1. Understanding empathy
I saw a question on Zhihu before, saying, "What is the essence of people with high emotional intelligence?" There are many answers below, one of which is very popular: "stand in the position of others, understand the feelings of relatives and friends, and care about the people around you."
Everyone is an independent individual, and most people always think from their own perspective, indifferent to other people's behavior and psychological changes, and only care about their own enjoyment.
I have met such a friend, who is a standard foodie. Once he booked a very popular restaurant seat, but there was no seat at all. On that day, he was ecstatic and prepared a sumptuous meal with several good friends. I just ordered dinner and didn't wait for the big meal. One of his school cousins called him and said that his wallet had been stolen, so he couldn't afford to go back to school by bus. He asked my friend to pick him up. That place is more than an hour away from the restaurant, and this long-awaited big meal is definitely not available, so my friend began to hesitate. His friend told him that since you can't arrive for a while, it's not bad for a while, and it's okay when the food comes, so don't worry.
Finally, he gave in and waited for the food to come and eat for more than an hour before he was ready to leave to find his cousin. As a result, his cousin said that he had taken a ride back to school and told him not to worry. His cousin hasn't contacted him since.
Friends only know that this big meal is hard-won, and if you miss it, you will lose all your money, instead of putting yourself in my cousin's shoes. My cousin was helpless and shivering in the cold wind, waiting eagerly for my cousin to pick him up.
Sometimes, emotional thinking will make you selfish and weaken the disadvantages of others. We should use a rational brain to feel the present situation of others, to understand others and to care for others with true feelings, instead of speaking calmly without any action.
Learn to face it
We live in a social era, and we will meet all kinds of people in our life, work and study, and correspondingly, there will be great and small difficulties and pressures. As a college student, what will you do when you encounter such high-intensity pressure and challenge?
Let me tell you, you must face these pressures and difficulties bravely, and you may face an extremely difficult task; May be to admit that he made a mistake; It is also possible to make a difficult choice between the two.
Very painful, really painful. Maybe you'll hide under the covers and cry at midnight. Maybe you will want to give up. Maybe you will shout why I can't live as comfortably as others.
But after crying and thinking, you still have to face them and conquer them. Because you are better than others! More mature!
I have a friend who felt very inferior when he first went to college. When talking to friends, he lowered his head and dared not look at people. His voice is very low.
With such a person, he later entered the student union, from running errands to delivering things, sweeping the floor and mopping the floor, to independently holding the whole school performance and becoming the president of the student union. His experience is that as long as you give it to him, it will be done well! Small things, such as mopping the floor, will be dragged three times until the floor can reflect his shadow. For major events, such as holding an event, once the school leaders thought that this event would affect the official image too much and decided to cancel it. A friend, talking to three leaders in turn, voluntarily admitted that he was not considerate when planning activities, and could plan another one to make up for this deficiency. Finally, he successfully held two nights of activities.
Faced with so many things and difficulties, his whole temperament has become much more calm, and he speaks like a mature boss and is regarded as a male god by us.
Learn to accept
Have you ever experienced the naked betrayal of your best friend or best friend, or the verbal abuse of teachers and classmates, and then TA actually wanted to apologize and make up with you? One of my psychological counselors once told me that if you encounter a similar situation, please tell him: "I forgive you, but we will only be ordinary friends."
If we meet other people's malice and they apologize to you afterwards, please stay calm and try to learn to accept their apologies. Sometimes we can choose to forgive them.
But certainly not when it never happened. A mature person will not show negative emotions on his face. They will accept the apology of the wrong person, even if it hurts and looks harmonious, but you know in your heart that you will never get back to the good state before.
Mature people know that quarreling and hitting people can't solve the problem, and the injury that should have happened has already happened. Why waste your breath? So they learned tolerance and understanding, which is a relief for him and himself, and they will never contact again in the future.
Mature people can't avoid all the problems in your life, but they can improve your temperament and problem-solving ability.
I hope to work hard with the growing college students!