinent advice? What I am worried about now is that the court will kill me. " Mei Shu was speechless. Dongpo sighed and said, "If the imperial court really wants to kill me, what is the pity in my life?" . It's just better for you after killing me. "The two of them then burst into laughter.
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Shi (Shi Yannian), a literati poet, is addicted to alcohol and has the genius of Li Chenxian (Taibai). Man Qing's behavior is dissolute. He is good at talking about harmony and quiet. On one occasion, Shi rode a horse to visit Baoning Temple. The groom lost control for a while, and the horse jumped off and accidentally fell to the ground. The attendants quickly picked him up and put him in the saddle. When pedestrians saw this, they all gathered to watch, thinking that he would be furious and scold the centaur for a while. Unexpectedly, Shi slowly raised his whip and said half jokingly to the man who led the horse, "Fortunately, I am a Shi Bachelor. If I were a bachelor of tile, wouldn't it have been broken long ago? "
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Huang Tingjian, a book about changing sheep, jokingly said to Su Shi: "The word of Wang Xizhi, a great calligrapher in the Eastern Jin Dynasty, was dubbed the word" changing goose "by the world; Today, Han Zongru is insatiable. Every time he gets a picture of you, he goes to the handsome Lin Yao in the temple to buy ten catties of meat. In this way, you can call your calligraphy a sheep-changing book. "One day, Su Shi was busy writing a story in the Hanlin Academy, when Han Zongru sent someone to send a letter in order to get Su Shi to reply, in exchange for his words. Everyone was standing under the door, and the governor was in a hurry. Su Shi smiled and said to him, "Go back and tell your boss that you will cut off his meat today. "
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Wang, an old woman who painted the faces of Jin people, promised to be self-disciplined. Every guest in the family must be served with tea. At that time, people jokingly called it "there is a flood today." Su Dongpo visited a family in his early years. The host is hospitable and urges tea again and again. Dongpo was so embarrassed that he smiled and said to his master, "The so-called old woman painted her face." The host doesn't understand this meaning-put (tea), put (tea).
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First a thief, then an official. There was a great pirate named Zheng Guang in Fujian. Later, he surrendered to the court, and the court sealed him an official position. Once, Zheng Guang and his colleagues sang wine and poems together, so everyone sang poems together and urged Zheng Guang to write a poem. Zheng Guang was forced to sing at random: "Don't ask civil servants and military attaché s, it's always so-so. The official rank is to be an official and then a thief, while Zheng Guang is a thief and then an official. " Hearing this, everyone burst into laughter.
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When Pu Chuan was appointed as the prefect of Hangzhou, one day, an alchemist came to offer condolences. The alchemist is about ninety years old, but his face is as fresh as a baby. Pu Zheng Chuan entertained him happily, and they had a very speculative talk. Zheng Chuan prayed to him for a long life. The alchemist replied, "My immortality is extremely simple. Basically, there is nothing to be taboo, only one thing to remember is that sexual desire must be banned. " Zheng Chuan listened, bowed his head and thought for a long time, and sighed, "If so, what good will it do to live for more than a thousand years?"
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Avoid saying the word "fall". Liu Mian, a scholar in the Tang Dynasty, was the most taboo by nature. When I took the imperial examination in my early years, the examiner talked to him. I didn't pay attention, so I said the word "fall", but I was angry and rude. If a servant makes a mistake of "falling down", he will be hit with a stick. So when servants talk to him, they often refer to "happiness" as "well-being". On this day, he suddenly heard that the list was posted and quickly sent a servant to see it. After a while, the servant ran back, and Liu Mian hurried forward and asked, "Is my name on the list?" The servant sighed and replied, "The scholar has recovered."
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In the Song Dynasty, people called the son-in-law selected from the imperial examination list "husband". The expression "my husband" probably comes from Yuan, a scholar in the Eastern Jin Dynasty, but it is really unreasonable. As far as the imperial examination scholars on the list are concerned, some of them are unwilling to be the son-in-law of others, but forced to surrender by powerful people. There was a new boy, handsome in appearance and handsome in manner, admired by a powerful person and wanted to choose his own husband. A powerful and powerful mission, a dozen servants, surrounded the new teenagers into their houses. Along the way, the young man walked happily, without any intention of escaping or refusing. At the door of the dignitaries' house, the people who came to watch almost surrounded a human wall, three floors inside and three floors outside, which was very lively. After a while, an official dressed in gold and purple came out of the room and met the new boy. He laughed and said, "I only have one daughter, and she looks good." I am willing to marry you as a good friend of Qin Jin. I don't know what you think? " The boy quickly bowed and thanked him, saying, "I am a humble person, and I am lucky to trust the halls." It's just that I am a young man. How about I discuss it with my wife when I get home and give you an answer? "Hearing this, everyone laughed.
Liu is the wife of Zhen Niangzi Xu. She often prides herself on her decency and chastity. Once, Xu went out for more than a year and was in the boudoir with Liu. One day, Xu came home suddenly after finishing his work and said to his wife, "I have been away for more than a year." You are bored by yourself. Don't you often walk around with your neighbors and relatives? " Liu told him: "Since I went out, I feel that I have lost my mind and soul. I just don't go out with the door closed every day. " Hearing this, Xu Fangyi repeatedly sighed. Asked his wife what fun she usually has, Liu replied, "Where is the fun? It's just that I often write small poems to express my feelings. " Fang Yi was very happy when he heard this, so he asked his wife to take this poem with him. I don't know if I didn't read it, but I was shocked when I read it-the title of the first poem I opened was: "Gossiping about neighbors on a moonlit night."
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Shangguan nose but XiaGuan mouth, Chen Ya natural humor. When he was a magistrate of Runzhou, one of his officials was Shangguan Bi, who won his trust. When Shangguan Bi's term of office expired and he left, Chen Ya asked him, "Do you have any ideas to teach me?" Shangguan said sincerely, "I have nothing to say about my talent and conduct, but I love to tease people too much, which seems too much." Chen Ya nodded and smiled: "You are an official (nose), why do you want to be an official?" ShangGuanBi listened to, just laughed.
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Huijin Sun Zhang Huijin has a grandson in his teens. He is lazy and stubborn and doesn't like reading. Ai Zi hates him very much and often beats him with eucalyptus sticks, but he never changes. Ai Zi's son has only one child, and he is often worried that the child can't help but kill him with a stick. So whenever a father hits a child with a stick, he pleads with tears in his eyes. Ai Zi became more and more angry when she saw her son's poor face. He taught him, "Isn't it kind of me to discipline the children for you?" As he spoke, he hit harder and harder, and his son was helpless. One winter morning, it snowed heavily, and my grandson was playing with snowballs in the yard. Ai Zi appeared, took off his grandson's clothes and told him to kneel in the snow. He was shivering with cold, poor thing. The son did not dare to plead again, so he took off his clothes and knelt beside his son. When Ai Zi saw this, he was shocked and asked, "Your son is at fault and deserves this punishment; What crime did you commit, kneeling with him? " The son cried and said, "If you freeze my son, I will freeze your son." Ai Zi couldn't help laughing and forgiving their father and son.
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It is the Jianghuai area with ears, which is customarily called Yangzhou people without ears. One day, a mountain family in Yangzhou met Dantu Wu for the first time. Lu couldn't ask Wu what his surname was, and Wu replied that his surname was Wu. Lu had no choice but to ask, "Is it the tortoise's martial arts?" Wu Zuoqing replied humorously: "There are ears."
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Please ask You Zongqian to visit the calligrapher Wang. He was writing at that time and didn't have time to greet You Zongqian. You Zongqian couldn't help being angry, pointing to Wang's handwriting and cursing: "Do you think your handwriting is very good? Hum! In our Pu Zhong area, this is easy. " Later, you Zongqian wanted to leave the Wangs' home and ask for a photo of Wang. Because of face, it was inconvenient to ask questions, so he asked Fan Lu, a servant, to go to Wanggu without answering, so he began to write. After writing, he said to Fan Lu, "Take the words with you. When I met your husband, I told him that I went home with a few stones of feces. "
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Xing Jinshi was robbed. Xing Jinshi is short and humorous. Once, he met a robber in Poyang County. The robber not only robbed him of his money, but also killed him to avoid future trouble. Just as he raised his knife, Xing Jinshi solemnly said to the robber, "People already think I'm too short and call me Xing Shorty. If you cut off my head again, I will be shorter. " Hearing this, the robber laughed and threw a knife.
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Li Zhaoxian, the son of his father's husband, Li Changsha, has been addicted to talking brothels. Li Changsha wrote four words on Zhao Xian's desk to persuade him: Liuxiang today, Flower Street tomorrow; The examination room is near, and a scholar is a scholar. Zhao Xian came home and saw him. He smiled, then picked up a pen and continued to write four sentences: it will rain today, and it will be windy tomorrow; Yang, xianggong xianggong.
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Shi Zhongli, Minister of the Garden Wolf and Song Dynasty, is humorous. When I was a foreign minister in my early years, I once went to see lions in the imperial garden with my colleagues. One of my colleagues said inexplicably, "The imperial court feeds it five pounds of meat every day, and our salary is not as good as that of a lion." Shi Zhongli smiled and said, "Of course. Our position is just a wolf (lang) outside the garden. How dare we compare with the lions in the garden? " Hearing this, everyone could not help laughing.
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One day, Mr. Li (Li Dongyang), who gave his life to accompany the gentleman, was invited to drink by a magistrate when he was working in imperial academy. I was as drunk as a fiddler because I drank too much. After waking up, Shia said to the magistrate, "I was born late today, and I lay down my life to accompany the gentleman." The magistrate said with a smile, "Students (the humble name for people in the old society is not necessarily the relationship between teachers and students) are not gentlemen either. Don't kill yourself, old man. "
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Jin Ge Lao Gui, an apprentice in Ming Dynasty, was a college student in Wuyingdian, and was called Jin Ge Lao. Brother Jin has always had a black sheep who failed the imperial examination. Many years later, his grandson turned out to be the number one scholar. Every time Brother Jin urged him to reprimand his son, his son always argued irrationally: "Your father is not as good as my father, and your son is not as good as my son. Why do you still scold me? "
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After his death, Ye Heng, a famous minister in the Southern Song Dynasty, was exiled to Binzhou by Tang Bangyan. One day, Ye Heng was ill at home, and relatives and friends came to visit him. Ye Heng asked everyone, "I'm afraid I won't live long. I don't know if I'm comfortable after death?" A scholar said, "It's very comfortable after death." Ye Heng asked in surprise, "How do you know you are comfortable after death?" The scholar said, "It's not good after death. All the dead people fled back." . However, since ancient times, the dead have passed away. So, I know it is very comfortable after death. "The full house was amused by his humor.
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Xuanshui and Man Qing, an agricultural water teacher, worked in Zhongshutang. A prime minister said to him, "Go and get Xuanshui quickly." Stone didn't know what Xuanshui was, so he asked, "What shall I take?" The prime minister told him: "The water in Xuanhui Garden is sweet and clear, and it is called Xuanshui." Shi felt awkward and replied, "So, like the water in Sinong Temple, it should also be called agricultural water?" He laughed at everyone in the seat.
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One day, Zhang Li went to her neighbor's house for dinner. The owner of this family has always been stingy. After the dish is served, the fish in front of the host is much bigger than those in front of all the guests. After seeing it clearly from the side, Zhang Li asked his master: "I often see people writing the word' Su', in which the word' fish' is sometimes on the left and sometimes on the right. I wonder why. Please explain. " The host shook his head and explained, "The ancients wrote in an irregular way. Because writing is convenient, they often move their positions. " Before the master finished, Zhang Li reached out and picked up the big fish in front of the master, shook it in front of everyone and said, "Zhang Li, I obey the master's orders." Today, the big fish on the left should be moved to the right. " The room is full of full people.
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I only hate that my wife was born too late. He lost his wife in his later years and continued to marry a beautiful young wife, Zhu. However, Zhu felt that his age and appearance were too different from his own, so he was unhappy all day. Seeing this, Duke Lu asked thoughtfully, "Madam, do you think I am too old?" Zhu replied, "No." Duke Lu asked, "Maybe you hate my humble official position?" Zhu shook his head: "Not necessarily." Lu Guogong wondered, "Since I am not old and I don't hate the younger generation, why are you so sad and bored all day?" Zhu couldn't hold back any longer, and casually sang a song: I don't hate Lu Lang's age, and I don't hate Lu Lang's low official position; I only hate that my body was born too late to see Lu Lang as a teenager.
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Folklore of bathing day: March 3rd is the Buddha bathing day, and June 6th is the bathing day. One year on March 3, a guest came to visit Yang Nanfeng, who was taking a bath and didn't meet him. The guest didn't, because Yang Nanfeng was so arrogant and rude that he wanted to get back at him later. On June 6 of the same year, Yang Nanfeng paid a return visit to the guest, who also refused to meet him on the grounds that he was taking a bath. Yang Nanfeng suddenly remembered that he had come for revenge, so he wrote a poem on the guest wall: You visited me yesterday, I bathed, and I am also bathing today; You come to see me on March 3rd, and I will come to see you on June 6th.
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At this time, a diploma from imperial academy passed by the gate of imperial academy (the educational management institution and the highest institution of higher learning in the feudal dynasty), and I heard that imperial academy (Zijian) was angrily reprimanding and punishing two business students. Guo Jianzi asked the gatekeeper, "Since those two students are at fault, how can we punish them?" ? Fight or kneel down to lock? "The gatekeeper replied that they were writing a paper. Li Guoqiang a listen to, with a strange expression on her face, and sighed, "hey, crime is not so far! "There is a Su Jian (who bought a Guo Jian qualification from the official Su Na in the Ming and Qing Dynasties and was called Su Jian) with little knowledge. His wife advised him to study hard. Guo Jian Zi said impatiently, "You make me study all day. I ask you, what are the benefits of reading? " The wife replied, "a word is worth a thousand dollars, isn't it?" Guo Jian Zi asked unhappily, "Is my body worth only one word?" "
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A person dreams that he is watching a play at night, drinking with the characters in the play and about to set up a banquet. He didn't want to surprise his wife, so he cursed her severely. The wife smiled and said, "Stop cursing, stop cursing, go to bed early, it's not too late to drink, and the operas over there are not half sung."
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The family rode a chicken and duck to a distant guest and sat for a long time. The host family is full of chickens and ducks, but they don't want to stay for dinner on the pretext that there is nothing at home. When the guest saw this, he took a kitchen knife from the master's kitchen without saying anything, claiming to kill the horse he was riding and cook some dishes with the stove in the master's kitchen. The master asked worriedly, "You killed the horse, how can you go home?" The guest casually replied, "It doesn't matter! You can lend me a chicken and duck in the yard and I'll ride it back. "
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A man saw another man's hat in tatters on the road, so he bowed forward and said, "Please give me a small hat." The man was puzzled and said, "Where do I have a hat?" Pointing at the broken hat on his head, the man asked interestingly, "Is your hat just blooming without fruit?"
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Shoes and socks lawsuit A person's shoes and socks are worn out. Shoes blame socks, socks are not convinced, and shoes are also to blame. The two men argued endlessly and were deadlocked, so they went to the government for litigation together. The government saw that both of them were specious and it was difficult to make a judgment at the moment, so it took the heel as a witness. The heel was completely shirked: "I have been driven out by them. How do I know who is right and who is wrong?"
In Hanging Stones, there is an old Confucian named Wu, whose teeth have all fallen out, his ears have a gap, and his beard is gone. A good student wrote a poem mocking him: Mr. Wu is your surname, and you are shameless (toothless); However, if there are no ears, there is no beard. The poem soon reached the county magistrate. One day, both the county magistrate and Wu instructor went to visit the superior magistrate's adult, and when they arranged their ranks, they felt exhausted when they saw Wu instructor. The county magistrate was very angry with the county magistrate's inexplicable smile, so he explained the reason for the failure to the county magistrate in the backyard and read him a poem ridiculed by the students. Hearing this, the magistrate couldn't help laughing.
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Luo, who is in mourning, has many beards. He is less than forty years old, and his beard is more than half white. One day, he went to a funeral home, and the person who presided over the funeral met him by chance and said in surprise, "You are so young, why does your beard grow like this?" Luo replied humorously, "This is my beard for mourning." All the guests present were amused by him. My grandfather Kun Gong Yue died at the age of 9 1. At that time, Luo came to my home to offer condolences. Seeing my father's grief, he comforted him: "Why don't you call two pediatricians to treat him?" So someone died? "My father couldn't help laughing through tears. I remember that when I was a student, newspaper reporters who came to report good news kept asking my family for a reward. At that time, because of poverty, relatives could not meet the requirements of newspaper reporters, and they were laughed at by him, which was very boring. Luo happened to be there, and he comforted me humorously and said, "Don't worry, man, I only blame you for not raising your son." It is hard to say. " The people around you laughed their heads off.
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There is an official who is particularly fertile, and the descendants are in droves, which is very lively. However, one of his colleagues often worries about not having children. The official boasted in front of his colleagues: "You have no skills at all, and you can't even raise a son well. Look how capable I am and have so many children and grandchildren. " Colleagues responded humorously: "having a son is your skill;" Having grandchildren is none of your business. " The listener couldn't help laughing.