On May 30th, the newspaper reported a message:

A former college entrance examination champion and South University of Science and Technology student has been mysteriously missing for 20 years. It is said that he received a breakup letter from his girlfriend before he disappeared and left without money. The family has been searching hard for years, and no one knows where he has gone!

The missing person's name is Zhang Laiyu, the only son in the family, born in 198 1. 1999, Zhang Laiyu took part in the second college entrance examination, became the top science scholar in Jiyang District of Jinan City, and was admitted to the Department of Materials Science of Nanjing University.

On April 19, 2000, Zhang Laiyu suddenly disappeared while attending school. Some students saw that he received a breakup letter from his girlfriend before he disappeared and burned it.

On April 2 1, my father Zhang Lixin and his family rushed to school, but found nothing.

In order to find her son, mother Jane Qingying registered QQ.

His father, Zhang Lixin, was deeply stimulated. In the next three or four years, he seldom went out and didn't communicate with others. No one can mention his son in front of him in daily life.

It can be said that Zhang Laiyu's disappearance brought great pain and suffering to her family, and her mother once thought her son was too selfish.

Why did Zhang Laiyu disappear?

Maybe we can find some clues from his experience and daily performance.

Parents don't seem to care and understand their son enough on weekdays.

In the eyes of parents, Zhang Laiyu usually studies consciously, is introverted, talks less and communicates less with his family. The mother said that she did not understand her son's inner thoughts.

However, in the eyes of classmates, Zhang Laiyu is a different person. He is lively, communicates with his classmates and plays better.

This looks like two people. Why does the same person have such a huge contrast on different occasions?

What qualities a person has is encouraged and recognized, and he will show it.

In front of his parents, his son is excellent in his studies, but he is suppressing himself in other aspects. Perhaps in the eyes of parents, learning is the most important thing, and nothing else is important.

Students are more concerned about whether it is pleasant to get along and communicate together, so he shows a lively and communicative side in front of his classmates.

This also shows that he is weak and his behavior is easily influenced by the external environment.

Zhang Laiyu had a close relationship with a girl in high school, and they often discussed and studied together. Later, the girl was admitted to a university in Peking University, and Zhang Laiyu did well, but because she was not admitted to the ideal university, she repeated her studies for another year.

It was not until his second college entrance examination that his parents realized that he might be "making friends". When my son applied for the college entrance examination in Beijing, his parents asked him to apply for Nanjing University, saying it was for insurance.

How much parents know about their son and how much they ignore his inner thoughts and needs can be seen here.

Perhaps it is precisely because parents have never "met" their real sons that they often ignore their feelings and needs. Therefore, sons are usually reluctant to communicate with them or even close their hearts.

Such a child will habitually carry things on his own, unwilling to ask for help from his parents and family, which also laid the groundwork for his subsequent disappearance.

My son has a weak sense of self and always lives according to other people's wishes.

Perhaps, Zhang Laiyu has been living for others, so she will show different looks in front of different people. Because his self-awareness is too weak.

Zhang Laiyu and her grandparents have deep feelings. Grandpa died before the college entrance examination, and he had high hopes for his grandson before his death. What he said most was "taking the famous brand exam".

Therefore, Zhang Laiyu not only bears the expectations of her parents and studies for them, but also bears the expectations of her grandparents.

He doesn't know what he really wants in his heart.

So his idea of applying for Beijing is just to be with his favorite female classmates, not his real needs.

So when his parents asked him to apply for Nanjing University, although he didn't want to or strongly opposed it, he finally listened to his parents' arrangement and went to Nanjing. Then, I wrote letters frequently with my female classmates.

On the first National Day after going to college, he went to Beijing to find her.

He has been living for others. Live for grandpa's expectations, live for parents and live for female classmates.

A person who loses himself is generally unstable in his heart and easily reacts violently with changes in the outside world. Because his center of gravity is in the outside world, his voice and inner strength are too weak to hear.

In this way, he is easily defeated by some blows and setbacks and makes some extreme behaviors. Missing is such a manifestation.

Lose yourself in love

People who are too weak in self will see each other as the whole world when they meet someone they really like. In this way, he will easily lose himself. Once the other person leaves himself, he will feel that "the sky has fallen" and that he "can't live any longer".

Obviously, that female classmate is such a world in Zhang Laiyu's eyes. In addition, Zhang Laiyu was only 18 years old and was in that passionate period. So when a female classmate breaks up, it is hard for him to bear such an ending.

The disappearance is the result of his impulsive behavior under such a blow.

No one knows where he went. Did he go to Beijing to learn from lesbians? It seems unlikely.

First of all, the female classmate has proposed to break up, and he knows that it is useless to go;

Secondly, people who don't insist on themselves like him can easily passively accept other people's arrangements instead of trying to find opportunities for important factors themselves.

Finally, he disappeared, all the money was lent to other students, and he didn't have any money with him, so he didn't go to Beijing.

What happened to him? Why haven't you contacted any relatives, classmates and friends for so many years?

My guess is pessimistic, and I feel that there is a great possibility that he won't come back, because he can't let go for a while and has done irreparable things.

Even his mother gave up hope.

I hope it's not what I think. I hope one day he will suddenly appear in front of his parents.

More and more examples tell us that children's inner self-strength is far more important than academic performance.

Therefore, we should pay more attention to children's inner feelings and encourage them to express their feelings and needs. In this way, children can hear their inner voice, know who they are and what they really want.

This is the awakening of self-awareness.

When children express themselves, what we have to do is to listen, understand and support, not to suppress or even cover up their voices with their own voices.

Usually try to give children as many opportunities as possible to choose and decide for themselves.

Don't make decisions for children everywhere, let children listen to themselves and find themselves. Let alone impose our thoughts and expectations on children.

In this world, the pressure on children themselves is not small. If you are burdened with parents' expectations and control, your child may really collapse under the burden.